https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 16 Jun 2026 20:48:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1616552 Tue, 06 May 2014 13:37:35 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1616552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: That's great! It feels so good to have people you can confide in (both online and IRL)... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1616238 Tue, 06 May 2014 12:15:07 +0000 Happygal 1616238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since posting this, I've lined up two dates with women who are acquaintances to talk about IF! I recognized one woman at my RE's office, and the other is someone who went through many treatments and now has a child. I'm so looking forward to talking to someone in person who understands all of this!</p> <p>Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1615483 Tue, 06 May 2014 08:42:56 +0000 ShootingStar 1615483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never had much luck sharing with friends who didn't have experience in either miscarriage or taking a long time to conceive. I'm pretty close to my mom and she didn't really get it either. People who haven't been through it don't know how it can kind of consume you. How your life starts to revolve around appointments and blood draws and wandings and peeing on sticks. And how you can feel such pull to have a child and yet doubt whether it'll ever happen.</p> <p>At least, that was my experience. I do have one friend who got it, and we both helped each other through difficult stuff regarding TTC/miscarriages. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1615413 Tue, 06 May 2014 08:25:14 +0000 alohaorchid 1615413@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is something I struggle with. Under no circumstances do I ever want my family to know what we're going through, so I have to be careful who I tell and what I say. My best friend knows what we're dealing with and so does my MIL. Right now I'm happy with it just staying at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1612951 Mon, 05 May 2014 10:09:49 +0000 septca 1612951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a tough line to walk, and it is so personal that I feel like it's hard to answer this for someone else.</p> <p>My suggestion is to start small - just tell 1-2 people that you know you can count on, but that you would also feel comfortable saying, "look, TTC is a struggle and we are doing x, y, and z... sometimes I will need to lean on you or cry on your shoulder, but please understand that this is really difficult, so I will share news or information when I have it - otherwise, I would appreciate it if you could just be there for me." For me, that was my mom and my MIL. Gradually, we started telling a few friends that we saw a lot and who I trusted. Everyone really respected the boundaries, although a few times I had to tell my mom that I was having a tough time so I really needed her to back off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1612907 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:59:43 +0000 littleredhairedgrl 1612907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it was tough for me to keep quiet after a while of going thru treatments and many appointments and so emotionally draining that we ended up telling our close family, as well as close friends and then some others who we knew would be very supportive or who had gone thru something similar. </p> <p>in the end I was greatful that we told most of the people because I needed the support. </p> <p>it did mean that when we got our bfp in November we told those select people right away since they knew of our appointments, but kept it quiet from many others until 14 weeks and some even until 24 weeks. never sharing on social media or anything. </p> <p>now that I'm on bed rest for the last 13 weeks I'm glad we have such a strong support system to rely on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1612886 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:54:10 +0000 MaryM 1612886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not going through IF, so I may not be quite as sensitive to it, but I think it's probably similar to what we went through with my MC</p> <p>I did reach out to a few key people that I knew had experienced something similar just so that I could relate to them and know I was at least somewhat "normal"...even if it was in an abnormal way.</p> <p>But I was still pretty picky about those I chose. Both my sister and SIL had been through it, but I knew my sister would ask inappropriate things and get WAY too all up in my business come time to try again. So I leaned more on my SIL. She's more likely to just ask "How are you" or "How are things going" and expect an honest answer. I don't have to worry about her probing as much, and I know she won't be offended if I don't text her back or if I talk about regular life instead of TTC.</p> <p>I'm much happier having a core group of about 5 people I can turn to instead of having everyone and their mother poking and prodding me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1612846 Mon, 05 May 2014 09:44:19 +0000 Sunshine1810 1612846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am on year 3 of our infertility journey (it will be 3 years in August). Most of our close friends know, and some of my co-workers and my boss know now. There were too many doctor's appointments to keep it completely to myself. My friends have actually be really great, and most don't ask questions, unless I bring it up.