https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 00:08:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse/page/2#post-1886146 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 13:34:36 +0000 mdf106 1886146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is a SAHD, and it feels like a luxury for me. I don't have to do daycare drop-off/pick-up or stay home when LO is sick. DH does the vast majority of the cooking, cleaning, and home maintenance. I can concentrate on spending quality times with LO on the evenings and weekends. I know LO is with someone who loves him. I do sometimes feel the pressure of being the sole breadwinner. Also, DH enjoys staying home with LO much more than he enjoys working, and finds it much easier. We planned our situation in advance, which I think makes a difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse/page/2#post-1885741 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 11:07:04 +0000 ShootingStar 1885741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: That would be me as a SAHM! I was only mildly disappointed that my maternity leave was only 10 weeks. By the end of the day when I was alone I was counting the minutes until DH would be home and I could get a break. Things would be easier now, but it still takes a toll to have DS non-stop.</p> <p>But sometimes I wish we could have a 3rd spouse just for childcare, cooking, cleaning and errands :silly: . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885721 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 10:56:59 +0000 sarac 1885721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>HUGE luxury for my husband! And me too. Once you're out of the hard baby year, life gets so much more fun as a stay at home parent. Our house is always clean, the housework is mostly done, we have plenty of time to do fun things and to get the grocery shopping done. Our evenings and weekends are mostly spent doing fun stuff. It's wonderful, and I feel really grateful that I get to live this life. I know that my husband really values it, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885461 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 09:31:37 +0000 mrs. wagon 1885461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unfortunately this wasn't the case for us because I was not happy being a SAHM! Some mornings I begged Wagon Sr. to stay home and some afternoons I would call him, begging him to come home early. I cried on Sunday nights. It really wasn't for me!! All three of our lives were greatly improved when I went back to work!!</p> <p>It would be truly a luxury once our kids are older and in school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885435 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 09:24:00 +0000 Foodnerd81 1885435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sent this to my Dh yesterday as a reminder :) </p> <p>We both agree that it is a luxury for both of us. I think both of our lives run smoother and are less frenetic and rushed because of it. I'm not a great housekeeper in terms of cleaning, but I take care of the basics and the shopping and cooking as well as the baby, so that's nice for him, and it's possible for him to work late or do business trips on short notice. I would e very resentful of the late nights or last minute trips if I was working out of the home too. </p> <p>@blackbird: I don't think this is only "open" to sahp to discuss! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885409 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 09:18:06 +0000 My Only Sunshine 1885409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that having a parent home is a luxury for both parents. I WOH but I'm part time so I have a day and a half every week to run errands and take care of home things. With hat limited time though, I do struggle with trying to be present with my daughter and do fun things with her while also getting some things done.</p> <p>It's definitely a luxury that neither of us have to take time off work for routine pediatrician appointments and we don't have to do our grocery shopping on the weekends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885308 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 08:36:30 +0000 alohaorchid 1885308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely agree with the article. My mom stayed home and I have no doubt in my mind that it benefited my dad. I can see so many reasons why it would be considered a luxury to the working spouse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885117 Thu, 02 Oct 2014 02:12:59 +0000 erwoo 1885117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, overall, it really is a luxury for my husband. Last night he told me that his 1 week business trip overseas (leaving in 2 days) is going to be 3 weeks long and then text me this morning to see if I can help him find some contacts and some gifts for his colleague's twin 10-yr-old girls. This is in addition to me having to go buy some groceries after dropping off our oldest at school. Despite having a live-in nanny/helper I feel like I still have to do a lot of things around the house, for example, changing out ALL of the batteries of the kids' toys b/c the humid climate here makes it leak faster. However, when he is home he does his fair share of taking care of the kids, even if often times it's prompted. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885098 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 23:45:59 +0000 Corduroy 1885098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before LO was born I pitched me staying home as a luxury for DH. He works four day weeks and gets more vacation than me so I envisioned endless three day weekends, long vacations, lots of family time, etc. A very low stress life, albeit more frugal.