https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 12:14:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1711786 Fri, 20 Jun 2014 07:57:48 +0000 looch 1711786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents came to visit when my son was 5 weeks old. They bunked in the nursery, on our double futon and my mom actually helped me to transition him into his crib during that time. </p> <p>I found that it was a good time for visitors because we already had a loose routine. My husband was home for two weeks, then I was on my own for three before my parents came for two weeks. I had something to look forward to and it turned out to be just what I needed (mentally and emotionally). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1711779 Fri, 20 Jun 2014 07:53:37 +0000 ElbieKay 1711779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: We explicitly told our parents that we didn't want many visitors during the first two weeks. Luckily, they are local so there was no question about them staying overnight. But I am so glad I boxed off those two weeks. We did stil have a few visitors during that time, and whenever anyone stayed longer than one feeding cycle (i.e., the time in between feedings when the baby was either awake/alert or asleep) we regretted not kicking them out because we missed out on the opportunity to sleep or get stuff done. We found that we could spare one feeding cycle's worth of down time but more than that felt onerous to us in terms of getting through the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709801 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 13:04:48 +0000 Foodnerd81 1709801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I think having people wait until your DH is going back part time is a great idea-- plus it sounds nicer to say that you want people to come after that so you will have the help, vs I just really don't want you around right away. I understand the issue with MIL coming before your mom though. I was lucky that my mom is closer and therefore more flexible, and my MIL said from the start that she understood I would want my mom to come first. Sounds like you have a good plan of action. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709375 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 11:07:36 +0000 MamaG 1709375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad you mentioned sheets, that is standard practice for my family. They ask if I want them to change linens. I always take them up on this. Our spare set are kept in the guest room closet. And everyone always brings sheets and towels from the 2nd floor to the 1st floor laundry for me. And I really do expect my family to treat my home at least as well as their own. I don't wait on them, but will help them find whatever they can't find.</p> <p>My mom visits 2-3 times per year. We also just let her keep toiletries at our house. THey go under the sink in our guest bath in a small box and are always ready for her to use when she visits. She's particular about products she uses, and they differ from what we use regularly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709298 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:49:40 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1709298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I think preparing is a great idea! And, be vocal about your expectations. Someone told me to read the Lemon clot essay and it really opened my eyes to what the post partum period looked like. As a FTM, I didn't know what to expect and actually looked forward to having a house full of visitors. My birth was a bit different than what I also expected, but I did still want and need that alone time to heal and bond with our new family. </p> <p>If it were me, I'd ask people to stay at a hotel and set up visiting hours. I personally wouldn't want someone in my house 24/7 other than me and my husband. You know your wishes best, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709243 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:37:00 +0000 Cole 1709243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaG: I like your approach, 2 weeks with just us sounds great, my husband will be home for that time and then working from home about half time so he can help and I need to stock my fridge with lunch meat, soups, rotisserie chickens etc. I should make my laundry room more presentable now and they can be in charge of tossing in their sheets and towels before they leave and putting the second set of clean ones on for the next person. </p> <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: I totally wouldn't mind living in my bedroom! But I do see your point, I think I need to come up with a plan for how things will be different with regards to guests if I end up with a c-section or otherwise physically difficult birth. </p> <p>Two weeks without anyone and then short visits, maybe more like 3-4 weeks if I am not healing well and still short visits. Well stocked fridge, take out menus and directions to all of the local restaurants and coffee shops all at our finger tips. Plus I do think I have enough sheets for the guest bed so people can be in charge of taking care of that so I don't need to. I should probably also make sure to set aside the money to have someone come in and clean.</p> <p>You guys are all awesome, I was seriously up tossing and turning about this last night because it sounded like this was going to be a hellish situation but I think it will be ok. The more I can prepare now the easier it will be too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709199 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:25:59 +0000 MamaG 1709199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I simply didn't allow guests for two weeks. That was the time frame I established for us to settle in at home. My mom came for one week after this period. She's very helpful and considerate. She'd make her own meals and offer to make me a quick lunch at the same time (sandwiches or leftovers). She's not much of a cook, but can master the microwave. She also wasn't comfortable with actually doing our laundry, but as long as I did the laundry, she'd fold/hang it for me. She's also really good about just keeping things tidy. She'd also retreat to her room to give us some alone time or tell me to just take a nap during the day. Sort of the perfect house guest.</p> <p>My MIL on the other hand didn't come until LO was 2 months. I was dreading it. She's very opposite my mom. Fortunately she viewed this as HER vacation and slept a lot. So while she wasn't helpful, I didn't wait on her as much as I thought I might need to. She slept in late, napped, and went to bed early. And for some reason wasn't really interested in bonding with our LO (held her very little).