https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 17 May 2026 06:51:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708711 Sat, 11 Mar 2017 00:09:54 +0000 AprilFool 2708711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do the same for both kids but only at the same age. So big party for them both at age 5, small party for the 3yo this year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708678 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 22:11:47 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2708678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A) yes we do the same "type" of party for each child, but it's by age not bu calendar year. So my son had a family fun day + special dinner for his 4th birthday and, 4 months later, my daughter had a big deal first birthday party. Next year my son will likely have a bigger friends from school party, while my daughter will get something smaller.<br /> B) I would seriously think about what you're comfortable with for a party and then give your DD1 some parameters for choosing the party she'd like. If you're not comfortable with a venue/school friends party, just don't put it out there as an option. She may want that, but you can always say that's just not an option for celebrating this year.<br /> My has a large preschool class (23ish kids ages 3-5) and gets invited to maybe a dozen parties in a year, so not everyone does the "whole class thing". We make a hard effort to go to all the parties and most of the time about 4-8 kids have attended out of the 20+ who've been invited. This makes me feel better about inviting a whole class - they will definitely not all come! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708479 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 14:20:07 +0000 ShootingStar 2708479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say no to both your questions. I haven't really thought about parity in terms of birthday parties between them, but I'm sure there will be differences. I loved DS' party last year and we just invited a few friends. I'm not looking forward to having to invite the whole class next year if we go that route. </p> <p>I'd also say that as a mom, I'm definitely not taking note of who's in the class, who's had parties, and who's slacking. I'm not sure anyone *wants* to go to more kid birthday parties :silly: . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708412 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 12:57:03 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2708412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: yup! Just do what works for you and your family. My LOs have just as much fun at home parties as they do in Gymboree type places so it's all good! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708404 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 12:39:04 +0000 Truth Bombs 2708404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think just let each kid have the party they want. Maybe they will be equal, maybe they won't. By 3 my daughter had a very clear idea of what she wanted her birthday party to look like (including who she wanted to invite), so I think both of your children are old enough to voice an opinion, and then you can take it from there. For the most part we really don't spoil our children, but they get one day a year that is 100% about celebrating them, so once they are old enough to choose, we'll let them do that however they want. I'm particularly sensitive to this because my brother and I had birthdays 2 days apart and my children have birthdays 6 days apart so when they are so close, I think it's important to really make a big deal out of each kid's day and let them choose how they want to be celebrated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708401 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 12:32:42 +0000 sauerkraut 2708401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From a personal, not a parent's, perspective - my sister (2 years younger) and I have consecutive-day birthdays during the school year, so it was very easy for us as siblings to compare parties, since they generally happened on different days on the same weekend. Our parents didn't do anything to make the parties the same, rather they gave each of us the type of party we wanted (within reason). So one of us might want to go rollerskating, while the other wanted a sleepover. We got a cake of our choice and picked decorations. I don't remember there ever being an issue with one of us being upset that the other got something we didn't. </p> <p>At the age your children are, we pretty much just did family parties with maybe a few friends from school, but even then I don't think the guest list would have caused jealousy - we were more worried about yellow vs. chocolate cake and who got a My Little Pony vs. a Rainbow Brite crown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708383 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:42:34 +0000 Anagram 2708383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: we have planned to do similar-- a bigger party every other year, for both kids on the same year. My sister always did the same thing, and it worked well for managing her kids' expectations, so they didn't ask for a big party every year. But even so, a big party just meant inviting friends rather than immediate family/cake only. Most of the big parties were at home, with cake + food, and an activity/theme, etc. Most of them still were not lavish affairs. As the kids got older, the big party years were more like sleep overs, or taking a group out to the movies/pizza, or 1 year just taking a best friend to a broadway show. So "big" isn't in terms of people coming, but maybe in terms of money spent or specialness? Anyway, I think it seems like a good plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708378 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:35:17 +0000 gingerbebe 2708378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah my party plans would not depend on what other classmates are doing unless it's what my son realllly wanted. </p> <p>I like having a rule to not have big parties until a certain age. Several of our friends do this and I think it's an easy way to make younger siblings understand. Some friends also let their children decide between a party or a trip/experience with a small family cake and cards thing. Another friend doesn't do parties at all until 4 and then after that alternates years between her kids as to who gets a "big" party. So one sibling gets the big party this year, but the other sibling gets the big party the next year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708374 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:26:36 +0000 Anagram 2708374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't really thought about birthday party fairness between kids yet, but I for sure don't think that you have to throw a venue party just because others in your oldest DDs class have done so. We've been to 6 pre=k parties this year, every single one at a bounce house type place. We are not having a party of any kind for either LO this year because we are doing our Disney trip for their birthdays instead. </p> <p> I haven't thought twice about it--there's no reciprocating in terms of birthday parties. When people throw a party, they want their child's friends to come....otherwise it's kind of sad. So in a way, you are doing them a favor (kind of) by showing up and bringing a gift. Favor is a strong word--but I have seen parents post multiple times about being said/disappointed that they invited 20 but 4 showed up. So we go to all the parties when we are available, but we don't "owe" the hosts anything except the B-day gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708367 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:10:55 +0000 Mamaof2 2708367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: I read a blog where the mom gives the kid $250 for the party and their gifts - they can have a HUGE party and then spend $25 on their gift or spend $75 on the party and have $175 for gifts - thought it was an interesting idea!