https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 08:51:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-114275 Sat, 07 Apr 2012 08:37:36 +0000 hilsy85 114275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have 100% joint funds, so there are really no arguments...we have pretty similar philosophies on spending/saving, although we think about saving differently--I feel more comfortable having $$ in the bank or in low risk investments, while DH is willing to take more of a risk for a potentially higher pay out. But he also works in finance, so I almost always defer to his judgment. </p> <p>But if you guys have separate finances in part, then you don't really have much of a leg to stand on, you know? As long as your joint account has enough for your bills and some emergencies, then I would just try to bite my tongue and let him enjoy it. Maybe once he blows some money on some "fun stuff" he'll get it out of his system and want to save the rest? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-114074 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 19:25:56 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 114074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We argued initially because he was more of a spender than me and had a lot of debt. Now we don't fight anymore. We paid the debt and that helped so much. We have everything combined and have a pretty strict budget. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-114055 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:40:36 +0000 aunt pol 114055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBrewer: That's where we are as well, any money is our money. We've actually been that way since we began living together.<br /> @TJBee: Is your husband saving for himself at all, or just enjoying the success right now? I'm just curious if he's a "live for the moment" guy. Obviously if you have children that would change anyway, but it would be nice to have a cushion against unforeseen stuff.<br /> My DH is totally his mother's son and often feels guilty about spending money on himself, and as he's self employed his income can vary hugely from month to month, but he's definitely more of a saver than a spender. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-114037 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 18:18:31 +0000 MrsBrewer 114037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm that's hard. DH and I have 100% combined finances and that's the only way it would work for us. We don't consider it "my" money anymore. Everything is " ours" so we don't argue about that. We make Deion's on all of our purchases together </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-114033 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 17:59:38 +0000 Witz 114033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I echo Mr. Bee's suggestion about setting aside an amount that each of you have for discretionary funds that are not combined, and then combining everything else. At least, I think that's what Mr. Bee was suggesting....</p> <p>We do something kind of like that. Each of our individual paychecks go in to our separate accounts. Of each paycheck, we keep only the amount needed to cover our separate student loan bills plus our predetermined "allowance." For us, that amount is usually $500/month, which we each have to spend on whatever we desire, and the other one doesn't get to comment on what we spend it on (actually, that's not entirely true... sometimes I think he spends his discretionary money on stupid stuff and I usually say so, but in the end, we both recognize that it's his decision, stupid or not!). The rest goes into our joint account to pay bills and to save up for the future, etc.</p> <p>The upshot of this is that the focus is much more on what each of us reasonably needs each month, rather than how much each of us makes. We don't really adjust the budget when one of us gets a raise -- the extra money just goes to the joint account; we adjust the budget when one of us feels like our expenses are more than what our discretionary budget can pay for. It has worked great for us for the last few years and helped us to avoid conflicts stemming from criticizing each other's purchases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113966 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 16:07:30 +0000 SugarplumsMom 113966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't argue about money anymore, but we used to when we first started living together. It wasn't about not affording anything, it was about him being super-duper cheap! This man used to buy the cheapest shower gel and it doubled as shampoo! He would have bar soap instead of hand soap, used the super hard TP! I just couldn't live like that!</p> <p>We've come a long way and balanced each other out. He's not as much of a tightwad, I don't spend like crazy (although I've been working on that since even before we got together). </p> <p>We live simply. Have no bills aside from our mortgage and student loans, and we both like to save for a rainy day. I think having the same priorities help. For instance, he'd been saving for our first house since before I even moved in, way before we got engaged. It was mostly him, in fact, it was all him since the banks approved us based only on his income. He was completely broke after the down payment and we lived off of my savings after, but that was just a matter of shuffling around money between us two.