https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 04:21:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2638764 Tue, 18 Oct 2016 20:09:50 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2638764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will say, becoming a parent really affected my faith to the point where I no longer identify as religious. I was raised culturally Christian but personally was agnostic. Then I committed myself to Christianity in late college/graduate school. Soon after I got pregnant with LO 1, my faith started to falter. I felt like I no longer understood certain elements of Christianity. The social message certainly are a part of that (while my church does not talk politics on Sunday, it is pretty clear everyone is very politically conservative), but mostly the doctrine of hell started to bother me in a way it had not before. My husband also simultaneously fell out of the faith and one day I was doing laundry and admitted to him where I was spiritually, and he surprised me by agreeing with me. So we've slowly stopped going to church, and we haven't taught our kids about heaven, hell, etc. I will admit I find a lot of beauty in the "all we have is now" perspective and I see that my children are still very present minded and I admire them because they do not seek a reward outside of the present moment. We recently moved to a new town and there are some liberal churches, but l'm not ready. My son goes to a college daycare that is loosely affiliated with a Christian denomination and they do blessings at meals so he does them at home and we let him do it but we don't "make" him do it or encourage it. It is just something he chooses to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2638042 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 16:51:51 +0000 codeitall 2638042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with @MaisyMay. Politics don't belong behind the pulpit. I like my church because while there are definite conservative overtones, a lot of the church services involves members and their opinions. And goodness knows that a scripture can be interpreted differently!</p> <p>Honestly, I'd look at how dissenting views are received by members and leaders. Also, if they encourage blind faith. I'm all about being informed in your beliefs, even if that means you disagree with church leaders on some things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2638035 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 16:38:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2638035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your replies. I have read each one a few times!</p> <p>To clarify this is not my church (yet). I am still new to the area and a few people have invited me to their church. I am planning to visit this one again for their regular Sunday service. What I like about church is that on the surface, at least, it's a welcoming place for all people. In just that question though I was reminded that when in small groups church can sometimes be very isolating if you disagree. </p> <p>I am sure DH and I will figure out how to strike the right balance. DH leans more conservative, but does not want to see regulation and laws based on his interpretation of scripture or anyone else's for that matter.</p> <p>Very sweet of you to say that @junebugsmama: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637970 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 14:33:54 +0000 honeybear 2637970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if you feel like this church is where you belong, then it's worthwhile to spend more time exploring why they have these particular beliefs. Every religion (and denomination) has a wealth of excellent texts to study. I think that's what a rich spiritual life is about--prayerful and careful thought and reflection and actions that are consistent with that--and that's what I hope to show my son. I'd view the fact that you're thinking about this as an opportunity to learn and grow. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: I've been an active member of two larger denominations and multiple churches in different places in the U.S., and I've yet to see one that doesn't do a ton on all of the parent support/adoption/fostering/food pantries/poverty alleviation/women's health/etc. fronts you mention. I know this is a popular criticism of Christians, but in my fairly wide experience it isn't accurate. That said, I very much agree that the body of Christ is supposed to be like a big family, and I'm glad you pointed that out here! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637822 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 11:52:29 +0000 gingerbebe 2637822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Every believer disagrees with something their church, their pastor, or their leadership says or does at some point. The body of Christ is supposed to be like a family - meaning, you're not always going to agree with your family, especially on things like politics. But like family, you have to figure out your boundaries and priorities and try to lovingly coexist with others, regardless of their beliefs.</p> <p>That said, it doesn't mean you have to stay at your church. I'd suggest your husband and yourself take stock of what is good and bad about your church and then pray about whether or not this is the best fit for your family in the long run. Theology, political positions, doctrine, leadership, children's programs, ministry opportunities to serve, resources to help each family member grow - all these things are important to look at. </p> <p>We are actually going through a similar situation right now with our church. Our's isn't a political issue, but we're trying to see if its a longterm good fit for our family. We're trying to figure this out before our boys are old enough to notice if we suddenly change churches, since DH and I both grew up in one home church for our entire childhoods.</p> <p>We waffle back and forth because while we have disagreements and differences of opinion on things at our church, we've also felt strongly in the past that God wanted us to remain at this church and serve and if nothing else, offer differing opinions and suggestions. After all, how can a church evolve and grow if there isn't input from the membership on a variety of issues? And the children's programming is wonderful, but the jr. high and high school ministries seem weaker, which is when I'd WANT the programming to be relevant.