https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 22:45:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712222 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 17:06:28 +0000 gilmoregirl 2712222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: fwiw, it's not something I have a lasting hang up about or anything. I just remember being plenty whiny about it as a kid. I'm likely to get my two boys bikes at the same time too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712194 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:58:21 +0000 PinkElephant 2712194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: With you on that one! I feel like denying LO2 certain things could actually harm her/hold her back. Like if she's gonna be a great dancer/gymnast, it's not fair to her to make her wait just to spare her sister (whose interest in physical activity is more about the costumes, not the sports)'s feelings. But yeah - I was thinking they get the bikes ahead of ANYONE'S birthday, then maybe for her bday LO1 gets a basket and a doll seat for it or something, and LO2 has to wait for that (not long, maybe til Christmas, haha - 22 months apart doesn't warrant much of a wait, IMO)</p> <p>And yeah, three is crazy. I've had several people lately tell me we might as well just have a fourth, b/c it's so crazy it doesn't get any crazier (!!!). I was like "ummm I'm sure it does!!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712185 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:49:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2712185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: In my mind bikes can be considered almost a "need". Maybe its something like streamers on the handle that LO1 gets. </p> <p>The time thing with 3 is so crazy! We are happy and making it work but there isn't a lot of room for many "extras". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712174 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:41:45 +0000 PinkElephant 2712174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks to all who weighed in! It really is a complicated issue.<br /> I want LO1 to feel special, but don't want to hold LO2 back just to make a point. For example, LO2 wants to get her ears pierced this bday (3 years) - currently, LO1 does not want this (she's turning 5). They currently are taking swimming lessons together, b/c it saves me a ton of time (they probably couldn't do it if they had to go to separate classes), and they're the same skill level. I am looking at a gymnastics camp for LO1 this summer and was worried at how disappointed LO2 would be to not get to go (she's a year too young); maybe this is the perfect "extra" thing for LO1 to do.</p> <p>@mrs.shinerbock: I used to let her do some educational iPad apps. Maybe I can go back to that during naptime. That's something I don't feel bad about "keeping from" LO2 - there are other ways for her to practice writing/colors/shapes.</p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: The time constraints really are what makes it tricky, especially when you throw the third baby into the mix! I think your SIL has a good idea with the iPod (or cell phone, or whatever) for the most part, since those are mostly luxury items a child doesn't "need", and it's not harming them in any way not to have them.</p> <p>@gilmoregirl: I appreciate you chiming in - it's a little sobering to me that this is something that is so clear in your head! :sad: But it highlights to me that it really is something we should be conscious of! We already do have one big, kid friendly doll house, but DH has talked about wanting to build one, so maybe that's the kind of thing we can say "When you're 6 (or whatever), you get a daddy dollhouse". DD1 is also getting interested in small collectables, so maybe I can allow her to keep those in her room to play with, and avoid really getting into the itty bitty toys with LO2 just yet.</p> <p>@gilmoregirl: @T.H.O.U.: Bikes are actually something I was planning to buy BOTH girls this summer, b/c neither was ready for them previously (and we lived in NYC), but now they're both ready and we live in a suburban cul de sac. I don't think it's right to make LO2 wait for her bike just to prove a point, particularly when she's more of a physical kid than LO1, but maybe I can find a way to make LO1's bike extra big/special. It doesn't help that the younger kid's bday is first, sigh! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712103 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:04:10 +0000 gilmoregirl 2712103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yeah, as an adult and a parent I see it differently but I took it hard as a kid. I know those extra few minutes at night made a big difference for me as a kid and it wasn't even something they did regularly. It's a hard balance no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2712026 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:23:53 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2712026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gilmoregirl: Its also so hard because you dont want the younger one to always feel like they are getting the hand me down or never a new experience. But I agree, I see a lot of parents just buying two of something at the same time just to avoid fights but thats not really fair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711988 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 11:13:17 +0000 gilmoregirl 2711988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I havent done this with my kids, but I was like this as a child. I remember resenting that my younger brother got to do everything "earlier" than me, i.e. at the same time as much but two years younger. Having the same bedtime and getting bigger bikes are two things that stand out to me. </p> <p>My mom used to let me come back downstairs after my brother went to bed. I'd get like 10 minutes and an extra cookie. I think it helped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711918 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 09:08:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2711918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also, I know my SIL tries to do a good job of like @looch: said and making sure they have big kid things that are