https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 23:53:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858913 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:29:26 +0000 MsLipGloss 858913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I think a lot of it comes from unrealistic expectations too. So many women are told (through main stream media) that yes, you can have it all, with the *all* implied there to mean 100% in every category of your life . . . and, moreover, that they *should* have it all. I think that can only lead to feelings of failure/inadequacy (if someone isn't quick to define/determine what their own parameters for success are) . . . and nobody talks about it! So, we are *supposed* to be an incredible perfect parent (to an incredible perfect child), lose the pg weight immediately, keep an immaculate house, cook gourmet meals (and not eat them, obvi!), keep a perfectly clean house that is perfectly decorated, have a happy and fulfilling marriage (while being a sex goddess for our SOs), and still be a bad ass mutha fluckah in the office. I am exhausted just writing it all out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858885 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:15:27 +0000 regberadaisy 858885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: I think the definition of "all" is different for everyone.</p> <p>For me it's 100% at home and work. So to me, that's not possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858872 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:11:29 +0000 BlueWolverine 858872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find the premise of the question interesting. Like everyone else, what does "all" mean? I have a very good friend who has said that men have "won" the feminism debate by saying that yes, women can advance the same as men, as long as they act like men. How different would our society be if, back in the day, women started out in charge? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858862 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:07:08 +0000 MsLipGloss 858862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlek: We are doing the exact same thing. My DH is a partner at his firm, so the sacrifices have all come from my end. Like you, the sacrifices are made willingly, but they are sacrifices nonetheless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858825 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:57:22 +0000 littlek 858825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: THIS!!</p> <p>I think it takes a lot of work to find a balance that works. I personally, am struggling with this right now. DH is very committed to his job and works a ton of hours. So, I have to make a lot of sacrifices with my career. For example: I'm the one that works reduced hours, always leaves to pick up LO. I'm not complaining, I'm very happy with my choice. But because I can't dedicate as much time to my job my route to partner will be longer than DHs to CFO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858794 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:48:53 +0000 aprk 858794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: no, I know what you meant. I'm saying 100% family + 100% career might not be how someone would define having it all</p> <p>@MsLipGloss: I can definitely understand that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858788 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:46:29 +0000 MsLipGloss 858788@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: My priorities have certainly changed - it was automatic from the second LO was born . . . but sometimes it is really difficult to accept that all of the *sweat equity* I put into my career may not come to fruition. I love my LO and would not trade her, or my time with her, for a partnership at any firm (or whatever someone's penultimate career goal may be), but it is still a sacrifice (even though it is made willingly), and can be difficult to reconcile emotionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858783 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:44:22 +0000 Freckles 858783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p><a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/you-can-have-it-all</a></p> <p>:)</p> <p>Ever since i went back to work, i really struggled with this concept. I've changed my views since then, and feel that having it all means great work/life balance. I am on a great career path, but my job allows me the flexibility to spend weekends with my family and come home at a decent hour. DH and i also chose to live in an area that allows us to have short commute times which helps with this work/life balance.</p> <p>I had to reconcile that it all depends on what you consider having it all. I have a friend who has a great career but her kid stays with the grandparents 50% of the time. It may be having it all to her, but there is no way i'd be happy with that life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858776 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:41:46 +0000 regberadaisy 858776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprk: which is why I put "partner" in quotations. Just an example of a career goal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858770 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:39:35 +0000 prettylizy 858770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure how to answer this. I feel like I do have it all. I have a great job with great security, if I need time off I can take it no problem and I really believe that my family comes first and my job fits into that nicely. That said, I had the opportunity to come back from maternity leave to a much more lucrative but much higher stress job and I said NO WAY. I don't need the stress of having to make quota every month and going to straight comission. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858768 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:39:11 +0000 regberadaisy 858768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: exactly!!!! </p> <p>I just feel like you can't be 100% at both. It's one or the other. I've decided recently I'd rather be 100% at being a mom and wife than say becoming a project manager by x age like I had wanted when I was a YA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858761 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:37:31 +0000 bamblm 858761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on what you define as "having it all". I have friends that I barely see anymore, or constantly have to bail last minute for emergencies. This is true of both friends that put their families first and also of my childless, single friends that put their work first. Even without having kids, being number one in a cut throat industry will still have its sacrifices. </p> <p>I just try to be as good as possible at my job while I am there and as good as possible at being a mom and wife at home. They are both important to me, so I will give my attention to whatever needs it more at the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858753 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:35:50 +0000 MsLipGloss 858753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, you can't have it all in the sense that you will never, as a working parent, be able to give either your career or your children 100% of your time/attention, etc. I think it's possible to find a balance (although that balance is fluid, and not fixed), but there are sacrifices to be made on both ends. Sure, I can still make partner at my firm (I am an attorney), but by taking maternity leave and billing fewer hours per year (in order to be at home to put my baby to bed), it will take me longer to make partner than it would for a peer who did not have to make those changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858750 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:34:48 +0000 cascademom 858750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's about finding a good work/life balance. A lot of it depends upon where you work and your boss. All of us in my group of three have family. My boss is wonderful at recognizing the need to be there for your family and your life in general. I think it's probably the reason why I've worked at my company as long as I have. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858743 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:33:00 +0000 Bookish 858743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, I feel like if you are happy with your family, with your job (or not working), and with your marriage, then you 'have it all,' regardless of how measurably successful you are, or how much you excel at certain parts! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858742 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:32:56 +0000 rachiecakes 858742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I think about this all the time! I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm a manager at my office, I have a lot of vacation, sick &amp; personal time to use whenever I need to or want to. DH is a WAHD, so he gets to stay with DS during the day. I go home on my lunch break to see them. I know a lot of working moms aren't able to do this, so I'm very grateful for our situation as it is now. It may not always be this way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858735 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:31:46 +0000 aprk 858735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't necessarily think that having it "all" is the same for everyone - who is to say that everyone wants to make partner or keep climbing the corporate ladders for example? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858718 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:27:25 +0000 babynumber1 858718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like I have it all. I work 830-430. I'm able to leave for field trips, dr visits, etc. I am doing what I wen to school to do. </p> <p>There is not a lot of advancement opportunities, which is just the nature of the job. But I also didn't want to be in higher management. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-have-it-all#post-858683 Fri, 14 Jun 2013 13:17:12 +0000 regberadaisy 858683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you think? As a parent can you have it <i>all</i>?</p> <p>This came up at lunch today with a friend A who's a mom of older kids. We were talking about another friend B of hers (my project manager). We decided that she friend A chose family and friend B chose work as no 1 importance.</p> <p>Friend A is PT therefore her standing in the company is lower. She will leave work for field trips, volunteer etc. Friend B is FT, a partner, but never does field trips, volunteers, etc. Friend A's opinion is Friend B's kids crave her attention whereas Friend A's do not.</p> <p>I do think you can have bits and piece of both. But then you don't excel in either. Or you can be a excellent parent but likely won't make "partner" at your firm. or you can make "partner" at your firm but you won't be the most present parent.</p> <p>What do you think? Can you have it all? </p>