https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 00:46:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850270 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 22:58:35 +0000 Portboston 2850270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: me too!!! 🤞🏼 It’s usually such a good environment so I hope it doesn’t happen again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850268 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 22:37:06 +0000 Amorini 2850268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Wow! That sounds like a really positive outcome. I really hope it was a one-off because I want to like your boss and imagine he took a hard look at himself after that happened. Best wishes for calm waters ahead! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850263 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 22:13:56 +0000 Portboston 2850263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: @Amorini: definitely. He actually pointed out that his behavior was unacceptable and I’m the last person he should be yelling at. He reiterated how much he values me as an employee and ensured me it will not happen again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850262 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 22:08:16 +0000 Amorini 2850262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: So glad to hear! Were you able to talk about it from your side? Or was he open to hearing your take on what happened? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850261 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 22:00:46 +0000 Mrsbells 2850261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: I would tell him at the earliest opportunity that the way he spoke to you was not ok. It took a few years at different jobs for me tlo realize that if people think they can gey away with certain behavior they will keep repeating it but usually if you call someone out on it the first time that will often prevent it from happening again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850200 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 16:48:37 +0000 Portboston 2850200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: I was just about to update! </p> <p>Today was the first time I've seen him since the incident and I'm happy to report, he apologized unprompted from me. I was shocked. I really did not think he was going to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2850188 Tue, 09 Oct 2018 16:18:08 +0000 LindsayInNY 2850188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Have you done/said anything yet? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849667 Sun, 07 Oct 2018 12:29:26 +0000 lioneyes 2849667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Workplace Column in today’s NYTimes had an interesting/helpful piece about having a difficult convo like this- they say to not only write out what you want to say ahead of time, but practice delivering it. Unfair to give you more work but might help you feel calmer/get out what you need to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849656 Sun, 07 Oct 2018 09:50:04 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2849656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: at least she got what she deserved. There just isn’t a reason to treat people like dirt. Mine was boss and company owner sadly. I don’t think there was any employee that liked or respected her though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849483 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 13:59:24 +0000 Anagram 2849483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Goose: The 1 boss I've had that would actually yell/scream was a female. But yeah, everyone disliked her and eventually she got a lot of write-ups and was let go. But that took about 5 years of terrorizing the staff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849481 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 13:48:34 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2849481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: everyone disliked my female boss and several people quit or were fired within the span of a few months, all female workplace On two occasions she gestured with her hands and said “or I’ll wring your neck” about something that I was not responsible for at all and even if I was it still would have been wildly inappropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849479 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 13:42:25 +0000 Portboston 2849479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: interesting. Before I had my son I was in the financial industry but not investment banking, which I know is way more intense and can only imagine the environment your husband works in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849475 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 13:38:39 +0000 Anagram 2849475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: this is random, but....I work in a mostly female environment (k-12 education) and I have had bosses who yelled a lot, and they were universally reviled. I have never had a male boss who yelled at female teachers (thank goodness), and I'm pretty sure it's because women (usually?) don't really respond to that kind of work environment.</p> <p>My husband, on the other hand, works in finance--and it's male dominated--and there is constant yelling. Just...constant. He's had a few work-from-home days when he was sick and I overheard a work call and he'll be getting calls from traders who are SCREAMING that something isn't working, or they aren't able to make a trade. expletives abound. These are people that can be dealing with literally millions of dollars--so stress levels all around are high.</p> <p>But I've often remarked that you just wouldn't see that type of behavior with an all female staff--not with that frequency.</p> <p>I know females are supposed to be the "emotional ones", but it seems like men are equally emotional, but it comes out like pure anger.</p> <p>In any case, it's unacceptable. I think telling him that is fine. