https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 17:25:08 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654864 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 21:23:33 +0000 MrsB2012 2654864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Marshmallow: I would love it if there was someway to work just part time or less and still have EI covering some of the difference. That would be ideal in my mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654772 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 13:12:20 +0000 pachamama 2654772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was so depressed until I went back to work. Truly restless and depressed. It's the only time I don't feel like a failure and I have an iota of control. I'm a high school teacher so it's fulfilling most days (believe it or not) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654678 Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:31:17 +0000 Cherrybee 2654678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: The truth is.... It's the kids that are the issue. I love them fiercely and I prioritise quality time with them, but I don't enjoy it at all. If you look at my list of house elf duties, they are all child related tasks. I love cleaning and folding laundry, its the kid stuff I wish I wasn't solely responsible for; "will you put Peppa on please?", "can I have a drink?", "I need a wee", "can I have my tablet please?", "I've lost my bunny", "I've wet myself ", " I want a biscuit "..... and that's all in the space of 5 minutes. Meanwhile, the baby is crying or has pooped, and the oven is beeping because E's dinner is ready and then I trip over a toy...... and, basically, I'm not cut out to be a SAHM! :happy: But it's okay because I don't have to be one long term. I have so much admiration for those people who are. Genuinely the most important and the most draining job in the world. </p> <p>@Truth Bombs: Night wake ups have long been a bone of contention in our house. He doesn't wake up at all so it's like they don't happen. If I make a fuss about how much I've been up in the night, he gives me a lie in at the weekend, but I rarely bother - S is usually only up once a night and E STTN now so it's no big deal. But, yeah, I should pull it out if the bag when he does the tit for tat thing. It's hard for my DH because he has an auto immune arthritis condition which is really bad at the moment. He's considerably less willing to take on extra duties when he feels this ill, particularly as I'm coping fine, I'm just a bit sick of it day in day out! </p> <p>I'll be back at work soon. It's all good. It's just good to vent to people who get it. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654328 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 11:36:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2654328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: @Truth Bombs: honestly at that point I would just enjoy my days as much as possible and leave all house work for later as "joint work". If your daily work is the kids, then just focus on enjoying the kids. Later on fold the clothes while he watches the kids. Doing laundry in silence can be enjoyable! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654323 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 11:28:43 +0000 Truth Bombs 2654323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: So does your husband give you time "off" for all the accumulated time you spend handling night wakeups? I would be having serious discussion with my husband if he was counting hours on and off like that. You guys are supposed to be on the same team. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654311 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 11:12:03 +0000 Portboston 2654311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: I totally feel this way about housework as a SAHM!! DH would absolutely help if I asked but I don't want to ask because it's my "job". Although he claims my job is taking care of our son. Love that man! </p> <p>Not Canadian but a SAHM. I struggle with the decision of going back to work but it crosses my mind Every. Day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654272 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 10:22:10 +0000 Mrs. Marshmallow 2654272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Canadian bee that falls into a loop hole of no mat leave (small business owner). My husband is able to take the leave instead which is fantastic. But even though the system values the time it could be better. Like an ability to work part time! If you could take a desired time off completely and then divide your leave to return part time if possible in your job situation. I don't know it's just not flexible for all family scenarios. I would have to opt into EI for my entire career but for that to pay off I would have to have many many children since I could never shut down my consulting business for a full year - but support for 8-12 weeks would be ideal in my scenario then allowing my husband to tap into the parental leave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654260 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 10:08:40 +0000 Cherrybee 2654260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Banana330: it doesn't really work like that in our house. My DH views all work as equal and if one person gets "a break" so must the other person. I had to cancel a brunch date with a friend last week because my DH was adamant that he should get the afternoon off if I get the morning off. Getting away is a one way trip to more solo parenting duties! </p> <p>@MrsSCB: 100% agree. </p> <p>@erinbaderin: yes, oh yes, a solo car ride. I can't wait to get stuck in traffic again and just siiiiit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654209 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 09:33:54 +0000 catomd00 2654209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not in Canada, but I get it. I don't know that is really want a whole year of leave or could handle it! Hope you can find another way to get some alone time - it's so important! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654208 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 09:30:35 +0000 MrsSCB 2654208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: @erinbaderin: I've been home for 13 weeks, and I appreciate that I'm super lucky to get paid mat leave (in the U.S.) but I still feel this. I'm like a crazy person, because I'll start feeling resentful that I'm doing all the laundry and all the cleaning. But I know that my DH would do it if I asked...except I don't want him to because when he's home I just want to hang out. So basically I need a live-in housekeeper I guess. Also, he was home with our son for four hours the other day, which is the longest they've been alone. I asked how it went and he said, "Pretty good. Though I didn't get any of the stuff done that I wanted to." HAHAHA :meh: </p> <p>ETA: Oh and I go back in three weeks and I'm part sad about it and part looking forward to it. It's weird how I can feel opposite things at the same time. The other day, my mom told me that work was her time to "rest and recharge" lol and I totally get that now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654200 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 09:14:57 +0000 Banana330 2654200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: @erinbaderin: Make some time for you to go out.. maybe in the evenings with friends or sign up for a class or course.. it really helps! I do remember him coming home when I was on mat leave and being like here take this baby... even if you go for a 10 min walk or another room and take a few min to reset it really helped me get through the evening without resenting him. He still hilariously says things like "why don't you ever finish your coffees"... if you only knew. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654145 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 07:27:01 +0000 erinbaderin 2654145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I am right there with you. I feel like my day is an endless list of chores and trying to entertain a baby. My husband hasn't been to the grocery store or cooked a meal or done a load of laundry in 8 months and while I know it makes sense that I do all the things so we can have fun family time on weekends I can't wait to get in my car by myself and listen to podcasts and ask somebody how their weekend was and run downstairs for a tea with a colleague. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2654120 Fri, 18 Nov 2016 04:43:29 +0000 Cherrybee 2654120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Reviving this thread because I really need to vent but, because I've got it so much easier than any of my IRL mum friends (family support, older LO in school 5 mornings a week), I have to vent anonymously to strangers! </p> <p>I'm 8 months into my 1yr mat leave and I'm mostly loving it this time around, but I'm so sick and tired of all the mundane tasks falling to me. I feel like Dobby the house elf. My DH leaves for work at 7.10am and doesn't get in until 6pm, so from the moment the children wake until almost when they climb into bed, I am serving their every need. Every nappy, every bottle, every meal, every drink, every time a bum needs wiping, teeth need brushing, baths, books, playing, doctors appointments, school runs, night feeds..... I cook, I clean, I cook again, I do laundry, I make beds, I iron school uniforms and I do NOTHING ELSE. I *am* nothing else. </p> <p>This morning I was SO JEALOUS of my husband as he took his morning shower. He showers, he gets dressed and he leaves the house.... by which point I am knee deep in juggling two children, making breakfasts etc. This will still be the case when I go back to work in Jan because DH will still work long, inflexible hrs, but at least for 8 hrs a day I will no longer be a slave to the every basic need of two people.... precious, adorable people but, hey, wiping a bum is wiping a bum no matter how special the recipient. I want to use my brain! </p> <p>I just wanted to vent. I mean, I really am enjoying my mat leave this time around. I love the time I spend with the baby while E is at school. I love pushing my pram around the neighbourhood. I love singing to my baby and trying her with new foods. But the need for my own identity is nipping at my heels! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639839 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 16:02:56 +0000 MrsB2012 2639839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was off with my first, around 8 months off I started to go crazy. I was so close to going back early! With my second, I was ready to go back after a year, but wasn't thinking of going back early. I wish there was an option to work like a day a week, but still be able to get EI. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639791 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 14:26:55 +0000 erinbaderin 2639791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: It's not required at all, the mom can take the full year or any amount of it, and 9 months of the year can be split any way between mom and dad if you want to. For me, though, they've hired somebody to replace me on a year contract so going back would be problematic that way, plus since I get almost my full salary on mat leave it would actually be more expensive to go back early and pay for daycare. </p> <p>@Freckles: I'm at 7 months too and I think that's part of the problem - he's kind of on a schedule and kind of not, so it's hard to be too out and about, and he's big enough to not be happy just staring at me but too little to play by himself for too long. </p> <p>@gentlelunette: I'm definitely looking forward to going back to work but dreading having to do all the stuff I now spend all day doing on evenings and weekends! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639783 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 14:14:04 +0000 Freckles 2639783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: Don't feel bad -it's normal to feel that way! I found that i loved my mat leave the second time around. The first time around i didn't have as many mom friends, i was always stressing about her sleep schedule. I was ready to go back at 7 months, but then she got so fun at around the 9 month mark that it was hard to go back at the 1 year mark. With my second mat leave, DS started daycare transition at 9 months but i didn't go back to work until the 1 year mark. I worked for a couple of months (a few hours a day) during my mat leave and i was so happy when the project was done!