https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 17:55:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2681654 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 16:50:21 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2681654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a bride we knew we needed to determine our wedding based on what we wanted to prioritize. Location or max people attending. We knew it was more important to make it easier for our guests to attend than to have the perfect location/venue. </p> <p>I agree that picking a location that is over $150 per night in a hotel is totally her choice but she's choosing location with the risk that not all may be able to attend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2681643 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 16:38:54 +0000 AggieDaze 2681643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just found out from my doctor that I'd have to wait 6 months after the wedding to try....</p> <p>@lioneyes - good point. I'm certainly trying to make this decision and communicate it as expediently as possible but I want to make the right call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2681507 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:37:42 +0000 lioneyes 2681507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>if you decide you can't go, please tell her ASAP. there was a similar situation in my friend group, and the bride would have been understanding about the bridesmaid not being able to attend, but she wouldn't tell her she couldn't come until very close to the wedding, and that was what caused a big rift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680906 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 15:01:24 +0000 littlejoy 2680906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Money ... and Zika ... both are very real concerns. I had a friend go to Central America last summer, and her doc said she and her husband had to abstain from sex for MONTHS (because she could pass it to him, and then him back to her). She didn't realize this before she went, so her TTC window got pushed way back. </p> <p>Financially, I feel like there has to be some degree of understanding when it comes to an expensive destination wedding. I wouldn't expect anyone to come, but I'd be grateful for anyone who did. I'd be sure to let her know it's money, logistics, and Zika (so she doesn't offer to pay for you, then you still have to say no). </p> <p>If you do opt out, what about treating her to a weekend girl's trip? Even a local hotel with pedi's, room service, shopping, and bars? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680904 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 15:00:34 +0000 AggieDaze 2680904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: I feel like I can't really let Zika be a problem because my husband has a work trip to Mexico in february that he isn't willing to miss (feels like it would reflect badly on him at work). Since the CDC guidelines right now suggest waiting 6 months after potential infection for the male and 2 months after potential infection for the female, I'm guessing I'd have to wait until late August to try whether I go to the wedding or not (because of him). I'm planning to ask my doctor more tomorrow though!! </p> <p>If I don't end up going, I'll definitely make an extreme effort to do something to make up for it. Still just unsure! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680894 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 14:53:43 +0000 Littlebit7 2680894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What is your feeling towards zika in all of this? For me, that would be a pretty hard no since we are considering ttc in the next 6-9 months<br /> Anyway, I'd definitely try to meet with her face to face. If the answer ends up being no, maybe you could offer to host a shower for her or co-host the bachelorette. That would show her that you are still committed to her as friend, but the logistics of a destination wedding just don't work for a variety of reasons. I think every bride who plans a destination wedding is (hopefully) somewhat realistic that not everyone is going to attend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680886 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 14:46:18 +0000 Pollywog 2680886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: here's what I'd do, go to happy hour with her. Be honest. Say you are doing everything in your power, including working an extra day at work, to make it work. Despite your efforts, you're running into money and zika roadblocks. See how she reacts. It may be no big deal. </p> <p>FWIW, we had a similar situation. I didn't go. The couple was hurt, but understood. I think anyone who plans a wedding in the Zika zone has to </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680811 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 13:53:36 +0000 AggieDaze 2680811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: great point! Sounds like whatever decision I make, I just need to commit to it and make the most of it. </p> <p>The worst part is, in the beginning, when she was discussing a destination wedding, I was fully in support and even made comments like - the people who can will obviously make it work! Of course, at that time, I wasn't even thinking about TTC or the possible expenses involved. Cest la vie! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680805 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 13:48:54 +0000 AggieDaze 2680805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: ouch. That is really tough. I have a feeling my husband would push for us to go in that instance too, but it certainly sounds difficult! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680804 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 13:48:00 +0000 AggieDaze 2680804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: good feedback! Thank you!! