https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 07:09:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-563194 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 09:30:40 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 563194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: we are going to see them this weekend. We talk all the time about Mama S and Papa J so that she always understands their role in her life :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-563076 Wed, 13 Feb 2013 07:39:14 +0000 tequiero21 563076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: will you let her know they r the birth parents? I'm assuming that's what an open adoption is? Kudos to you for pumping for that long! That is dedication! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-521626 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 12:49:07 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 521626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tricycle: I have an open adoption. We hashed out a lot of stuff beforehand, but after, we haven't really asked a single thing. And we've moved and transitioned from SAHD and lots of other big decisions.</p> <p>Most excitingly, we have asked if they want to get together for M's birthday and they want to do it! So we'll get to reconnect in person after a long time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-521537 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 12:27:33 +0000 Mrs. Tricycle 521537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: so interesting! All these talking points I'd never considered! I can see how your conversations and agreements before the birth would totally feel like a sacred contract. In an open adoption do you ever continue to consult the birth parents about "new" decisions, or is just about everything hashed out ahead of time? </p> <p>If you have a closed adoption, this is all null and void? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-521318 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 11:26:07 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 521318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveletter: that's how we felt too :). Ultimately our birth mama thought it would be kind of "icky", but didn't mind pumped milk, so that was our compromise... But with me refusing to wake up to do pumping sessions (and you have to start the protocol befor you bring baby home) with the risk o a failed placement, I wasn't willing to go full bore. Add the fact that we had a great sleeper, it just didnt all come together. She did get a small amount of pumped milk each day for the first 6 months! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-521196 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 11:00:17 +0000 loveletter 521196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: You've given me a lot to think about. I didn't realize so many birth parents felt that way about breast feeding. I just did some googling and it seems that it is really common for birth moms to be against it. While I would love to breast feed I'm starting to question whether I want to put the time and effort into pumping now if its unlikely the birth mom would be supportive. :( I also don't feel strongly enough about it that I would want it to be a deal breaker. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520700 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 08:26:42 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 520700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tricycle: birth parents don't continue to parent, but the things that are most important to them are discussed before they pick a family. So for example, for our birth mom, no physical punishment was the most important thing and she picked us asking that we honor that. We promised that we will because it fits with our beliefs. One would hope that an adoptive parent wouldn't say something in order to get a match an then not honor that wish.</p> <p>In talking to several birth moms (I have several birth mom friends), breast feeding is a huge deal because there is a sense that the adoptive mom is trying to pretend that they are the bio mom (and I don't think that's necessarily true)... But it's a huge deal breaker for many. And it's something that has to happen right away in the placement, even before paperwork is signed. So it's an important thing to discuss, especially if you are going to do something before she's signed paperwork. That's not the same as coparenting. It's a very personal thing and some birth parents are all for it, so I think it is right and reasonable to discuss it before you match. </p> <p>I know if I was a birth mom, my non negotiable would be vaccination. If I found out I placed in a family that didn't vaccinate after I discussed it before placement, I'd be pissed! And if I found out that they were declining the first hep b, I wouldn't sign the paperwork to place with them. And if I found out after placement, it would severely impact my relationship with the family and therefore the child.</p> <p>Isn't being open and honest so much better? If its something that you feel so strongly about, wouldn't you have some sort of discussion around it, so that you and the birth parent you matched with were on the same page? I wouldn't want a match with possible conflict. It's why we put our political and child rearing views out there for families to make their decisions about. I just knew that I wanted as little conflict in our relationship as possible, and knowing that this was one huge deal to birth parents, we put it on the agenda for discussion :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520632 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 07:32:04 +0000 Mrs. Tricycle 520632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I saw you mention this before -- the idea that birth moms might be against adoptive moms breastfeeding. I guess I'm not sure why they have a say? In open adoptions, do birth moms have a say in parenting decisions? For example, if you decided not to vaccinate your adoptive child, would a birth mom have a say in that? Where is the line?</p> <p>ETA -- oops, guess you already answered that question. There's going to be some point though, where you may make decisions the birth family doesn't agree with, right? Or if it's an open adoption, do they continue to have a say and sort of co-parent? I can't imagine that you've decided how you'll handle every big parenting hurdle you encounter between birth and age 18 BEFORE the adoption, allowing them to make a truly informed decision about choosing you. It's got to be soo tricky to consider everyone's feelings! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520631 Wed, 23 Jan 2013 07:24:55 +0000 loveletter 520631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: Thank you for asking... things are going well! We are in the paperwork stage of the homestudy.. almost have everything turned in! I'm hoping we'll be done with the homestudy by the end of February. On Saturday we are taking Basic Infant Care &amp; CPR at our agency and then going to Babies R Us to register... our first shower is in the beginning of March! I'm getting really excited! :) I'm still hopeful that we may be placed this spring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520208 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 20:32:53 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 520208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: thanks for explaining, that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520203 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 20:30:16 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 520203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Leialou: not snarky at all. They don't have to approve... BUT if you are planning an open relationship with her and want that relationship to be good, it might be nice to consider her feelings on the issue. She might choose to place with a different family if that's your plan or for some they might prefer that the baby gets some breast feeding. But it's up to them to choose the beat adoptive parents for their baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520193 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 20:14:32 +0000 autumnlove 520193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hope everything goes well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520174 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 19:49:17 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 520174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: This isn't meant to be snarky, but why would it matter if the birth mom was against it? Does the birth mom have to approve? