https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 02:53:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1126360 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 13:35:55 +0000 Raindrop 1126360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I agree with you. :) Thanks for saying what you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1126019 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 11:43:55 +0000 mrs. wagon 1126019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@v1cky84: you're right, you shouldn't have to :( I'm sorry for the way your friendship is changing. It sounds like you have a really lovely new(er) friend in P, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1126002 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 11:40:34 +0000 v1cky84 1126002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow...thank you for all the responses. Many of you are being honest and it's true that I may have inadvertently inserted myself in between them even though I tried really hard not to.<br /> @Mrs. Wagon - I thought of replying that way but then I thought about it &amp; (maybe it's my pride talking) I felt like I shouldn't have to cajole/persuade my best friend to come to my shower.<br /> So like everyone says, I feel like she doesn't really value me and our friendship. It's probably time to step back a bit and let the friendship runs its course.<br /> Thanks again for your feedback. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125729 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 10:28:19 +0000 mrs. wagon 1125729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@v1cky84: :( what a sticky situation. I probably would have responded with something like "I'm sorry this is an awkward situation for you, and I understand you want to avoid P. It's awkward for me, too, and if you're not able to set aside your feelings towards P to attend my baby shower and celebrate with me, then I can't do anything about that. It's an unfortunate situation and I really wish you could be there to celebrate with me. If you change your mind please let me know. Otherwise I'll see you another time." </p> <p>A little passive-aggressive, but I would seriously take it personally that she is prioritizing her need to avoid P over being at your baby shower. And I would continue on with the friendship with that knowledge. If that's the level of value she puts on your friendship in her life, then you should reciprocate. Because then you won't be as hurt when she does this in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125254 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 06:49:42 +0000 Adira 1125254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She sounds a little like one of my BFFs! My friend didn't like some of my other friends and would often make rude comments about not wanting to attend my events because my other friends would be there! BUT she never went so far as to actually blow off something that was important to me just because she didn't like my other friends! That's ridiculous! (Although my Step-MIL did that - she didn't attend my baby-shower in order to avoid my MIL - I lost a lot of respect for her because of it)</p> <p>There's really nothing you can do in situations like this. Some people just can't see past themselves and their own comfort-zone to realize that some things just AREN'T about them. It sounds like her avoiding P is more important to her than sharing in your special day, so that tells you how important YOUR friendship is to her!</p> <p>I would probably continue being friends with her, but realize that you can't rely on her and she's probably not BFF material for you. Sorry you have to deal with this. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125253 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 06:48:24 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1125253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, I think you did insert yourself in her business relationship with P because you are P's friend too. You knew L was changing her mind on using P and you told P such. I don't know exactly what L wanted you to do in terms of defending her, but she used a florist she liked in the end.</p> <p>Second, I totally understand why L would decline the baby shower invite at the last minute. Your FB post brought up bad memories for her. I am not saying she is right in not getting over her hurt and putting her feelings aside for one afternoon to celebrate with you. But, if I am super bitter about someone or soemthing there isn't a room big enough or filled with enough other people to combat my emotions.</p> <p>L is still your friend and did the right thing by telling you she couldn't make it, wished you well and put it out there she hopes to see you. </p> <p>Like PPs have said you may need to reevaluate your friendship if you have grown apart. I just don't think people not showing for certain events is a deal breaker when they are still showing you support at other times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125216 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 05:44:07 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1125216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She seems self absorbed. Perhaps once she's in a similar life phase, she'll realize what a b she is :) Until then, brace yourself, because this is likely not the end of it. Hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125191 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 03:25:49 +0000 deerylou 1125191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes we try to keep relationships going simply because of their longevity. It's perfectly acceptable to drift apart, or come to realize that your friendship is no longer a two-way street. Your friend acted petty in disregarding the importance of your shower in favor of her own silly awkwardness with P. I would either have a genuine heart to heart, or allow this friendship to fizzle. No need for bitterness, but it is totally okay to relinquish obligation to remain close. I've been there, and I know its tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125188 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 03:18:48 +0000 lamariniere 1125188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a vaguely similar situation happen to me with friend I have known since I was 8! I think that some friends evolve with you and some evolve away from you as life happens. I have mostly let go of that particular friend as I felt like, as time went on, our relationship revolved mostly around her and her needs and mine were shoved aside or belittled. It is definitely not an easy thing to do though when you think of all the time spent/memories that go into those kinds of long term friendships. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125186 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 03:16:31 +0000 erinpye 1125186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wasn't about her and it was pretty rude of her to bother you with drama over your shower. I'd personally just kind of let the friendship distance itself out a bit- you don't have to cut ties, but I wouldn't try so hard either. Sorry this has happened :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125165 Wed, 02 Oct 2013 01:27:23 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1125165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I don't think she is being a good friend. My BFF is SIL with my ex. I hate seeing him and his g/f when she has family things (which doesn't happen often since I live out of the country) but I go anyway. It sucks that she can't put her own personal 'whatever' aside and be there for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125146 Tue, 01 Oct 2013 23:48:16 +0000 v1cky84 1125146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mr. Bee, Ninja &amp; Hello Cupcake: Thank you for your responses. It seems like I need to adjust my expectation so she no longer disappoints me and just be regular friend/acquaintance with her. IMO, if she really cared about me &amp; our friendship, she should've acted like an adult, sucked it up &amp; come for me. Who cares if there is someone she didn't like at the shower...it's not like she has to talk to that person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125137 Tue, 01 Oct 2013 23:35:40 +0000 hellocupcake 1125137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: +1, very we'll put (: </p> <p>I just find that some friends don't grow up and that's when they become acquaintances. :/ Sorry this had to happen to you with such an old friend :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125101 Tue, 01 Oct 2013 22:42:58 +0000 ninja 1125101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry for you being put in the middle. It sounds like your friend L needs to get over herself. The baby shower isn't about her. I have a few flaky friends that I just don't invite to much anymore because of stuff like this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125090 Tue, 01 Oct 2013 22:28:34 +0000 mrbee 1125090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to expect friends to always live up to my standards... but now I don't mind if a friend lets me down now and then. If it happens over and over though, then I will sometimes revisit the friendship... or at least, take a break from investing in it!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/best-friend-issuesventsorry-its-kind-of-long#post-1125086 Tue, 01 Oct 2013 22:25:55 +0000 v1cky84 1125086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WARNING: It's long!!!!<br /> Just needed to vent about my (former) best friend. A bit of a background about our relationship...we've been best friends for 13 years. We were each other's first friend when we first moved to the US. We've supported each other through family issues, boyfriend issues, etc. throughout the years.<br /> So...2 years ago when my best friend (let's call her L) was getting married, I introduced her to another friend of mine (they don't know each other...let's call her P) who happens to be a florist. I didn't interfere...I never forced her to use P as florist but L ended up hiring her &amp; giving her ~$800 deposit. 2 months before the wedding, L txted P whether P has ordered any supplies for her wedding yet &amp; to not do so because she's thinking of using her mom's friend to do flowers. L didn't blatantly say it but it's obvious that L wanted to cancel on P. Long story short, L &amp; P got into disagreement and L tried to put me in the middle. L couldn't believe that I wouldn't defend her because I was "her best friend". I told her that I didn't want to get involved &amp; that they had a business relationship together not friendship. She blamed me for introducing her to the "worst person ever" - P. P ended up returning her deposit except for $200 in exchange for all the work she's done for L's wedding. So mine &amp; L's friendship has been somewhat colder since then.<br /> Anyways, the few weeks leading to my baby shower &amp; even up until 24 hour beforehand, L kept texting me &amp; group of mutual HS friends how excited she is to come to my baby shower &amp; hang out with each other again. The night before the shower, I posted a status on my FB thanking P for making me a beautiful diaper cake &amp; promoting P's floral company page. Well...all of a sudden I got a txt from L at 1:39 am "I was wondering if P is coming to your baby shower tmrw...cause I don't really want to see her. I was looking forward to coming but if she's there, I'd rather not come. Sorry, hope you understand". I was sleeping so I didn't see it right away and then she texted again at 5:24am (FYI, she just recently traveled back from Asia) "I'm still jetlag as well...I just slept at 2am &amp; I just woke up...I can't sleep now". So I was angry &amp; disappointed but I replied to her "Of course P is coming...she's my friend too". Her last reply to me was "Ok, I understand...I'll come &amp; stop by some other time. I have church tonight &amp; I have to work early the next day. Enjoy your baby shower...say hi to D!" (my DH)</p> <p>I felt so angry and disappointed towards her. DH was mad for me and told me that I shouldn't even bother being friends with her anymore (he's been telling me that since her wedding fiasco but I haven't listened) but I feel like it's so difficult to let go of that friendship. We've been friends for so long &amp; went through so much together. It's disappointing that she didn't even want to come to my baby shower knowing that it's a special moment for me. Plus, there were ~60 ppl in my shower so she didn't have to talk/greet P if she didn't want to.<br /> Anyways...I just needed to vent. Sorry that it's so long. I'm angry &amp; disappointed but at times I also started thinking to myself if I was at fault somehow &amp; could've done something/anything to salvage our friendship even though I've tried to become the bigger person. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading. </p>