https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 14:18:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-347436 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 14:30:32 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 347436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I wouldn't blame yourself for anything. You just have a very alert baby who wants to go, see and do everything! Mine is the same way (except she doesn't sleep OR nurse) :-) I know how difficult it is, but try not to take it personally, or think it's something you did. </p> <p>I used to get frustrated about how she would never nurse for me, but other people seemed to have no problem continuing to nurse. But then I realized that this is who she is and it has nothing to do with how I fed her or the schedules I tried to get her on. Babies are emotions in the raw, meaning they do what the feel in that moment. I learned that I can either fight it and be frustrated all the time and potentially miss out on some great milestones and happy moments, or I can accept her for who she is and what she does. Once I did that, things were SO much better for me and for her. I didn't have the mommy guilt or constantly thinking that I could have done something different. </p> <p>You went 8 months - that's great! And if you use your frozen milk, you'll get another month or so of breastmilk. That's a fantastic feat!! You're a great mother. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just be the best that YOU can be :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-347196 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 13:17:35 +0000 irene 347196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: LO is so active and distracted I almost think he has ADD! I seriously don't know if something I did may have contribute to that ... because I've seen active babies, and they still focus on eating when it is time to eat, whereas mine is just twisting and turning and just being overall difficult. I wish there were studies on that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-347173 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 13:07:22 +0000 irene 347173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I was lucky my supply was actually fine....! I always made enough for him and we didn't start giving him formula until really after he turned 8 months (that's when we saw a nutritionist due to his weight gain issues, and we were told to put a bit of formula in the breast milk bottles to increase his calorie intake - then I also decided to pump 1 time less at work too because I have a good freezer stash built up). Maybe that somehow cause some butterfly effect and led him to not nurse for good, I don't know. </p> <p>Now that I am close to be done pumping, we still have about 1 month of supply in the freezer dating back to mid June. I am giving him some formula now because I am not sure if it is OK to give him so much old milk @ day ! (Kellymom and different BF resources say our milk content changes as the baby grows older, so I am not sure if it is ok if I give him 3 bags of milk from June @ day)</p> <p>We weren't on a schedule until he was 1-2 months. it would have been impossible to be on a schedule or he'd cry nonstop then! I do think putting him on a schedule may have affected him to associate nursing with comfort. It may have contributed to him not being a good eater now... I don't know. This is definitely something I wish I would have done differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-347121 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 12:55:27 +0000 sarac 347121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I think this is really tragic (sometimes!) issue with scheduling feedings. Letting a baby feed on demand (and for as long as they want) is so crucial for establishing long term milk supply, but that just doesn't mesh with how a lot of people want to parent. I think if more people knew how scheduled feedings can impact supply, they might think twice. But no one ever mentions it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-346362 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 09:40:01 +0000 runsyellowlites 346362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: DS is 8 and DD is 6mths. </p> <p>I definitely think there is a fine line between the nursing on demand &amp; you just ate.... I know I do tell DD that at times, but our feedings never go so smoothly that I could just stop and feed her mid-walk. If she was a more content eater (still have overactive letdown issues) than maybe I would but I try to plan around places/imes she'll be more likely to eat with ease when she is actually hungry. And I've definitely had the same thoughts about spoiling her, but with my first experience I just thought I'd deal with un-spoiling her later as opposed to risking not being able to continue... The lesser of the 2 evils I guess? </p> <p>I seriously never thought breastfeeding would be so taxing, but I hope that we can continue for a long time and give major props to you continuing as you have with pumping... I hate pumping with all that I am so I don't know if I could last as long as you on that one! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-346349 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 09:33:59 +0000 Mrs. Bee 346349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>you did an amazing job, and the fact that you've worried so much about breastfeeding shows just how much you care about your lo. </p> <p>a friend of mine has a baby the exact same age as olive, and he lost interest in nursing around 7 months because he was so busy/active. i do think sometimes it does depend on the baby, so don't beat yourself up too much. you've done a great job, and maybe by weaning, you'll alleviate some of the stress you've been feeling, and become a happier mom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-346336 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 09:29:00 +0000 irene 346336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Thanks for your reply - I totally agree with you and your experience reinforces what I believe. How old is your LO now? </p> <p>A friend of mine she never puts her baby on an eating schedule and feed him whenever he cries. When we went for a stroller walk her baby fusses and we had to stop and let her nurse him. I used to frown in my heart and think oh she is so spoiling her child because he might not be hungry he might just want to be pacified! While I'd hear my baby cry and would go, I just fed you an hour ago you are probably not hungry, then I'd just ignore him, or try to guess what could be wrong (diaper, tired.... just not the boob). Sigh. Look at where I am now (and my friend is still going strong with her LO!)