https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 03:44:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2794626 Tue, 02 Jan 2018 15:08:42 +0000 WinterBee 2794626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: We’re the first to have a baby on DH’s side. He’s 1 of 4 and everyone is married. His siblings play with our LO on and off, but that’s the extent of their involvement. If I specifically asked them to do something I’m sure they would, but they wouldn’t take over and do it on their own (change diapers, feed, change, bath, etc.).<br /> My brother has 4 kids, but they also live far and we only see them once a year. So the 1 time they’ve seen on LO they were also not actively involved, but they also have their own kids to take care of!<br /> I don’t expect anyone to take care of my kid but myself and my husband. It’s never even crossed my mind otherwise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2794615 Tue, 02 Jan 2018 14:49:14 +0000 krispi 2794615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was single and visited my friend with a baby/toddler, I would watch the kid while she went to the bathroom, play, read bedtime stories, push the stroller at the store so she could shop, hold the baby, maybe feed a bottle, be an extra hand during bathtime (but not do bathtime by myself), etc. I wouldn't have taken a toddler to the bathroom though. Now that I have one of my own, I still wonder if I'm doing that right. :) I also didn't make bottles or change diapers or any other more heavy duties because I wasn't very experienced and didn't want to mess up on someone else's kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793927 Thu, 28 Dec 2017 16:38:26 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2793927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I very rarely see these family members and spend most of my time with other moms, where we all just jump in and help each other's kids as needed and don't bat an eye. It's really helpful to hear other perspectives! We don't have family around typically, so I am used to doing things myself and don't really expect anything...I was just mostly curious. :)</p> <p>Also, I just want to say that I think it kinda sucks that people would hesitate to help because the world we live in would make us all afraid we would do it wrong or offend someone. I can't help but think that this is one of the million things that makes parenting in this generation so much harder than it used to be. Not a judgement of anyone (I totally get it). I just think it stinks that we don't get to have the same village of previous generations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793900 Thu, 28 Dec 2017 13:45:43 +0000 cat620 2793900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have family gatherings with my husband's brothers and my sister-in-law, and they don't help with the kids at all! They barely even interact with them, and I feel like they see the kids as a nuisance. They want to drink beer and talk about adult topics without having kids interfering. So family gatherings aren't fun for my kids, and they aren't relaxing for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793810 Wed, 27 Dec 2017 23:13:14 +0000 karenbme 2793810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been a childless Aunt for ~6 years, and when I see nieces and nephews I definitely play with the kids and talk to them about their lives, and I'll help get a snack or drink, and now that kids are getting older if they ask where mom/dad is I try to remember to ask if I can help them with something. I also always try to make sure to volunteer to hold babies if mom/dad hasn't eaten or is trying to eat and hold and I'm done with my meal. I worry a lot about overstepping, because I don't always know what's OK/not OK in their house, and honestly there are some things that I'm not confident I'd do right (ex. changing diapers) which is more of a problem when it's someone else's kid than your own, not that when I have kids I'm going to intentionally change their diapers wrong, but at least if I screw up I'm not hurting someone else's kid.</p> <p>In terms of the bathroom example specifically, I've held my niece's hand outside a movie theater bathroom with my husband and entertained her while BIL took her sister to the potty and I've stood just outside the bathroom door to make sure that my niece was OK while I was babysitting, but I definitely wouldn't be comfortable taking a niece/nephew to the potty in public, particularly if mom/dad were around and didn't ask explicitly for that kind of help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793804 Wed, 27 Dec 2017 22:51:00 +0000 Boogs 2793804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They are helpful in that they play with them. When I have people that do that, everyone wins! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793629 Wed, 27 Dec 2017 10:06:04 +0000 youboots 2793629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unless I specifically ask for help I don’t expect anyone childless or not family or friends to care for my child when I’m there. I keep a pretty close eye on DD- especially when there are lots of people around.</p> <p>I do love it when people take the time to visit with her or read to her or bond in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793628 Wed, 27 Dec 2017 10:00:32 +0000 looch 2793628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: So, the situation is regarding using the bathroom? No, I wouldn't expect any help in that regard. I wouldn't even ask for someone to take my child, but I might ask that he stay with them, while I went, or took another kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793606 Wed, 27 Dec 2017 08:15:10 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2793606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Besides trying to engage with my child through play and reading I don’t expect much out of family. My dad sees my son all the time and he’s a reliable extra set of hands. If he does more than just play with him, whether I ask or he initiates, I am fine with it. When the grandmas (really the only ones interested) try to do more it’s annoying because they are guessing/ critiquing at the same time.