</p> <p>Anyways, I'm derailing. As to your specific issue of being pro-life and racial issues (I'm a person of color in a biracial marriage with mixed children at a multicultural, multigenerational church), there's a lot of be said about staying and educating and enduring growing pains together as a congregation. This is an article I saw recently that I thought was excellently argued on being pro-life and not caring about the Supreme Court:</p> <p><a href="http://www.patheos.com/blogs/themackerelsnapper/2016/09/06/im-prolife-and-i-dont-care-about-the-supreme-court/" rel="nofollow">http://www.patheos.com/blogs/themackerelsnapper/2016/09/06/im-prolife-and-i-dont-care-about-the-supreme-court/</a></p> <p>More churches need voices like that. To say "Fine, if our leadership's position is to be pro-life, then what are we doing to encourage and foster a GOOD life for these women and children? What are we doing for foster care families, what are we doing to assist in adoption, what are we doing to provide a robust MOPS or mother's day out program? Are we actively engaged in crisis nurseries, food pantries, women's health clinics, and the fight against sex trafficking? Are we surrounding women and families with resources, both spiritual and physical, to help them on their way?" If your church is NOT doing those things, I think its healthy to point out those shortcomings and say we're being hypocrites then. </p> <p>I think any child growing up in a family that is aware, engaged, and doing something intentional about these issues, whether its consciously deciding to stay and be a dissenting voice or leaving for a better fit, is going to be better off as they form their own faith and beliefs. It should encourage you as a family to have your own discussions and Bible studies and as your kids get older, they can provide input into these family discussions on faith and whether a church is a good fit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637804 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 11:29:03 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2637804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Some really great answers here. But I just wanted to say that you yourself approach every aspect of parenting with a conscientious, careful, and considered approach, so I think your son will only benefit from this and will start to learn the same thought pattern, which definitely benefits religion and faith perspective. If any of that made sense :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637773 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 10:44:52 +0000 youboots 2637773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Duplicate </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637771 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 10:44:05 +0000 youboots 2637771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of the main reasons I left my church and abandoned my faith in general (that was fragile at best) was my last churches homophobic teachings and DHs experience in small men's groups encouraging child abuse-not discipline. We were shunned when he spoke out agonist it and the main pastor refused to see him. This was 7+ years ago. Overall my complicated beliefs don't vibe well with religion in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637765 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 10:37:59 +0000 MrsADS 2637765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Very interesting. DH and I think about this a lot. We're both politically very liberal. I'm an attorney for a nonprofit assisting people who are generally poor and struggling with mental health issues. I have very strong beliefs about this.</p> <p>We're also very committed to raising DS (13 months) in the church; it's something that is important to us. I feel like my faith is also central to my political beliefs; personally, I feel like "new Testament Christianity" more supports voting Dem! </p> <p>That being said, we're members of a local church with absolutely wonderful people, great kids' programs, tons of families that we are friends with. It is a great support structure for us and LO (lots of kids his age with parents we are friends with). Especially nice since our extended families are far away. Our pastor is a great guy. That being said... this denomination is very conservative and the larger church organization is outspokenly so. DH and I have major problems with this.</p> <p>Thus far, the politics have stayed out of our home church. I feel like what @maisymay said is true. I am concerned that as LO gets older it will be an issue. How do I explain to him (larger church's stance on x issue) when we do not agree? I think some good explanations have been written in this thread already.</p> <p>We don't want to leave our church and its great friends and family support. However, if we felt like we were getting a political message and hateful rhetoric from the church, we would absolutely leave. We're very sensitive to this especially as LO gets older. We do not want him exposed to that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637733 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:32:31 +0000 MaisyMay 2637733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, my dad was a firm believer that politics do not belong behind the pulpit. A pastor should not endorse a specific candidate; rather, they should advise a prayerful approach and faithful study of the candidates and issues. I follow that same approach in that I feel pastoral staff should offer guidance but not actual tell you how to think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637729 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:30:08 +0000 looch 2637729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Ok, I got it now. I think those were very fair answers, I am very careful not to apply labels to people's beliefs or choices, so I actually feel okay with the answers as provided by the panel. I don't I hear any of the love the sinner, hate the sin talk in those answers, so that makes me more open to them, if that makes sense.</p> <p>I look at it this way: In this world, you do not have to be of a particular religion to have a relationship with God, you also don't have to be part of a church to be part of a community. But some people choose that and they are, in my mind, still a welcome part of the community, just with different viewpoints on things. And if the discussion is civil, I have no issue with it. That's what I want to teach my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637718 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:18:45 +0000 daniellemybelle 2637718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think that is a really good answer then!</p> <p>I think this is such a personal thing. I was raised with the mindset that you and your church should align as much as possible on doctrine and if you believe your church is not teaching correct doctrine per the Bible, you should look for another church.</p> <p>Per your question, I think that spiritual advisors do not have to be essentially giving specific instruction for example on how to vote or how to believe. Spiritual advisors can guide you (and your kids) to explore your own beliefs, others' teachings, the Bible, and so forth to find the truth for yourself. It sounds like your church may be doing that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637704 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:57:08 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2637704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes, no sarcasm.</p> <p>One pastor told the mostly white congregation that there are many black people that are not pro-choice. So true- we do not all think alike.</p> <p>One pastor responded even though abortion is the questioner's most moral cause that does not mean it has to be everyone else's. So true- we are not all single issue voters and abortion may not be the issue that drives us to the polls.