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849459 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 13:04:15 +0000 Portboston 2849459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: totally agree. I really like this approach! </p> <p>@lioneyes: exactly!!! I think you hit the nail on the head. I have been thinking a TON regarding the likelihood of him yelling at my male colleague the same way he yelled at me...and while I can honestly say he probably would have done the same, I’m not sure it would have been but be same tone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849448 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 12:07:30 +0000 lioneyes 2849448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been thinking about this a lot. I think you should address it- my reasoning is, he wasn't yelling at you for a failure to do your responsibilities correctly (which is another issue) but was lashing out which is completely inappropriate. With everything going on in the world, I think this should be called out, not in a hostile way, but it shouldn't be on YOU to let it go. I have been mentally recalling a lot of instances like this in my twenties with (older, male bosses) and things that were not really 100% appropriate (it's not always SEXUAL harassment) that probably wouldn't have occurred if I were a young man.<br /> So, while I am the first person to say confrontation is the worst, I would give the boss a set amount of time to bring it up himself and if not, then follow what @808love said. Don't get emotional, and don't you be apologetic- you need to make it clear you are fine but need him to realize he was out of line. If he doesn't then maybe it's time to move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849430 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 10:53:20 +0000 Rocker2014 2849430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find behavior like this from colleagues or bosses unacceptable. I'm pretty good with addressing things directly so I'd definitely bring it up next week if he doesn't. I'd probably take the approach of addressing a situation that wasn't working for both of you (it/computer for him, the yelling for you) and initiating a conversation about how to better handle situations like this in the future. Maybe start by saying something like, "I'm still thinking about the situation that happened on xxday and I'd like to talk to you about it. It seems like it was an upsetting day for both of us. As someone who works for you, I want to be able to assist you whenever possible when things come up and you're traveling. However, I need to be able to do that without getting yelled at. Can we talk about how we can more effectively handle situations like this in the future?" </p> <p>I think his response to an opening like this would tell me everything I needed to know about whether me staying in the job was possible - if he becomes apologetic and works on a plan, I'd stay. If he becomes agitated/angry/blaming/etc., I'd start the search for a new job that night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849408 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 09:02:28 +0000 snowjewelz 2849408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is so not okay and I hope he comes up with an apology himself next week once things have calmed down. If this is a one-off thing, I'm super non-confrontational so I probably wouldn't say anything... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849403 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:55:38 +0000 autumnleaves 2849403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope that he will apologize when he gets back into the office or provide some insight to you as to why he had a meltdown and behaved like an ass. I may prompt him and ask him about the trip and suggest that it seemed to be rough. It could be something outside the trip that is more personal that is affecting his behavior.<br /> I am a very sensitive person and would not have reacted well to being treated like that but I would try to figure out what the trigger was. If he continue to yell at me like that I would look for something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849402 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:54:23 +0000 Mrs. Goose 2849402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: @Portboston: I haven’t been yelled at, but I have had inappropriate comments made to me by a former female boss and been belittled and I ultimately quit that job after working there for 1.5 years. It was a good decision for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849401 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:51:52 +0000 Portboston 2849401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: totally agree! I’ve never had this experience either, I was very shocked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849399 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:51:04 +0000 Portboston 2849399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: this is exactly how I feel. Unfortunately, up to this point, this has been my favorite job and my favorite boss but I have no reason to allow someone to treat me this way. Yes, the extra money helps us greatly but we could *probably* squeeze by without it. I definitely am going to keep my eye out for another opportunity because like you, I feel this is just not ok, especially considering I really had nothing to do with the problem and was offering him potential solutions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849396 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:40:54 +0000 MrsSCB 2849396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally that would have shocked me. Maybe I've just been lucky, but I've had a lot of jobs and never been yelled at before. The one time I can remember someone getting a little bit stern with me, it was a time when we were both under a lot of stress. After we had a bit to cool down, he apologized and bought dinner (we were working late). I'm also a manager, and I have *never* yelled at an employee and absolutely have not cursed at any. And I've had some frustrating employees, haha. I really hope he apologizes of his own volition, but if not, I like @808love: approach for opening a conversation about it. No one should be yelling at people in the workplace, it's just not appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849392 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 08:10:52 +0000 MrsBucky 2849392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: I've been binge reading the "Ask a Manager" advice column lately (non stop nursing, hah), so my thoughts may be colored by that. I guess my first question is- how much do you need the job? If you *NEED* it, then that's one thing, but since you mentioned you wanted to quit on the spot, it makes me think maybe you don't. If that's the case, you have a lot more power. Regardless, I'm with you- it's one thing to get frustrated with a subordinate/colleague and vent, it's another thing