https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 11:06:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-710484 Fri, 12 Apr 2013 08:04:53 +0000 LovelyPlum 710484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For what its worth, the marriage can still be annulled without your husband signing the papers. They sent it to you so that your husband would get a chance to respond. I would send a letter back, say he disagrees with the accusations. The annulment maystill go through, it is hard to say. But at least put his side out there. Who knows, maybe it will go through because she was the crazy one, not him. The specific legal process of getting one is really complicated. If she's lying, it is pretty likely that they will find out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-710157 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 23:19:33 +0000 MsMini 710157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely think I would respond to the accusations. Something like that might actually be grounds to sue her for slander, as who knows who else she is spouting that crap off to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-710063 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 22:06:19 +0000 JamieLee 710063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a wack job! Glad you're going to respond appropriately. I wouldn't stand by an let someone slander my family either! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-709808 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 20:41:16 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 709808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband at least has kept a sense of humor about it. He was discussing the mater at work a few weeks ago when we received the first packet and after much discussion, he said, "I've got it. I have the perfect response." "What?" "Catholic? I thought she was Wiccan!" (Apparently she used to 'dabble'). A Catholic co-worker and friend of DH said, "Aaaaaaaand done."</p> <p>He wanted me to share that. He's going to ask his co-worker their opinion tomorrow but it looks like we're going to either write a letter or contact the Diocese. I think he agrees with most everyone, an accusation like that shouldn't really go without some response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708576 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:34:25 +0000 honeybear 708576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have your husband contact the Diocese. Either by phone (ask for a priest who is involved with the marriage tribunal--that's where these things are dealt with, so those priests will be the most knowledgeable), or, as suggested above, in a letter explaining briefly that he cannot sign the statement and why. </p> <p>I don't know what happens as a matter of marriage tribunal procedure if he doesn't respond, but I personally wouldn't want to risk having her statement accepted and possibly preserved somewhere as having been accepted, especially if it's not true. I would say that it's worth 5 minutes to make a call or write a letter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708443 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:09:38 +0000 kiddosc 708443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the idea of returning it with a letter that states why he won't sign it. This defends his honor without opening the giant can of worms that contacting her would. People that lie about abuse have a huge dose of bad karma coming their way, WTH! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708417 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:03:34 +0000 Foodnerd81 708417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NaturallyCathy: Yeah... she sounds nuts. If she really wanted his help with this she could have written to him explaining the situation, then come up with a valid reason that wasn't abuse. That's too bad, and I hope it doesn't mean that you will have to have more involvement with her, but sounds like ignoring it is the way to go. </p> <p>I think my brother filed for annulment from his first wife-- now I'm wondering if he contacted her first. He had valid grounds that weren't slanderous, but he and his wife went ahead with the marriage without waiting on the annulment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708407 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:00:55 +0000 .twist. 708407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: Agreed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708405 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:59:59 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 708405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rescuemom10: I believe she is or in the process of becoming Catholic and she is marrying a Catholic, just as soon as her first marriage is annulled. And I read the grounds for nullity too, so I can see why she might cite this as a reason but she dated and was married to my husband - she should know this would incite some kind of response against her. If she wanted him to help her out, she could have come up with a different lie. </p> <p>@Chillybear: Yeah, the pamphlet had a dumbed down version of reasons and the process too. Thanks for the deeper info! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708392 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:57:55 +0000 pui 708392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I certainly would never sign a document that said I was abusive, for any reason. I understand that that may create trouble for this person and that sucks but... still, no. Not signing a document that implicates me in a crime or paints me in a bad light.