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680802 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 13:45:41 +0000 AggieDaze 2680802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: your response was a tad harsh. I meant that it is a bit self involved to plan something like that and then expect or get angry if people can't attend. Not simply to plan it. Thanks for your opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680783 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 13:04:21 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2680783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think people that have destination weddings understand that some guests might not attend.</p> <p>My SIL is getting married in New Zealand on New Years and wants us to bring the three kids to be her flower girls. I have zero interest in travelling across the world with so she can have cute flower girls. Especially not for an extra $6k in airfare. I'm also not interested in leaving them behind over their birthdays. This is going to be a $15k wedding for us to attend. I've been digging in my heels but DH is feeling we should all go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680780 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 12:59:09 +0000 Smurfette 2680780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My good friend got married a year and half ago. When she got engaged she said she wanted a destination wedding. No one gave it a 2nd thought. She was the last one to get married, the rest of the group all has kids. Only one couple couldn't come due to a destination family wedding. Everyone else looked as it as excuse to have a long weekend away with friends, no kids, and time with our spouse. I had NO desire to spend money to go to Mexico(not a fan) but I never gave it a second thought. All that mattered was we were going to be there for my friend on her big day. I was a bridesmaid so I spent a lot on a dress, bachelorette, shower, etc. but in the end it was 100% worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680718 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 11:00:00 +0000 periwinklebee 2680718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand that weddings are very sensitive subjects. I feel like because of the zika especially - and also b/c of the cost to your family of having to work an extra day a week to afford it - it would be perfectly reasonably not to go. I recently received an invite to a wedding in a very zika prone area of South America in August. It's not a super close friend - and in fact this friend didn't come to my wedding because he was busy, so maybe the situation is a little different - but I don't think I'll go. Hopefully I'll be super pregnant then (due in Sept now) but even if this pregnancy doesn't work out and we're back in TTC mode, it's just not worth it for me at this point to take a substantial amount of time off TTC. If it was a family member or best friend, maybe I would feel different.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680690 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 10:11:20 +0000 MrsADS 2680690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87 I totally agree with you. People have every right to plan a cool destination wedding, but IMO don't have the right to get mad when their friends and/or family can't make it because it's too expensive/far away, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680667 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 09:53:28 +0000 PinkElephant 2680667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: If you do really want to be there, and can afford it, and will enjoy it, GO. Look at it as a mini mommy getaway, book yourself a massage, and make the most of the time. If the whole time you're there you are going to be stressing about the $ you spend on food and activities, or feeling guilty about leaving your kids and DH (or he's going to give you a hard time about being left before and after), and you won't really enjoy yourself...then don't go. That's when the money would be truly wasted - if you go purely out of obligation and aren't actually able to relax.</p> <p>I feel like in these cases, sure, your friend might be disappointed you didn't come....but - you aren't in the wedding, you're not her sister/mother....it shouldn't be a relationship ending thing. She's planning a wedding and I hope has more important things to worry about than which friends didn't come and why. When you plan a destination wedding, you accept that some people might not be able to make it, and it's not always the ones you expect. Some people even intentionally host destination weddings to trim the guest list a bit, IMO! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680664 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 09:49:03 +0000 Truth Bombs 2680664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: The bride and groom get to have their wedding wherever THEY want to have it. It's not "self-involved" to plan the wedding you want rather than the wedding that is most convenient for your friends. I don't think she should be expected to sacrifice the wedding she wants because she happened to fall in love in her 30s instead of her 20s. Hell, I'm in my 30s with two kids and I would love an invite to a destination wedding. It would be an excuse for my husband and I to leave the kids with my parents and get away. We could afford it because we are older and therefore more financially stable, and we are done having kids so Zika is no concern to me. So, I think it's unrealistic to expect your friend to consider your specific circumstances when planning HER wedding since someone else in the same demographic as you (me) would happily go to the wedding you are describing. I do think when you plan a destination wedding you have to be understanding that some people won't be able to make it, but I don't think that