https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 20:42:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1919767 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 15:46:54 +0000 jedeve 1919767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems like birth assault would be a better term. Or "assault during birth" to make it clear it isn't a normal part of the birth experience. </p> <p>Agree there is really no reason to compare traumas. One being "worse" doesn't make the suffering of another any less. We should recognize that assault during birth or procedures that are not consented to are a problem in and of there own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1919473 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 13:17:29 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1919473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't care to comment in detail, but I will say I agree with others that I am extremely uncomfortable and offended by the comparison to rape. Rape changes you at your core. It effects every bloody area of your life for, as far as I know, the rest of your life. The only people who could or should ever even pretend to compare something to rape are those who have experienced both scenarios. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1919470 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 13:16:26 +0000 Tanjowen 1919470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It breaks my heart that any woman goes through a bad birth experience. Mine was so respectful and reassuring, even in a hospital setting, and it is what every woman deserves.</p> <p>The comparison of birth trauma to rape leaves me unsettled. I prepare victims for court in my job. I've had to hand lead rape victims to the stand after holding them while they have a panic attack about testifying. It's terrible. And it's awful to ask them to have to go face their attacker and their fears. And bare their worst experience in front of strangers. And most (definitely not all) sexual assaults are by someone you know, so that adds a whole other layer of stress and trauma, and forever alters relationships. Birth trauma simply isn't the same. </p> <p>@MrsTiz: I agree with your view on it. Each thing, be it rape, traumatic birth, loss of a loved one, are all terrible but are all definitely not the same. Well said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1919380 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 12:48:21 +0000 IRunForFun 1919380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: @littlebug: It seems like January might be aware of the effect she's having, because she posted this on the FB page today:</p> <p>"I do not care what kind of birth you have...a homebirth, scheduled cesarean, epidural hospital birth, or if you birth alone in the woods next to baby deer. I care that you had options, that you were supported in your choices, and that you were respected."</p> <p>Maybe she reads HB! :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918951 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 09:52:28 +0000 .twist. 1918951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: I had a pretty smooth birth, all things considered, and I still suffered from PPD, too. The two are do not have to go together. </p> <p>I'm so sorry to all of you ladies who have suffered either of these traumas. :( &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918757 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 08:22:48 +0000 fairy 1918757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw that BWF post yesterday and had to unfollow them, it just didn't sit right with me comparing the two or using the word rape in that situation. I don't see how using that word helps or empowers any of the victims. When I read the article, I was thinking that lots of people reading their descriptions of what they call rape would reflect on their own births and worry that they were raped, causing more stress. I understand that using the word rape gets them more attention and respect for their cause like the one woman said, but I don't think it is right. I don't like when people just throw that word around and call any act to them that they don't like "rape". I think they should use a different word. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918727 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 07:56:59 +0000 yoursilverlining 1918727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: :heart: :heart: :heart: I too lost my virginity via rape. </p> <p>It took me years – well, close to a decade – to be able to say “rape” out loud, and I’m still uncomfortable with saying it - it makes it "real" and brings emotions to the surface, 16 years later. Very few people know about it and I’m not comfortable talking about it. It definitely changed me and there were emotional and personal repercussions for years after. I only sought counseling years later, at which time I was diagnosed with PTSD related to that incident and one other. </p> <p>While I’m sure that sexual assault and rape happens in a medical setting (and everywhere else), I absolutely don’t think it’s as widespread as she is making it out to be and I think it’s dangerous to start talking about the high rates of PPD being related to all of this supposed “birth rape”. I had an empowered and nontraumatic birth experience and had severe PPD. My PPD had *nothing* to do with my previous sexual assault either. When we continue to feel the need to find excuses for PPD instead of trying to treat it head-on as something that impacts many, many women regardless of other factors, we do a huge disservice to mothers and women everywhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918725 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 07:56:09 +0000 blackbird 1918725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsTiz: I 100% agree with what you are saying on things being traumatic in their own rights, albeit not comparable, even though I haven't wanted to voice an opinion on this thread, having experienced neither. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918697 Tue, 28 Oct 2014 07:36:39 +0000 MrsTiz 1918697@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ra: @sorrycharlie: @littlebug: big fat internet hugs to you gals.</p> <p>I can't say I had a traumatic birth experience, although admittedly it was pretty horrific and terrifying for me but in the scheme of what happens to others mine was a walk in the park. As far as comparing it to rape, it kind of makes me want to punch this lady in the face. I had the misfortune of losing my virginity to my rapist and experiencing more sadistic things than a 13 year old should be aware even exist. It took me a long, long time to get to a point where I could talk about it and it's because of shit like this. Traumatic birth, rape, having a family member die, serving in a combat zone, etc.. all of those things are traumatic in their own rights but it's disgusting to compare any of them other than to say "all of those things are traumatic in different ways". Period. Talk about apples and oranges. