https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 23:19:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2178262 Thu, 14 May 2015 12:54:38 +0000 ValentineMommy 2178262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have the opposite story. My mom constantly talks about how it was easy to go back to work after having kids (we both WOH) and how I should be totally cool with it. She forgets that she went back when I (her younger child) was two YEARS old. I went back when my first DS was 3 months old! Definitely not the same thing, mom!!! Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2178252 Thu, 14 May 2015 12:49:09 +0000 jedeve 2178252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for letting me vent guys! It's probably one of those things you have to know my mom/the tone of voice she says it. She had a very tough life and she now kind of thrives in dysfunction. So she makes a very good hospice care nurse, because she can navigate tough situations well. But when things are good, she doesn't know what to do and so she can look for trouble, you know? So everything becomes much more dramatic. Like, what was probably my dad asking for some time together turns into "I never had any time for myself! I did it for your dad and you kids! But you should." And then the thing about naps is probably more her saying "isn't being a SAHM better?" Because when I WOH and then quit, I think she wanted to bond over being SAHMs. </p> <p>@rachiecakes: I have the opposite problem, haha. My Ils live an hour and a half away and my mom always points out "I get it! I know how tough it is. And I had THREE kids and your dad worked nights and I had NO family around." I always want to point out that at one point she would have only had two like me, and they weren't two boys 17 mo apart! One day though I snapped and said "I get it! You had it harder!" And she was kind of taken aback and said, "oh! No! I was just saying I get how hard it is!" And hasn't gone on that bit again. </p> <p>@junebugsmama: total mommy martyr-ism. </p> <p>@bunnylove08: @edelweiss: @looch: @daniellemybelle: @Greentea: yeah I don't really listen to the advice. It's just frustrating to hear the same story over and over. I vent to DH and he's always confused and goes, "you take naps?" (I wish! I can't usually sleep when it's just me watching the boys. Also, cleaning.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2178059 Thu, 14 May 2015 11:19:45 +0000 Greentea 2178059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I would in one ear out the other! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2178029 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:57:27 +0000 daniellemybelle 2178029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: That is such a trap! I wouldn't worry about it. I agree with the others - she's projecting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2178010 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:49:20 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2178010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's like mommy martyr talk right? I totally got it. My mom doesn't do that but my mil would for sure. On Sunday she was telling a cute story about her son ( my so) and the card he wrote for his dad one year: thank you for paying the taxes. Funny right? But then she proceeded to say oh because he couldn't think of anything else his dad did for him. And oh he probably didn't even read it. Really? C'mon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177986 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:41:51 +0000 looch 2177986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: oh, thanks for clarifying, I totally didn't get that the first time I read your post! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177972 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:35:49 +0000 bunnylove08 2177972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Oh i totally think thats bad advice. You need time for yourself! HUGS! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177946 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:21:01 +0000 jedeve 2177946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for the confusion. My mom thinks it was GOOD she stopped taking time for herself. It's the kind of trap only mothers can make. :wink: "You should take time for yourself! Oh you do? That's BAD! I didn't!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177936 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:17:01 +0000 looch 2177936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's so bad about the advice to take time for yourself? I think self care is extremely important, kind of like put your oxygen mask on first. If you're not in good shape physically or emotionally, how are you going to care for anyone else?</p> <p>eta: I think you could just say you don't agree with the advice, rather than assigning it a negative connotation. I do that with my mom on occasion. Actually, more with my dad, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177934 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:16:41 +0000 rachiecakes 2177934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get some doozies from my mother, too. </p> <p>She was a SAH mom, but more than that, she had her mother and her aunt to help her 24/7 as they lived right up the street. She doesn't drive, never has. They would shuttle her to appointments and grocery shopping. I spent most of my childhood with my grandparents and great-aunt.<br /> I LOVE when she tries to tell me that she remembers what it was like. Being a mom has it's challenges no matter whether you're at home or at work during the day but I don't have someone to help with errands or to watch J (for free!) when I need it, she never used a breast pump, etc. She had quite the staff to help her out! lol</p> <p>Big hugs, mama - you know what's best for you and LO :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177933 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:14:56 +0000 edelweiss 2177933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm wondering if this is more about your mom's feelings about her own experience rather than you. kinda sounds like she has mixed emotions about how hard she worked as an SAHM and not getting time for herself--she may be projecting a bit on to you. </p> <p>fwiw (probably not much), dude, i think SAHM with kids at home is harder (i'm a WOHM). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177919 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:10:54 +0000 bunnylove08 2177919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From what i read, it seems like your mom is asking if you have time for yourself. Which I think is very important for a SAHM. I am interpreting from the two variations that you should do what makes you happy and not have someone say otherwise. Please tell me if I'm reading it wrong. </p> <p>I see from variation 2 that your dad is trying to say SAH is easier which I know is not. I work and my sister stays home and I think she has it much harder. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bad-advice-from-mom#post-2177906 Thu, 14 May 2015 10:02:56 +0000 jedeve 2177906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom keeps telling me the same story over and over. It is driving me crazy. (We both were/are SAHMs, although I worked after lo1 and plan on going back). </p> <p>It goes like this:<br /> Mom: "What are you doing yourself?"<br /> Me: "Oh I don't have much free time."<br /> Mom: "Well you should always be doing something just for you."<br /> Me: "I sew occasionally."<br /> Mom: "I used to just take half an hour to an hour to sew every night. Your dad* bitterly resented it and so I put my sewing machine away."<br /> Ending variation 1: "So I just decided to put t away and say, 'there is no "me" until the kids are older.'"<br /> Ending variation 2: "And I was angry until your dad pointed out, 'when was the last time I got to take a nap in the middle of the day, or meet my friends for coffee, or read a book [while nursing]?' And I realized he was right." (Implying SAH is easier than working.)</p> <p>*I realize this story makes my dad sound not awesome. He is, although they did have a very traditional marriage. My mom just has a flare for the dramatic, and her version of stories are not always accurate. </p> <p>It's driving me CRAZY. Yes there are some "perks" to SAH, like I can watch an episode of television in the afternoon or meet my friends at the park. But it's all still work. I'm folding laundry while I watch tv, I'm taking care of my kids and getting them exercise at the park. It's just a whole sh*t ton of work and not the walk in the park she remember. (Because when I walk in the park, I have a baby strapped to me and a toddler in the stroller.) And there are also perks to working!!</p> <p>And it's also really bad advice. Yes, I don't have the opportunity to take much time for myself right now. But I think it's a good thing to do! </p> <p>I'm just so sick of hearing the same story over and over! </p>