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520123 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 18:53:56 +0000 Dapple Grey 520123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is awesome! I wish you the best on this journey and hope you are successful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520066 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:43:19 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 520066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have half a blog post done on this. We tried and were unsuccessful, but part of that was that I wasn't willing to pump through the night. It can be done successfully! Make sure that if you are having an open adoption that your birthmom is ok with it because most have strong feelings against it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520062 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:35:51 +0000 Mrs. Train 520062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I looked into it a lot when we were adopting. Breastfeeding was one of the things that made me sad when facing not having biological children. In the end I decided against it because it was a lot of work and most things I saw used hormone therapies. I was so tired of hormones and treatments that I just didn't want to go through it any more. So we decided formula was ok. I'm very glad we choose this way because we ended up having a lot of complications an contact with birth families. I think if I added in breast feeding to it it wold had been more than I could have handled. I also would not have wanted to explain to the birth mother why I was trying to breastfeed. I hope it works out well for you.</p> <p>@loveletter: how is your adoption progressing? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520056 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:27:47 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 520056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I had no idea that was even possible... but what an awesome goal to aim for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-520048 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:20:15 +0000 loveletter 520048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the support and advice everyone!! I'll keep you posted on what happens! @Mrs. Pen: I would love to do a guest post about it down the line! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519719 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 15:08:55 +0000 Mrs. Pen 519719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>that would be amazing if you're able to do it! I know not everyone can - it seems like a challenging process.</p> <p>I know it CAN be done. I've heard of some people breastfeeding their adopted child if they were already lactating, but I know that wouldn't be the case. If you are able to do it- please share your experience! That would be a great guest blogger post too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519709 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 15:04:39 +0000 sarac 519709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that FULLY breastfeeding an adoptive baby is a huge hurdle, but you should be able to do it to some degree fairly easily. That way you get the bonding, and your baby gets the breastmilk, and everyone wins. What an amazing choice, I think you're awesome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519379 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:13:05 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 519379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know someone who did it! She took a hormone and pumped a LOT before their baby came. She was able to produce enough to breastfeed three times a day and the rest of the feedings were formula. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519361 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:04:19 +0000 Smurfette 519361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow! I never knew this was even possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519325 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:45:37 +0000 emg86 519325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I looked into it when we were in the process of adopting and I know people who were successful. Creatingafamily.org has some really great podcasts and resources on this subject. I contacted La Leche League and met several moms who were able to do it and met with an experienced lactation consultant who offered great advice. Due to PCOS and other hormonal issues I experienced while TTC I wasn't sure I was going to be able to be successful. The lactation consultant definitely recommended I get a Lact-aid or Medela SNS to supplement with donated breast milk or formula in case I wasn't able to produce any milk or enough milk, but could still experience some bonding that way.</p> <p>ETA: I think everyone I knew who was successful followed the Newman protocol. <a href="http://www.asklenore.info/index.shtml" rel="nofollow">http://www.asklenore.info/index.shtml</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519316 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:39:53 +0000 MrsTiz 519316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm no help, but on an episode of I'm Having Their Baby, a mom did this for the baby they adopted! I can't find the episode..sorry.</p> <p>Here is some info I did find though.</p> <p><a href="http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/p/breastfeed-your-adopted-baby.html" rel="nofollow">http://thebreastfeedingmother.blogspot.com/p/breastfeed-your-adopted-baby.html</a></p> <p><a href="http://breast-feeding.adoption.com/" rel="nofollow">http://breast-feeding.adoption.com/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519312 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:38:00 +0000 rachiecakes 519312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know too much about it either, but I know it's possible! Get in touch with a lactation consultant, those folks are amazing. I had a prescription for domeperidone and it more than doubled my supply when I was having issues going back to work. Good luck! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519308 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:35:59 +0000 Arden 519308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know a whole lot about it, but I do know people who have done it so it's certainly possible! I think it's an amazing goal. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/breastfeeding-an-adopted-baby#post-519304 Tue, 22 Jan 2013 12:33:56 +0000 loveletter 519304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Has anyone done this or looked into it? I woud love to be able to breastfeed our baby, but I'm not sure how realistic it is. I've read that there is a drug you can take to induce lactation, but I am wary of taking anything hormonal (my hormones have been out of whack for a long time anyway). I have a pump and I'm thinking about pumping for a couple months to see if I can produce milk. I'm also thinking about registering for a lact-aid. I'm curious to hear if anyone else has any experience with this? </p>