</p> <p>My advice is to tell your husband exactly how you feel. Let him know how you're afraid of what may happen in the future when it's time for you to start a family. I wouldn't feel very good if my husband felt like it was punishment to save up for our future. I think you really need to address the problem and figure out if your priorities match. IMO, everything 50/50 isn't realistic even if you try, someone is always doing more of one thing. </p> <p>Marriage is about compromise and being on the same team. I hope you both reach a compromise and smooth things out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113930 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 15:07:12 +0000 808love 113930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You've got a lot of great ideas already. Here's an additional scenario: We joined all of our money and it works out well. We each take an equal amount for fun money. (Perhaps for your DH he could take out 5x the amount of fun money?) Everything else is general funds. We do monthly meetings (state of the finances) and have been in a few little squabbles when we have EXTRA MONEY (tax refunds) and then we have to decide what to do with it. His priorities (car/home improvement/college) are different than mine (travel/events/mortgage). DH makes 1/2 of what I make but excellent benefits. For us, combining finances saves us so many headaches and earns lots of points for lux hotel staycations. Even before we were engaged, I was working out a budget since I knew how much he made. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113828 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 12:48:55 +0000 Adira 113828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubs and I make a similar amount now, but one of us does make more than the other, so we figured the only fair way to handle it was to do percentages!</p> <p>So we figured out how much we needed to pay the bills, buy groceries, do occasional dinners and movies, and found a percentage that would work for us. We each contribute 70% of our income into our joint account. And then we each have 30% to play with as we want. When we have kids, we'll probably up the percentage in order to cover the extra expenses.</p> <p>Since your DH makes 5x more than you, using a percentage system seems the fairest. He'll contribute 5x more than you towards your joint expenses, but he'll still have 5x more than you leftover to do with as he wants. This will allow you to EACH contribute a little more (percentage-wise) towards savings (if that's what you choose to do).</p> <p>For example, assume you make $1,000 a month and your hubby makes $5,000, and you NEED $1,000 to pay the bills. The way you currently do this, by contributing 50/50 to bills, you're contributing $500 (or 50% of your paycheck) and he's contributing $500 (or 10% of his paycheck).</p> <p>In order to make it fair, you'd both contribute a percentage. You'd need to figure out what percentage ends up equaling $1,000 total. In this case, it's ~17%</p> <p>Your Contribution: $1000 x 17% = $170<br /> His Contribution: $5000 x 17% = $850<br /> Total: $1020</p> <p>Your Savings: $1000 x 83% = $830<br /> His Savings: $5000 x 83% = $4150</p> <p>So yes, he's now contributing more and you're contributing less, but he's still saving way more than you are, because he makes way more than you do. Now if you want him to contribute to savings, you say "Let's both contribute to savings!" instead of saying "YOU contribute to savings because you're the one that has money." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113766 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 11:05:46 +0000 mrbee 113766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TJBee: Maybe he could set aside a certain amount of cash for a play budget, and not combine just that amount? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113755 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:46:32 +0000 tequiero21 113755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At one point, we were making similar amounts, so things were pretty even. We've actually never fought about money. We created a joint account from the beginning of our marriage and it was understood that we'd always have a joint account and I'd eventually be a sahm and he'd bring home the bacon. Luckily, we're pretty frugal and only occasionally splurge.</p> <p>I think it's a good idea to put a percentage into savings and spending. U might not put in as much savings, but u won't have as much spending either.... Good luck and hope u guys resolve this issue! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113743 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:28:59 +0000 mrskc 113743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with mamamoose. The way hubby and I worked it out at first was contributing a percentage to a joint account. But then it got too confusing and annoying having 3 accounts between the two of us. So we just combined everything and we each have a monthly spending allowance that rolls over every month if we don't spend it all. We are allowed to spend that money however we like. I keep track of our allowance and budgets using Mint.</p> <p>I think it works for us because we both have the goal of saving as much as possible with luxuries added into the mix in moderation. Your situation seems more complicated because you don't want to combine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113736 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:18:42 +0000 TJBee 113736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: He says that he would combine finances, but when it actually comes down to doing it, I don't think it would work for us. He has some expensive hobbies (watches, biking, cigars, scotch), and I think he would feel that he would have to give these up if we combined finances, even though I would never tell him to. He would feel guilty spending "our" money on those things, which would end up making him feel more "punished" than keeping everything separate.<br /> It's really a catch-22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113729 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:06:36 +0000 regberadaisy 113729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't fight about money ever and I think the key reason is we both look at money the same way. It pays the bill, feeds us and if there's leftover we save and have fun. We've never been frugal with each other. Everything is completely combined. I make slightly more as of now but who cares.