</p> <p>Other than refusing to sign, I would stay out of it though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708386 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:56:28 +0000 LindsayInNY 708386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a Catholic who got married in the Catholic church and with a cousin in a similar boat... As a Catholic, you can only get married in the church once. Since ex-nutso is converting and was not married in the catholic church initially, she is able to get married there. But, as you described, she needs to jump through some hoops with regards to your husband first. My cousin is marrying someone who was married but opted to not deal with the whole process just for the church. I don't know anything about the process but asking your husband to sign something that alleges such things is insane. What was she thinking? That he'd just sign without reading it? I would ignore things. If she contacts him, explain why he won't be signing it. Or, you could always send it back with a letter explaining why he won't be signing it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708359 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:51:21 +0000 Chillybear 708359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>According to Wiki<br /> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment_%28Catholic_Church%29" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annulment_%28Catholic_Church%29</a></p> <p>Grounds for nullity</p> <p>A marriage may be declared invalid because at least one of the two parties was not free to consent to the marriage or did not fully commit to the marriage.</p> <p>Grounds for nullity include:</p> <p> Simulation of consent; that is, the conscious and positive exclusion at consent by either or both of the contracting parties of one or all of the essential properties or "goods" of marriage: a) exclusivity of the marital relationship; b) the permanence of the marital bond; c) openness to offspring as the natural fruit of marriage (canon 1101§2)</p> <p>****Deliberate deceit about some personal quality that can objectively and gravely perturb conjugal life (canon 1098)***</p> <p> Conditional consent; the condition must concern the past or present (canon 1102)<br /> Force or grave fear imposed on a person to obtain their consent (canon 1103)<br /> A serious lack of the discretion of judgment at consent concerning the essential matrimonial rights and obligations to be given (canon 1095 n.2)<br /> Psychic incapacity at consent to undertake the essential obligations of marriage (canon 1095 n.3).</p> <p>According to Canon 1095 a marriage can be declared null only when consent was given in the presence of some grave lack of discretionary judgment regarding the essential rights and obligations of marriage, or of some real incapacity to assume these essential obligations. Pope Benedict XVI in his address to the Roman Rota in 2009,[13] echoing words of his predecessor John Paul II, has criticized "the exaggerated and almost automatic multiplication of declarations of nullity of marriage in cases of the failure of marriage on the pretext of some immaturity or psychic weakness on the part of the contracting parties". Calling for "the reaffirmation of the innate human capacity for matrimony", he insisted on the point made in 1987 by John Paul II that "only incapacity and not difficulty in giving consent invalidates a marriage".[14]</p> <p>If someone has been married previously and the first spouse is still alive, he or she must get a Declaration of Nullity before entering into a marriage in the Catholic Church, even if neither party in the marriage was Catholic (privilege of faith being separate cases). The Catholic Church treats as indissoluble and valid every marriage when it is the first marriage for both parties. However, the Church does not recognise as valid a marriage when one of the parties is Catholic but the marriage was not celebrated before a Catholic minister (unless a dispensation was first obtained).</p> <p>its a little hard to read but it may help clarify why she chose to slander your husbands character in order to obtain her annulment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708349 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:49:53 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 708349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: My husband will probably ignore it and the deadline is looming so we're not likely to get a third packet. I'm just so p'oed about this whole situation. I feel like I should defend him since he wants to just stay out of it. Defend his honor, so to speak, since the person she described has since remarried and is a loving, wonderful husband and father.</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: From what I have heard from family, friends, and by-standers, the woman was mental. It was a case of he tried to make it work, offered marriage counseling, etc and she refused, saying she was seeing someone else and wanted out. So they divorced and weren't (and aren't) on speaking terms. But I figure if you want his help doing something, why write that? I mean, come on!</p> <p>@PastaAndPotato: The single incident apparently occured after marriage, and thus why she didn't know about it before taking the vows. The 'abusiveness' didn't come out until she was already married. I call BS on that. </p> <p>And I probably should refrain from contact because of the few choice words i have for her... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708321 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:43:06 +0000 PastaAndPotato 708321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: ohh that makes more sense </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708317 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:42:17 +0000 Mrsbells 708317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ignore it. No offense to anyone but why does he have to explain himself to the catholic church? I am a christian and respect the church but since he isn't the one who is getting married and he isn't a member of the church he really isn't obligated to respond at all </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708316 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:42:11 +0000 Foodnerd81 708316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PastaAndPotato: I re-read it and I think it is saying the abuse took place after they got married, so she lied about an affair in order to get a divorce. </p> <p>But the point stands, that's nuts. But I do think it would be easier to come to some kind of agreement, without signing something utterly untrue, than to deny it entirely, in which case they will probably end up with even more involvement with the ex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708311 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:41:37 +0000 Rescuemom10 708311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everything @Foodnerd81: said. </p> <p>Were they married in a Catholic Church?