https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 14:23:01 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820238 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 13:28:59 +0000 youboots 1820238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@vegmama I read about half the responses here, and regardless of safety or what is legal or right.... 15 years ago people had no idea what other people were doing with their kids unless they saw them in person where concerns could be dealt with in real time and people traded parenting advice in their driveways along with recipes and musings about the weather. I know you are coming from a place of love and care, but people are not putting photos out there to get advice from their peer group. This is a problem of our generation, too much information, where I would prefer to be blissfully unaware. I vote hide people on FB that bug you for whatever reason. If you see things in person that you find concerning, I feel like that is a more appropriate time and place to address them, by seeing people in person it means you have an established relationship with them and face to face communication is better received. You always have permission to give me gobs of parenting advice. Just my .02, love you!</p> <p>I hit reply on page one, I just saw your wrap up from a bit ago. Bleh, sorry this has left you feeling a little bummed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820203 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 12:50:33 +0000 Vegmama 1820203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I've gathered that no one here would ever like to be told how to parent. Thanks! I talked to my husband about this the other night, as I think I came off as condescending and snarky, but honestly, I figured more people here would be open to advice (considering many of us ask for it here). I was hoping there would be advice on how to nicely share targeted information, but as many of you suggested, my husband also agreed that you can only do so much ... And, when approaching someone individually, you risk them thinking you're questioning their parenting. Or worse, that you think they've made the choice without researching. </p> <p>I still stand by my point that babies are safer rear facing until 2. It's a scientific fact. We will do it, but I now understand reasons why it works for some families to forward face (you're pregnant, and it's hard to get the kid in, the kid hates sitting rear facing and screams, or they get extremely car sick). </p> <p>Again, everyone can stop telling me how terrible of an idea it is to share info with my friends. I've gathered that most people would find it offensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820194 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 12:44:05 +0000 Vegmama 1820194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ScarletBegonia: That's so tough. Sorry you are going through that!!! My LO is not a fan of the car, either, and I know how mentally exhausting it can be to hear a baby crying for so long (and then not able to calm when it's done). I was reading up on AUS car seat info, and it's really interesting how things are so different there. Even the look of the seats, and the way the straps work. Do you guys have national standards for seats? Here, it's a state by state basis, which makes it confusing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820175 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 12:29:52 +0000 birdofafeather 1820175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking about this as we bought a car seat specifically so we can RF our tall daughter as long as possible. BUT we also have an old 60s truck with a bench seat that we've recently been driving more so she's forward facing in the front seat. I know this isn't as safe as her driving in our other car RFing in the back seat but we still have to get around and considering car seats in the 60s looked like beach chairs, I know she's infinitely safer now and would be offended if someone commented on my facebook photo of her or messaged me afterward. </p> <p>So coming from someone who agrees with you, I still would be offended. Definitely keep posting on your own page, but I wouldn't call someone out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820044 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 08:44:12 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1820044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't take parenting advice from some one on Facebook. I take my job as a parent very seriously and expect that others do to. No one is more an expert in my daughter then I am. I understand you're coming from a good place, but you don't know why someone else makes different decisions. Post on your wall if you must and leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1820029 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 08:07:35 +0000 ScarletBegonia 1820029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: Just for a little perspective, I drove home with my 5 month old from a cottage yesterday and he screamed/cried/whined for 4 hours straight. My mom and I were just about insane by the time we got home. He didn't sleep for almost 8 hours straight cause he was so wound up from the drive, and his nighttime sleep was crap because he was so overtired. I feel like I have PTSD. I am actually so glad that I live in Australia where it is legal to forward face at 6 months, because I feel like any safety that would come from having him rear facing is negated by how distracting/dstressing it is to have him rear face. After 2 hours I couldn't concentrate on anything except the screaming, and even with multiple breaks, cuddles, feeds, any distractions we could think of, still it continued. I appreciate that there is a lot of evidence to support rear facing past one year old, but if someone had pointed that out to me after the drive I had yesterday I probably would have had a meltdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1819418 Sat, 16 Aug 2014 13:36:02 +0000 looch 1819418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe you should channel your passion into becoming a licensed car seat technician? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1818975 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 23:57:18 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1818975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: I understand and I think you are coming from a good place. Just wanted to share a little bit from the other side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1818964 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 22:57:33 +0000 Vegmama 1818964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: I never said ppl who do ff are "terrible parents". It sounds like you have a circumstance which makes sense for your situation. </p> <p>As other posters suggested, and as I've said, it seems best to continue sharing information on my feed (positively), and not single anyone out. I would never want to imply that someone is a bad parent ... Especially since most of us care so much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way/page/2#post-1818946 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 22:31:30 +0000 jedeve 1818946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I turned my son ff well before two. For one simple reason - I couldn't bend my pregnant belly in the way necessary to get him in the car seat if it was rear facing. </p> <p>If someone had told me I was doing something wrong, it would've just made me feel like a bad parent and not actually changed anything. </p> <p>Personally, I feel cosleeping is very unsafe. I has a cousin die while cosleeping. I don't tell people that if they mention they cosleep (unless they ask) because I know it probably won't change anything for them. I will share, though, with close friends who I am more likely to influence, why we don't cosleep (meaning bed share, we do room share). </p> <p>If you feel passionately, maybe contact your local senator or representative and see if they would sponsor some rear facing legislation? Or focus on educating not yet parent friends? Or just keep sharing on social media? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818909 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:57:53 +0000 Mrs. Detour 1818909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To go nerd here for a moment, I think in many situations, including this one, it's impossible to know which option in safer for another family. </p> <p>For example (using made-up round numbers :happy: ), if the base rate for child harm in car accidents with a FF seat is 1/1000 trips and a RF seat is twice as safe, then your risk of child harm in a RF seat would be 1/2000 trips. But if your kid screams/vomits when You are driving, your risk of child harm in an accident per trip might pop up to 1/1500 trips or 1/100 trips. If it's the latter, then it would be 10 times safer to FF your kid than to RF it. If it's the former, then RF is better. </p> <p>I think it's important to read the literature and know your base rate risks but then consider whether there are confounding considerations. I love seeing new safety articles in friends' feeds, but I'd be miffed if they though I hadn't weighed my risks on something as well known as car seats. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818903 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:49:44 +0000 mrsjazz 1818903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's not out of line to pass it on to friends who ask for your advice or to post it on your social media sites. Outside of that, I don't think there's anyway to share this without sounding holier than thou. I'd be upset if someone sent me a personal message or PSA like this. I disagree with friends about spankings. </p> <p>I share on my FB articles and research about this once in a while. I know I have friends who spank and I would never ever in a million years send them a private message with links to research about how bad spanking and physical discipline is for children. I know that they have the best interests of their child in mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818890 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:38:32 +0000 Synchronicity 1818890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: well, your original post was geared entirely toward carseat safety, not general safety, so I'm sure you can understand where I was coming from. Regardless, I stand by my posts. I don't think it's your place to say anything, but that is obviously just my opinion. I do think sharing information more generally is totally fine, and you may end up helping someone that way without causing any offence in the process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818879 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:30:03 +0000 Katrocap 1818879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@vegmama: You're welcome. I think it's ridiculous that there are no nationwide standards. For example, in my state (MD), I can place my infant in the front seat, facing forward, as long as he is in a carseat and the airbag is off. How is that safe? But the AAP and DS's pedi recommend RFing until age 2, so I'm going with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818876 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:28:21 +0000 Weagle 1818876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Post it on Facebook all you want, but unless they're doing something illegal don't say anything to individuals. At best you'll get an eye roll, at worst an earful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818875 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:27:57 +0000 keepcalmcarrie 1818875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just want to second what @Mrs. Blue: said. I turned my son to FF well before 2, after a lot of research and consideration. </p> <p>Especially if you have shared information on FB about car seat safety, I think you should assume that they've seen it and are aware of the AAP recommendation, statistics, etc. Every parent worth their salt will have carefully considered issues like feeding, childcare, parenting styles, and safety measures. So I don't think it's my place to say anything to anyone about any of those topics. If someone is asking for advice, yes. If not, no. Unless they are my best best friend or my child, I would just let it go.