</p> <p>We tend to do a grocery shop when family arrives and tell them to get whatever they might want (quick easy foods). Then our kitchen is theirs, help yourself! I expect people to clean up after themselves. Pick up your towels, put your dishes in the sink or wash them. I'm not your maid while you are visiting my house. Treat it as if it's your own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709170 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:19:11 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1709170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: do you want to live in your bedroom, though?</p> <p>We don't have a big house. We are already tripping over each other and it's just the three of us. A house full of guests for any occasion makes us feel claustrophobic after a bit. </p> <p>Perhaps a different situation, but after my section I couldn't get in and out of our bed. I couldn't even comfortably get in and out of the glider in Chloe's room! I was most comfortable on our couch, where I slept for weeks, or sitting upright on our dining room chairs. </p> <p>I was annoyed with the marathon guests because they were sitting on my bed (couch!) and I couldn't sleep when the baby slept. We really did prefer our personal space &amp; it was difficult (especially the first few days home) to relax with a house full of guests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709157 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:15:46 +0000 Cole 1709157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: I think you're right about the big girl words. I sort of suck at it, especially with my mom. It's easier with my mil and she is also really cognizant of being the mil and not stepping on my toes. I worry about the money side of things with my mom but I think I will just grab a couple of gift cards/groupons ahead of time so I don't need to feel guilty about saying order dinner for us and calling it good. I think we are fine with them staying over though thankfully, the rooms are separate enough that as long as I use my big girl words and leave the living space I can live in my bedroom for days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709145 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:11:39 +0000 Cole 1709145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: That's kind of my thought, we are planning to wait and see. It would be warmer weather and I figured I can just hang out in the hotel and on the balcony and order room service so in my head it sounds lovely! I can imagine I will change my mind as it gets closer though. I have travelled with young babies before so I have some idea of the logisitics but no clue about how I will feel physically. I will cry though if I am stuck with my mom or mil while he is gone though, I would genuinely rather hire someone or be alone!</p> <p>@Anagram: I do have to remember to share and use it to my advantage, a nail place is opening 3 blocks from our house so I should mentally plan to take advantage when we have guests! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709118 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:05:04 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1709118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: we live close to family, but still had guests who parked their butts on my couch and didn't lift a finger to help. One group expected me to wait on them, and i was recovering from a csection.</p> <p>For OOT guests, I recommend a hotel. The first few weeks home aren't hard, but we really did cherish the alone time that we had. There is no way I ever would have been comfortable inviting guests to sleep in my home. It was hard enough adjusting to the three of us! I also liked walking around topless when we were trying to establish BFing. I need, want and like having my own personal space. </p> <p>For the unhelpful guests... I learned you've got to use your big girl words. Someone wanted me to make dinner, and I told them a menu for the local pizza place was on my fridge. I didn't expect anyone to unload my dishwasher or do our laundry, but it really was nice if someone offered to run the sweeper or brought food over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709113 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:03:52 +0000 LuLu Mom 1709113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I'm just going to comment on the business trip. We were planning on going to Florida with DH a little over a month after LO was born (3 hour flight) and we nixed the idea as soon as she came. Seriously, it would have been way too overwhelming for me to try and figure out the logistics of flying with a newborn and all her stuff. So you might change your mind :) My mom ended up coming to stay with me those nights, and it was a huge help! She woke up with her while I pumped (wasn't able to breastfeed), helped clean and cook, and ran errands with me. It was a huge help. I also had an unexpected C-section, so recovery was a little different than I expected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709112 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:03:33 +0000 Anagram 1709112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: oh just read your update about your mom, which makes my advice seem not very relevant. But maybe counter her "I don't know how you like your dishwasher loaded", just try "Oh I don't care now, Mom...I could really just use someone to do it any way they can figure out". Just to see if it would work. ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709105 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:01:35 +0000 Anagram 1709105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: I would try really hard to get your guests to do what they are good at to help you. Like, if they cook ask them to grocery shop and take care of some meals. If they clean, have them be in charge of cleaning. If they don't do either--send them out to get to-go food several times a day, so you get a break at home, too! Or send them to buy more diapers, or whatever you need.</p> <p>And, since most people DO want to hold the baby--take advantage of that and take showers every day, eat your meals with both hands, go get a quick pedicure.</p> <p>I literally went and got a mani-pedi the day after I got home from the hospital. My mom was staying with us and said it might be my last chance for a while (and boy was she right). I was gone for an hour and it felt great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709100 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 10:00:03 +0000 Cole 1709100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@illumina: @Weagle: That is what I am really worried about-- my mom will be more of the type to say "why don't I hold the baby while you take care of that, I don't really know how you like your dishwasher to be loaded." Plus my mom doesn't really have the money to be doing take-out and she doesn't cook.