</p> <p>ETA: in a two kids one bathroom situation I would as the mom has done this before and doesn’t need assistance inside the bathroom, and by me even being there that means one less thing to worry about- lugging a bunch of stuff (stroller/ bag) in the bathroom. For situations like that I ask for the help that I need, but mostly it’s still DH and my dad that would be the ones around to provide the assistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793584 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 22:45:59 +0000 lamariniere 2793584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t have any expectations, other than keeping them out of imminent danger. We spent a week with my childless BIL this summer. His only responsibility was to keep an eye on them in the pool when one of us had to run to the bathroom or something like that. I would never assume or expect relatives, or really anyone, to care for my kids unless expressly agreed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793555 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 19:10:17 +0000 ShootingStar 2793555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends on who it is. My brother is childless and has no kids and no interest in kids and I don't expect to do more than maybe say hi to my kids.</p> <p>My single best friend LOVES kids and has a niece and nephew similar ages to my kids that he's very close with. I expect him to want to play with my kids because I've known him for almost 25 years and I know that's how he is with all kids. I wouldn't expect him to know about nap time or to independently decide a diaper needed to be changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793546 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 16:56:45 +0000 Mama Bird 2793546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They do try to help, but not the basic stuff like feeding the kids or helping them wash their hands. I don't blame them - I mean, when you haven't been around toddlers for many years, it's hard to wrap your mind around how many simple basic things they need help with.</p> <p>And, well, sometimes it's better not to ask for help because they're clueless. I let my brother watch B for ten minutes on Mother's Day. It was an epic fail. Next thing I know, B is running for me bawling his eyes out and screaming that we all have to get out of here because the Sun is about to blow up. Turns out they sat down to watch an astronomy show, and five year olds do not get the concept of "billions of years." They do, however, get graphics of fiery explosions swallowing everything. The poor kid had nightmares for weeks. Definitely no more uncle babysitting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793545 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 16:52:04 +0000 autumnleaves 2793545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the childless aunt that was clueless - I needed my SIL to give me tasks or ask me to do something. I loved visiting my niece and nephew but had no experience with babysitting or having younger family relatives to interact with until my nieces and nephew were born.<br /> Being on the other side now not all visitors who have had kids offer to help or know what to do. If I want help I have to ask most people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793541 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 15:59:52 +0000 kitty 2793541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My BIL will play with LO for a short time but then go sit down and do his own thing, even if he has come over specifically to help with LO. In contrast, we have a close friend who doesn't usually like children but will wipe a snotty nose or clean him up after a meal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793524 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 14:40:47 +0000 littlejoy 2793524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually have to specifically ask for help ... I think it's less to do with them not wanting to be helpful, but more to do with not wanting to step on our toes. We're pretty intentional with our parenting (a high-needs child), so I think they like to help, but need a bit of guidance. </p> <p>From my experience, my little one with often start behaving really badly if I ask visitors to take over any of our routine things (like putting her to bed, etc.). So a simple, "Do you want to watch a movie together?" ends up being super helpful for us, and helps LO feel like her world isn't upside down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793523 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 14:38:11 +0000 catgirl 2793523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My expectations are pretty low for all of our family when we are together but especially for those that don't have children. I expect that if we are at a family get together people would step in if they see DD about to do something dangerous or be injured. Other than that everything is a bonus. </p> <p>Typically my family will play with her, help her eat, or take her to the bathroom if she asks them. My teenage sisters would happily play with DD for days. And my mom will do absolutely anything. </p> <p>DH's family tends to be more oblivious (even the ones with children) so we try not to expect anything and are just happily surprised if people do anything. :silly: I'm typically the one keeping tabs on the various kids at these get togethers. Though DH's younger brother has gotten a lot better in the past year, he genuinely loves playing with his nieces and nephew. But he wouldn't help with anything else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793520 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 13:39:24 +0000 ALV91711 2793520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't expect people to help but it is nice if they play with/keep an eye on DS so I can do things. </p> <p>I was at my moms with my childless sister this fall and it was nice when she did things for me like make me more coffee, put together food. With our sister who has kids it is different in that we look after each other's kids and do things for them like they are our own. Bathroom, food, discipline etc. I wouldn't expect that from anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793519 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 13:38:07 +0000 nana87 2793519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest niece is about 5 years older than lo1 so I was as the childless aunt for awhile and always tried to help and play as much as I could. Also did stuff like losing the dishwasher, clearing plates, etc. Especially during a period when my brother was solo-parenting due to a work situation, he def had his hands full, as we all would! </p> <p>My sil is childless and sometimes will be great at entertaining/playing with lo1.she works as a teachers assistant so is pretty good with her. There is often drama between her/dh/mil though so having her around can also just induce drama/misunderstandings </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793517 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 13:30:02 +0000 summerfruit 2793517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm the childless aunt by marriage as DH's siblings have several kids. I will play with the kids to be nice, but I have no idea about what to do with other situations. </p> <p>My sister will be a childless aunt when baby is born next year. I have no doubt she will be no help if she ever comes to visit! It's just part of her personality to be not interested. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793516 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 13:21:04 +0000 Foodnerd81 2793516@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: in the bathroom situation I would have just said- could you watch her while I take the other to the bathroom? No big deal. But I wouldn’t expect anyone to come in with me. For better or worse bathroom stuff is all on the parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793505 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:32:28 +0000 Mamatimes3 2793505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find people that have children are much more helpful. Those that don’t have kids don’t realize the ways they could be helpful. I don’t think a childless adult would think to help with accompanying kids to the bathroom. They just aren’t as aware, so I don’t have much expectations of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793504 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:21:46 +0000 Pollywog 2793504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My expectation is that if they are in the living room at MIL's house, they will make sure my 22 month old stays away from the stairs (it is widely known he can't do the stairs unsupervised yet and was made clear when ILs decided not to put the gate up) . If he poops, I expect someone to tell me so I can change him. But that's it. With 24 people in the immediate family we realistically all help out with eat other's kids. I took my 4 year old nephew to the bathroom, got milk for my 2 year old neice, and checked in on 5 cousins playing in a side room multiple times. I know my SIL fed LO dessert (totally fine) and many played with him, but it wasn't an expectation. </p> <p>My family is much smaller and I expect my sister to help if explicitly asked something like "can you squeeze LOs pouch" or "can you play in the living room for 5 minutes while I am getting hot /heavy stuff out of the oven?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793501 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:09:22 +0000 jhd 2793501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brothers are much younger than me and still live at home. They do all kinds of stuff for our 3yo but some of that is because my mom asks them to. :silly: They play with LO and are willing to help out but do often need some guidance as to what needs to be done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793500 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:07:30 +0000 Anagram 2793500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think any of my childless siblings/cousins would think to offer to help when I take my kids to the bathroom--I'm not sure I would think to ask for or expect help in that situation tbh, just because I'm used to it.</p> <p>However, I am not shy about asking for help in other areas--like general entertainment--when I get together with my family, haha. Like I'll tell me kids "Go ask Uncle J to pay with you", if they come to me wanting to play a game while I'm doing something else.</p> <p>Unfortunately the help falls along gender lines on my side of the family--my older sister who has kids, my younger sister with no kids, and my high school niece are most helpful; my brothers are basically not at all helpful. On my husband's side, I think both my brother in law and sister in law are equally helpful/interested in our kids even though they have their hands full with their own kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793498 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:05:32 +0000 snowjewelz 2793498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister is 7 years younger than me and only recently engaged but she has been extremely helpful. She even babysat my 1 year old solo for a few hours b/c my mom had something come up and I couldn't be there either! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793497 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 11:00:08 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2793497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I certainly don't have any expectations, other than kind of assuming they would want to play with their niece/nephew for the relationship piece like @Jennibenni said. I guess for me if it was obvious that a person needed an extra set of hands one would offer, regardless of circumstances. (For example, as one parent with two preschoolers at the zoo, maybe offer to help when I took them both to the bathroom solo instead of waiting outside). Not that it was expected necessarily, just that it was weird that they didn't? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793496 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 10:59:00 +0000 Corduroy 2793496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: SIL comes and stays for a week at a time. She plays with the kids for a while and comes along with us to the zoo etc. I know she could do more since she’s a nanny, teacher and was an after school caregiver for years. I would love if she took them outside or gave us a date night. But she’s on vacation when she’s here and she has a chronic illness so I don’t expect much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793494 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 10:38:44 +0000 Grace 2793494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just play. And they’ll hold the baby if I need it. Besides that, I wouldn’t expect anything, unless they were coming to babysit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793492 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 10:18:10 +0000 Bibliolove 2793492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: I don't volunteer as I'm afraid of doing something wrong. With the exception of my sister's child, as my sister and I are really close and she is pretty chill. People in general can be very exacting. I don't really expect childless guests to know WTH to do though either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/childless-aunts-and-uncles#post-2793491 Tue, 26 Dec 2017 10:16:02 +0000 crazydoglady 2793491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni: YES! This. My expectations are very low. Just because someone doesn't have children doesn't mean they are obligated to take care of mine. </p>