https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 28 May 2026 05:09:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1351530 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:19:59 +0000 anandam 1351530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Re: "but it sure is annoying to have to consider that I may be telling a nurse for the umpteenth time to PLEASE not offer me meds, etc."</p> <p>Another thought. I was a doula once for a woman whose nurse was absolutely wretched - yelling at her, using racial slurs against her, telling her she smelled - it was insanity. She was too intimidated to say anything and spoke little English. The nurse thought nothing of me because I was the hippie doula. But when the husband spoke up, firmly but calmly, "There's no reason to speak to my wife that way," the room changed. So let DH know his role. You'll be very vulnerable and shouldn't have to defend yourself in that moment. But if he says, "Respect her wishes," they'll probably shut up.</p> <p>Here's hoping none of this even happens, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1350511 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:49:03 +0000 indi 1350511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oscarthegoon: What's the deal with the water/juice thing?! Goodness. I can imagine everyone gets jaded re: their job at some point, but you can't forget you're dealing with people who aren't here all the time like you are. :-(</p> <p>@beachbee: So glad you were able to get your wishes after the c-section! I'd asked her about that, too, and she's like "yeah, that doesn't happen here because of the politics. I wish they would. I guess it never hurts to ask." So she seemed to be on both sides of the fence, or at least less staunchly anti-patient on that aspect. </p> <p>@whodat: That would be wonderful! I know my Dr. is going to be very supportive, however, they're really only there for the grand finale, generally. Navigating the nursing pool would be so much easier if hospital policy was seeking to line up nurses to patients! One would think that everyone would have a more positive experience that way.</p> <p>@anandam: @grizz: I agree…I was bummed to see that what my OB was saying seemed exactly opposite of her mood. I hope that I end up with a supportive nursing staff, but at least now I know that I can request a sub-out if someone's really being unsupportive. </p> <p>@yellowbird: Thanks! I still feel confident that we can hopefully achieve the birth we'd like if all is well for me and baby, but it sure is annoying to have to consider that I may be telling a nurse for the umpteenth time to PLEASE not offer me meds, etc. </p> <p>@Mrs. Train: Thanks for weighing in. I am sure they see a lot of different folks and have their own war stories from work, and I get that. I think the part I was most annoyed with is that she didn't even know or ask if any of us had considered preferences, etc, or what that plan included. I'm not militant about it by any means, and I am very much roll-with-it and do what's best, but like you said, there was no reason to say that at all (and out of nowhere). My "plan" is more of a few requests, i.e.: "don't offer pain meds, please" "skin to skin and breastfeeding prior to scales and measuring, please" etc, and all based on best-case scenarios. I was just aggravated that she assumed that either 1- none of us was educated on the different options and would care that she'd say something so flippant, or 2- that any of us who did have certain birth requests wouldn't be personally offended by her assuming we were all militant about them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1350460 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:33:03 +0000 Mrs. Train 1350460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it is something medical professional feel, think, and talk about but it is completely inappropriate to voice it at a birth class or to their patients at all.<br /> I think they just have seen so many people come in and so many women be destroyed emotionally when the perfect birth doesn't happen that it makes them expect it when they see someone come in with what they think will happen all written out. I know from several labour and delivery friends, they don't mind the simple birth plans that give the basic information but the giant wordy packets that woman sometimes write are hardly ever read. They just don't have the time. </p> <p> Still 100% inappropriate to voice to the patients in a class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1350434 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:25:28 +0000 yellowbird 1350434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes! Definitely request a nurse who is on board with your plan! You can do this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1350391 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:13:47 +0000 Boheme 1350391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ask for a different nurse if you get one who is unsupportive! I kicked one of mine out, and it really changed the atmosphere in the room. I was glad I did it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1350328 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:01:35 +0000 anandam 1350328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@whodat: That's a great policy, but I've worked in multiple hospitals and don't think that's the norm, unfortunately.</p> <p>@indi: So sorry you're getting anything other than encouragement from the people who should be your supports. Did you get her name to write to the department? It's unacceptable to make statements like that. Ditto the others who said be prepared to "fire" anybody in the staff who isn't helpful, though carefully so as not to alienate the other staff members. Birthing has a lot to do with feeling safe and able to let go and be vulnerable, to trust the process and the people around you. If making a birth plan helps with that, great. If your nurse doesn't, kick her out. It sucks that L&amp;D has to be a battleground. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1349863 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 13:18:17 +0000 whodat 1349863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At the hospital where I'm giving birth, they assign nurses based upon your birth plan. So if you are going med-free, you get the nurses with experience doing med-free births, and so on. I wonder if that is a policy at your hospital?