special. Not just going ahead and giving it to both kids. For example, they had a rule (this is outdated obviously) that when you turn 10 you got an iPod. Obviously they could have easily gotten two iPods but it was more a matter of the point that it was something special for older kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711889 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 08:15:08 +0000 looch 2711889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the oldest, as was my husband, and both sets of our parents didn't do a good job with this. We had a ton of responsibilities related to the care of our younger siblings, and it caused some resentment on the part of my husband especially. </p> <p>I think it's great you are considering this. When I was growing up, my dollhouse was in my room, I don't know if you already have something like that for her, it was very special to me (I still have it) and I spent hours playing with it because no one else was allowed to touch it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711868 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 07:41:32 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2711868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: We are looking to do something similar. </p> <p>I think its been hard on her because she dropped her nap for K so she started an earlier bedtime. Plus her brother is in her room now (age 2.5) so its just easier to do bedtime together. About once a week we can let her stay up a little bit later but honestly, she's tired and needs to get to bed around 7:30 with him. </p> <p>We are trying to find some more privileges that she could have but its hard with time constraints! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711832 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 01:59:17 +0000 gingerbebe 2711832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our boys are 30 months and 10 months so not exactly the same, but what we have been trying to do is explain to our baby the same expectations we have of our older kid. So if baby knocks over toddler's Magnatiles or swats at his older brother, we say "baby, that's not nice, we don't knock over brother's toy. Can you say sorry? (obviously baby can't) Baby says sorry honey." It really helps our older kid when we do this because it levels the playing field a bit. We explain baby is small and he can't do all the right things as well as big brother can, but also "correct" baby in front of big brother so he feels like it's fair. Just last night baby threw his sippy off the high chair and our big kid got up from t table like 3 times sighing "no baby. No mess!" and handing it back to him. We said "baby we don't throw cup, can you say thank you to brother? Thank you big brother!" And our toddler literally said "you're welcome baby" sorta snootily and we laughed about it.</p> <p>We also talk up big kid things he gets to do TO the baby as well as to him directly. Whether it's school or big kid car seat or ice cream or picking books or whatever we will say "baby isn't your brother such a good big boy!? He pooped on the potty and got a treat! Someday you can be a big boy like your brother." </p> <p>I would definitely do big girl time by letting her stay up longer and really hype it up and call it big girl time during which you have special activities like playing board games with mom and dad, or getting/feeding a goldfish, or whatever that is only allowed during big girl time. Maybe a special doll comes out then that then gets tucked into bed for the night before she goes to bed. Maybe you do beauty treatments like fancy soft headband, some plain yogurt on face for a mask, rub smelly lotion on her feet. </p> <p>I'd also incorporate a special date as a big girl privilege with one parent every month. Maybe it's dinner maybe it's dessert maybe it's shopping for a new outfit, but it's something she can look forward to and something you can leverage for behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711817 Thu, 16 Mar 2017 23:30:24 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2711817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are 3.5 and 1, but the older one definitely acts like a baby to get attention sometimes and we have to talk about her being a big girl and getting big girl privileges and if she's going to act like a baby then she can't do those things. </p> <p>Her big girl privileges include using the iPad, having a few special toys that only she can play with, getting to use adult cups and utensils during meals, helping mommy cook - basically anything she can do that her brother can't. It's easier now because he's so young, but I can see it getting harder in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/big-sister-privileges#post-2711490 Thu, 16 Mar 2017 13:34:53 +0000 PinkElephant 2711490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone given their oldest child extra privileges or responsibilities to make them feel special/like a "big kid"? Our oldest is almost 5, the eldest of three kids, and has been having a particularly difficult time with listening and sassiness recently. We've talked about her behavior, and one of her gripes is that we have a higher standard of expectations for her behavior than that of her sisters (simply because of age-appropriateness) - things like we give her a harder time about remembering to flush/wash hands, not whining, getting dressed by herself, etc., send her flying off the handle at times ----&gt; obviously she stated it more simply, but that's the adult-level summary!</p> <p>It seems to me as if some of the time, she is trying to act like a baby to get attention, so I'd like to try to motivate her to act like the oldest/be a role model by demonstrating that being big comes with positive things, not just negative ones.</p> <p>She's mentioned to me that she'd like to stay up later and read with me. I've told her I'm on board with that, if she helps us by pretending to go to bed/not running around like a banshee and riling her younger sister up....but so far that's not happening, haha ;). I'm thinking of maybe letting her keep some small toys in her room to play with before I "make" her go to bed/at nap time...things along those lines.</p> <p>Is there anything relatively minor your oldest is permitted to do that your youngest isn't? </p>