https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 15:51:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939799 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:39:22 +0000 alohaorchid 1939799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: hahaha perfect!! </p> <p>(I have never seen Twilight) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939797 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:38:45 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1939797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: with that logic, you guys must be vampires. I've seen twilight. I know how this works.</p> <p>Guess you can't go. Vampires are more dangerous than warewolves. </p> <p>PROBLEM SOLVED. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939787 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:33:47 +0000 alohaorchid 1939787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shutterbug: That is AWESOME!! I love it! Lol the wolf thing was hilarious to me too. SIL tried to say that the kids get confused because they have been watching Twilight, but my MIL confirmed that SIL told the kids all dogs are warewolves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939785 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:32:40 +0000 alohaorchid 1939785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: lol so much of your post made me smile!The kids are 4 &amp; 6. I have no idea what that means in terms of napping, or their capability to really understand what is going on. I know nothing about kids! lol. Unfortunately, our climate is horrible so leaving them outside isn't an option. I did even say to DH that if it was the summer we could just leave them outside! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939779 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:29:46 +0000 Shutterbug 1939779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: Sorry to laugh at your problems, but calling a yorkie a wolf?!?!?! Hahahahaha come on! I think you're being MORE than accommodating, and if you and DH are both ok with leaving after Christmas morning before the big dinner, then that's what you should do, and don't let her guilt you out of it. What's that saying about don't trust people that your dogs don't trust or something like that? Ah, found it! </p> [attach=674/14/new69n.600x513.milysQuotes.Com-suspicious-people-dogs-trust-animals-unknown.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939768 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:25:26 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1939768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: for the love of god. My brother &amp; SIL come in town (they live out of state) and I jump for joy if we get to see them for an hour. There's this thing called "the world doesn't revolve around you" and it turns out I'm not the center of the universe. It must be because your SIL is. </p> <p>She's being ridiculous. </p> <p>No one is going to spontaneously combust if you go to a wine tasting for a few hours. Wait, maybe you can cross your fingers and hope that actually happens.</p> <p>It's unrealistic for her to think that your entire trip needs to revolve around seeing her children.how old are they? Do they not nap? I'm kind of baffled by this togetherness crap. I'm the kind of person who needs space. </p> <p>How cold is it where you are? Can the dogs go with to the dinner, but stay outside? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939762 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:20:34 +0000 alohaorchid 1939762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally forgot to add to this post! DH and SIL are currently not talking to each other.... we didn't go visit for Thanksgiving and she had told the kids we were coming (we never said we were going), and so she said we were selfish and dh is a bad uncle. They haven't talked to each other since :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939759 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:19:12 +0000 alohaorchid 1939759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: According to my MIL and DH, she has always hated them. She thinks they're ugly, dirty and loud and doesn't understand or like any kind of pets. I do believe that she is allergic, but I don't think it's as bad as she says it is. I agree with the kids causing issues by being so afraid, I could see a lot of dogs taking their reaction and getting worked up because of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939753 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:17:38 +0000 snowjewelz 1939753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: Seems like she needs some therapy for whatever traumatic even that turned her off of dogs?! It's also not very safe for kids to be overly afraid since that might provoke a dog even more! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939749 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:16:48 +0000 Raindrop 1939749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: This is tough. Can you use your in-laws than as a go-between? I think if you don't talk to her... the situations are only going to get worst. She's definitely a guiltier and will make you feel guilty till she gets what she wants and it's sad that she seems to shamelessly use her kids emotions to get what she wants.</p> <p>I find that most people are very understanding that if you just sit down and talk to them and say your side and what you understand of their side (this shows you have considered them and tried to understand them) and ask for a compromise because you want them to be happy but you need to be happy too.</p> <p>Good luck... dealing with family is tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939734 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:10:38 +0000 alohaorchid 1939734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Mine were the same. They weren't really huge dog fans (they are now!) but they were neutral about them and always allowed us to pet them, etc. My SIL won't even let her kids play with stuffed animals who are dogs :(</p> <p>@jetsa: That's what I was thinking too. If we're only 15 mins away it's not a big deal, but 1.5 hrs away isn't acceptable if something happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939726 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:08:43 +0000 alohaorchid 1939726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: You're right, we totally are different people and I definitely see how that is an issue. There are huge communication issues too between her and my husband because he just chooses to ignore what she's saying and tries to do what he wants, which in turn causes more issues. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939724 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:08:11 +0000 snowjewelz 1939724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: Ugh reading how your SIL teaches your kids about dogs makes me sad! At least let them make up their own minds! My parents were neutral about dogs, I was actually bitten by a dog when I was young but somehow I've still always love dogs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939719 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:05:25 +0000 jetsa 1939719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely not leave the dogs at the hotel the entire time. If they make any noise the hotel will expect you be back immediately we just ran into this with a family gathering.