means you shouldn't have a destination wedding. It sounds like you don't really care much for her since you think she's self involved and seem to only want to go to the wedding to avoid her being mad at you (as opposed to wanting to go to celebrate your friend's marriage) so I think you should just bow out. I certainly wouldn't want anyone at my wedding who came only out of obligation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680623 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:41:09 +0000 nana87 2680623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to clarify that I don't think it's selfish/entitled to have an expensive destination wedding--but if someone makes that choice and then is not understanding about friends having to say rsvp no, and is willing to end a friendship over that alone, without talking about it or trying to see things from their perspective,then I do think that is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680621 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:40:02 +0000 looch 2680621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is fine, we disagree. I think that when we move into different life situations, our priorities change. We have different things to spend our money on. But as a person that was married a lot later than many of my friends, it is really a different perspective. It's difficult to be in a position when all of your friends are having babies and you are planning a wedding. You don't think about what they are going through, really, you just do your own thing, as they did when they got married.</p> <p>And now, believe it or not, I am trying to figure out how we're going to attend a very short notice family wedding abroad when this is the year we're supposed to also go for Christmas and I have a child in public school!</p> <p>And sorry OP, I totally derailed your thread! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680613 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:20:20 +0000 AggieDaze 2680613@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch @nana87 - I think I get what you are both saying and it's really helpful. Rather than selfish/entitled, I feel like her choice of wedding venue (both with the Zika concerns and the cost) is maybe a bit self involved (since the majority of her friends are in there 30s and trying to have kids) but I don't think it is purposely that way. And, I get being disappointed if someone can't come to your wedding. I'd hope it wouldn't ruin a friendship but it's certainly possible with one feeling strained already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680611 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:16:36 +0000 erinbaderin 2680611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I get where you're coming from, but I think there's a difference. I had a friend who didn't come to my wedding because she had just moved and didn't want her cats to have to stay in the new house alone. That hurt my feelings. And I can see your situation would also be hurtful, just a "sorry, no" without any reason or seeming to care about missing such an important day. But I also agree that a friend who would end a relationship because you couldn't spend $2500 on a 3 day weekend is not much of a friend. That is a LOT of money and when you plan a destination wedding I think you have to understand that people you love and want at your wedding might not be able to do it, and that doesn't mean that they don't love you and want to be there for you but you don't know people's financial situation even if you think they should be able to swing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680609 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:13:30 +0000 AggieDaze 2680609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I do the same thing... I've been toying with the idea of adding an extra day of work a week to my schedule for 3 months. That would basically recoup the cost. But, that also felt like - ouch! Working an extra day a week, sending my kids to daycare that extra day and all that money goes out the window like whoosh! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680608 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:11:05 +0000 AggieDaze 2680608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: I had my eye on June (which is when her wedding is). That said, my husband has a work trip to Mexico in a month that may push back our date by 6 months (according to CDC guidance) anyway... </p> <p>I'm probably overreacting, but Zika is so scary to me because it feels like so little information is known about it - especially with regard to how it can impact men's semen longer term. Luckily, I have my annual gyn appointment this week so I'm planning to ask lots of questions. </p> <p>Fingers crossed for complete health for you and your baby! I'm a worrier so adding stress like that - ugh! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680606 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:07:50 +0000 nana87 2680606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I meant it specifically about the money though-- if the base cost of attending a wedding at a resort is that much, if I'm right about the way the 2.5k is broken down, then that's a lot to expect. I do think it'd be hurtful to just send the card back rsvp-Ing no without a conversation-- the rest of my first post said that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680605 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:07:25 +0000 AggieDaze 2680605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: you are reading it right. That cost was just for the Roundtrip airfare and 3 nights in a hotel room (which that amount of time is almost necessary due to flight options - it requires a flight to Miami and then another flight to the island). If my husband was coming, it would have cost 4,500$ (which is why he isn't coming). </p> <p>@looch - I get what you are saying. I