https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 02:38:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32501 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:43:32 +0000 Rubies 32501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in your described situation. Because I'm home all day with the baby, I just know how to handle her better, can change and bathe her faster and am just all around more comfortable with the baby than my husband is. BUT, I have learned that if I don't let him do things his way, he'll never feel perfectly at ease so sometimes I have to just hold back...Even if it takes him 8 minutes to change a diaper...Or uses 42 wipes to clean LO's bum.</p> <p>Sometimes, too, I'm SO exhausted that I don't care what he does! :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32452 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:01:37 +0000 MsMini 32452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I worry a little about me being a bit neurotic about baby care. I am an NICU nurse, and we are really particular about how we care for babies on the unit, and I know it will take a while for me to let go and treat my baby as a normal, healthy newborn. Luckily, DH is totally behind me dictating how the baby is cared for because "I am the expert", and he will be more than willing to do things the way I tell him to. We are also doing some different things that I haven't been really exposed to, like cloth diapering, so I am sure we will learn around those things together, and make our own routines with time. It also helps that he will take the first few weeks off of work, so we get through the busiest time together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32437 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:44:57 +0000 eupenmalmody 32437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all. I'm feeling so much more comforted hearing what everyone has to say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32340 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:31:26 +0000 cyndistar3 32340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had some issues because he wasn't as careful as I was... but I am pretty sure it was just me being over protective because it's not like he ever even almost hurt her or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32339 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:30:56 +0000 looch 32339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've learned to pick my battles. If I disagree with how he is doing it, I usually just keep my mouth shut if he accomplishes what needs to be done. There are many more ways to get things done than the way "I" do them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32333 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:28:06 +0000 mediagirl 32333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend of my husband's just talked to him about this. He said, to save their marriage, they decided they could each have their own ways of changing diapers, getting the baby to sleep, dressing her, etc. The big parenting items will be discussed later but right now, let your husband or wife do it the way they are comfortable. As long as the job is getting done, that is what matters.</p> <p>If it is something like feeding with a bottle, constructive criticism is fine as long as it isn't condescending or hurtful like, "you're doing it wrong." Something to the effect of, "I think she likes it when the bottle is tipped up more" is so much more helpful and keeps the peace. That's at least what this new Dad told my husband. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32325 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 14:21:35 +0000 heffalump 32325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others, it probably won't even be an issue because you'll be too tired to care! I'm a SAHM and whenever I develop a new routine I just tell my hubby about it. Especially because he is there on the weekends to help me, and I want to make sure her routine stays the same then. He understands that I'm home with her all day so I know her routines and he's not at all offended that I'm telling him what to do with her, because he knows a schedule is good for her.</p> <p>And some things you do just have to let go. For me it's when my husband gets my LO dressed. He's colorblind, so nothing ever matches. And he's been known to keep her in something that she's worn to bed, like a long sleeved shirt that was under the sleep sack. He claims it's not dirty if she only wore it one night. I just let him have it, as really it's not a huge deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32270 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 13:50:34 +0000 Andrea 32270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I know that there are certain things that DH just isn't competent at - like cooking, so I always do that myself for the LO. So I think you will definitely find certain things, at least, that you will want help with even if it is not every single thing. And it will all be new to you both so you'll be learning about infant care together, don't forget. But at the end of the day, you have the distinct advantage of being the mother and it is hard to argue with a mother's instincts so your DH will have to understand that as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32203 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 13:01:28 +0000 eupenmalmody 32203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: Great advice! I agree that communication is going to be key to overcoming any issues. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience - I really appreciate it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32200 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 13:00:02 +0000 mrstilly 32200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like Pelikila, I talked with DH before DS was born. I know I can be a control freak, so I figured it wouldn't be any different once DS was born (and it wasn't). Initially I did a lot of the care taking of DS. DH wasn't very comfortable with DS and would hand him off to me to eat, for diaper changes and if he started to cry/fuss. If DS wouldn't go to sleep and I asked DH to take over for a bit, I'd leave the room. It helped give me a chance to breath and then I wasn't hovering or trying to take over again when DH did something differently. DH knows me well enough to not take most of it personally. DH is a teacher and was home with DS all summer while I was back to work. That was awesome and gave DH a lot of confidence with DS. DS is 8 months old now and I can be a little controlling still, but I try to keep myself in check.