</p> <p>I'd compromise do 1/2 of what you want and 1/2 of what SIL wants </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939718 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 15:04:29 +0000 alohaorchid 1939718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So many responses, thank you everyone! </p> <p>@LBee: lol the eating little kids thing made me laugh! I love that</p> <p>@Ms.Badger: The owners where dinner is don't have dogs, but their kids do. However, a group text already went out to let people know that they can't bring dogs because SIL and her kids will be there. Unfortunately, no one else lives in this town where dinner will be (they live in the city where the hotel is, or futher away than we do), otherwise that would be a great suggestion! </p> <p>@Grace: We see the IL's pretty often, at least 5-6 times per year. We see SIL and her family around 3 times per year and every second Christmas. I love the cozy Christmas idea! I'm really leaning towards us spending the morning with them and then either going home after that, or skipping dinner. </p> <p>@snowjewelz: Thank you! The sad thing is that my MIL &amp; FIL love our dogs and they won't even get to see them because of SIL :(</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: I agree! Two years ago when we went there for Christmas she freaked out because we chose to stay in a hotel and not at IL's house (we didn't bring the dogs that time) because she expected us to be with them All. The. Time. It was exhausting and by Christmas Day I was in such a bad mood! I'd had enough. A lot of wine will need to be consumed this year I think!</p> <p>@loveisstrange: She totally is one of THOSE mothers! Ugh. Drives me insane. I've said to DH more times than I can count that she needs to just calm down. </p> <p>@blackbird: That is totally how I feel too. I used to be terrified of dogs when I was a kid because we didn't have one. But after spending time with them, I slowly became less afraid. The thing that sucks is SIL puts these thoughts into their heads about them. In the summer the smallest dog (a yorkie cross!), went outside on a leash near the kids (the kids and SIL refused to come into our house) and the kids LOST. THEIR. MINDS. They were screaming and crying and saying they were going to get killed by the wolf. I had to go inside before I said something not nice lol. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Apparently she's so allergic that she can't be around people if they have been around dogs recently. However, when she stayed at our house two years ago she didn't know we had dogs (we had someone take care of them for the weekend) and she didn't have any issues in our house. Even though she was sleeping on our guest room bed, which one of our dogs is always sleeping on.</p> <p>We're building a new house right now and all that SIL said about it is "it doesn't mean anything to me since I can't visit thanks to your dogs" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939703 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:58:36 +0000 Raindrop 1939703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your SIL seems pretty unreasonable. I would have a talk with her or have your husband talk to her. It actually seems like this is a big communication problem. It almost feels like you guys are just different people that need to take some time to understand each other and maybe then you guys can reach a good compromise that works for both of you. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939611 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:25:20 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1939611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your SIL will just have to get over it. Your Christmas vacation is yours to do with it as you see fit. </p> <p>#1 will the dogs scent and hair on your clothing cause an allergic reaction?</p> <p>if you're up for being at a hotel on the 23rd, I'd book wine tasting then. If not the 24th will be fine; it's not like it is an all day activity. I would commit to spending Christmas morning with the family, but leave after to take care of the dogs. If either your husband or you want to stay and help cook so be it, but the dogs need attention from at least one of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939597 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:16:32 +0000 blackbird 1939597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a migraine from rolling my eyes too hard. Christmas isn't all about your SIL. Your pets are your family, too. </p> <p>I dunno, some kids in the family are scared of my cats and you know what my response is? "eh, keep your kid away from my cats then". Exposure to them can only lessen fear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939592 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:14:02 +0000 loveisstrange 1939592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like SIL wants the whole family to revolve around her speshul snowflakes. She's one of THOSE mom, isn't she?</p> <p>Ugh. What a pain. She needs to calm the fuck down.</p> <p>Id just have your DH set her straight. Tell her flat out that you have limitations on what you can and cannot do and that its that or you dont come at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939587 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:11:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 1939587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: your SIL is ridiculous. No one needs to spend every waking minute with the entire family, that's unrealistic and sounds exhausting- not even considering the dogs. </p> <p>And I think you are being very considerate with staying at the hotel with the dogs and are totally fine bowing out of the big dinner. Or, go over in the morning, go back to the hotel for a few hours, then go to the giant dinner. </p> <p>And definitely do the wine tasting! It sounds like you're going to need a few drinks to get through the holidays. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939579 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 14:06:08 +0000 snowjewelz 1939579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have good advice, just that I wish I could help take care of your dogs! It really sucks that your family is anti-dogs; they're part of your family and I'm sure it'd be that much greater if they can spend the holiday with everyone :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939564 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:58:29 +0000 Grace 1939564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How often do you see your inlaws? We see my inlaws maybe once a year, and maybe every 2nd or 3rd Christmas. So, I let my DH and his family dictate what we will do. I figure that in comparison to how much I see my family, we never see them, and if they want us to be there 24/7, I figure it's the least I can do. So, if there push-back on the wine-tasting, I'd let it go.