https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 26 Jun 2026 20:41:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2341935 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 05:52:35 +0000 lamariniere 2341935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All of the responses are really interesting, and I agree that bullying probably has more of a targeted aspect to it.</p> <p>We had a situation at our daycare where my son was often in conflict with one particular boy, and only that boy (and none of the other boys were usually involved). From what the teachers said, my son was rarely the instigator. The mean kid/bully was younger and physically smaller than my son, but the teacher mentioned they often had power conflicts. I never got a lot of information from the teacher, which was very frustrating, but the boy changed schools at the start of the school year and I haven't had any reports about that kind of behavior since. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2341729 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 19:27:43 +0000 farawayyama 2341729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had training on this a couple of days ago.</p> <p>In my state, from a legal perspective, bullying involves repeated/persistent behaviour, a power imbalance and harm to the child being bullied. I really like this definition (it doesn't negate other forms of kids being mean, but clearly differentiates arguments etc from bullying).</p> <p>I don't have enough info to say either way but it sounds like she could be. A group of kids typically have more power than a single child, and their behaviour is repeated. I can't say for sure whether your daughter is being harmed, but she could be. I'd talk with her teacher about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2341678 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 17:46:47 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2341678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Being mean happens once, maybe twice - either intentional or unintentional. But bullying is maliciously and constantly picking on a particular person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2341561 Sun, 01 Nov 2015 14:26:22 +0000 lawbee11 2341561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBehr: Saw this article and thought it was interesting.<br /> <a href="http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2188819" rel="nofollow">http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2188819</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330794 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 19:20:54 +0000 regberadaisy 2330794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: agree with the persistence. Kids are mean, period. When it becomes persistent, then it's bullying. Someone doesn't have to keep targeting the same person to be a bully. But to be bullied it would be coming from the same person/group.</p> <p>Ugh so sad that it starts so young. I still don't know what's worse from the parent standpoint. Being the parent of a bully or child being bullied. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330755 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 18:39:18 +0000 Maysprout 2330755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sucks it starts so young. There were some 4 year old mean girls in my daughters class last year and I had to remind myself sometimes - They're 4, can't hold too much against a 4 year old. But at the same time it doesn't change that the problems are real to them.<br /> Just talking with her about her feelings I'm sure helps. You could help her with comebacks that allow her to stand up for herself, or have her find a friend when they come around, or when to tell the teacher. The most hurtful for my daughter last year was when her best friend started excluding her. There's not a ton to do but comfort, can't force kids to play together, but I did make more of an effort to help get her together with other kids on weekends and do activities where diff kids besides school kids would be around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330740 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 18:29:59 +0000 Mrsbells 2330740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think being mean is being a bully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330687 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 17:21:09 +0000 MamaBehr 2330687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What makes me worried is my daughter is fluent in bully talk. I think the school counselor came and spoke to her class about bullies and bullying. How does one explain to a little kid the difference between bullies and mean kids (which she sure does have in her class! My poor little girl :( ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330319 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 12:15:14 +0000 meganmp 2330319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is actually a legal definition of bullying in schools:</p> <p>Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330306 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 12:09:03 +0000 Anagram 2330306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At work, we are actually trained on this every year (it's a state law, called HIB training), and since I'm on Mat leave I haven't had it in more than a year so I don't remember, but I do know that the key differentiation is the persistence. Kids are (unfortunately) mean to each other all the time, but it officially becomes bullying when it's persistent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330302 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 12:07:51 +0000 Anagram 2330302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like bullying is the persistent mean behavior from one kid to another (or group of kids to another). Whereas just mean behavior is infrequent or not targeted towards a specific person.</p> <p>I had people be mean to be growing up, but I never felt bullied. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330275 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 11:35:38 +0000 catomd00 2330275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: agreed! But I don't think it matters discipline wise. Both aren't okay and need to be taken care of immediately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330225 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:55:40 +0000 mrsrain 2330225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tend to think of bullying as intentional and directed at the same person over an extended period of time.</p> <p>Not making room in your game for another kid = mean</p> <p>Purposely excluding the same kd every day = bullying </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330222 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:54:39 +0000 looch 2330222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was bullied when I was in fifth grade, it involved some major manipulation and a threat of not telling adults. I was sick over it until one day I told my father and we sorted it out.</p> <p>I was picked last on a regular basis for games, but the joke was on the other kids, I was a master at German Dodgeball and kickball, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330219 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:52:11 +0000 rosegold 2330219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: good point, never saw it that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330176 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:21:45 +0000 Greentea 2330176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think bullying has manipulative intent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330156 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 10:07:55 +0000 Maysprout 2330156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually think of bullies as being very manipulative to have power or control over someone - like I'm going to beat you up if you don't give me your lunch, or hazing that uses strength in numbers to say you can't be part of the sports team unless you do this unlawful/humiliating thing, or using social status to start a smear campaign to socially isolate someone else. </p> <p>More than just being mean - but forcing the person into bad situations that are relatively out of their control. </p> <p>Meanness happens so early in kids and all kids probably experiment with being mean to others to some degree. I think it's important to help kids maintain a strong sense of self and be able to deal with meanness to an extent without feeling like a victim. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330073 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 09:07:37 +0000 mrbee 2330073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I was picked last for team games, until I hit puberty and got a lot stronger. I didn't feel bullied; I was just small in elementary school, and not good at sports! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330066 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 09:05:59 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2330066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Being picked on and bullied is the same thing in my book. A bully goes out of their way to be mean to the same person or people.</p> <p>Mean: your kid comes out to recess last and is told there are enough players in a game and he can't play. (It would have been nice if the kids made room for one more)</p> <p>Bullied: Your kid is always picked last for team games, and the other kids consistently run away or exclude. It's evident to your kid that others do not like him and he's being treated differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330048 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 08:56:41 +0000 mrbee 2330048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say that the difference is when the aggressor starts to target a particular person, especially over a longer period of time.</p> <p>If the aggressor is mean to everyone, then that feels different than bullying - which I think tends to be more personal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/bullying-vs-being-mean#post-2330042 Thu, 22 Oct 2015 08:54:03 +0000 MamaBehr 2330042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you think the difference is between bullying and being mean? </p> <p>DD is I kindergarten and there are some boys who already know how to push her buttons and get a response out of her, but I wouldn't say she's being bullied. I feel like she's just getting picked on. Am I right? Or is this being bullied? </p>