</p> <p>No matter what, i think the fact that Canada give moms the option to take up to 1 year is leaps and bounds better than what is offered in the US. And don't even get me started on the stupid rules surrounding FMLA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639751 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 13:38:31 +0000 Banana330 2639751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: not required. you can share up to 35 weeks of leave with your partner or you can take any portion of the year for your self (combined leave shared can't exceed the year). People do go back early for many reasons, but the majority of people I know have done the full year each time. </p> <p>I feel like I enjoy my time with my DD more now that i'm back at work. I use to count down the hours until DH came home when DD was 11 months old, now when i'm home I feel more present in her life rather than just tired and sick of dealing with a toddler! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639727 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 13:16:19 +0000 LuLu Mom 2639727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't mean to "thread jack" but I have a (possibly stupid) question. Do they REQURE you take the full year or is it up to you the employee if you take the full amount of time off? Always wondered about this, as an American with only unpaid FMLA, I dream of any paid time off, but honestly don't' know if I could do a full year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639718 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 12:55:23 +0000 mrswin 2639718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I didn't read all the replies but I actually went back to work at 5.5 months PP for exactly this reason. I am in no way cut out to be a SAHM, even temporarily. We were fortunate that my SO could take the balance of the leave and stay home with our DD. He is a way better SAH parent than me :happy:</p> <p>It also helped that I am the breadwinner and so financially it was actually better for him to be off than me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639698 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 12:30:17 +0000 skinnycow 2639698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also not Canadian but totally understand where you're coming from. I had a long maternity leave (by American standards) and I was so ready to go back to work at the end. Getting out of my sweats and talking to adults is great. I'm much more sane and a better mom for having time away from DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639625 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 11:01:15 +0000 gentlelunette 2639625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt like this a couple of times on my leave, but having been back at work for 6 months now, I miss those days like crazy and can't WAIT for DD2 to be born in February. I absolutely hate working full time and commuting and then coming home to a hangry toddler and messy house that requires my attention. I love my job, but I don't love having to do it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639624 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 11:00:42 +0000 sunnyday 2639624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With you.</p> <p>I am at work now, looking toward a third mat leave and KNOW X amount of time in I am going to be staring through the long tunnel of time that I am at home.</p> <p>Had I known for my first how I would feel, I would have only taken 6 months. Now it just doesn't make sense to take less time (it's sad I "make" more money on mat leave not having daycare costs to pay). Sometimes I am off for a few days and just can't wait to go back to work. All of what others have mentioned above are reasons why I know I can't SAH, I am definitely a working Mom, but the very black and white split of time in working versus time off because it is so long makes the hard days harder.</p> <p>Hugs!</p> <p>Going into this third mat leave knowing I have felt plenty of what you mentioned above it's part of a mental health plan we are making/scheduling/forcing this time to make sure I disconnect and do something different for a few hours a week no matter how hard it makes it on others. I need the break (escape?!!) that doesn't happen unless you plan and make sure you take care of you and get that change of pace. I am also lucky that there are many work events I can jump in and support (I plan them as part of role at work) day-of that is an easy day into a new world of adult when really needed as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639622 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 10:54:48 +0000 JenGirl 2639622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not Canadian, but this is why I have no desire to be a stay at home mom. I like working. Cutting back to 4 days has been a great balance, but I think I would suck at staying home full time. And, I happen to be really good at my job. So, it just makes sense for me to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639611 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 10:38:26 +0000 caterw 2639611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard to be home and it's hard to go back to work- you either have to give up your adult self or you give up time with your kids. There were things I absolutely loved about going back when I did it (time to run errands and daily adult conversations were my fave). Don't feel bad that you miss yourself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639609 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 10:30:45 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2639609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not in Canada, but this is part of why I'm not sure I could/would want a full year of leave! There are a lot of positives about when I go back to work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/canadian-bees-complaining-about-mat-leave#post-2639608 Thu, 20 Oct 2016 10:26:53 +0000 erinbaderin 2639608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I 100% know how lucky we are, and I am, to be allowed to take a full year off paid, and this time with my son is precious and I would not give it up for anything, but there are days when I wish I could go back to work. I would love to only be responsible for myself for a few hours, and to get a break that wasn't dependent on coaxing an unpredictable maniac to sleep and didn't have the potential to be over at any moment, and to talk to adults and not have to be ON all the time and to have a conversation that isn't about babies and to just think about something else for a while. I would never cut my leave short because I know I would regret it (and I don't want to pay for daycare!) but I'm missing being a professional today. </p> <p>Anybody want to sympathize? </p>