</p> <p>@jedeve: I do need to set the expectations low, I am just worrying that they are going to feel like they spent all this money and time to come out here and then barely got to hold the baby or something. </p> <p>Ugh, I wish I could get out of it but they are all so excited. I think I do need to set the expectation that it needs to be a short visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709085 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:56:01 +0000 Cole 1709085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Thanks! We have a guest room and we can put an air mattress in the nursery (baby will be in with us in the beginning) so we have plenty of space, plus our neighborhood is walkable so I can at least send people out if they get bored and flew. I guess part of my worry is that I can be a bit of an introvert and I worry about feeling the need to entertain people or hand over the baby a lot rather than retreating to my room to nap and feed her when I want. </p> <p>I guess I am partially worried about how my mom is going to handle it if my mil comes out to visit first too. My mil can be far more flexible with her schedule so it would make sense for her to come out for a couple of days and have my mom pre-schedule a visit for a few weeks after baby should be here. We have been tossing around the idea of us going with my husband for a business trip about a month after my due date but I feel like I can't do that unless they have all been to see the baby already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709081 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:55:19 +0000 jedeve 1709081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would try and set expectations for the visit low, so you don't have to wear yourself out. </p> <p>Like, "let me show you where the coffee and coffee pot are so you can help yourself in the morning." Or "let me know what restaurant you want to order out from for dinner." Don't do any more work than you have to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709072 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:53:02 +0000 Weagle 1709072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents were in town when LO was born and stayed for about a week after. It was awesome. They did all of the cleaning and cooking and errand running, as well as baby cuddling. It was very helpful, especially because due to some blood count/transfusion issues I couldn't really stand for more than a few minutes at a time without passing out for the first 2 weeks. My ILs came a few days after my parents left and ended up cutting their stay short by several days. We really needed them to help more with house/cooking stuff but they sat on the couch and waited on us to serve them. I couldn't because I was still passing out, and DH couldn't because he was trying to take care of LO and me. So, we ended up asking them to leave early. While they were in town, our best friends stepped up to entertain them. They know that even normal IL visits are stressful for me, so they brought over dinner for us one night and hung out. My ILs are always at their best when our friends are around, so it was one night of relative ease. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709060 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:50:45 +0000 illumina 1709060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Out of town visitors had to find their own place to stay because our house just doesn't have any extra space to accommodate guests. The main problem we had was dealing with people who wanted to hang out with us ALL day and didn't want to lift a finger to help, just wanted to hold the baby etc. and be waited on as if they were guests under any other circumstances. I was taken aback by the lack of support/general ignorance about what it was like dealing with a newborn etc. and in hindsight I would have been much more assertive about visiting times/duration etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709028 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:42:41 +0000 Foodnerd81 1709028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also- think about things they would be good to help with- like my mom brought some meals for us and cooked a few for us while she was here, which was great, though she isn't great at cleaning up (she tried :) ). And she went to the grocery store for me sometimes. Mil is great at cleaning and our kitchen probably hasn't been as clean since she left. I was EBF so neither could help with feedings but both were good about bringing me snacks a water while we nursed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1709020 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:39:21 +0000 Foodnerd81 1709020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How big is your home? </p> <p>We live far from both our families as well- 5 hour drive for my parents, cross country flight for mil. My parents drive up when c was born, visited us that day in the hospital, stayed in our apt while we were in the hospital, went home the next day. Then they came out about a week later, both stayed overnight and my dad took the train home while my mom stayed to help me when Dh went back to work. I get along great with my mom, and she was quite helpful- though not super helpful like some moms I hear about. Then she left and mil came for a week. Again very helpful and we get along well. I was happy when everyone left though, ad really glad we had almost two weeks of just me, dh, and the baby, first. </p> <p>Our condo is a two bedroom so guests were sleeping in the nursery and c was with us in the master. I would not let anyone stay over that I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in front of. If you dot think they will be helpful, even just for company, I would try to push it back a little so you can get acclimated to your new life with baby. </p> <p>Oh and my sisters and brothers came up for a day but didn't stay over. Long trip for them so it was really nice, but tree came at once an I was exhausted after. Are they all planning to come at once? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/can-you-tell-me-about-your-out-of-town-guests-after-baby#post-1708986 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:30:51 +0000 Cole 1708986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live about 500 miles from both of our families-- and honestly I love it that way. I am starting to worry about logistics after the baby is born with people coming to visit. It looks like my mom, my sisters (2 of them) and my in-laws are going to want to visit twice between when she is born and the end of the year. My mom and I have a rocky relationship to begin with and she won't be extremely helpful when she comes out (my sisters will be mildly helpful but not a ton), my mil will be helpful but it will bug me. </p> <p>How did you handle out of town visitors after your baby was born? I am especially interested in hearing about how you managed dealing with less than ideal visitors. </p>