https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 06:41:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868409 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 16:41:56 +0000 merriment 2868409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this could be great. If would be relying on her to make your mortgage payments, what happens if it doesn't work out or if she passes? Would you rent out the space to someone else? Or could you afford it on your own? Hard questions to think about, but it's probably critical to make sure you don't lose the house if things don't work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868398 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 15:07:57 +0000 Mamasmiles 2868398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Pajamas: thank you it’s been a hard year but we’re doing ok. Thankfully my husband had things in place if anything were to happen, so very grateful for his forethought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868395 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 14:48:09 +0000 Littlebit7 2868395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>what does your DH think about this? The only thing about this living situation is...there really isn't any backing out. If it isn't working out say, after a year, what happens?<br /> I think the best case scenario would be a true in law apartment which has its own separate entrance. Remember, everything needs to be accessible too, if you both are envisioning her living long term in this house. Like a really rambling ranch with a guest house, etc. Will she come on all vacations when you travel as family? I think honest conversations need to be had about what this will look like when the novelty of it wears off. And what happens if she decides to move out? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868380 Wed, 23 Jan 2019 12:54:35 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2868380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamasmiles: just read your comment and wanted to send you hugs for what happened with your husband passing and three really young kids to care for. that's so so scary. I'm so glad it's working out to have your mom live with you and help out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868311 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 22:12:36 +0000 Mamasmiles 2868311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom currently lives with us. I was able to find a home that had a second kitchen and laundry room which really helps. I purchased the house myself. At first we were going to purchase together but she decided she may want to have her own home again in the future. She does pay me a small monthly amount and watches the kids about 15-20 hours a month. My situation is a little different in that my mom moved in with me when my husband unexpectedly passed away a year ago and at the time I had a 3 month old, 2, and 3 year old. I’m glad now that we didn’t purchase together because I get to make all the decisions about the house, she does give me input which is great. Also really think about your personalities and if you’ll be able to work things out if there’s conflict. It can be difficult living with a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868275 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 19:38:15 +0000 JMOM 2868275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we moved across the country my FIL moved with us. He used to rent a little house we owned in our previous location but he didn't want to stay there anymore. We looked for a house that had a separate entrance and it would be separate from our section of the house and we ended up with this house where he gets the basement. He pays us rent which included small amounts of utilities and a little bit towards phone since he went on our plan when he moved in. It is more than he paid us in the rental house but less than he would with full utilities, if that makes sense. We can swing the mortgage by ourselves so it didn't have an impact on getting the loan. He is very independent and we don't rely on him for child care so we don't see him much, other than dinner. I would suggest you lay it out at the beginning who gets what rooms, how much storage you each get, if there are shared areas, who's furniture gets used, etc. We had told my FIL that we would like to use one of the rooms in the basement occasionally but his stuff kind of oozed into that room and we've never really felt comfortable using it. He uses our washing machine/dryer and we've worked out a deal where he does laundry on Sunday and I get it the rest of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868272 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 19:32:25 +0000 Pollywog 2868272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have several friends and inlaws who have similar arrangements. The keys to success is a door that shuts that everyone respects and a separate refrigerator/kitchen. The hardest part seems to ve when people are expected to live completely together. I've never seen it work well.</p> <p>For finance, get a lawyer. Develop a contract and have your mom update her will. Be sure to include things like household repairs, landscaping, and common goods. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868263 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 18:59:32 +0000 Mrsbells 2868263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: I knew someone who bought a 2 family home with their mom. So they were in one level and the mom was on another level of the home. Each level was a 3 bedroom complete home. But I believe in their case they night the home in the moms name because she had better credit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868233 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 17:17:14 +0000 gotkimchi 2868233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: ok yes the in law suite we built has 1/2 of the cash going to my sister upon death. Ie she’ll get a smidge more then me out of my parents money </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868221 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 16:42:39 +0000 youboots 2868221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just one thought- if you do go this route I would recommend that if she were to pass during the time you owned the house together that no one else could claim it- not sure if you have siblings or have any considerations if she were to remarry. But if it is not in writing I would be concerned that sorting out her estate could get complicated- at worst if you could not pay off someone with cash forcing you to sell. Obviously you want her to be healthy and live a long life but this just stuck out to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868210 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 16:18:29 +0000 BUNBUN 2868210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL bought a house in our state (TX) and we all moved in, but she has treated it like my (and my husband's) house from day one. This means that I pretty much get to decorate it however I want but she is consulted on repairs and renovations. She did this for two reasons: so that she could care for her only grandchild (DS) and because she sold a piece of property and wanted to purchase something else. </p> <p>She was able to purchase the property out-right, so no mortgage. We pay taxes, utilities, service contracts. We split repairs and do a lot of that work ourselves.</p> <p>We all shopped for houses together (DH and I lead the hunt) and we focused on houses with IL suites (didn't find any) or garages that can be finished (haven't done that yet), or a 4th bedroom with a private bath and a game room where she can get away from us.</p> <p>But the only reason it works is personality: she and I are both introverts and value our down time. She loves to cook and hates to clean and I don't mind cleaning and work full time (so she cooks week day meals). We also communicate well and give each other our space. She considers this our house, and the house that she and FIL own (in NJ) is hers. (FIL hasn't moved in with us because he's caring for his own mom in NJ...)</p> <p>We set this up as a 6 month temporary arrangement, and it's been 2 years.</p> <p>ETA: the biggest thing to work out is boundaries and expectations. Will she be expected to just walk in and join you at random times? Will she feel isolated from the family, or like she needs an invitation to come over? Will meal times be shared or only for your nuclear family? For us, since we share the house, that's time with DS. Since DH and I work full time and he works long hours, she basically hands DS off in the evening when I get home from work and goes upstairs to chill. DH and I usually handle DS all weekend and she can join us or not as she chooses.<br /> Also something to keep in mind: she and FIL lived with her mother for years and she's had renters live with her before, so she's very comfortable talking about boundaries and giving us our space.</p> <p>ETA2: as for her contributing rent. If you're planning on getting a mortgage and will rely on her "rent" to afford a bigger house, I believe it will have to be a legal apartment from the mortgage company's perspective. There are also rules about "gifts" for down payments and documenting those. Just be aware that you'll want to talk with your lender early in the process so that you are not disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868203 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:55:17 +0000 gotkimchi 2868203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We lived with my parents for 2 years while we built a house. Our new house does have an in law suite for them eventually. My biggest advice is make sure she has a self contained situation. Separate entry, kitchen, washer, etc. basically a little apartment. As long as you both have your own space you’ll be fine. As far as bills, if you building or doing an addition you can add a separate electric meter etc. Or it might work that you pay electric, she pays water. Basically have a set system were each is responsible for their own part. She pays cable and you pay whatever. Just something where each is responsible and no one is chasing the other for money </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/buying-a-houseliving-with-a-parent#post-2868198 Tue, 22 Jan 2019 15:39:58 +0000 macintosh 2868198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since moving back to my home state my relationship with my mom has improved a lot. She's a huge help with DS and we see each other several times per week. We still get annoyed at each other and have little disagreements on occasion, but mostly things are good.</p> <p>I'm currently living in an apartment with DH and DS and my mom has suggested we buy a house together. She'd prefer to have her own living space (like an in-law suite) and is willing to pay for an addition if needed. </p> <p>This would be an amazing opportunity to almost double my budget for a new home, with the added benefits of less time for her spent travelling to visit, splitting monthly expenses and upkeep, and to have her there to help with DS (who really really really loves Grandma and asks for her every day).</p> <p>My mom is healthy now, still working FT and making more than I make, though that could certainly change with time.</p> <p>If you've moved in with parents or in-laws, I'd love to hear any advice you may have. How did you manage financial matters of mortgage/rent/utilities/household expenses? Any tips appreciated :happy: </p>