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918593 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 23:59:19 +0000 birdofafeather 1918593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: I just felt the need to give you a virtual hug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918470 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 21:04:53 +0000 Arden 1918470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: Thanks. I did report him, recently, after my therapist strongly encouraged it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918468 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 21:04:14 +0000 Skadi 1918468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Comparing a medical birth with a brash doctor to rape is obscene. Honestly, this is how you can tell that most feminist demagogues don't really care about rape victims. If they did, they wouldn't be so quick to call everything under the sun rape. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918463 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 21:01:44 +0000 littlebug 1918463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like @catmodo: I've been becoming increasingly annoyed and frustrated with January. I stopped following her on instagram because I found myself rolling me eyes and becoming offended by her posts. She claims to support all women and all birth experiences, but I don't feel like she truly does. I wanted a natural, med-free, peaceful birth. What I got was a slow-progressing, medicated labor, a vacuum-assisted delivery, and a newborn who was taken from me for 6 hours because he wasn't breathing at birth. January's posts make me feel like I failed. All this to say, she was already grating my nerves. And then I saw that post pop up on my facebook feed (I haven't unfollowed Birth Without Fear on fb because I'm hardly ever on it).</p> <p>I was raped. It was not a violent, held-down-by-gunpoint rape. It was a friend of a friend who I'd spent the evening flirting with. I had a lot of mixed emotions and confused feelings about what happened to me, especially after the first counselor I saw asked me what I was wearing that night (yeah...that happened). I had a really hard time calling it rape. But that's what it was. As a result, I had panic attacks, was diagnosed with PTSD, and I truly believe that the experience changed me to my core.</p> <p>I do not doubt that experiences in which a medical professional purposefully and vindictively performs procedures on a woman are traumatizing. In both cases, it is a violation - of trust, of your body, of your safety. But it is NOT rape, and to see that headline in my facebook feed made me sick to my stomach. I completely lost any respect I had for January, and I hope enough people out there call her out and she apologizes for the calloused comparison.</p> <p>ETA: Just to clarify, I am in no way saying my birth experience was traumatic. I consented to all of the things I mentioned. I was just trying to make a case for why January and Birth Without Fear had been upsetting me lately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918458 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 21:00:03 +0000 Applesandbananas 1918458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: wow. I hope for your sake and any of his future patients' sake, you reported him! I am so sorry you had to endure that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918455 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:59:27 +0000 Arden 1918455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't like to talk about it because it's not what I want to focus on about the day my daughter was born, but I feel like no one believes this actually happens. And it does.<br /> I fully believe that most doctors and nurses and midwives have good intentions and treat their patients with respect, but there are monsters in the world, and some of them happen to be medical professionals (yes, midwives too). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918451 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:56:31 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1918451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I can't imagine a doctor behaving like this. That is just horrible. I have a ton of questions, but understand this is not something you want to share. So sorry that happened to you.</p> <p>@oliviaoblivia: @Ra: sorry for your experiences, :heart: @sorrycharlie: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918439 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:50:01 +0000 Arden 1918439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: I think that 99% of the time, that is absolutely true. Like I said I also think there's a fundamental difference between situational trauma and intent to harm. That said, though I'm sure it's rare... yes, there are some medical professionals who have intentionally and callously harmed their patients in birth.</p> <p>Those are the ONLY cases where I feel the comparison is possible to rape. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918428 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:43:24 +0000 sarac 1918428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: Well, you've just said exactly what I was going to, so I'm not even going to bother. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918372 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 20:09:03 +0000 Maysprout 1918372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They seem quite different but I can see the helpless intrusion to a normally private area. My dr casually mentioned she might cut off a piece of me because of the way I tore, luckily my husband and I heard her and understood what she was saying and said ummmm WTF, well something a little nicer. Then she said oh we can just leave it be too it will probably heal on its own. We're like yeah that seems like a better option but I did wonder what she would have done if we hadn't spoken up right away. It did seem like a weird violation to just casually bring up a version of female circumcision and not really even to us but a nurse in the room. But even if she had it still would be quite different than rape. