https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 15:32:32 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-113723 Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:03:20 +0000 MsMamaBear 113723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be weary of the biomom knowing your dad, essentially you one day, having that much money. I know others will say I'm nuts, but I've seen it happen between family members.</p> <p>I like the meal plan idea better, but it's up to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12612 Wed, 09 Nov 2011 14:30:45 +0000 Rescuemom10 12612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with what others are saying. Maybe set it up differnt and like Junbugmama said. I have a SD, and my parents too have taken her in as their own. My brother actually recently had a child and his wife made a comment to my mom about "how does it feel to be a grandma and have a grandbaby now?" My mom of course very excited, said she loved it, but that she was already a grandma because she had my SD too. I know my parents can do more and afford more than some of my other SD grandparents, and I think there is nothing wrong with that. There doesnt need to be "blood ties" between children and people to be family, and thats what familes do. Some can afford to do more than others and I think thats acceptable. I can see that some MAY feel hurt because they cant afford to do things like that, but on the same hand should be happy that your family has taken your SS in as their own and are looking out for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12008 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:21:29 +0000 sugar snap bee 12008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also bounced around the idea that maybe when the time comes my dad could pay for a certain "thing", ie books, or residence, or meal plan.... Maybe that would be an easier situation for everyone involved.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12006 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:19:45 +0000 sugar snap bee 12006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Really? She doesn't know? Hm. I never thought of that. I'll have to talk it over some more with DH. At the end of the day, I'll respect what he wants to do, but I completely agree that it's just incredible how much my parents love and accept my SS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12005 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:18:13 +0000 runsyellowlites 12005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DEFINITELY AWESOME!</p> <p>Your step-son is your son now and is your parents grandson... AND how great that he'll grow up knowing &amp; having that acceptance from them and your family!</p> <p>I LOVE seeing this!</p> <p>I wouldn't worry so much about what SS bio-mom "could" do.. I would just keep track of it all.. SS schooling costs, what your dad pays, etc, and IF something ever came up you'd be covered. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12003 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:16:29 +0000 junebugmama 12003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a bonus son and my parents have fully embraced him as their grandson. Typing this even makes me well up how accepting and how much they love him as their own. Therefore, I would be so honored and would accept my parents gift.</p> <p>Now with that said, I have actually setup a college fund for my bonus son. His bio-mom has no tie to the account at all. She has as much right to the account as you would. We set these rules firmly in place. She actually doesn't even know that it exists. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-12000 Tue, 08 Nov 2011 21:09:24 +0000 sugar snap bee 12000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the responses! Just as an update, we haven't made a decision yet. We haven't had time to really talk about it much either. We're also slightly concerned that SS's other grandparents (mainly bio-mom's parents) might be offended somehow or feel like my parents were overstepping boundaries. It's a really weird situation and I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about it. I feel bad saying that, but I also have a protective urge towards DH wondering if bio-mom would every be able to withdraw the money or use this against DH if the relationship between the three of us goes sour at some point (fingers crossed that doesn't happen). There's just so many politics at play, it's difficult to wrap my head around.</p> <p>Mr Bee- Thanks for the info! My dad's a CA by training, and we're in Canada, so I'm sure he's spent a lot of hours researching this stuff because it's fun for him, LOL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6359 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 14:29:06 +0000 mrbee 6359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go for it too! I am a fan of treating all kids like one big family... just because that's what I would want if the shoe was on the other foot.</p> <p>One note: for tax purposes, it may be best if your dad pays your stepson's educational expenses directly (rather than giving the money as a gift and then having you or your son spend that gift money).</p> <p>Otherwise his gift might count towards his lifetime limit for gifts. I'm sure he knows all this already, but just in case here is a link:</p> <p><a href="http://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Tax-Planning-and-Checklists/The-Gift-Tax/INF12036.html" rel="nofollow">http://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/tax-tips/Tax-Planning-and-Checklists/The-Gift-Tax/INF12036.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6335 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:35:00 +0000 tequiero21 6335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i love how your dad embraced your SS as his own grandkid. if it were me, i'd say go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/boundaries-with-stepkidsnon-bio-families-money-related#post-6324 Wed, 26 Oct 2011 12:38:55 +0000 sugar snap bee 6324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is possibly the most generous person on earth. Literally. I'm not sure I've ever met some one with a heart as big as his. His goal in life is to make sure we're all well taken care of, whether it's friends, family, or extended family. He's been successful and I think being able to take care of the rest of us is his own measure of true success. </p> <p>DH told me last night that my dad offered to pay for half of my stepson's education savings (RESP). I'm not sure if he meant half the amount for this year only, or total. My SS's family is not well off. They're comfortable, but I'd say lower middle class. His biomom is a single mom, she works hard and has a strict monthly budget. As far as I know, there is no RESP set up for my SS yet. </p> <p>DH didn't give my dad an answer as he wanted to talk it over with me. Honestly, I'm not sure. First, it's a VERY generous offer, one I'm sure he's made for my nephews (and likely been taken up on), and I'm sure he'll do the same for DH and I when we have our own kids. </p> <p>I love that my parents have embraced my SS as one of their grandchildren. It's wonderful to see in what is an unusual family set up for our little bubble (my family is very white picket fence). They've been so open minded and loving, and it's amazing to me that it would extend this far.</p> <p>But on the other hand, I feel a bit like this type of generousity could be an over extension. SS has four sets of grandparents essentially (bio-mom's parents, DH's dad &amp; stepmom, DH's mom, and my parents), I'm not sure it's MY parents place to do this for SS. </p> <p>And on another one of my many hands, I also feel like I don't want SS's bio-mom to know THAT much about my family. We've kept some very clear boundaries to protect both DH and myself. If my dad all of a sudden plops a pile of cash into an account for SS I'm sure she's going to take notice. I also don't want to make her uncomfortable thinking that she "owes" something to my parents. </p> <p>And on my last set of hands, I wonder about our kids down the road. Is it fair that my parents would contribute to their education but not their half sibling? </p> <p>DH and I haven't had a chance to talk about it, and I don't think I'm even supposed to know my dad has made this offer. Thoughts? What would you do if you were in my shoes? </p>