https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 07:26:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570953 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 19:33:50 +0000 MrsSRS 2570953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm. Can you revamp the bedtime routine? Maybe add in a book or a song that you always do last amd right before that talk about how she is feeling. We do a lot of that. Like, "well bud I don't know if you're feeling scared or if you just don't want mommy to leave. If you feel scared you can hug your bear and use your flashlight to make shadows. If you are sad because you don't want mommy to leave you can give me an extra big hug and I will see you in the morning. I know you want me to stay, but it is time for your big sleeps and my body is tired too. We will sing our last song then I need to go to my bed." Then I just...go. If there is wailing I pop in periodically with a reminder that LO needs to choose to be calm because it is time to rest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570775 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 13:41:32 +0000 Revel 2570775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: hmm, yeah it doesn't sound like a too much sleep issue then to me, and I am envious of those long naps! I miss naptime. </p> <p>I hope someone else will chime in with some ideas for you, i will be following. We are basically acquiescing for now and I have the same concerns about long term habits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570727 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 13:11:55 +0000 magnoliamama42 2570727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Okay so I'm gonna preface this by saying I have no idea what I'm talking about. I have a 14 month old, so I have no clue about 3 year olds. BUT ... I came across this site the other day and your post made me think of it (we're having our own bedtime issues). He mentioned something called "Bedtime fading":</p> <p>"Bedtime fading: This strategy involves temporarily moving your child’s bedtime later while teaching him to fall asleep on his own. This can help use your child’s natural sleep drive to make falling asleep easier. Usually I recommend moving the bedtime later by 30-60 minutes depending on prior experience. For example, if the family has previously tried to put their son down and he cried for 45 minutes before they gave up, I will move the bedtime 45 minutes later or more. There is evidence that removing the child from bed if they do not fall asleep after 15-20 minutes then putting them to bed again a few minutes later (a “response cost”) is effective but I think that it is generally too complicated. Once your child can fall asleep within 15 minutes, you can move the bedtime earlier by 15 minutes every two days until you reach the desired bedtime (usually between 7:30-8:30 PM is best). It’s important to avoid letting your child sleep in in the morning or falling asleep in the late afternoon in the stroller or the car, as they will be less tired at bedtime. This is one “gentle” sleep training method."</p> <p>Here is the site: <a href="http://drcraigcanapari.com/" rel="nofollow">http://drcraigcanapari.com/</a></p> <p>Anyway, I know you're looking for first-hand experience, but I figured I'd share.</p> <p>ETA: I hope your back heals soon! That sounds like a nightmare! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570689 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 12:47:09 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2570689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Revel: She is still a fairly solid napper. They nap at daycare for 2 hours and she does the full 2 hours nearly every day, and usually the same at home with very rare exceptions. Her bedtime is late anyway, she's just that kind of kid, and because she's pretty active we put her to bed earlier knowing that she needs a half hour to an hour to just work out the remains of her energy in a non-stimulated environment (otherwise she'd be up for hours past bedtime). So there is some non tiredness, but in the past it had just been that she'd hang out in bed or even play in her room, which I'm totally fine with, but now she's insisting on company. I thought about letting her be up a little later and putting her down closer to her actual fall asleep time, but I'm afraid that would only make her more hyperactive. We actually tried putting her down a little earlier the last few nights to give her more time to calm down. So her actual fall asleep time and wake time hasn't changed, just the need for me to be there with her and the excess crying if I attempt to leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570679 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 12:41:33 +0000 Revel 2570679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Had to reply bc our LOs are the exact same age/birthday, and we are having the same thing going on. For us it has been progressive but maybe flared since my DH and I were away for 2 nights a week ago, so I was interested to see your theory about your hospital stay. </p> <p>I don't have a fix for this but how are naps and other sleep? Is it possible she is not tired? We've found that bedtime is particularly rough when she naps, so some of our issues are, I think, that she's just not tired some days and that leads to bedtime battles. Problem for us is she is up at 6 virtually every day, no matter what, so we are still feeling out how to get her enough sleep on a regular basis, while still phasing out the nap.</p> <p>So, mostly commiseration! I don't know how I would even go about sleep training at this age so I am riding it out hoping it is a phase. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bedtime-stallingseparation-anxiety-tips-3-year-old#post-2570649 Mon, 20 Jun 2016 12:17:50 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2570649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, it's been an eventful few weeks. LO turned 3 on June 1st, I landed in the hospital on June 4th for 3 days with a back injury, and ever since then, she's had a lot of acute separation anxiety from me specifically. Overall, it's been OK during the day, but bedtime has become a nightmare. The week that I got home, she was still going to bed as usual but started waking up at night crying that she was scared and would take an hour to settle back down. Then that stopped, but now she refuses to let me leave the room after our bedtime routine, to the point of getting hysterical if I walk out. First I thought she was actually scared of something and this was a new age/development phase. The last few days though, it seems to be more just about wanting me to stay in her room, because now she'll say she's scared, and as soon as she sees me staying, she wants to go play. I started telling her she can play, but mommy has to go to bed, and as soon as I try to leave, she starts crying and saying she's scared. </p> <p>I know it's probably just a phase, so I've been trying to stay calm and sit with her, hold her hand, etc., be really quiet and not engage, etc. She normally takes an hour to settle down anyway, so it's rough to be hanging out in her room trying to pretend to sleep the whole time, especially with a crappy back problem. Inevitably she starts wanting to play and I try to leave and she starts crying and I'm not willing to leave her to cry. DH can help here and there but she really only wants me. </p> <p>I'm a little worried that if this keeps going, she's going to get in the habit of having me there and lose the ability to settle down herself (I'm probably overthinking that, but creating bad habits is something I worry about). We've tried everything I can think of - talking about her fears, having a lot of her stuffed animals nearby, keeping quiet and not engaging much, etc. Any other ideas and things we can try? Keep going until things settle? I'm also a bit worried because she's due to move up into a new classroom at daycare next week and that's a fair amount of change as well (which daycare is going to slowly transition her to, but still), and what kind of effect all this might have. </p>