</p> <p>I think if you're unwilling to combine then the fairest thing for both parties is 50/50. If you're saving x dollars towards your combined future then he saves x. It's not fair to ask him to save Y just because he makes more. Personally I feel if you're going to draw the line in the sand about what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours then that's the fair way to do it.</p> <p>Is HE interested in completely combining finances? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113728 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:06:13 +0000 MsMamaBear 113728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that is a issue of wanting to do things on his own, rather than just money. My SO makes less since he got laid off and now works 2 jobs, but we never fight because we are both in it for the greater good of the family. Not that he isn't, he may just never made that much and wants to spend how he wants while no kids are around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113727 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:05:18 +0000 TJBee 113727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Goldilocks1107: We talked about splitting the household expenses based on our salary percentages, and he is willing to do this. But I feel too guilty because I can cover my 50% with my salary as well as cover my personal expenses and luxuries. So it's not like I need him to contribute more so that I can have more money left over at the end of the month. I would feel guilty because then he really WOULD be contributing more just so I can have more "fun money", which I don't need or want.</p> <p>I'd rather split the expenses and have him put extra in joint savings. But I understand that I can't have it both ways. I can't make/keep all of my own money and then tell him where he has to put his extra money. I realize that's not fair... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113718 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:59:43 +0000 TJBee 113718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: You are 100,000,000% right. Now that I see it written out, I agree with the fact that I can't tell him how to spend his money if I want our finances to be separate. It's the epitome of "what mine is mine and what's yours is mine" and I feel bad for feeling this way.<br /> I guess my biggest problem is that I just want him to WANT to save for our future and family. I don't want it to have to be discussed and planned. It just seems like he should say "I make more, so I'll put more towards our future." I know this isn't fair, but that's how I feel.<br /> It's not even as if there's anything he really wants to buy. He just wants the freedom to buy something if he feels like it. It's probably a much bigger issue that we need to work through (future responsibilities and sacrifices...etc), but this is how it's manifesting itself at the present moment.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113709 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:52:35 +0000 Goldilocks1107 113709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before we got married, we figured out what was "fair" for me to contribute to the household bills (I earned about half what he did) and my share never went above that set amount. If the bills were less, then I paid my portion in full. And he covered many of the social expenses because he had more "play money", so that's how it all evened out.<br /> After we got married, we decided the easiest thing was to combine everything and have designated "fun money" for each person. We each get the same amount, and if we don't spend it all, we get to carry it over to the next month. That way, I don't complain about poker nights and he doesn't complain about new shoes or Starbucks trips.<br /> Maybe instead of splitting the bills 50/50, use a percentage based system instead that will cover all the bills and savings. For example, each of you have the following breakdown from your paychecks:<br /> 40% toward monthly bills<br /> 20% joint savings<br /> 10% for retirement savings<br /> 10% for college fund<br /> 10% for vacation savings<br /> 10% for personal discretion<br /> You'll still have less "fun money" than he does, but he'll be contributing more to the actual bills since he makes more. Might be worth suggesting. Of course, you'll have to monitor the distribution to make sure it continues to meet the bills (if his income goes down or yours goes up). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113696 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:44:09 +0000 Mrs. Pen 113696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thankfully DH and I have never fought about money, we are very civil and have always been able to discuss things well.</p> <p>We use a zero based budget system (we download the form from the member site at daveramsey.com) which really helps. We both know exactly how much we can spend in each category and we always agree on what money goes where. </p> <p>I hope you guys can work it out, it sounds like a tough situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113689 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:35:18 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 113689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't fight about money. I make more, but we developed a pretty cool system. All of our expenses come out of Mr. Jacks earnings and then I put away all the rest for savings.</p> <p>We have money meetings once every two weeks on a Saturday morning and figure out how much we're going to allot ourselves for pleasure spending. Everything else is automatically deducted, so we force ourselves to save, invest for retirement, put into the 529s etc. Painless! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113670 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:20:45 +0000 chopsuey 113670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Luckily we don't fight over money.. All of our funds are joined and if either of us are going to make large purchases, we always let the other know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113668 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:17:41 +0000 anewme 113668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am in a similar position. While his salary has always been more thn mine, it was also more unsteady. So i ised yo be te one who took care of the overhead costs like mortgages, utilities and he would take care of things like shopping , entertainment, putting away money. In the past 1.5 yrs it's become steadier where we have a predictable income stream. He makes more in a month thn I do in a whole year of busting my butt at work. He's stepped up a lot as well. Now a majority of the bills are paid by him and We save my money. We don't have any joint accounts together. Just something I don't really care for. We still have open access to each others accounts so I never felt it was that necessary. </p> <p>I think it helps to have a similar philosophy when it comes to money. We didn't always have one. I'm a spender and he's more frugal. We never fight about money. Is it because it's sort of newfound fortune that your DH just wants to enjoy it a little before Getting into save mode? It's really hard to tell someone what to do with their money if they see eye to eye with it. And instead of asking him to put aside all of the extras maybe you have ask him what is a comfortable number to him and start negotiating/compromising from there? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113663 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:14:13 +0000 yoursilverlining 113663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you on keeping your own accounts – I also have ZERO interest in combing finances 100%, I like having my own money too. My husband and I generally do the 50/50 split as well, but we make roughly the same salary so it makes sense to do it that way. In your case, I don’t think it’s really reasonable to do 50/50 and then have him just bank for personal use whatever is left over if he makes 5x more than you. Whether you have joint accounts or not doesn’t change the fact that you are a TEAM, and should be thinking and working like a team. If one team member makes more, they should contribute more to the whole. </p> <p>I don’t really have any advice on his mindset that he is being “punished” by having to contribute more. In the long run, having more for retirement will benefit HIM (and you, of course). Targeting savings for your future LO’s college will benefit HIM as well. IMO, there should always be a decent balance of enjoying what you have now (i.e., luxuries spending), and preparing for the future – and if times are flush now, make use of that by getting ahead on your savings, in case circumstances change. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113662 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 09:12:50 +0000 Andrea 113662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My hubby makes more than me so we do not split bills 50/50. He pays more. So after bills are done, we save some and spend some. And we each get a bit of "play" money. This works well for us and we do not argue about money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113641 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:53:57 +0000 MamaMoose 113641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well it's hard to give you advice because you don't want to combine finances but you want a say over his money. When people have significantly different incomes I think it makes the most sense to combine everything. But if you want to be able to do whatever you want with your extra money it's not fair to tell him what to do with his. It would be nice if he wanted to save for your family's future but you can't force him to do it if you're not also willing to let him help decide how your extra money is spent/saved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113636 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:51:06 +0000 heffalump 113636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say we have lots of money, but we still don't argue about it money ever. Everything is joint for us because I'm a SAHM so it makes sense that way. I think we agree on what our priorities are, so it makes it very easy for us, thank goodness!</p> <p>Is there any way you can compromise? Save half and spend half? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bees-without-money-issues-do-you-still-argue-over-money#post-113626 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:46:32 +0000 TJBee 113626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought that having money meant having less problems. And for the most part, this is true. Because DH's business has been so successful the past few years, we haven't had to worry about bills and we've had some nice luxuries.</p> <p>We split all of the household bills 50/50, put a set amount into joint savings and get to "keep" whatever we have left from our paychecks. Since his salary has grown to around 5x more than mine, this means that I have very little left over each month and he has a lot. </p> <p>Lately we've had a few heated discussions about what to do with the extra money each month. It mostly revolves around how to save/invest it and how much should be spent on luxuries. Basically, he thinks that because he makes all of the extra income, he should be able to spend/save it however he wants. I think that since we're planning on starting a family soon, that he should start saving more of his salary in our joint account to cover future needs (college funds, bigger house, maternity leave...etc).</p> <p>He sees this as punnishment for working hard and making more money. I am NOT interested in joining finances 100%. I like having my own money as well. But I feel like he's not stepping up to the plate when it comes to being a provider, and afraid for what might happen when we have a family to support.<br /> Any advice would be appreciated! </p>