https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 07:29:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098134 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:17:45 +0000 MrsSCB 2098134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@merriment: @MUI831: I mean, I understand that it's possible, I probably should have clarified that it just seems like a ton of unnecessary effort to add it all up and have people paying different amounts to different people. I feel like when you're hosting an event (or if you're just going out to dinner with a large group) it's kind of par for the course that costs won't be exactly even every time. Personally I would prefer to just buy my own stuff and make something, even if it ends up being a bit more expensive than other people's things. How much difference can there really be, unless someone's buying five pounds of filet mignon or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098129 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:15:30 +0000 bunnylove08 2098129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: We did something similar at my friend's bachelorette party. We paid for things, it got tallied up and whatever we paid for the price was deducted from the total we owed. </p> <p>So I paid $40 for the favors and the total for food and decorations was $500 and we divided that by 8 so its $62.50 each, so since i already paid $40 that is deducted from the $62.50 and I owe $22.50</p> <p>Its more complicated but I think the MOH is trying to make the costs fair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098127 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:14:27 +0000 merriment 2098127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: the $40 would go to someone who had spent $100 (or divided and $20 would go to two people who had spent $80). So everyone only spends $60 in the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098124 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:13:36 +0000 littlebug 2098124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pastemoo: $35 was JUST the cost per person for the paper products and decor. We still have to factor in the food, booze, and desserts. </p> <p>The other thing I forgot to mention was that the MOH came up with idea to get tea cups for the shower from vintage shops and thrift shops. She said that since it was her idea, she'd take care of getting them. And now I'm wondering if we're also going to have to put in money to those? I'm DEFINITELY not ok with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098120 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:12:17 +0000 Mommy Finger 2098120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: As a total Excel nerd, this is actually a very simple thing to figure out to make sure that everyone has paid the same amount as I would hope that would be what they are going for. I've done this several time with my girlfriends when we go on a girls' trip as it's easier to just settle up after we're all done.</p> <p>@littlebug: As I said above, I totally agree that springing this on you and the rest of the group is total crap. This should have been discussed beforehand. However, I will say that I wouldn't automatically assume that someone who offers their house for an event that they should pay for it. I just hosted a baby shower for one of my SIL's last week. We held it at my mom's house as she has a better entertaining space but my other SIL's and I paid for everything and did all of the work. My mom wasn't listed as hosting though. This seems like a huge case of BAD communication on their part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098110 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 14:04:56 +0000 pastemoo 2098110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm with you. You didn't plan this. it seems weird. however, for $35, it might not be worth bringing up (or it might). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098079 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 13:49:51 +0000 littlebug 2098079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: That's a great point. More ammo for my email. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098038 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 13:22:46 +0000 MrsSCB 2098038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm just confused about how the whole adding the cost from the receipts and then splitting it up will even work. Because each person will be shopping on their own, yes? Like let's say you buy stuff to make your dip and pay $20. Then all the receipts get added up, and divided out it will be $60 each. But you already paid that $20...so do you pay $40? And who would it go to if everyone else has already paid varying amounts? It just doesn't even make sense to split food cost unless you all went shopping together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098009 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 12:59:07 +0000 littlebug 2098009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I'm trying to compose a tactful email. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2098000 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 12:53:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2098000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: I would not be pleased with this arrangement at all. Have you made a decision about what you'you're going to do? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097856 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:28:09 +0000 littlebug 2097856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: The invitations (that we were sent a photo of) listed us all as the hosts of the shower. That was the first I was aware that we were "hosting" the shower. The fact that we were "hosting" the shower and that we were expected to pay for the paper products and decor was never discussed with us. Just sprung on us in this email. And yes, you were right about my examples: my mom hosted my friend's shower at our house, so my mom (and I) paid for all the paper products. To me, that's how it should be. If you're hosting people at your home, you provide the paper products. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097846 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:22:36 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2097846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: just so I have everything correct- in the mom hosting examples you gave the mom's were not mom's of the bride. the invite lists you and the other BMs as hostesses and the MOB's home is the shower venue. Did the MOH/ Sister of Bride enlist all of you BMs as hostesses/ sponsors of the showers? Or did you all volunteer to host and or sponsor, BUT only the budget/costs has been dictated by the MOH? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097844 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 11:20:22 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2097844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've only been a bridesmaid once but there were 8 of us and the shower cost was about $100 each. Plus all the normal bridesmaid expenses you'd expect but the bride was my sister so of course I didn't care. I'm lucky most of my friends and I aren't the big group of bridesmaids types. I love my friends weddings but I love attending as a guest!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097808 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:51:30 +0000 rachiecakes 2097808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like it should've been better organized, but that it's pretty inexpensive for a bridal shower for that many people. </p> <p>I didn't have a bachelorette but my BMs took care of my shower. I kept the dresses under $100.<br /> But I've been part of wedding's where dress has been expensive, paid for bachelorette, brought food and gifts to potluck shower, hair, hotel, wedding gift, etc. and it got pricey. I certainly wouldn't do that for just any friend anymore! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097803 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:47:35 +0000 psw27 2097803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've never been asked to contribute to a shower when the bride or groom's mom or family member has offered to host, other than to maybe bring dessert or food. I agree if you are the hostess you don't ask people to contribute to paper goods, that seems tacky. </p> <p>The showers I've hosted have been at restaurants and the bridesmaids kept track of all of their costs (invites, cake, games, favors, plus the cost of the venue and food) and we added it up and divided it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097768 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:21:59 +0000 JerricaBenton 2097768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seems pretty good to me? I get what you're saying about it being unexpected - in my circle the bridesmaids 'host' but the bride's family pays. Although I do think traditionally the bridesmaids would host and pay. Maybe the receipt thing is just so everyone knows it's fair, not just an estimate. If bridesmaids are splitting the cost I do think they should all be planning and agree to the cost beforehand but I think in this case the cost seems pretty reasonable so I wouldn't rock the boat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097751 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:15:37 +0000 bunnylove08 2097751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel thats really cheap for a shower. I have spent over $300 for a shower. </p> <p>Usually the BMs share the cost of showers and bachelorette parties (the two weddings I have been in). If you hosted the shower at a restaurant it could be about $35 a head and that totally adds up. </p> <p>It sucks that it was sprung on you but being in a bridal party you know this cost was coming. (I dont mean to sound rude and I apologize if I do) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097748 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 10:14:13 +0000 Corduroy 2097748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: I'm sorry, that seems frustrating and I wouldn't like to have to show receipts either. </p> <p>Like your circle of friends in my circle the bridesmaids don't do a big shower, just the bachelorette. Every big bridal shower I've been to has been hosted by aunts, MILs, or the mother of the bride. </p> <p>I'd still pony up the money but I wouldn't like making food &amp; paying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097727 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:54:08 +0000 Mommy Finger 2097727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually don't see a problem with any of this other than the fact that it should have been discussed beforehand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097713 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:36:40 +0000 hotchildinthecity 2097713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: @blackbird: agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097709 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:34:13 +0000 blackbird 2097709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds odd but at the same time makes sense because I'm sure there will be other food there, plus more expensive food like cake or meatballs. A fruit platter for that many guests will cost a lot more than your dish, and as someone who is also "hosting', i think you should share the cost. I don't think it's right that the mom is hosting at her place, calling the shots, and basically dictating if the bridesmaids are 'hosting' </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097702 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:29:42 +0000 LuLu Mom 2097702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly this seems pretty good to me, if there are that many people attending then there needs to be quite a bit of food, and every shower I've co-hosted we split the cost. I've only ONCE done the whole receipt thing, but usually we just split the tasks and each person takes on one, it usually evens out in the end. </p> <p>As for the cost of being a bridesmaid, I've been one 13 times, and part of the "burden" is the cost and how quickly things add up, however everything you listed out is pretty standard for a bridal party member. It sucks but you know it when "signing" up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097696 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:27:59 +0000 sunshineandsushi 2097696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just co-hosted a bridal shower a few weeks ago with the bride's mom (I'm the MOH). It was at her house and she covered the food, utensils, plates, drinks, etc. and I handled games and decorations. </p> <p>I do think it's a little unreasonable to ask everyone to bring receipts unless that was agreed upon by everyone in advance. But in my experience, the people hosting split up responsibilities by categories, not overall costs. </p> <p>Also, as MOH, I did not expect or ask any of the bridesmaids to contribute to hosting shower. They simply attended and brought gifts. </p> <p>Now for the bachelorette party, that was a shared cost by everyone except the bride. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097670 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 09:15:53 +0000 looch 2097670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a situation once where it was a "show up with your checkbook, I'll tell you how much you owe."</p> <p>I wrote the check and was stunned about it, as was everyone else in the room, no one said anything. I thought about putting my foot down, but in the end I didn't, because it was way more trouble than the $150 I paid. Believe me, that $150 hurt at the time, it's not like I had tons of money that I could just throw around, but the whole dynamic was just very odd and I didn't want to create all kinds of drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097639 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:50:01 +0000 littlebug 2097639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Coral: Exactly! I'm not doing a separate shopping trip just for the food for the shower - it'll get added on to my weekly shopping trip for my family! So, what, I have to go through my receipt and highlight the things I purchased for the shower? And yeah. Host provides paper products. </p> <p>Ugh, I'm irritated with this whole thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097623 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:39:18 +0000 Mrs. Coral 2097623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: What a pain!! I think the food receipts thing is over the top. What if I use ingredients from my pantry?! Also, I don't want to hand my receipt over with my personal groceries on it, and I'm not going through the checkout twice! Very silly.</p> <p>I also think that providing paper products comes with the territory of being the host. If everything was going to be divided up, seems like it just would have been easier to go to a restaurant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097618 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:35:13 +0000 Anagram 2097618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a little odd, but I would probably just pony up and pay it, annoying as it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097616 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:33:01 +0000 illumina 2097616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if it were me, I would have said something before now...about the cost of being a bridesmaid overall if I didn't feel I could afford that. Maybe it's a cultural thing (I'm not in the U.S.) but the idea of my bridesmaids having to pay for anything (other than a gift or a shower if they choose to do that) seems crazy!</p> <p>But down to the shower alone, I would have expected all the people involved in hosting to come to an agreement as to how costs were to be split before going ahead. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097602 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:21:58 +0000 littlebug 2097602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: MOH told us they had 48 invitations, and none of the BMs are getting one because they didn't have enough. So...a LOT of people. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I guess the issue (and it's definitely MY issue) is that among this group of friends, the moms have always hosted/paid for the bulk of the shower. Like, when I got married, one of my BM's mom's hosted and paid for/supplied most of the decor and paper products, and then everyone else contributed food. When that same BM got married, my mom and I hosted the shower, and same thing. I already have personal issues with the bride's mom in this case, so perhaps my view is a bit skewed due to that, as well.</p> <p>I still just think it's weird that we're going to add up the food receipts and split the cost. Why not just let everyone pay for what they're contributing and that's that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bridal-shower-question#post-2097601 Fri, 06 Mar 2015 08:20:38 +0000 Hoots 2097601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I'd probably just suck it up. Is it slightly odd? Yes. But I don't think it's worth ruining a friendship over. There might also be a reason between the sister and mom that mom is hosting (maybe sister is flakey, or just asked her to take care of it). I think the average is about 1k per wedding for a bridesmaid. Each time I've been one it's been about that amount. </p>