</p> <p>My doctor told me that at my last appointment, and advised me to do a med-free birth plan even if I wasn't sure I wanted to go med-free, so that I am assigned the kind of nurses who will let me walk around and not keep me strapped to the monitors the whole time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1349748 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 12:46:43 +0000 beachbee 1349748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@indi: I'm sorry your evening ended on such a sour note! Everyone has the right to make their wishes known and be supported by their care team. I had a scheduled c-section due to pregnancy complications, and I STILL made a birth plan. I laid out all the specifics on how I wanted the care team to handle things immediately after delivery, for example immediate skin-to-skin, private time with LO and DH, immediate breastfeeding since LO was early and I knew it would be important establish that relationship quickly. Our delivery was very complicated, but I was very happy that the entire team took our birth plan seriously and allowed us to have everything on there that was possible given our situation. </p> <p>I would definitely make sure DH knows all your wishes so he can advocate for you in the moment! And don't let anyone pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1349623 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 12:19:43 +0000 oscarthegoon 1349623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's terrible. I guess nurses can get jaded like anyone else. I had terrible nurses with my first baby. The labor and delivery nurse actually said to me "I don't know what you think you're going to accomplish pushing like that." Bitch! I was in too much pain and too scared to be composed enough to realize I could ask for a different nurse. I just begged her to tell me how I was "supposed" to push. And the recovery nurses were unfriendly and cut me off of ice water and cold juice (i was dying of thirst for icy cold drinks) because they said I'd never heal if I kept drinking so much cold liquid. Who wants to drink luke warm water and juice? Meanies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348995 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 10:39:31 +0000 indi 1348995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: @Purpledaisy: @Maysprout: @MrsH: @redsmarties: I agree. I was just sitting there with a CBF, I'm sure. Whaaat?!</p> <p>@googly-eyes: @miapugs: I'm definitely one to be open to whatever has to happen to keep us both safe and healthy and I know birth is unpredictable, and *maybe* that's where she was trying to go with that (AWFUL delivery, though). She started rattling on about how "nurses just get into a mode and sometimes don't stop to explain everything, etc…" Yeah, I'd like to know what you're injecting me with and why, and THAT is why I have a birth plan. Yeesh! I'm a lawyer, we love informed consent. ;-)</p> <p>@Ash: Isn't that just ridiculous? Like Maysprout said, it's almost like they're rooting against you.</p> <p>@avivoca: I overheard DH telling my sister that we're planning to stay home as long as we can, so I'm glad to know he's totally on board with doing this however I want to try. Love that man!</p> <p>@MrsKoala: We did Lamaze at a hospital we're not delivering at and she was ALL about them. Crazy contrast…and unfortunately this gem came from a nurse at our delivering hospital. :-/ Meh.</p> <p>@Greentea: Glad to know it worked out well. And yes, it's mostly just a research tool for me so I know that there are this many alternative options to X when it's suggested, etc. Which I feel is especially important, now, considering how she said they just "get into the routine and forget to tell the patient sometimes." That's nice. </p> <p>@bpcmarj: This nurse/LC also said she has a few ideas that other LCs may not like, like pacifiers early if they want to, issues with the Back-to-Sleep campaign, and whether fore milk and hind milk are really all that different. So, I'm pretty much taking the freebies and the literature we got and ignoring the discussion. I was not impressed.</p> <p>@littlebug: That sounds awesome (the later nurses). Even if things don't go as I hope, I want support, not some sarcastic told-you-so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348954 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 10:34:51 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 1348954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's an awful thing to say to someone. I feel like that nurse probably sees more c-sections because she's so unsupportive of her labouring moms! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348858 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 10:15:31 +0000 MrsH 1348858@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's sad :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348846 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 10:13:54 +0000 littlebug 1348846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I was going to say the same thing! ABSOLUTELY - if you are not happy, ask for a different nurse. Nurses get "fired" all the time!</p> <p>It definitely is nurse-dependent, though. My first nurse when we checked in kind of laughed when I said I'd like to try to go med-free. My next nurses were unbelievably supportive, and even helped me with breathing exercises, reminded me to try different positions, and reminded my husband of the various massages and stuff he could do to help. When I decided I needed an epidural so that I could actually get some sleep afer being awake for 30+ hours, they knew how hard that decision was for me and sat with me, held my hands while I cried, and reassured me that I was making a good decision for myself and my baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348726 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 09:32:50 +0000 bpcmarj 1348726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cannot believe that someone like that works in labor and delivery. If you are not going to be supportive of the process then why do you work in that department? I would be furious if someone said that to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348718 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 09:30:36 +0000 Greentea 1348718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@indi: what the what? Birth plans are a great way for you to do your research and a great way to open communication between you and the staff when you arrive to give birth. Everyone read mine and was respectful and asked questions if necessary. </p> <p>Nurses are so hit or miss! My l and d was my bff but the hospital stay nurse was a nightmare!</p> <p>I view birth plans as very responsible. And I am ever grateful that my birth went even better than I could have imagined. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348703 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 09:27:47 +0000 MrsKoala 1348703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yikes! For real? I had childbirth class last night and the nurse encouraged us all to write a birth plan! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348689 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 09:26:05 +0000 Maysprout 1348689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, that's obnoxious. Its one thing to remind people to keep an open mind but it almost seems like they're rooting against you with those sorts of comments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348682 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 09:25:20 +0000 avivoca 1348682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not true. I had a birth plan and did not have a c-section. I'm so sorry that she said that, and like @Arden: said, you have every right to request a new nurse if yours is not being supportive. I also second the thought that you should stay home as long as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348511 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 08:35:05 +0000 babypugs 1348511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lame. I had a birth plan, and I didn't have a c-section! Admittedly, due to complications my plan didn't work out but I think in most circumstances it's totally doable. Stay strong! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348277 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 03:39:24 +0000 Ash 1348277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a nurse and one of my coworkers told me that while I was talking about how I wanted a natural birth. I was furious Angeles really hurt. Too bad I did end up with a c section (but for fetal intolerance). I'm sure I was the talk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348252 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 01:52:40 +0000 googly-eyes 1348252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That just doesn't even make sense. Like you have bad karma and end up with a c section if you try to plan your birth?</p> <p>Uhh...ok?</p> <p>I think maybe just know that even if you plan for med free anything could happen and your birth isn't something you can totally control, and it's ok. (I had a good epi experience, am pro epi, and yet I have to always know that there's a shot something could go wrong with it, I might not get one, etc! So the opposite of you I guess. :))</p> <p>If having a plan makes you feel better then go for it, and just make sure to include having your dh help you get another nurse if necessary. If it makes you feel better my nurses did seem glad I was getting an epi, but someone was coming in wanting to go natural and they (from what part of their convo I heard) were supportive of her too. I think the majority of nurses are good! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348249 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 01:49:45 +0000 Purpledaisy 1348249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So rude! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348218 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:52:39 +0000 sarac 1348218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Such a nasty, nasty thing to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348209 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:42:00 +0000 indi 1348209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, bees!</p> <p>@Corduroy: How rude of her! I'm glad you were able to get the delivery you wanted and the chance to see her afterward. </p> <p>@DigAPony: Thanks. We do have a doula, and I'll be sure to catch up with her at least once more re: our preferences before baby day gets here. I was just shocked that this nurse said that, truly out of nowhere. Another of the med-free moms just looked sideways at me like "yeaaah, time to leave."</p> <p>@Arden: Great to know! Our doula is going to be a great support, but since the doula-hospital relationship is still rather new and tenuous, she's mostly there to help us advocate and prefers to not get into the thick of it. I'll make sure to ask her to remind me of this if she sees I'm getting railroaded.</p> <p>@MoonMoon: Thanks! I figured it's not, but it also made me think that it's somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophesy…they make their "birth plan moms" wait longer, push piton faster, etc, so that any one intervention leads to another faster than it maybe would have for a "cooperative" mom. Blehk! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348208 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:41:48 +0000 MoonMoon 1348208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder! Just know that that is not true! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348200 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:30:00 +0000 Arden 1348200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>PLEASE know that you have the right to request a different nurse if the one you are assigned to is not supportive! Just ask to speak to the head nurse (or have your SO ask) and let them know. It is your right as a patient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348199 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:29:10 +0000 DigAPony 1348199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate that mindset so much. Stay strong, and find a doula if you can swing it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348195 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:26:58 +0000 Corduroy 1348195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs! Sorry you had that encounter. The problem with those generalizations it that they've never met you and they have no idea how your birth will go.</p> <p>I felt like I was fighting some of the nurses with my med-free birth. I had an especially lovely triage nurse. She kicked my doula out of the room so she could tell me I would never have the strength to deliver med free was being stupid. That same nurse came by my recovery room the next day to eat her words. It was a pretty sweet moment for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birth-plan-moms-they-get-c-sections#post-1348179 Wed, 15 Jan 2014 00:15:36 +0000 indi 1348179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aaahh, I enjoyed that little tidbit from the nurse tonight during our breastfeeding class. *eyeroll* Looks like my great talk with my OB, who was very supportive and reassuring, may not be so applicable to some of the nurses in the delivery ward. Ugh. </p> <p>At least the head nurse I had when I was in being monitored for my fall was very pro-med-free and even suggested staying home as long as possible, so I'm hoping it's just hit or miss when it comes to the nurses on duty. Looks like I'll have to have one more pow wow with DH re: our hopes for a med-free birth so that it's not just me who is advocating for it. Grr. :sad: Sorry for the vent, but it was not the way to wrap up the evening, IMO. </p>