<br /> Are both her and her future husband Catholic?</p> <p>I would NOT sign something that said he was abusive.<br /> I know a little bit about this process she is doing because I went through it as well....well, part of it. I ended up NOT being able to get married in my church. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708301 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:40:30 +0000 Smurfette 708301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be so pissed if someone made those allegations about my husband. I would ignore it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708296 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:39:34 +0000 MrsCastro 708296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>See if you can contact the dioceses...to explain the situation. </p> <p>Do you have a pastor you can speak with to help you?</p> <p>What a f-uped thing to do and the fact that she is asking for help after writing that is just wrong... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708290 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:38:35 +0000 PastaAndPotato 708290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would be irate if i were you, too, for that attack on his character. does he still have any contact with her? i almost wonder if she wrote that so that they would grant the annulment, because i don't think that you can get them with any divorce situation, that there has to be some kind of extenuating circumstances (abuse obviously being on of them). it also strikes me as odd that she says the "incidents" happened after their divorce - how that would have any bearing on an annulment.</p> <p>without knowing your husband or his ex, i would want to talk to her to see why she wrote it, and if she insisted, i would probably fill out the response questionnaire - entering into a faith by lying about someone else isn't exactly the best foot to be starting on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708282 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:36:45 +0000 Foodnerd81 708282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could he talk to her directly, or would that open up a whole can of worms that you both want to avoid? They were never married in the Catholic church, right? That should be enough-- it was never a 'valid' marriage, and they obviously were very young, so I think there would be multiple other valid reasons for annulment that are true. I wouldn't sign something that said I was physically abusive even if it was just a formality. She sounds a little insane. I mean, valid reasons would include things like one of them changed their mind about having kids or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708277 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:36:17 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 708277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ignore it. </p> <p>She likely cannot remarry in the Catholic Church since she's divorced, unless your husband agrees to nullify the marriage. </p> <p>Throw that ish away and don't let it get to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/catholic-bees-i-have-a-question-for-you#post-708265 Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:32:19 +0000 Mrs. Grizzly Bear 708265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was married once before, when he and his then-wife were nineteen. They separated and then divorced not a year later. Since then, he has not sought any contact with her although she has reached out to him (and not always in the most well-behaved fashion). Her most recent reaching out was a few months ago to inform him that she was planning on remarrying and that he would be getting something in the mail, since she was remarrying a Catholic and changing her faith to Catholicism. </p> <p>Well, months went by and my husband forgot about it until he received a notice from the post office informing him that he had a certified letter waiting for him that he would need to sign for. It was from the local dioceses and it contained a Deceleration of Nullity, with a letter of explanation as to why he was being contacted, a pamphlet on the process, his ex-wife's application, and a questionare. </p> <p>At first, my husband had every intention of signing the statement and having nothing more to do with it but then he read her statement. "He became mentally and (once) physically abusive after marriage. I told him I was unfaithful in order to get a divorce." At first, he was angry - and anyone who knew him would be outraged and angry too, that's not in his nature! - and intended to fill out the questionare response. But then he decided she wasn't worth his trouble, that this was all ridiculous and if asked, the papers got lost in the move. Nothing more was thought about it.</p> <p>Well, we recieved another copy of the packet in the mail today, forwarded from our former address. It includes everything I listed above and I'm not sure what my husband plans to do, but I'm tempted to write my own statement. I know I don't know the person who filed the petition but I do know my husband and that smudge against his character infuriates me. My question is - what would you do? Write a letter defending your husband or stay out of the situation? We've been married for two years after dating for five and have two beautiful children together. Everything I know about this man is in complete contrast with her statement. Nothing anyone has ever told me about this point in his life (the divorce) or while he was growing up would support this slander.</p> <p>What would you do? </p>