</p> <p>As for the dogs...that's tough. You had a great arrangement in the beginning and I can see how annoying it is to get it thrown out. I think if DH is ok with it, I'd probably go with the plan of leaving when they all go for dinner. Or maybe plan to have a cosy family Christmas dinner in the hotel with your DH and the dogs. It could be your break from all the togetherness. And then you are still around to spend time with the family after Christmas. Only other thing I can think is checking with the host of the big dinner and seeing if they have any suggestions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939522 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:45:18 +0000 Ms.Badger 1939522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: Are there dogs at this house where the large dinner is being held? If there are dogs there already, I don't see the harm in you bringing your dogs in addition. Or is there someone in this larger group of people that lives near the location and has dogs/is a real dog lover and would allow you to leave your dogs at their home so you could visit and walk them? Hope you figure out a way to make this all work, your SIL sounds like a huge PITA </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939518 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:44:12 +0000 Adira 1939518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>By the way, I think you're being pretty damn respectful with your dogs. My in-laws have dogs and I'm allergic to them and Xander is scared of them, and they've brought them to my house before without even warning me ahead of time! And when we do family get-togethers, ALL the dogs are there, scaring the crap out of Xander and causing my allergies to go crazy. The fact that you're staying at a pet friendly hotel so that your dogs have somewhere out of their space to be AND you're willing to leave them there while you visit with them... I think that by itself is amazing of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939508 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:41:33 +0000 Adira 1939508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>#1 - SIL is being ridiculous. Of COURSE you are bringing the dogs JUST to annoy her - what other reason could there possibly be??</p> <p>#2 - If breakfast/presents are at the in-laws, can you go do that and then just leave to check on your dogs before heading the further location for dinner?</p> <p>#3 - Um, totally do the wine tasting if you want! The kids will be in bed and SIL can stay with them if other people want to go to the wine tasting with you. I have kids and I would totally want to abandon them to do something like that. And I certainly have no desire to be around my nieces/nephews ALL THE TIME. SIL is being demanding and crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939507 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:41:31 +0000 LBee 1939507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alohaorchid: Just read your other post... it sounds like she has unrealistic expectations of normal family interactions. I apologize for my bluntness. </p> <p>I think you are completely right about the dogs. We have two dogs and I would feel uncomfortable with that. I have definitely told people that when I made the decision to get our dogs that we were prepared for the responsibility - sometimes that responsibility means missing things in order to be a good dog mommy / owner. Just tell the kids that the werewolves get crazy and eat little kids if they don't get let out. </p> <p>It might be best if you get your husband to address this issue with your SIL head-on. I think it will be an ongoing problem and will just get worse. Your holiday is still your holiday and she needs to accept that. I am annoyed with her (if you can't tell) on your behalf. I just hate family members like that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939485 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:35:25 +0000 alohaorchid 1939485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: They can last that long in terms of needing to go to the bathroom, but I'm concerned about them being in an unfamiliar place and maybe feeling scared/upset. Personally I'm just not comfortable with them being alone for that long. When dinner was at IL's house it was easy because we could go back and check on them or walk them and we wouldn't be gone as long anyway, because we wouldn't be travelling 3 hours (3 in good weather!). I just wanted to see I guess if it would be a good enough reason to not spend Christmas dinner with them, the change in plans just doesn't work for us. And you totally called it, SIL is a giant PITA! I feel exhausted just thinking about her lol. </p> <p>ETA: It's changed from a small family dinner at my IL's house to a huge family dinner at someone else's house. Probably close to 40 people at the new dinner so there's no other options of where else to hold it.</p> <p>@travelgirl1: thanks for the response. That's totally what I wanted to hear, but I didn't know if we really were being selfish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939480 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:31:53 +0000 LBee 1939480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it sounds like SIL is a PITA. So no real suggestion, I suppose. I have a child and I would not expect anyone to forgo an event they are interested in because my son can't attend. It's also at night.. the kids should be asleep - Santa can't come if they stay up to late... duh!</p> <p>In terms of the dogs, can they last that long at the hotel? Do they tend to be bark-y (not a word, I realize)? I would just worry about complaints if they are - hotels can be noisy and not well insulated. Is it an option to change the dinner back to closer? I would personally explain that you can't find dog care over the holidays and so you plan to bring them, but because of the locale change you are going to have to politely bow out of Christmas dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939479 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:31:52 +0000 travelgirl1 1939479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel frustrated at your SIL just reading this. I don't think you are obligated to do anything just to please her, and your dogs are very important to you, she should respect that. I would just do what you and your husband want to do, wine evening and all. You will see plenty of her and the kids the rest of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/christmas-plans-need-some-input#post-1939471 Tue, 11 Nov 2014 13:27:20 +0000 alohaorchid 1939471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Previous post about issues with SIL: <a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/auntuncle-expectations" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/auntuncle-expectations</a> </p>