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918217 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 18:00:32 +0000 MrsLilybugg 1918217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: thank you for sharing. My heart sunk deeper and deeper as I read your experience. Lewd and sexualized comments during birth?! I cannot even fathom .......... So sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918166 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 17:18:07 +0000 Arden 1918166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: I kind of avoided this thread because I don't want to talk through all this stuff, but I just want people to know that it's such an important distinction, and both are very real though very different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r/page/2#post-1918144 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 17:05:20 +0000 Vegmama 1918144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Thank you, thank you for sharing this perspective. I'm sorry for your experience, but I am so thankful that you are able to put your thoughts into a conversation like this. I think the distinction you made is very accurate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918126 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:55:50 +0000 ScarletBegonia 1918126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not experienced either of the events described, but I believe that every woman who has experienced either (or both) should be able to describe the events exactly as she feels is most empowering to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918121 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:50:26 +0000 Snowdrop 1918121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: the assault/battery thing is actually under criminal law put it applies to health professionals like it applies to everyone. Malpractice/clinical negligence exists in the uk too but would be tried as a separate thing. If a doctor or nurse performed or even threatened a procedure they would be accountable criminally, professionally and personally. The malpractice would be the professional part. We are quite aware of it all because it applies to all aspects of the care we give and consent. For example if I was attending a birth (I woulsn't as I'm a general nurse) and I said to a woman 'I need to increase this pit as otherwise we will need to give you a section' that would be assault under the tort of trespass, as I would have threatened the woman with an intervention she does not want in order to make her accept a procedure. If I then did increase the pit it would be battery as I would have performed the procedure without proper consent (the consent would have been given under threat. Also consent can be removed at any time so signing anything in advance doesn't remove your right to say no. For example I might sign something saying I give permission for any intervention to be given if the doctor thinks I need it but then decide last minute that I do not want an epesiotomy. my latest decision must then by respected and the paper I signed becomes void.<br /> Sorry for the ramble it is a huge area! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918106 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:45:01 +0000 coopsmama 1918106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ra: :heart: </p> <p>I've never been raped but I did have a traumatic first birth that was in part caused by my care providers. Still, I would never consider it on the same level with rape and I do find it insensitive to use that word to describe the experience. I think birth trauma is the best way to put it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918101 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:36:05 +0000 Arden 1918101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if that was clear, but what I'm trying to say is:<br /> Birth trauma caused by medical complications, rude care providers, and life threatening emergencies are NOT birth rape. There is no sexual element and although a provider may have been unprofessional, there was no intent to harm.</p> <p>Birth trauma caused by a medical professional who had malice against the patient and used their power to physically assault a woman in a way that was not related to her medical care and made lewd and sexualized comments during her birth... that is sexual assault. Birth rape may not be the best term, but that.... that is real, though rare, and that is what I'm not sure people understand when they hear the term birth rape and think a woman is exaggerating her experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918094 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:30:18 +0000 Arden 1918094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a difference between a traumatic birth where a woman feared for her life and the life of her baby (I think that falls under the umbrella of PTSD), and a traumatic birth where a medical provider forcibly violated a woman when she said NO, made sexual comments, and inflicted unnecessary and permanent damage outside that which was caused by the birth. Yes, this happens. It happened to me. And yes, I consider it a sexual assault, but I do not typically use the word rape simply because I think they are two different things. I don't believe calling it birth rape (in true assault cases) trivializes what rape victims have been through because it is not trivial, just different. I do think the term gets thrown around far too flippantly, in cases where a provider did nothing wrong and a woman experienced trauma that was outside anyone's control. That is trauma, but it is not rape. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918059 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 16:08:12 +0000 Silva 1918059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>PTSD symptoms are PTSD symptoms. whether the triggering event is a birth, a rape, a war, the resulting symptoms are the same.<br /> The only thing that is rape is rape. It's unfortunate that women who have traumatic birth experiences are invalidated or not taken seriously, but comparing it to rape isn't the answer.<br /> I'm not sure why rape has become the ruler by which we measure the terrible things that happen to women, but its pretty screwed up. The trauma Olympics piss me off to no end. Your experience doesn't have to be the worst, or the most traumatic, or "like Rape" in order to be valid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918005 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 15:35:14 +0000 lawbee11 1918005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ra: I was about to post the same thing. I have not been a victim of rape (so sorry you had to go through that), but I still find it offensive/insensitive to compare the two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/blog-post-comparing-traumatic-births-to-r#post-1918004 Mon, 27 Oct 2014 15:35:09 +0000 ShootingStar 1918004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have not been a victim of rape. But I did have a really awful induction experience and after the birth of my son felt kind of like I'd been violated. I panicked at the thought of having a vaginal exam at my 6w appointment, and I couldn't stand for DH to touch me for a long time after giving birth. Even now I can't bring myself to go in for an annual exam. I get this feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. </p> <p>With all that said I don't think experience was on the same level of a rape victim. And even though I experienced trauma, I wouldn't compare to being raped. </p>