</p> <p>I definitely think your heart is in the right place, but I think you should continue to share car seat safety information on your own wall. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818868 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:25:12 +0000 Vegmama 1818868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Katrocap: Thank you for sharing that. I wanted to, but didn't want people to think I was beating a dead horse! ;) </p> <p>So yes, there are no federal laws (beyond all babies must be in a carseat). Some states are enforcing RF until 2, and some haven't ever said RF is the law. I wish there were a standard, but I'm thankful for recommendations from AAP and the NHTSA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818824 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 21:03:25 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1818824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm one of those terrible parents that forward faces my less than 2-year olds, and yes, I would be offended if someone said something to me. You're assuming that they haven't read the statistics, laws, and many articles. You're assuming they are not making an informed choice that legislatures all over the country have deemed legal. Here's the thing: forward-facing is not the devil. It is infinitely safer than not being properly restrained in any car-seat. Yes, extended rear-facing is statistically safer, but there are valid reasons that people choose to forward face before two. For instance, kids that get car sick all the time rear facing or, in our case, kids that scream (and I mean scream for hours and hours without ceasing until they make themselves sick) when rear-facing. It's very easy to say that a parent should be able to drive through a baby crying, but for us, it got to the point that we were legitimately so distracted on trips that we determined it was more hazardous to drive like that than to forward-face our kids. Did I feel guilty still? Yes, but knowing his much better I can pay attention to the road makes me confident that we made the right and safest choice for our children. It's 100% percent okay for you to never make that same choice, but it's also 100% okay for me to make an informed, legal choice about my children. I think it's great that you post information about. At-seat safety, and I'm pro rear-facing. I would never have thought that I would turn them around before two, but I am I confident in our decision.</p> <p>I'm not going to get into a debate beyond this about it because it know it's a hot-button topic, but I wanted to share with you the perspective of someone who chose to not follow the recommendation and did it after much thought and research. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818785 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 20:46:00 +0000 Katrocap 1818785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just to show how confusing the laws are, every state is different and there is no federal law regarding how long to rear face children. In many states, including MD, VA, WV, DE, PA and DC, there are no such laws. This site outlines the laws in each state: <a href="http://www.ghsa.org/html/stateinfo/laws/childsafety_laws.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.ghsa.org/html/stateinfo/laws/childsafety_laws.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818757 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 20:28:17 +0000 pui 1818757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: The information truly is valid and useful, which does make it frustrating... but like I said I'd just make the assumption that they have seen this information and have just come to different conclusions than I have. Like you said, parents do whatever they think will keep their babies safe, the trouble is there are differing opinions on what that means.</p> <p>Luckily, information like this is easier to obtain than ever before. I would hope that they have either researched this already or someone closer to them will mention something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818749 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 20:22:58 +0000 Vegmama 1818749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone!! </p> <p>I still feel so torn. I guess heart is heavy because at the end of the day, it's about keeping babies safe. (Which I know that most of us care about that.)</p> <p>I know that most parents do everything they can to keep their babes safe. </p> <p>When there are so many things we cannot control, it seems like a given that we'd choose easy solutions to keep kids safe. </p> <p>I have a hard time accepting that it's better to keep my mouth shut instead of sharing very valid information. </p> <p>FWIW, I haven't ever told a friend how to do anything. (Probably because we go against the grain on a lot of issues, and I know that people don't agree.) Aside from sharing these links on my own feed, I've not shared anything that wasn't asked of me. </p> <p>I think I was optimistic that I wasn't the only person who feels this way (sharing information could be done in a kind manner), but I think it's just too natural to be defensive. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818734 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 20:14:06 +0000 Vegmama 1818734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: Thank you! I'm not on here much anymore, but I know when I was a more active user, I always loved your feedback on topics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818690 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 19:51:39 +0000 pui 1818690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you've done all you can by putting that information out there on your own FB page.