</p> <p>@erinpye: No we haven't checked him for tongue tie or lip tie.... We are seeing a GI specialist and he did say he is submitting a test for me on his oral (not exactly sure what it is called) and will let us know when do we take him to the hospital for the test. We'll see. But regardless.... we are done with breastfeeding :(</p> <p>@shopaholic: Breastfeeding is very stressful, and so many people would try to brainwash you telling you there is no other way and breast is best.... blah blah! When it is your turn to do it, don't force yourself and if it really doesn't work, don't go nuts trying to press for it. I actually went to the ER and was hospitalized because I was so stressed at one point. However, if it really worked for you and your baby, and you do hope to go for a year of breastfeeding, then don't put him on an feeding schedule too early - just feed on demand for a while (3 months?) and let him/her establish comfort = nursing. Or you'll regret like me and wonder what I could and shouldn't have done.... :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345915 Thu, 18 Oct 2012 00:28:40 +0000 shopaholic 345915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Irene - as everyone else has said, I'm sorry you are having so much guilt/angst over this. I think it sounds amazing that you are still pumping and trying! My BFF tried to BF for a couple months before she had to go back to work and I know she didn't try nearly as hard as you before she just went straight to bottles and formula. But I did see her try and see that her LO really never did like BF! She would always turn away from the breast, trying to look at everything around, leaking milk out of her mouth, etc. </p> <p>As for part of your original point, I do appreciate this post as a warning/discussion for future mom's BF. I didn't know anything about not doing a schedule too soon or letting them nurse until they fall asleep...both things I will have to read more about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345852 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 23:30:51 +0000 erinpye 345852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :( Don't be so hard on yourself--you have done SUCH a great job and worked hard at it! Have you by any chance had an IBCLC check him for tongue tie or lip tie? I had a similar story and my LO flat out started refusing to nurse at 4/5 mos., never comfort nursed, then we figured out at 6 months she had a lip tie and tongue tie, had them revised, and she nurses happily now and is finally putting on the weight she needs to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345824 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 22:54:37 +0000 runsyellowlites 345824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you've done great!</p> <p>To answer your original thought:</p> <p>I do think there are things we sometimes do that affect the nursing relationship. I know for me &amp; DS (my 1st) I definitely put him on a schedule too early and that great affected my supply in a way that it just couldn't keep up with the long haul... who knows about other things I may have done to jeopardize it later considering we didn't even make it 2 months. =(</p> <p>This time, not using formula was such a big deal to me that I haven't put DD on any type of strict schedule, I'm crazy careful on how we bottlefeed (the occasional times we do), and I nurse whenever she'll take it (lots of nursing before sleep and as she wakes up... which I actually read is good b/c of how our milk changes to help relax or stimulate them).</p> <p>I've read alot of places that it's rare that an infant under 1 would self wean, but seem to see alot of moms where that's exactly what happened (not just you but lots of others too). Since this isn't the norm in other places where breastfeeding is crucial for survival or more accepted then we'd have to assume it's something WE are doing, right?.</p> <p>Idk... all I know is this time I'm trying to do everything different than my first go round to be more "successful". So far it's going good, but we still have 6 mths before DD wouldn't need formula so we'll see.</p> <p>Definitely don't beat yourself up, and if you do think there are things you did to affect your length of successful nursing then just don't do those next time. I think as parents that's just what we do.... best we know with the information we have at the time and next go round we take the info we learned and apply it to not make the same "mistakes". *shrugs shoulders* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345797 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 22:32:18 +0000 sarac 345797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: I have crazy respect for women who EBF while pumping. I'm not sure I could have done that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345527 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:08:37 +0000 rachiecakes 345527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: oh and I exhausted every option, met with<br /> LCs, got domperidone, drank gallons of water...