</p> <p>Like PPs have mentioned DH was not comfortable with being the sole breadwinner so I reluctantly went back to work. </p> <p>In my situation DH's life is a ton more luxurious with me at work. We didn't find a daycare with a four day rate so he gets a whole day to himself while LO is at daycare. He vacations at home by himself too. Seems pretty luxurious to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1885027 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 21:29:37 +0000 Woolly Mammoth 1885027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad always said this (my mom SAH). He felt like his career benefitted greatly from him not having to worry about sick days, daycare pickup, etc. Of course he still managed to make it to all of my games/practices/recitals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884966 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 20:05:22 +0000 JennyD 1884966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well... I think it's more of a luxury for me to be working (for my husband for sure, but a little for me). I manage all the cleaning and household management (okay maybe only 90%) which definitely benefits my husband. Plus we also have my income, which is at least as much as his. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884962 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 20:02:30 +0000 blackbird 1884962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: when we lived in California, my mom was a SAHM and we had Hispanic nannies and housekeepers. She was shocked I couldn't find someone for $30/day lol.....and it's really not surprising that she LOVED it hahahaha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884954 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:57:32 +0000 Anagram 1884954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: me too. I think I just need a nanny and housekeeper, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884952 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:57:09 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1884952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would agree with this.</p> <p>I was a SAHM for J's first year and if J had a sick day, it didn't really affect DH's work schedule. DH worked a lot of evenings that year, and it didn't really matter because I was always home anyway. </p> <p>But now that I'm a WOHM/student and DH is WOHD - we realize for sure that was a luxury. A sick child sent home from daycare affects us both, and figuring out how to make it work when he's sick. I sure didn't feel like it at the time though, but I didn't think of it from his perspective.</p> <p>The upside to me getting a degree in nursing is that I can work nights, DH works days and I'll still have time when they both get home from work/school. Opposite shifts may not be completely ideal but I think it could work for us. Plus, three 12-hours is full time for a nurse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884951 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:56:42 +0000 blackbird 1884951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I don't stay home, but boy was it a shocker when I went back to work and suddenly I wasn't doing all the cleaning, laundry, errands, dinner making, and night wake ups, and DH had to carry a heavier load at home. But we also both carry the stresses and burdens of finances more equally now. I can see both perspectives. I mean....I would love to just go to work, come home, and that be that!!!!</p> <p>Eta: just realized this was in the SAHP thread. Oh well. Outsiders opinion ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884940 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:50:54 +0000 Anagram 1884940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: our situation is similar. I can see how for some families, having a stay-at-home spouse is a luxury for the working partner. I have a SAHM friend in exactly that position--her original plan was to just stay home for 1 year and then go back to work, but she told her husband that he'd have to start doing daycare drop off each morning, feed their LO breakfast and help get his daycare stuff packed and then washed each night when he got home from work since she would also be working. And then he changed his mind and asked her to stay at home longer (they are trying for #2now). But she does everything for their LO, even when her husband is home, and I'm just not that type of wife and mom.</p> <p>Even during my summers off, I fully expect my husband to jump right in with cleaning or cooking or whatever once he's home from work, but when I'm home he thinks I should do everything sound the house. He essentially associates SAHMs with his mom---who literally rarely leaves he house alone and serves everyone else first, and picks up their plates after they eat while they sit on the cough relaxing. She does all the cooking, laundry, cleaning. Doesn't really go places, doesn't really have friends. The home is literally her domain. </p> <p>When I'm working (like now) he's so much more willing to do his share around the house.</p> <p>He also likes having the financial cushion of having me work--my salary alone could definitely not support us, but we'd still have some money coming in, instead of burning through savings really quickly.</p> <p>On the other hand, my summers off are a major luxury for me--I have so much more time on my hands and am way less stressed and time crunched. I see my mom friends a lot more often, I cook better meals, I get more exercise.These are things that don't really affect my husband much, but they affect my own quality of life greatly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884934 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:43:14 +0000 travelgirl1 1884934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is a luxury for us both, really. For me because I get to be with LO and for DH because of the reasons outlined about doctor appointments, etc. But I can honestly say I don't manage to do all the housework in the week. That's partly because I watch another LO too so can't spend time cleaning, etc, but even if I didn't, because A can only be stroller napped I wouldn't have down time to clean, and we don't have a car so I couldn't do the big weekly shop alone. DH probably has quite a bad deal really. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884926 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:38:30 +0000 LalaLove 1884926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH has said many times that it's great having me at home. He doesn't have to worry while at work and like the article said, we can relax on the weekends. I'm not sure we'll always have the luxury of that but for right now it benefits all of us. I think if I went back to work I would want him to stay home or at least work different shifts than me so there can always be someone home if anything comes up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884921 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 19:34:05 +0000 loveisstrange 1884921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Ours was necessity and circumstance too, not because I wanted to. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884895 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 18:52:47 +0000 photojane 1884895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JerricaBenton: Exactly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884812 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:50:17 +0000 Aimed 1884812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a SAHM for a while and it was definitely a luxury for all, since I went back to work, things are much more frenetic and DH irons his own shirts! Like everything parenting related, its a mixed bag - for us at least - it was great to have things be a little less crazy, and to not have to panic on a sick day, but the flip side is DH worried about being the sole provider and I worry about my career taking a back seat. There's ups and downs no matter what you do.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884810 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:48:25 +0000 Mae 1884810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: I don't think my husband is resentful bc my sah happened out of necessity not desire. But I am planning to go back to work when I'm able, largely bc it will make him happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884800 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:42:48 +0000 loveisstrange 1884800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: this is honestly how my husband felt about it too. The pressure of him being the sole breadwinner made him resentful. He didn't view it as a luxury. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884799 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:42:35 +0000 JerricaBenton 1884799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love this! This is exactly how I feel and why I don't feel guilty staying at home! I know, and my husband knows, exactly how much work I do at home; taking care of LO, keeping the house clean and comfortable, making sure everyone has clean clothes and sheets and towels, making three meals a day, always being available for deliveries/repairs etc. He definitely helps because he wants to be with LO, but for the most part he can do the fun stuff with her. He's able to work as hard as he does because of my support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884789 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:29:29 +0000 teamjse 1884789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is true for us as well, both DH and I work, but he works from home and only goes into the office for 3 hours (Tuesday afternoon) each week. It's a luxury that both of us have flexible schedules and we have very understanding employers. I spend more time in the office since I'm in management and its a true luxury to be able to pick up the phone and tell him I'm running late. Plus, I know that my ds is in the best care and never have to worry about him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884779 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:19:41 +0000 fairy 1884779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely consider it a luxury for both of us and for our daughter too </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884766 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:06:42 +0000 BandDmommy 1884766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For our family this is true. DH can work as much and wherever he needs without worrying about LO. We have no family nearby and it was a struggle when I was a WOHM and there were snow days, issues with daycare, LO being sick, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884763 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:04:14 +0000 Lindsay05 1884763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm. Well if you asked my husband he would probably say it is a luxury to have me home. But I can guarantee that the house will not always be clean, supper may not be ready and I may be in a REALLY bad mood when he walks through the door. So. Yeah. And unfortunately, when he does walk through the door, I expect him to just kind of take over the parenting duties. Maybe i'm a bad SAHM lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884758 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 16:00:32 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 1884758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been both a WOHM and a SAHM, and can speak from experience that me being home is 10x easier for my spouse. I still work, but from home, and not having to deal with childcare has been a weight off both of our shoulders. </p> <p>It also buys us more family time because before, whenever my DH was home, I was at work. We had totally opposite schedules and never saw each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-a-sahp-is-a-luxury-for-your-spouse#post-1884755 Wed, 01 Oct 2014 15:58:47 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1884755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Love this! I mean we do both make sacrifices for this to work. I end up with very little time to myself and my husband ends up with the sole responsibility to provide for us financially. If need be we could both step up in other areas but its not like we don't have our plates full. </p>