</p> <p>I haven't even given birth yet, but I have done a lot of research on all aspects of parenting through my pregnancy. From that have made decisions on how I will raise my daughter, from issues of safety to fostering her development.</p> <p>I've seen and heard parents doing things I wouldn't consider the "best" way myself, but I keep my mouth closed. I make the assumption they have done their own reading and are making educated decisions for their own children. Information is so readily available in this day and age, I would doubt parents haven't heard of the rear facing vs forward facing debate. </p> <p>I do not say anything in these situations because I do not want to hear from people that the way I am raising my kid is, in their opinion, wrong. I extend that same courtesy to other parents. Maybe if I was really close to the person, I'd mention it, but if my only real interactions with this person is on FB, I wouldn't.</p> <p>Since forward facing after one is legal, I don't think it's your place to say anything. I feel this is different from putting a car seat on a shopping cart because, while not illegal, most manufacturers warn against doing this right in the instruction manual. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818655 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 19:15:13 +0000 Vegmama 1818655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PermaStudent: I was asking about general safety issues. And, like I said, I was asking with good intent.</p> <p>When people questioned our choice for a home birth (because of safety), I didn't respond in anger. I responded with the facts. With statistics. With our reasoning. With the safety precautions we were taking. Etc. I didn't hold it against them for asking ... I figured they were genuinely concerned.</p> <p>And, since the laws regarding car seats are very wishy-washy in the US, I choose to share information from sources like the AAP (who make strong guidelines based on statistics and research). </p> <p>Personally, I'm a new mom. I don't know everything ... Sometimes, I feel like I know nothing about raising a little person. If someone approached me with kindness and love, I'd have a hard time telling them to mind their business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818645 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 19:08:14 +0000 Vegmama 1818645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@babycanuck: You are explaining it well! :) </p> <p>I guess I was a new mom, who didn't know any better ... Once I knew, I realized the safety risk, and would like to think I'd share it with others. But, maybe I shouldn't?? I never want to make someone think I'm judging them. It's a shitty feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818639 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:53:54 +0000 Synchronicity 1818639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: we aren't talking about dangerous things in general, we are talking about RF vs FF car seats. In this case, no, I would not appreciate someone calling me out on my choices because they disagree with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818638 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:51:11 +0000 Silva 1818638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: if you have posted the information on Facebook, I'd assume they have seen it and are making an alternative choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818633 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:48:38 +0000 babycanuck 1818633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: I think there's a difference between sitting a car seat on a shopping cart versus seat facing in a car.</p> <p>I honestly think there's a higher chance of a seat tipping on a shopping cart. I know that accidents with children and children die from these accidents every day, don't get me wrong. That's just how I feel.</p> <p>Sorry if I'm not explaining this very well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818631 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:45:41 +0000 Vegmama 1818631@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PermaStudent: @babycanuck: Totally asking this earnestly ... If someone saw you doing something that could hurt your child, would you want them to say something? And, I am not talking about things that people "think" will hurt your child (ie. someone saying that formula is horrible), because I would lose my shit! </p> <p>I keep going back to the car seat on the shopping cart. I saw other people doing it, it seemed like our seat fit perfectly, but then I found out (from a friend) that it is really dangerous. I am pretty sure I got defensive, but now I am grateful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/car-seat-safety-and-how-to-pass-information-onto-friends-in-a-nice-way#post-1818627 Fri, 15 Aug 2014 18:41:03 +0000 Vegmama 1818627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: In all fairness, I wasn't explaining my reasons for choosing home birth. I was agreeing with the PP that laws are different than recommendations. I was saying that we chose something legal, and then we ensured we were doing it in the safest way possible (based on recommendations). I was agreeing to the points that recommendations and laws are not the same thing.</p> <p>I asked for perspective, and hoped that people would give it to me in a kind way ... Just like I would never email or tell someone "You're being a bad parent because of your car seat." ... I would approach the subject with kindness, and ask them to understand it's coming from a good place ... and tell them that I understand if it comes off as out of place. BUT, after listening to feedback here, it sounds like I should stick to sharing information in a positive way on my feed, and let people make their own choices. </p> <p>Thanks ladies! </p>