<br /> I know around here venues will cost you $250 -$350 plus whatever you add and then birthday gifts for your kid - gets $$$$ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708361 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:08:21 +0000 PinkElephant 2708361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Baby Boy Mom: Thanks for saying that you don't worry what other parents are doing! I was a little concerned about reciprocation, b/c the parties are obviously pricey, but I suppose I can consider our reciprocation bringing a gift (except in the cases where we are asked not to), right?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708359 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:07:23 +0000 PinkElephant 2708359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamaof2: I'm really not into the invite the whole class thing either, but it seems to be school policy - or at least what parents do in practice - around here. I think it's a kind and inclusive thing to do if you'd be inviting at least half the class anyway, and if it's while the kids are in school (b/c at 5 they'll talk about it on Monday)....I do, however, think we kind of get a pass since the party would be after school is over, and the kids will be all spread out for kindergarten next year. I'm very inclined to follow what you're saying and do a small party (maybe even just invite all 9 girls from her class, or the 6-7 who will go to her elementary school), sending out invitations after school is over)....and skip the party for DD2.</p> <p>It's cool to hear that when given the option, your older one didn't WANT a big party. I honestly don't think my DD would PREFER the big party, it's just what she thinks a birthday is from recent experience! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708357 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:06:11 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2708357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just decide on a case by case basis depending on their age and what they would like most. I don't worry about keeping parties the same. I also don't worry about what other parents are doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708356 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:04:03 +0000 PinkElephant 2708356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only problem potentially is that she is very bright and very verbal, and will have no problem telling me if she decides it's "not fair" when big sis potentially gets a venue party. That said, I also figured I can just have a few of the big kid party guests bring along younger siblings, and she'll have extra fun as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708355 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:04:00 +0000 Mamaof2 2708355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At a young age it definitely doesn't matter - as they get older they might notice.</p> <p>We had small at home parties with 3-4 friends for age 4 - then at age 5 allowed more friends - 12 max at a venue. I was never into inviting the whole class.</p> <p>For DS's last birthday (8yrs) he didn't want a party - just a fun filled day with his best friend so that's what we did. For DD's last birthday (6yrs) we had a girl only party (8 friends) at Claires.</p> <p>So my answer is :<br /> a) no<br /> b) smaller party with a few friends </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708354 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:02:54 +0000 PinkElephant 2708354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: REALLY good point - I feel like for the turning three year old, as long as there is an awesome cake, some balloons, and at least a little pile of prettily wrapped presents, she'll be good! Last year the main thing I did for her "party" was to fill the room with a dozen of those "walker" penguin balloons, and she was thrilled - no fancy activities needed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708351 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 11:00:48 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2708351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the child's age and interest dictates the scale and scope of the party. I don't think the parties have to be similar, but the cakes definitely need to make each girl feel extra special! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/birthday-party-fairness#post-2708342 Fri, 10 Mar 2017 10:41:03 +0000 PinkElephant 2708342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like there are a million angles to my question, so I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. The overall question - </p> <p>If you have more than one child, particularly if they're close in age, does having a specific kind of party for one child dictate the kind of party the other child will receive? As in, do they have to be "equal"? So if one child has a big school party (inviting up to 18 guests and possibly some siblings), the other one can't just have a small family/family friend party (inviting 2-3 friends and our family)?</p> <p>In the past, I've had playdate-style birthday parties with just a few close friends (people I'd consider whole-family friends), or a family party on a weekend with a few friends and those same whole-family friends).</p> <p>This year, DD1 (turning 5) is in a pre-k class where most of the kids are having weekend venue parties and inviting the whole class. She's been to 3 since starting school in January. I feel like we may have to reciprocate (although we can probably get away with not doing it and not being super obvious about it, because her birthday is after school lets out).</p> <p>DD2 goes to the same school, but will be turning 3 in May, and the big parties are less of a "done thing" in her class. Her age being what it is, she's not super tight with kids in her class, and I don't know those parents well, unless they have siblings in DD1's class as well....only one kid in her class (one of the siblings) has had a big party, so she's not confident that birthday = giant party (the way DD1 is).</p> <p>I guess my question is multi part - </p> <p>(a) Do you always give your kids the "same" kind of birthday party; and</p> <p>(b) Regardless of what I do for DD2 (whose birthday is first), would you feel compelled to throw DD1 a giant party after school lets out, a smaller party with just a few (school) friends, or just do a family thing? </p>