https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 06 Jun 2026 13:36:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228799 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 11:52:23 +0000 Raindrop 2228799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) We dropped off because my mother doesn't drive.</p> <p>2) We paid her about half of what we would pay a day care mostly because we felt would she give her something even though she told us not to give her anything... she mostly uses the money to buy toys for LO for her house.</p> <p>3) I would hash out anything with your mil right now... lay whatever feelings you have about her on the table and any concerns you might have with her and make it clear that there is always to be open communication between you. </p> <p>My mother is a strong willed person and it's her way or the high way which always bothered us and so we talked to her a lot about that and even though we don't agree with some things she does at least she now tells us about it first before just going off and doing what she wanted. I think the biggest challenge was when we started solids and she was giving LO anything and everything when she knew I had food allergies and she should be more careful. Having that open communication was good for us because we could finally convince her to just slow it down and compromised with what she wanted to feed the baby.</p> <p>Good luck! Even though we had some challenges I'm sooo grateful for having someone that truly loves LO to be watching him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228755 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 11:25:42 +0000 daniellemybelle 2228755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) Does Grandma come to you or you drop off at grandmas? What was your thought process on that?</p> <p>My mom watches LO two days per week. For the first several months we did Monday at her house and Wednesday at my house. We lived about 40 minutes away from each other so that way, neither of us had to do the full commute both days. </p> <p>Then my mom had an injury, so once she recovered I just started bringing LO to her both days because it was easier for her to be at home.</p> <p>Overall, my mom really prefers to have LO at her house because she can keep up with her laundry, house cleaning, start dinner, etc. It's also been good for LO because she gets to play with different toys, my mom's dogs, etc.</p> <p>2) Do you pay Grandma? How so and how did you decide at your figure? My MIL could use the money but I'm not sure if she "needs" the money (we might throw in healthcare insurance for her, since she is 2 yr away from Medicare, and spousal coverage is too costly.) She will probably try to turn down money but I think we will come to an arrangement.</p> <p>At first we did pay my mom a small amount but ultimately she told us to stop paying her and save our money. I try to do nice things for her as often as possible to make up for it though I know I can never repay her!</p> <p>3) Any other "starting point" things I should start to think about?</p> <p>For us, it has been pretty easy, especially during the baby stage. Once your LO becomes a toddler you have to think about discipline so that can be a touchy subject. Also, with your LO going to daycare part-time this is less of a concern, but I am always happy to hear when my mom took LO to do something or even that they just played outside or did something more engaging than household chores and watching TV. But like you, my LO went to daycare two other days per week so I felt like her days with my mom could be more low key. But, if you really want more structure/stimulation that just daily life you might want to discuss that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228715 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:55:32 +0000 DesertDreams88 2228715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@t.h.o.u. : She's been shut out because my SIL (who married into the family, so not her daughter) doesn't like her personality and thinks the neighborhood that my ILs live in is unsafe... which will not be a factor when they move here. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: Thanks specifically for the details re: health information! I'm pretty sure she doesn't care about SS accrual since she's work her entire live and she will be 63 when she retires. But I like all your details and I like to be a more "formal" person too!</p> <p>Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I think we're leaning towards her coming to our house, since the baby stuff will be there and it will give us more time with LO1, compared to an hour of roundtrip commuting to IL's house and then work. She says that's what she was planning on anyway.</p> <p>I think we will definitely try to buy her healthcare through the healthcare exchange or give her a small stipend. This has been their dream for years, to retire, move to AZ, and take care of grandbabies whenever they came along. Her original plan was to retire in 3 years, so now it's retiring in 1. She works at a small Christian school that tried to let her go 2 years ago due to dropping enrollment, and so she negotiated down to part-time pay (8-10K) with basic healthcare coverage.... while still working full-time for them. So it's not like she's losing out on a real salary.</p> <p>Also, it might be worth mentioning that both my husband and I teach, so we have school schedules. So most months there's either a long weekend or weeklong break where we will not need care, and we won't need it at all June &amp; July. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228688 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:38:45 +0000 su9su9 2228688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL came to us and since we needed her every day (not just occasionally), we paid her monthly. (Background: she was laid off from her job when I was pregnant and instead of finding a new one, we asked her to be the baby's caretaker.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228635 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:08:47 +0000 mrsjyw 2228635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>During DS' first year, my mom usually came to our house and watched him. Now that I work from home more and DS is 2.5, we either drop him off at their place or she picks him up. I can't get work done when he's around nowadays. </p> <p>We don't pay her a salary, but my parents live in our second home (investment property) and we pay some of their bills too. </p> <p>When DS2 arrives, I'll be off for a few months and she'll watch DS1 for me when I can't handle both of them. Then once I"m back at work, she'll mostly watch DS2 at our house (I'll be working remotely and hopefully nursing) and DS1 will go to preschool.