<br /> I'm still breastfeeding but since he's eating and drinking other things, it's more like a snack, I'm sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345525 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 19:06:17 +0000 rachiecakes 345525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I think it's super hard to work full time and breastfeed. It's like trying to be the best at two jobs at the same time. When DS was EBF I would wake up, pump while doing my makeup, get dressed, drive to coffee, drive to work, work two hours and pump again, work two hours and come home for lunch and nurse, work two hours, pump, work two hours and drive home, nurse DS, make dinner, get DS ready for bed, nurse, and try to fix up the house, dishes, shower, pump, bed, ugh! I felt like I was never completely doing a great job at anything. I'm also not the best at relaxing in general so I'm sure that didn't help. I think between working full time, trying to do everything and just not having an oversupply, DS got frustrated and disinterested. But now that he eats meals and the pressure is off me, it's so, soooo much better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345284 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:43:04 +0000 brownie 345284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Have you looked into food intolerance? My son was a champion nurser, but it always hurt his tummy so he would cry immediately after. Then, he hated eggs and he finally started eating them and began reacting to them. I think he didn't like them as a way to protect himself. We also found 8/9 months to be a difficult eating age. He actually went through formula for a week at 9 months old like he had been starved (9 oz at a feeding). Then he turned around and 2 weeks later refused anything in a bottle. We found it was a time he wanted more independence and control.</p> <p>Things we did to encourage food: We had those snack cups and we constantly had food in them, puffs, melts, freeze dried fruit/veggies, cheerios, left over lunch. Anything that we could put in them. He would take that around with him and munch. We gave him a spoon to eat with. We offered him the baby food in a pouch (he had control that way). We fed him off of our plates. </p> <p>Now, these aren't always the best habits formed. But our story was that he had dropped from the 50th percentile to the 0.5 percentile by 8 months old. We had to get him up in weight. We are still struggling with weight. </p> <p>We have successfully been gaining 1 pound a week from 11 months through now. I think having food always available to him was one of the main helps for that. But, we will have to break the bad habits at some point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345234 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:25:45 +0000 irene 345234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: No I am not - I think I am going to be done by the end of the month.... </p> <p>@blackbird: Not sure about "whatever else you're feeding him is just that much tastier" because he is not a great eater too. Sigh! And he's not going to get breastmilk much longer after the freezer stash is gone and me done with pumping in a week or two....</p> <p>@T-Mom: @sarac: @rachiecakes: Thanks all for the kind words.... haha I started the thread really so that maybe we can figure out if there is a certain type of babies, mother, and/or behavior that makes breastfeeding ends sooner than they should..... so maybe future hellobee readers who are planning to breastfeed would avoid to do them to ensure a good and long breastfeeding relationship. I do have a lot of regrets and what ifs, but I am actually over them as I struggled with it for months and I am coming to terms with it. Breastfeeding is just a phase and my relationship with LO goes beyond that. Now I actually like giving him a bottle because I didn't have to go through the "what if he doesn't nurse" emotion every time! And I have to admit formula is so easy and convenient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345175 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 16:04:36 +0000 Mrsbells 345175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you did great. 8 months is a long time and your still pumping too. I believe your baby has gotten all the benefits of breastmilk. I know its hard when things dont go as planned but I dont think you should beat yourself up about it. You can keep pumping and adding it to his bottle for as long as you like or until your supply slows down </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345133 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:49:00 +0000 sarac 345133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you didn't get to breastfeed as long as you wanted! You didn't do a single thing wrong - in fact, you're doing everything right. You're responding to your baby's needs and desires, and putting them first, even though it isn't what you'd hoped for. </p> <p>I know that my breastfeeding relationship has been one of the most special in my entire life. I'm losing my supply at 13 months and really struggling with it. This is such a special connection, and to not get to choose when to end it is just heartbreaking. I think that you just got unlucky with a child who was done before you were - it is *absolutely* not through any fault of yours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345072 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:28:44 +0000 rachiecakes 345072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: please don't add up the guilt stack with what could/should/would have been done if... you've been awesome! you found a way to breastfeed and work full time for 8 months! my baby is similar, he's very active, curious and independent, at 10 months old he only nurses at night. although I was and still am sometimes sad that I didn't have the crazy oversupply that some of my other friends had, and that I don't have a baby that reaches for me to be fed, I am so proud of my little man. he's so smart, funny, ahead of so many of the milestones it's crazy. we have a beautiful relationship. I can't really compare it to others or else I'd lose some of the amazing things that we share. