https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 15:45:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526512 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 21:02:54 +0000 ElbieKay 2526512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: "The irony is, we never traveled with my grandparents EVER as kids."</p> <p>Neither did we. There is no way my parents would have tolerated that at all.</p> <p>My MIL would LOVE to glom onto our vacations (and then complain if she doesn't get to pick out the itinerary). Over the summer she wanted us (husband, me, toddler) to spend two nights at a local resort with her and her boyfriend. It was going to be her treat. But it had to be during the week because the weekend rates were too expensive. And she could not understand why we refused to spend paid time off to sleep two hours away at a place that we regularly take day trips to.</p> <p>My parents also rebuffed every single one of my grandmother's attempts to get us to socialize with her friends. And now my mom keeps looking for opportunities to do that to us. I finally told her to stop inviting her neighbors -- my parents moved when I was 30, so these are not long-standing family friends -- to our Passover seder. None of the people were even Jewish. Last year it was out of control and there was really no point in us going because it didn't even feel like a family holiday.</p> <p>Anyway, my point is... I am astounded by the lack of self awareness of how they would feel in my position! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526306 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 16:03:23 +0000 gingerbebe 2526306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catlady: I live in a world of crazy presumptuous family members and this weird passive aggressive way has been the only way to deal with them. No explanations, just - this is what we're doing. Why? Because I want to.<br /> But....</p> <p>Then they act butthurt and I pretend not to notice and they think I'm a jerk but whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526284 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 15:49:26 +0000 catlady 2526284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: You know what, this is great advice. Because this is exactly what my dad does to me! When he told us he wanted us all to attend his professional conference, he acted like it was totally normal. Lol, thank you. I need to just give it back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526276 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 15:38:46 +0000 gingerbebe 2526276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would fake it til you make it - just act like it's perfectly normal to not go to this thing (because it is) and if he acts weird, it's on him. Like if people act presumptuous you just gotta serve it back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526266 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 15:28:00 +0000 catlady 2526266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: @catomd00: @JoyfulKiwi: Thanks for the support. I realize I probably made it sound worse than it is (last year, there were only two short trips). But you guys are right, I need to speak up. I think I will try to get out of this one and see how my dad reacts. </p> <p>We actually booked a vacation on our own this year (next week actually!) and my dad was so weird when he found out. I think he was upset that he wasn't invited. The irony is, we never traveled with my grandparents EVER as kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526149 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 14:11:33 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2526149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, this is a crummy situation. I agree that you need to have a talk with your dad. This can't continue. Will you still keep doing these trips with 2 kids? When LOs start school and you'd have to pull then out for the trips? Maybe you can talk to DH first about what he's comfortable with (but I think he's right to be annoyed about this &amp; it could definitely put tension into your marriage) and then tell your dad what works for you. Maybe it's amount of notice or a max number of trips per year or a no-convention rule.<br /> It sounds like this wedding is the perfect time to set a boundary - lots of really valid reasons not to attend &amp; your brother is available so it's not leaving your dad "alone". And, while it's incredibly sad given your mother's passing, your growb, adult father should be able to travel alone sometimes, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526102 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 13:36:22 +0000 catomd00 2526102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you don't address it both with your dad and with DH, it will blow up and the end result won't be pretty. You need to compromise with both. Your dad doesn't need to like your answer, but you can't go on doing things to make him happy that aren't in the best interests of your family either. Time to be assertive! It's hard, but necessary! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526068 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 12:59:10 +0000 SweetiePie 2526068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to give you a virtual hug. :heart: Because this sounds like a really hard situation. You're definitely stuck between a rock and a hard place.<br /> Do you think that maybe he's just unaware of the burden it puts on you and if you told him because of kids, work, pregnancy it's really hard to make so many trips happen? I know that having the conversation is the hard part though :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526058 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 12:41:52 +0000 mrsrain 2526058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you need to have a frank conversation with your dad. Tell him you love traveling with him but that it's too much to do it so often, especially given kids/jobs/etc. Agree to one trip a year, maybe, with plenty of notice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526053 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 12:30:15 +0000 MrsSRS 2526053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with your DH on this one... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2526002 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 11:37:22 +0000 Foodnerd81 2526002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to a family wedding at 12 weeks pregnant. LO got sick in the car on the way down- luckily I had a really stuffy nose because cleaning vomit from a car seat while pregnant and nauseous is god awful. LO wasn't invited to the wedding so she stayed with a sitter and I attended with my family. I was tired and everyone else was drinking and it really wasn't much fun. So I say, leave LO home and don't feel guilty. It's better for everyone that way. I had to go to this one but it was a big pain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2525992 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 11:31:34 +0000 catlady 2525992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: The tricky thing about this situation is that aside from the bride and her parents, I don't think we will know anyone there. The rest of the family is estranged from the bride's family (though not from us) so I doubt they are invited. But you are right, this isn't a good trip for us and my brother will definitely be going so my dad won't be alone.</p> <p>Honestly in the end I will probably end up going no matter what (ahhh the guilt!) and maybe DH can stay home with LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2525959 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 11:05:16 +0000 Truth Bombs 2525959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally understand feeling guilty that your dad is alone now that your mom has passed. But don't put too much of the burden of that on yourself and your family. Can you and your brother alternate traveling with him? For this specific instance I would absolutely not hesitate to tell him that going to the wedding just doesn't work for your family (time off from work, car sick LO, pregnant mama, etc). Since it's a family wedding he'll be surrounded by loved ones even though you aren't there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/being-guilt-tripped-into-traveling-with-family#post-2525953 Fri, 15 Apr 2016 10:57:19 +0000 catlady 2525953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have been having issues with my dad because he occasionally expects me and DH (and now our LO) to take trips with him. He doesn't seem to think it's an issue at all that we need to take time off work or that we prefer to plan our own trips. He also has no concern for our LO's schedule or the fact that she gets carsick. These trips usually involve visits to his family, but have also included conferences in his professional field. My brother and I used to tag along to these conferences as kids but it's weird now as an adult. The thing is, before my mom died, he would just travel with her. Now that she's gone, I think he expects us to take her place. DH and I keep saying yes to him because we feel so guilty about this. </p> <p>Next month, we've been invited to a wedding in NY on his side of the family and once again, he expects us all to go with him. I'm torn because I want to be there but the last time we made this trip, LO got carsick like 8 times in 2 days, plus I'll be 11 weeks pregnant and probably feeling sick myself, and the reception will mostly take place after LO's bedtime anyway. I'd love to either not go or to leave LO at home with DH's mom, but it will really hurt my dad. DH thinks my dad is "paternalistic" and doesn't respect us as adults, and he has been getting more and more angry after each of these trips. I don't want to disrupt our relationship over this either.</p> <p>This is mostly just a vent but I'd love to hear thoughts from others. </p>