</p> <p>I've never had to lay any ground rules as far as parenting rules, etc. because my mom is so laid back and just goes with the flow of what I ask her as DS' needs grow and change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228631 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:05:23 +0000 bunnylove08 2228631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my ILs are doing grandparent care for BIL's DD. </p> <p>the ILs live with BIL and SIL brings DD down to ILs and from what I understand they do not pay rent but cover electric. </p> <p>My friend's Brother brings his DS to his parents house which is about a 20 minute drive in the direction of his job. I don't think they pay his parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228628 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 10:03:39 +0000 ValentineMommy 2228628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) My mom comes to us. I start work at 6am (DS sleeps until at least 8am) and DH drops me off. Sometimes she takes DS to her house, and sometimes they stay at our house. It works out great for us. </p> <p>2) I mentioned it once to my mom and she laughed in my face. She doesn't even like me to get her "thank you" gifts.</p> <p>3) As far as starting points, just make sure to lay out expectations on the table and that everything is clear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228616 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:58:00 +0000 looch 2228616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1) Does Grandma come to you or you drop off at grandmas? What was your thought process on that?</p> <p>We drop off our son at my parents house at 6:30 am, then they take him to preschool later. My parents have things to take care of in the morning and it is easier to have him at their house.</p> <p> 2) Do you pay Grandma? How so and how did you decide at your figure? </p> <p>We do not, they would not accept it either. Both of my parents are retired. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228603 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:53:01 +0000 gingerbebe 2228603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have my mom come to us. Everything is set up here and she has use of one of our cars. We have her use the guest room as her private space when she is over so she feels comfortable. We keep basic foods we know she likes in the house.</p> <p> We do things by the book in order to help her continue accruing towards Social Security. We pay her an hourly wage and pay all payroll taxes. She has health insurance through the ACA for cheap. We have a written contract as an understanding of her hours and responsibilities. She gets 8 hours of paid leave a month because even though she only works 3 days a week she is considered full time under state law in terms of hours.</p> <p>We have DS on a schedule and my mom needs to follow that. She does light housekeeping but that is by choice - her only true responsibility is watching DS but she uses his nap times to clean and cook a little for us. We keep a pocket folder of health information, a copy of DS' birth certificate, insurance card, and a medical release on the fridge with phone numbers and directions to the local hospitals in case of emergency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228584 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 09:45:53 +0000 BeachMama 2228584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom, dad, and/or MIL all come to us. </p> <p>We don't pay them. They're all retired and volunteered to babysit for us 1x weekly each. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228489 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:39:03 +0000 Mamasig 2228489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. My mom comes to my house. It's just easier because all the baby stuff is there. </p> <p>2. We pay my mom because she gave up her job to do this. I pay her comparable to what I would pay a daycare. I don't mind especially since she comes to me. </p> <p>I think you should just have your expectations laid out from the beginning. I am not picky about most things so I let my mom kind of do her own thing with the boys. I am happy as long as they are well taken care of and healthy. I don't stress about a rigid schedule or if she does things differently than me. This works for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228480 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:35:20 +0000 teawithpaloma 2228480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You should factor in money for food for your LO once they start on solids too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228448 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:13:55 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2228448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228438 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:04:14 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2228438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just curious, why has she been shut out of the other grandkids lives? Is there more to the relationships that you should be wary of? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/basic-grandmacare-questions#post-2228437 Tue, 07 Jul 2015 08:02:37 +0000 DesertDreams88 2228437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As of now, we think LO1 might be in GrandmaCare in a year, starting at 6-7 months. We hope it will be parttime daycare, parttime GrandmaCare. This is dependent on the details of MIL quitting her crazy low pay job and selling their home of 15ish years, which will be a bit difficult (neighborhood has taken a downturn) but not impossible. They are also moving across the country for this but this has always been their plan, not intiated or pushed by us at all. Our state is tax-friendly to retirees, and they LOVE grandchildren but are kind of shut out of their current grandkids lives.</p> <p>Two basic questions:<br /> 1) Does Grandma come to you or you drop off at grandmas? What was your thought process on that?<br /> 2) Do you pay Grandma? How so and how did you decide at your figure? My MIL could use the money but I'm not sure if she "needs" the money (we might throw in healthcare insurance for her, since she is 2 yr away from Medicare, and spousal coverage is too costly.) She will probably try to turn down money but I think we will come to an arrangement.<br /> 3) Any other "starting point" things I should start to think about?</p> <p>This is my MIL, not my mom, and I have a decent relationship with her. </p>