</p> <p>I felt better when more people knew actually. It took that anxiety out of worrying if someone was going to ask when DH and I were going to have a baby or if we wanted children. Everyone that knows has been VERY supportive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1608744 Fri, 02 May 2014 12:04:04 +0000 Jenn23 1608744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I shared with close co-workers, friends and family during our two-year infertility battle. There were just so many surgeries, procedures, hard blows along the way and their support got me through what was definitely without a doubt the hardest two years of my life. Then IVF at the end of that whole thing was super stressful so it was great having all of their support! But I'm not a private person at all. I'm a talker and feel closer to others through communicating and sharing and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I were a more private person, I'm sure I wouldn't have shared all of our infertility struggles with that many people. Probably just my mom and a few close friends. But I had a co-worker going through IVF at the same time as me and it was great for us to support each other! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607800 Fri, 02 May 2014 08:21:32 +0000 LindsayInNY 1607800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a mix... Some friends knew we we're TTC. I've confided in a coworker who has a LO (announced around the time we started trying) which helps. After the recent work issues, my parents and sister now know that we're having some issues. I don't know how much they want to know or how much DH is okay with my sharing so I don't go into details other than mentioning general testing, etc. They don't know we're going through any procedures right now and I'm not sure when/if that will change. DH's family knows we've been TTC and that we were going to have testing done. I have mixed feelings on what I want to share, how much I want to share and with who I want to share it with... And I don't know what DH is comfortable with me sharing either (I guess I should ask?). I don't like bottling so much inside of me but I also don't want to announce a pregnancy early and I'm a bad liar. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607610 Fri, 02 May 2014 06:51:24 +0000 Happygal 1607610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is a fine line! I sometimes wish people would ask more often b/c I'd like to talk about it, but I just don't want to talk about the TWW part. It's not realistic to expect people to know when it's a good time to ask or not. </p> <p>I think something like this could be a blog post b/c it demonstrates nicely how people deal with things differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607410 Fri, 02 May 2014 00:57:01 +0000 lazypanda 1607410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: now that we're being more aggressive in our TTC journey, there are times when ppl in real life ask for updates. I'm now trying to figure out how to gently ask that people not ask me as it may add additional stress to an already difficult journey. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607398 Fri, 02 May 2014 00:07:40 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 1607398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: I've told too many people that we're trying. It's hard when they ask for updates or "good news" when I have none. My mom has also been asking when I'll be testing, etc. It's annoying and adds stress. So, I haven't handled it like I should have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607379 Thu, 01 May 2014 23:41:29 +0000 BSB 1607379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Almost everyone knows and have been supportive. But they still give me my space. I made sure to give them links to how to support a friend with IF and they have all been respectful.</p> <p>Sometimes I get too hopeful about a cycle and I tell people that I'm waiting for AF or waiting to test. I need to stop doing that. Although the one time, I told them that I didn't feel like talking about it and they got the hint that it was unsuccessful. They haven't asked me about it since. I have updated them with my recent diagnosis but it seems like they are fine being an ear. </p> <p>I think if I tell people that I'm waiting to POAS, I will tell them that no news means bad news and to let me tell them when there is good news. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607356 Thu, 01 May 2014 23:10:19 +0000 Mrs.Someone 1607356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Yep, I was. I choose carefully which friends would be the right support. Hard thing to do, but I was lucky to have them! I forgot to mention, my BFF also knew about everything the whole time (she lives far away, so email only). She wasn't great support though, so I eventually stopped sharing with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607217 Thu, 01 May 2014 21:34:28 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1607217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am trying to walk a fine line. I have 3 close friends, one of whom has done IVF, that I share pretty much everything with, although they didn't know I was pregnant until after my m/c (no, actually just before), when I definitely wanted some extra support...and that was before my IF dx. My parents &amp; in-laws know as much as I think they want to know at this point, but if we do IVF (and during my earlier IUI cycles), we do not give them the play by play, and have already told them this. I will let them know when we're successful...and maybe not until the end of the first trimester, because of last time. :sad: My co-workers know that I've had some "procedures" related to fertility...and I've told them about possibly attempting IVF, since I may need to rely on their goodwill, in the (hopefully unlikely) event that my IVF schedule collides with my work schedule.</p> <p>And, yeah, in general I'm pretty comfortable answering honest questions... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1607024 Thu, 01 May 2014 20:26:42 +0000 thisisme 1607024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Forgot to add that our parents knew EVERYTHING. My poor mom was on the receiving end of several hysterical teary phone calls from me throughout the entire process. I think I first clued her in to the fact that we were TTC after we had been trying for 6 months and she made a comment within my earshot about "just waiting" for grandkids. One of the best benefits of telling people just enough is that they became extra sensitive and respectful about what comments or jokes they made that would otherwise be normal or acceptable. Our parents also knew everything as we did IVF because we stayed at their houses and they watched our dog for many appointments because they live closer to our clinic.</p> <p>Letting our friends and family know about our IF was so, so rewarding. We haven't had one negative comment, and everyone was so willing to do anything they could to lighten some of our stress. I think they also know a whole lot more about IF and IVF now, which I see as a big positive. Even if this pregnancy hadn't/doesn't work out, I don't think I'll regret telling people... I'll need them to pick me up! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1606812 Thu, 01 May 2014 19:31:00 +0000 FaithFertility 1606812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Our parents always know and my best friend who is my soul sister so she knows everything. </p> <p>Each cycle, month, IUI was different<br /> I told my work team for our first IUI cycle but after the CP I didn't tell them anymore it was hard to explain the loss more than I wanted to!</p> <p>They know we see an RE but I would tell them we are in the midst of testing for things.....sometimes they would say things that would be kind and other times not so much...so I started to back off telling them....</p> <p>Even after our first few IUIs I would just tell my family we are working towards another cycle, so I would not need to always give the info......it is funny some days I felt like sharing some days I wanted no one to know! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1606771 Thu, 01 May 2014 19:20:13 +0000 Happygal 1606771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thisisme: Ramble away, sister! I've had to share here and there with work people little snippets of things. I've thought about just spilling it all, but can't quite make that leap.</p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: were you happy with the support you received from friends? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1606691 Thu, 01 May 2014 19:03:43 +0000 Mrs.Someone 1606691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was pretty mum until I was about at my wit's end. I had 2 friends I confided in once TTC was getting hard, and that was it. After the 2nd loss was when I started telling more people because life sucked at the time and I needed close friends (and our parents) to know what I was going through. But at no point did I give anyone cycle details that would let them know if I had news soon, I didn't want to get into that situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1606582 Thu, 01 May 2014 18:40:21 +0000 thisisme 1606582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My "balance" was/is definitely heavier toward the sharing side. I kept things pretty private while we were TTC and even once we had an infertility diagnosis - I had one coworker/friend that I shared lots with while we ran together training for a 5k. </p> <p>Once we started actively pursuing IVF, I realized that missing so much work was leading to rumors about what was going on. I decided I'd rather tell people the details I was willing to share (we're going through some infertility treatments, hope to have good news to share in a few months) rather than deal with the hints that maybe I was already pregnant (especially from our nosy school secretary who dealt with all of my leave slips). That turned into sharing more details with the people I work with all the time and really trust. My teammates knew about my transfer day and even brought DH and me dinner while I was on bed rest. They also knew very quickly when I was pregnant, and I didn't try to keep it a secret from the rest of the staff. I figured that they were such an awesome support system while we were going through treatments that they would continue to support us and help me manage at work regardless of the outcome. </p> <p>Most of the people we see day to day knew what was going on, and everyone was very respectful of us, letting us share what we wanted to and not pushing too hard for extra details. I've never minded answering honest questions about infertility and IVF. </p> <p>I didn't mean that post to be so long and rambling, but dinner's ready, so I'm going to post instead of editing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/balancing-getting-support-amp-maintaining-privacy#post-1606433 Thu, 01 May 2014 17:47:41 +0000 Happygal 1606433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you go about doing this? I'm not trying to establish a right or wrong way. I'm just curious as to how people go about it.</p> <p>I feel like it's a toss up: tell friends what's going on, then they'll likely to be asking how treatments went. I want to tell very few people I'm pregnant until the end of my first trimester. But when I'm in the thick of it all, it would be nice to be able to talk about it with others! </p> <p>How do you handle it? I recently had a sister sending texts and asking about lab results, and I told her I would let her know if/when I have good news. I mainly don't talk about it with friends to avoid questions. I'm a pretty private person, so that's my comfort zone. </p>