to be completely unreasonable and yell, and curse. I have a terribe poker face and a terrible temper (I'm working on it) and while I've done some things at work I'm not proud of (venting frustration, poor tone, etc) I have NEVER yelled, NEVER, sworn, and NEVER yelled at someone trying to help me, especially when they didn't create the issue! I find that 100% unacceptable, and would not let that pass without comment. It's not unreasonable to give it some time to let you both cool down, but I would broach it if he doesn't and say "I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day. The way you spoke/yelled at me was completely unacceptable. It's fine to be frustrated at a situation, but taking your frustration out on me is not something I can allow moving forward. Is that something you can commit to ensuring will not happen again?" If he says no, yells at you again, or is not completely apologetic, I'd either tender my resignation immediately, or begin looking for PT work elsewhere and quit as soon as you find something else. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect ot be treated with respect in all professional circumstances- his response wouldn't have been acceptable even if the issue was 100% your fault, and is even more insane considering it was 0% your fault! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849381 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 07:05:55 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2849381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: I second this approach. Because you said this is not characteristic for him, you absolutely should address it. Give it a few days, but do talk to him about it (assuming he doesn't reach out himself to apologize, which he hopefully will). Everyone is allowed bad days, but everyone should also learn from them. You do not have to (and shouldn't) accept this as normal, and your feedback will help him consider his behavior, if he doesn't do it proactively himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849373 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 05:37:21 +0000 Modern Daisy 2849373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This happened to me recently. It wasn’t my boss, but someone I work with remotely on the other side of the country. He made the mistake of forwarding his work phone to his cell during while handling stressful personal issues like a move, delayed construction on his new house, and a divorce and I happened to call him exactly at the worst of it. Once I realized what was going on I quickly made an excuse to get off the phone and later that night he emailed me an apology. I immediately forgave him and haven’t mentioned it since. But honestly this is a perfect example of why working from home sometimes is a bad idea when you really need to be on PTO. It irks me a bit because I doubt he would have unleashed on a man, but I try not to think about it and just move on and do my job. Our working relationship is great now and I can tell he’s still a bit embarrassed but I’m more careful about keeping my distance now that I know he’s capable of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849370 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 03:02:09 +0000 808love 2849370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What if you say something with a soft start, "Hey, that wasn't like you. Were you having a really bad day because you don't normally yell when you are frustrated?" Listen, listen, listen....<br /> Also "I understand you were feeling xyz about xyz. I don't really like how that was handled with me. I was pretty hurt/bothered/upset and had to go debrief about it afterward." Again with the i=messages...don't cast the shame/blame directly. Then with the directive....next time when you feel xyz, then I need /I'd appreciate it if you'd.......(ask for a break etc. whatever you think is appropriate).<br /> Thank you! Hopefully you get an apology but if not....at least you said your peace, communicated his impact and set your boundaries. That is important in order to go forward cleanly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849366 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 00:57:55 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2849366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a boss who did this. But challenging him on that would have helped no one. If it's the beginning of a trend I'd say something, if he's never or always like this, I'd let it go. But I am not really sensitive to this kind of yelling. And it probably depends on your field too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849361 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 00:44:23 +0000 Calibee 2849361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If this is your boss, I wouldn’t say anything. Unless things crossed the line into something like sexual harassment. Some bosses are yellers. It sucks, but it doesn’t really benefit you professionally to complain about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849360 Fri, 05 Oct 2018 00:09:38 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2849360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my male colleagues years ago handled being yelled at really well at IMO. He didn’t report to the person, but she was put in a position where she had authority over him/ us. The scenario was she basically was sharing an idea and her opinion/ solution and wasn’t really looking for feedback. I read her initial sharing/ soapbox well and just listened. However, when he asked clarifying questions or offered a different take her volume and tone escalated. She was belittling. It was embarrassing since this all happened in a public place too. Anyway, after things calmed a bit, he told her that speaking to him like that was simply unacceptable and gave some good succinct reasons. I have to say that set the tone for more respectful interactions between the two for years. </p> <p>Anyway, you have to work with this person and in a hostile environment it’s hard to get your work done. I’d take the next opportunity you have with him face to face to tell him the yelling was not okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boss-yelled-at-me-how-to-address#post-2849356 Thu, 04 Oct 2018 23:29:16 +0000 Portboston 2849356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Amorini: agreed. He was definitely having an internal meltdown and it’s wasnt personal. I still believe he could have communicated his frustration in a way that didn’t make me feel like I was being blamed for the incident. </p>