https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 17:38:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518243 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:41:35 +0000 MrsH 1518243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: +1</p> <p>I would have probably been very nasty to the couple had they made that comment to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518240 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:39:31 +0000 pinkcupcake 1518240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was an odd comment, but without knowing more of the background or speaking to the couple, I wouldn't judge them too harshly. </p> <p>Also, agree w everyone that the ultrasound tech should not have disclosed that information. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518233 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:34:36 +0000 jessibear 1518233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @littlebug: and @honeybear: I am SHOCKED that the tech gave you that information. I'm not familiar with elective ultrasounds and what types of legalities that entails, but I would imagine they are still subject to HIPAA and would positively enraged if my private information was disclosed. Plastic surgery is also often elective but I would bet the staff is still obligated to keep info confidential. </p> <p>Aside from that, I'm so sad for this couple and hope they're able to greet their baby happily. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518200 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:19:13 +0000 reverie 1518200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>wow that would definitely rub me the wrong way! Of course I wanted a healthy baby, but I'll admit I also "wanted" a girl. I got really hung up on it right until the ultrasound tech told me I was growing a perfectly healthy baby boy. It didn't matter one second after that moment to me. My husband and I plan on having another baby, and I would be lying if I said I didn't want a daughter, but wanting a daughter and having genuine disappointment over a healthy baby to that level are really different to me. Also, I think it is weird to make a comment to a stranger like that. Not knowing their story-- it seems like you could very easily hurt someone, as well as obviously sound crass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518188 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:14:50 +0000 pui 1518188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: I thought that was well said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518182 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:12:09 +0000 anandam 1518182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As real and universal as parental disappointment is, this would have made me sad (and probably angry), too. I have a labor nurse friend who says she's seen a few dads and MILs become angry and just leave the room (or even the hospital) when a girl is delivered. It's apparently such a disappointment in some cultures. Sigh.</p> <p>ETA: Deleted some words that were likely to offend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518159 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 16:07:14 +0000 littleredhairedgrl 1518159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: wow! I can't believe they would say that to you! I totally understand where you are coming from and, having gone thru IF too, I was honestly so excited to even get far enough to be able to know the sex, especially with all the trouble we've had with this pregnancy. I don't know if dh and I will have to go thru this much trouble when/if we try for #2, but I can only hope for healthy, strong babies. </p> <p>Hope that after all that you had a good scan and are doing well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1518000 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:19:07 +0000 SweetiePie 1518000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: DITTO! :happy: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex/page/2#post-1517995 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:17:44 +0000 Cherrybee 1517995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: I think that your baby is so lucky to have you and your SO as parents . He/she is going to be so, so cherished. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517991 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:17:05 +0000 bushelandapeck 1517991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: You are not a bad mom. I also had the same reaction when we found out we were having a boy. I cried a little and DH was sad that I wasn't happy. I was just so sad to think I might not have the kind of mother/daughter relationship I have with my mom. It took me a little while to get past it, and now that he's here, I honestly couldn't imagine life any other way. He is the most loving, sweet little boy and he loves his mama more than anything :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517971 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:11:33 +0000 SweetiePie 1517971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: :heart: You said it perfectly. "I was sad that I was sad." I felt like a bad mom already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517944 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:03:00 +0000 gingerbebe 1517944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think its sad what those folks said to you, but like other's said, perhaps they had some reason why they wanted another boy. I think its still (surprisingly) common in this day and age to want a son to carry on the family name because the daughter will supposedly go on and join another person's family. Its a traditional outlook, but still common. Perhaps their other son is disabled and they want a healthy son to be able to carry on the family name/inheritance and care for the disabled brother in the future, for instance.</p> <p>I DO think its extremely weird to project that desire on you, however. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517938 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 15:01:09 +0000 ShootingStar 1517938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I just wanted to let you know I felt the exact same way. I struggled to get pregnant and I really wanted that mother/daughter relationship and I was sad when I found out I was having a boy. And I was sad that I was sad, because I felt he didn't deserve that. At one point I was strongly considering adoption for our next child, partially for the added bonus of being able to specify gender. But now that he's here, I love him so much and I think he's perfect. </p> <p>I'd still like the mother/daughter relationship one day, but I'm well aware that if we go the biological child route it may very well be a boy and he'll be our last and I won't get a girl. And that's ok because I'll love him just as much and I'll love seeing two brothers together.</p> <p>ETA: I never shared my bout of gender disappointment publicly, though. I was ashamed enough that I felt it, I definitely wasn't broadcasting it publicly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517863 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 14:37:58 +0000 SweetiePie 1517863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: Oh don't feel bad! Your point about being happy with anything after IF is totally valid too, and I tell myself that. My comment wasn't aimed at you, I've seen it on HB before and also hear it in real life and its been something that has been weighing on me since we found out we were having a boy a couple of weeks ago...heck my husband says it to me! He was REALLY offended that I cried a little when it sank in that I might not ever have a daughter...he yelled at me and told me to be happy and grateful for what we have after our doctor told us to expect nothing. The thing is, I AM happy and grateful! But I don't think I'm bound to only feeling one emotion at a time.