look back, though, and feel like I was so sensitive to my bridesmaids spending money on my wedding. Their bridesmaids dresses were ~$100 bucks and she lives 10 minutes away so there were no travel costs. However, she threw my bachelorette and helped with a shower so I'm sure she spent money there... Worth mentioning, I have not been asked to be part of the wedding party so I don't expect to have to buy a specific dress. It's really the travel costs that surprised me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680602 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:06:00 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2680602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would lead first with ZIka because that IS a real concern/ possible life changing hardship, where as the money is just an ouch. I try to justify big items by seeing how many days/ weeks/ pay periods I have to work to recoup costs. For the level of friendship commitment you have with her NOW, I couldn't justify the trip. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680600 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:02:11 +0000 looch 2680600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: It's not about the money, it's specifically the comment where you wrote this: </p> <p>I think a friend who is upset about that isn't a friend worth having-- that's really entitled and selfish to expect friends to spend so much.</p> <p>As a person who had a very close friend simply send back the card that they couldn't attend, it stung. Why are those feelings supposed to be classified as entitled and selfish?</p> <p>And further, what's the difference where it is located? Some parts of the country aren't that easy to get to. It's easier for me to fly direct to the Bahamas as compared to trying to get to Indiana, for example. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680598 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 07:58:09 +0000 nana87 2680598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: from my understanding (and I read this pre-coffee, still lying in bed, lol), she's not factoring in the cost of the dress, gifts, etc-- I read it as 2.5k is airfare and splitting a room, which prob means the hotel itself is pretty expensive, and that's why a destination wedding is just different from a domestic one you have to travel for. My friends are from all over the country too--people did travel for my wedding, and I've traveled across the country for friends'. But like, for ours, in an expensive city (DC) we made sure to have a hotel block where rooms were $119/night. But to me--and maybe I'm misreading this! op correct me if I'm wrong--if say the airfare is 1k, that cost means that the wedding is prob at a resort that has a really expensive per night cost (something like $500/night for 3 nights after it's split, so actually 1k??), and if it's a resort like that it's not like you're going to be able to find a cheaper hotel down the street where you can stay instead. That's a total guess of course on how the cost is 2.5k. Regardless of airfare, I think if you're asking guests to spend a lot on hotel per night and there isn't a cheaper option, you can't be upset if people can't spend that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680585 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 07:11:08 +0000 looch 2680585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When all my friends were single, we travelled to each other's weddings in different states. When I total up what it cost me to go to a wedding in the midwest for the airfare, the hotel, the dress, the gifts, etc I spent about what you're spending. No one thought anything of it. </p> <p>Then came my wedding. A friend had 2 kids and she basically pulled the money card about losing money on her condo and I called her out on it. I felt extremely hurt, that she would think that I did all of that for her and she didn't have to reciprocate. She ended up coming, it was a solo trip for her, and I did try to accommodate her needs as best as I could, but ouch. Neither of these weddings were "destination" in the sense that it was outside of the US, but they did involve travel because as college friends, we all came from different places. And Nana, wow, that's harsh!</p> <p>Now, the zika thing I admit complicates things. I don't have a good answer on how I would have felt about that, but as a mother, I get it. As a bride, I don't think I would have been so understanding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/caribbean-destination-wedding-zika-money#post-2680578 Mon, 16 Jan 2017 06:45:28 +0000 nana87 2680578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daaaang, that's a huge amount of money per person to expect friends to drop. I wouldn't Spend that much on a trip by myself at this stage of life with kids. Even though we would be able to afford it technically, that's just a lot of money to spend. Plus, time away from kids is a big ask, imo (I've only been away overnight for work though...) And especially with a Zika worry-- I prob wouldn't share that part of my concern of your friend hasn't been supportive of your family plans anyway, the money is enough of a barrier. And honestly, I think a friend who is upset about that isn't a friend worth having-- that's really entitled and selfish to expect friends to spend so much. If you have a destination wedding, I think you have to expect that people won't be able to come.</p> <p>I would probably approach it with her by being really apologetic that you can't spend that much money, but that you still want to be involved in any shower/bachelorette festivities, and maybe even try to plan something with just the two of you to make it up /celebrate her. Not the same, but one of my Bridesmaids couldn't come to my shower/bachelorette (they were same weekend) and planned a special day for us instead and it meant so much to me-- and I wasn't even upset that she couldn't come! </p>