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345064 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:26:23 +0000 blackbird 345064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Man, i think 8 months is great!!!! He's still getting breastmilk and that's ultimately what's the most critical thing about breastfeeding, right? If your kid is done with it, he's just trying to tell you he's done. Some babies could do it forever, but they are different. Can't force him, and don't feel guilty because he's just not feeling it anymore. Maybe whatever else you're feeding him is just that much tastier :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-345042 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:18:14 +0000 T-Mom 345042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, @irene! Please don't beat yourself up about this.. I know the mommy guilt so well since I wanted so badly to bf my firstborn and only made it 5 months. But you have done so much for your LO and worked so hard. You should be so proud of yourself! There are so many what'ifs when breastfeeding ends early. Every baby is different, and they don't all go "by the book." It is so difficult to know if anything could have been different. As long as your LO is happy and healthy, I say give yourself a pat on the back! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/babyparent-combination-that-contributes-to-a-short-breastfeeding-relationship#post-344767 Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:42:48 +0000 irene 344767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is 8.5 months. He was such a champ on breastfeeding from the get go and we were both so happy (well at least I know I was!). </p> <p>Then at 3 months, our nanny started and we started giving him a bottle. He cried and wouldn't take the bottle for hours, and my boobs were so engorged but wouldn't dare to pump because I was afraid he would starve! He saw my boob and latched on immediately, but I decided to not give in and let him drink the bottle. The beginning of the end.... and looking back I regret so much on rejecting him...</p> <p>He finally took the bottle fine and I pump during work hours (he gets bottles) while nursing him morning, evening, and overnight. Things go really smoothly until at some point he started acting weird. He'd end his nursing sessions within 5-10 minutes during the day time, whereas I know friends their babies would nurse all day and night if they could! My baby doesn't associate comfort with my boobs, and he would only latch and drink if he's hungry, and he finishes his business quickly when he's full.</p> <p>At some point around 4-5 months, his nursing strike starts. I think that is related to teething. He would have 1-4 days where he'd have sessions that he just doesn't want to nurse. He'd cry and you can tell it hurts him when he drinks from the breasts. But he always recovers. </p> <p>But still, he prefers the bottle overall. I think it was around that time I started getting anxious and worry if he would latch the next session. He may or may not have sensed that. During nursing strikes, I would get so upset that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on playing with him before the nursing session because I worry too much if he was going to nurse the next session - and wonder how I'd pump 1 hour later and how that would affect my supply...etc. etc.</p> <p>This lasted for months, and it got worse after solids started because he might have realized and remembered there are easier ways to eat than sucking on a thing that takes 2 minutes to let-down! Many friends told me to give up, but I just can't. Because when he nursed, it was just the most beautiful thing in the world that I can't even explain. </p> <p>Up until now.</p> <p>About 2 weeks ago, he decided that is it for the evening session. He used to nurse to sleep for 30 minutes (!), but all of a sudden, one day he just decided that is it. I gave it a week, and he still didn't want the boob. I didn't want to continue to upset him so I gave him bottle for good for the night session and pump afterwards. Then a few days later, he decided that was it too for the morning session. And that concludes our 8+ months of breastfeeding relationship :'(</p> <p>Now I am in the process of weaning... down to two pumps a day now.</p> <p>I look at other moms and babies, and they are still going strong, even after 1 year old. And I just wonder why we are not one of them. I always wonder what did I do wrong (probably because I am always anxious, worry, nervous...etc. And my baby is too distracted, active, independent, and doesn't care about being held or comfort) I am just wondering, do you think there is a type of mother + baby combination that is more prone to nursing strike and/or baby to not want to breastfeed early (ie before they turn 1)? What is/was your experience? What did you wish you would have done, or wish you haven't done?</p> <p>**Other things I regret : Since I work from home anyway, I wish I'd always breastfeed him and not ask the nanny to bottle feed him (although I'd have no idea how I would actually be able to work!). Then when he was way younger, I read that you should not nurse him to nap / sleep or they will create an association and wouldn't be able to fall asleep by themselves...etc. So I never let him fall asleep while nursing (until after he developed nursing strike then I let him nurse to sleep before bedtime - and that was the most enjoyable thing for me for months). I also regret putting him on a schedule way too early. It brought me sanity back then, but that's probably the reason why he never associate breastfeeding with comfort too much. In fact now he doesn't like eating that much and he dropped from 75-90% to now 10-25% on weight - and I don't know if me putting him on a schedule too early contributes to that.... mommy's guilt. </p>