</p> <p>ETA: For pastors that clearly are against abortion I thought the answers were reasonable. The answers were basically- don't assume, don't judge, and black people are individuals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637692 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:30:11 +0000 looch 2637692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Just so I understand better where you are coming from, do you mean "great answers from the pastor panel" in a serious way? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637686 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:26:46 +0000 lilteacherbee 2637686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: Totally agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637682 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:16:17 +0000 808love 2637682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Faith is about choice. LO will either choose to believe or not. We will be able to influence and guide those beliefs for a very short window while they are young children but they will grow to become free thinking as early as 5. Some may argue even earlier or perhaps later. As they grow, even if they believe early on there is a God and the church teachings, they will likely have a crisis of faith which leads them to questioning their existing beliefs. As a result, they will confirm or deny the existence of God and/or truth in the bible, often through study and life experience. Once that choice is made, so many other things fall into place such as their opinions and decisions, which will be directed by their faith or non-faith. Accepting the differences of opinions can be a struggle for all kinds of people, both within and outside of the church.<br /> Not sure if that answered your question but just some thoughts. </p> <p>(How do I balance my faith and differing opinions? I pray and trust God to lead me to make the right decisions despite the conflict with a teaching. I am mindful of whether there is a connection between what I do and what His word says. I am aware of my shortcomings and reconcile that within a relationship with God. ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637675 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:11:33 +0000 Anagram 2637675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you can talk to your kids about religious beliefs vs rule of law in the US. You can explain how our country is built on a belief that church and state be different and that it's super important that these two things remain separated; otherwise whatever religion is in the majority is free to make their own rules. If one day we have say, a super religious-hindu majority and they want to outlaw the sale of all beef, how our constitution helps us make that scenario impossible.</p> <p>You may explain that any person whose religion forbids abortion will never be forced to have an abortion--they can apply that rule/prohibition all day long to their own lives and never get an abortion. However, they can not force others to obey their own religious beliefs.</p> <p>You may explain to your children that in your religion abortion is a terrible thing, so you and they may want to be an outspoken advocate of sex education, preventative methods, and free prophylactics for anyone who needs it, etc.</p> <p>I think there are several conversations you could have with children where you talk about all of these things and reconcile your religious beliefs for what is best for how a country is run, how our laws work, how our government functions, etc.</p> <p>As far as your particular church goes, I guess I would have to hear more about the views that were expressed on the panel--where they balanced and pragmatic? Were they more one sided? And then I would decide from there if that particular church is a good fit for my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637672 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:07:16 +0000 winniebee 2637672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn't do it. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school. But so many of their social views are contrary to my beliefs. I still go to church with my parents on Christmas, but that's it. We did not baptize our children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637671 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:06:50 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2637671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know exactly what was said but I would be highly upset with my church if they were pushing me to go one way or the other politically. If we're taking a biblical perspective, this world is full of sin and injustice and as long as we are on this earth there is no perfect answer. I think it's wrong for a church to try to tell you otherwise </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637669 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 08:05:59 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2637669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is my current struggle. The preachers that I have grown up listening to are telling me to vote on a single issue: abortion. I won't do it. I refuse. </p> <p>I will tell DD that God loves all his children equally. He gave us free will and his Word to interpret ourselves. We can listen to church leaders, but it's ok to disagree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637659 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 07:52:38 +0000 lawbee11 2637659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I couldn't do it. Probably not a super helpful answer, but after attending private (Catholic) school my entire life, I finally got to a point in college when I disagreed with more than I agreed with, so I had to cut ties.</p> <p>ETA: There is no mention of abortion in the Bible but there are several accounts of Jesus advocating for the poor (which I believe is more in line with the views of democrats), so it cuts both ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637657 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 07:50:45 +0000 yellowbird 2637657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would find a new church. I understand there are certain doctrines in any faith, but that does not have to be the overwhelming majority of teachings. I get the most out of church when it is teaching me to be a better human, not when they are trying to push advocacy for certain causes. That is just my take on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-faith-amp-opinions#post-2637646 Mon, 17 Oct 2016 07:11:28 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2637646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you balance your own beliefs (opinions) with your faith's beliefs (doctrines) especially when both you and your church are your child's spiritual advisors?</p> <p>Background to the question:</p> <p>Last night I was invited to a church event on race &amp; faith. One question: why do black people overwhelmingly vote Democrat when the Supreme Court is at stake and the members of the Court can outlaw abortion? I won't bore you with the great answers from the pastor panel. </p> <p>As much as I would like to raise LO in faith and give him something I didn't have I am worried that some of the values I hold dear are in contrast to church teachings. Will I be at war with the church and lose? Will LO become dismissive and doubt because I teach him a difference of opinion is okay? </p>