</p> <p>I think its just another example of each of us only knowing and feeling what we know and feel - and that nothing we feel is wrong! I mean, obviously within some reason :-). Its often really really hard to view someone else's situation (ESPECIALLY with this TTC business!) and understand it. I am 100% guilty of this too! </p> <p>And for what its worth, my disappointment is entirely gone. Now I get a little thrill when we refer to this baby now as "he", "him", "son"...so maybe the other couple just needed a few days to clear their heads and adjust. </p> <p>Sorry to threadjack a little ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517759 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 14:07:10 +0000 spaniellove 1517759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I'm sorry. :sad: That is a valid way to feel, and I know you wouldn't make someone else try to feel bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517740 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 14:00:54 +0000 SweetiePie 1517740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't blame people for gender disappointment, but they didn't need to share it with a stranger. That was weird. As was the tech for divulging info about them. </p> <p>It makes me feel bad when people say that because of my IF struggles I shouldn't feel any disappointment. I really want a girl (not that I don't like boys - I just really wanted to have that relationship like I have with my mom). I was just picturing this baby as a girl. When we found out at 11.5 weeks that it was a boy, I actually was disappointed for a few days. I didn't love this baby less, but it was the opposite of what I had imagined and it took some time to adjust. I also don't know that we'll have any babies after this - my chances for this one were pretty slim. So while I'm grateful to have this ONE baby boy, I don't think it makes me a bad or ungrateful person to be sad that maybe (very likely) I'll never have a daughter. </p> <p>Anyway, my main point is that I don't think initial gender disappointment is wrong, but sharing it publicly or insinuating that the gender you wanted is "better" is wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517681 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:46:01 +0000 spaniellove 1517681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just to clarify, this wasn't a doctor's office or medical facility - it was one of those elective places! Not that the woman should have told me the story anyway. And if I'd been thinking straight I shouldn't have asked. But, yeah! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517673 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:43:41 +0000 heffalump 1517673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ultrasound tech wouldn't tell us the sex until the very end because she has had too many bad experiences where the couple gets angry and then the rest of the scan is awkward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517628 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:33:29 +0000 psw27 1517628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think their feelings are valid... but should best be kept to themselves not shared with other couples in the waiting room. Also, I agree the U/S tech should not be sharing patient information with the next set. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517625 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:32:34 +0000 BSB 1517625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517604 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:29:02 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1517604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At some point during my 3D ultrasound I commented on how cute LO was and asked the tech if parents ever think their LO isn't cute. haha. Every parent thinks their kid is the cutest. Nope. I never in a million years expected her to say yes. She continued on saying that some bring up plastic surgery during their ultrasounds. Before they've even really seen their kid they're thinking about how to fix the way they look. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517601 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:28:40 +0000 pui 1517601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Well it is kinda weird to say to another pregnant person "Hope you're having a boy", implying somehow that's the only positive sex to have. I mean what if she's having a girl and is very pleased about it, or is having a boy and has regrets? It just seems odd to assume everyone wants a boy child, so much so you can say this to a random person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517592 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:27:08 +0000 rachiecakes 1517592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I received a few, "a boy?? your husband must be SO happy!" comments and one, "you can have a girl next time!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1517565 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 13:17:22 +0000 Snowdrop 1517565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is just weird. I know people can get gender disapointment but how Can she even know that you wanted a boy? You might be after a girl! I agree though, she is lucky to even be having a baby! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516444 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:38:45 +0000 autumnlove 1516444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I believe sex/gender disappointment exists and emotions run high at ultrasound places.</p> <p>I hope your scan went well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516402 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:26:40 +0000 honeybear 1516402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the father should have kept his mouth shut, but the employee should have, too. That's more egregious to me than some guy who makes an ill-considered remark. I wouldn't go back to a medical office where the employees were that free with information, even if it wasn't strictly medical info they were giving out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516399 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:26:06 +0000 kjpugs 1516399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: sorry for ranting on your post! Not my intention :) I can't believe the couple involved you- very odd- but like OP's said, I hope seeing your babe made your day :) I remember how awesome the 3D/4D was and it really ended up looking JUST like her. Hope it was an awesome memory :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516394 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:24:08 +0000 birdofafeather 1516394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what he said was weird and what the tech said was inappropriate. I'm not surprised people feel this way and had we had a boy, I might have been one with gender disappointment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516385 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:22:03 +0000 kjpugs 1516385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: so true! Strangers don't know your situation so no point in projecting on them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/because-kids-are-disposable-and-only-important-for-their-sex#post-1516380 Mon, 24 Mar 2014 08:20:52 +0000 kjpugs 1516380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: I don't watch parenthood but that's a great point. It could also be a preference due to a loss, or maybe it's unplanned, they're in a bad situation financially, they already have a boy, and are worried about having to buy girl clothes. So many reasons. I also know a lot of people who base their expectations on their experiences- ie, a dad who had a distant, borderline abusive father- he may not want a son because that's his frame of reference. I try to be sensitive to peoples' preferences because I think they can really be valid, at least towards making that person comfortable in their journey towards parenting. </p>