<br /> There were times when I was feeling like I wasn't doing a good job (soothing DS, or when we had issues with breastfeeding) and DH didn't know what to do. I really just needed some reassurance, but didn't know how to ask for it. DH would sit, waiting to help, or do something else like eat dinner or check his email. It's a hard balance to figure out at times, but talking about it helps a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32149 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:24:50 +0000 eupenmalmody 32149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pelikila: Great advice - especially the part about asking that he jump in as opposed to waiting for direction. Thank you! I've expressed my concerns to my husband and he promises to not hold my "emotional outbursts" against me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32146 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:23:10 +0000 pelikila 32146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before our son arrived I sat my husband down and expressed similar thoughts/concerns I was having. My request of my husband was to do this: jump in and help or do things rather than waiting for me to direct him. I asked him to not wait for me to explain how to do things. I also told him that in the beginning, I really needed him to do his best to not let my corrections (and the way I probably would say them since I knew I'd be stressed and more likely to jump down his throat) to upset him and that him just doing things, regardless of if it was "my way" or not, was a tremendous help and that I would adjust and get over it. He took it to heart and did just that. There were some arguments but we both adjusted and I learned to let go and he learned to jump in. It is growing pains on both sides but worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32142 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:22:25 +0000 eupenmalmody 32142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Lozza: My DH gets 4 weeks off from work paid paternity. I think you are right that I will be too exhausted and stressed to do everything myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32139 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:20:20 +0000 Lozza 32139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Will he be able to take off some time after the baby is born?<br /> Honestly, for those first couple of weeks, I was too exhausted and stressed to do everything myself, and it wasn't hard to hand the baby off to DH for DH to do diaper changes or baths or swaddling and shushing, because that's the only way I was going to sleep/shower/eat, etc<br /> I think it also helped that we designated a few things as "daddy" tasks right away. I didn't give LO a bath till he was like 4 months old- my husband handled that on his own, and while it was probably tricky and frustrating for him to figure out how to handle cleaning a floppy squirmy slippery baby, he did fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32137 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:19:22 +0000 eupenmalmody 32137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks! I'm hopeful that because I am aware of my behavior and concerns that it will help. I know that my DH is desperate to develop a bond with our son once he is born and I want to support that desire in any way possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32133 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:17:35 +0000 LivsMama 32133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just remember - there are multiple means to an end. Im not saying that he can do a different routine or whatever, but his style of parenting and doing things might be different than yours, and you have to accept that. That was (is) the hardest thing for me to deal with, but its easier now. And Liv LOVES her daddy time. To overcome it, I would be around while he had his time with her, and if he needed help, he asked. If I saw him doing something that REALLY bothered me, I spoke up, but I picked and chose my battles. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32132 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:17:25 +0000 Mrsbells 32132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you will be so tired by the end of each day [especially at first] that you will be glad to let him take over for a while when he gets home. Plus with babies there isnt always a definite right/wrong way to do things. And from my experience babies respond to each person differently. My niece loved being rocked by her dad but if her mom does the same thing she cries. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32128 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:13:56 +0000 Maysprout 32128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our friends have a toddler and we've known them since he was born. The mom was a SAHM and very controlling to the point where dad had no idea how to interact with his kid. Watching them and how that affected their relationship and the relationship between dad and baby made me check my urges to a point because they were definitely an example of dad needs to be given a chance to develop a relationship with baby. </p> <p>My DH changed most of her diapers soon after she was born and we both watched happiest baby on the block and he was usually the one to do the 5 S's when she was cranky but not hungry. If I was worried about something I always said and he was good enough to take it in stride that I'm a worried mommy without getting offended. And I always made sure they had playtime at some point during the day too where she was happy baby and could look contentedly at her daddy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/becoming-comfortable-with-dh-and-baby#post-32114 Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:06:05 +0000 eupenmalmody 32114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our little one is due in January. I know that my husband is very capable (and willing) to spend time with our little one and take care of him. The problem is that I am very over protective and know that I have a tendency to take control.<br /> I will also be home with the baby all day long whereas my husband will be at work, so he may not know the routines that we have established, etc. I want to give him a fair chance when home to bond and spend time with his baby. </p> <p>I'm worried about either making my husband feel bad by "correcting" how he is with the baby and/or just doing everything myself even though he wants to help. </p> <p>How have you overcome this? Has this been an issue for you? </p>