https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 02:03:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2396254 Mon, 21 Dec 2015 19:39:45 +0000 Mrs. Pinky 2396254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! All good ideas! We told my parents last night and it went well--very supportive and basically "you let us know what you want us to know". I already feel better with my mom knowing. Im more nervous to let my ILs know as they just aren't as sensitive and tend to say things out of anxiety, so I need to keep that in mind. It is a huge sense of relief--I don't regret not telling them but now that we are (will) I feel like it's good timing. Thanks again, everyone :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2395536 Mon, 21 Dec 2015 10:17:05 +0000 Ajsmommy 2395536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH talks to him mom every day so she was aware as soon as we made the appt's. I am more private and don't talk to my mom daily. I finally sent her a message about it recently b/c she had made a few comments like "I'm ready for another grand baby".. I wanted to say so are we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2395496 Mon, 21 Dec 2015 09:36:17 +0000 NorthStar 2395496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We actually emailed my inlaws in September and laid it all out and told them what we needed from them (their support and help with DD#1). They have been wonderful and very supportive. Of course, I get some comments that are just not helpful (how MIL didn't even need to try for her 3 kids - it just happened).</p> <p>We have not told my parents yet and I keep wanting to, but know that I cannot do it without falling to pieces. I would love their support, but also don't trust my mom to keep it quiet. I don't want the whole world to know..</p> <p>Good luck! This is so hard, but you will feel so much better once it is out :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2395349 Mon, 21 Dec 2015 06:22:22 +0000 meadow 2395349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I still haven't told my ILs - my DH doesn't think we need to, but I do want to.</p> <p>My parents have been in the loop pretty early on. After about 3 months of trying my mom was getting antsy and I told it her wasn't "that easy" for everyone. Around 9 months or so she asked if we "knew how to do it right" and that was like OMG!!!!</p> <p>My mom was was supportive the whole way through when I started seeing a RE. I just had to moderate what I told her, like she would ask when my DH was going for a SA and I told her she didn't need to know the date :-p My dad gave himself injections when I was a kid for a couple years so I asked him for advice on giving stomach injections before I did my first IUI and he was also supportive but never asked me any questions.</p> <p>I hope things went well for you and your discussions with your family. It is really nice to have someone other than DH who is family to talk to sometimes. And it definitely curbed the amount of times my family was asking if I was pregnant yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2395341 Mon, 21 Dec 2015 05:57:47 +0000 Amorini 2395341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pinky: Thinking of you! We told my parents before DH's parents. Like you, I am a private person and I'm not inclined to share this information with many people. DH thought our parents should know and that we needed support. My parents are very conservative Christian and they were and have been great. We did get some of the unwanted initial comments from them (i.e. adoption) and, since they are my parents, I just told them nicely how those comments sounded to our ears. They were helpful around ER time and came to stay. My mom gave me my trigger! They were kinda asking too many questions about "when's this going to happen?" and "when's that going to happen?" As you know, all of the timing with IVF is so uncertain and approximate, so their questions stressed me out. Fortunately, I was just able to be honest with them and say their questions were causing me some stress and I'd give them the info when I knew something! In short, no one can perfectly relate unless they have gone through IF, but well-meaning and mindful family and friends who want to learn how to me supportive (and take your gentle feedback along the way) can be wonderfully helpful!</p> <p>After a positive "reveal" with my parents, DH's parents threw me completely off. They are very conservative Catholic and I was foolishly in the dark about how against IVF some religious groups are while others aren't so much (or are more open-minded). Anyway, I wish we hadn't told them. They were and are very judgemental about the whole thing. </p> <p>I'm sure you know your parents well so you will be able to predict, like I was, how they will react to this news. Hoping they are super supportive and amazing to you! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394976 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 10:58:56 +0000 Applesandbananas 2394976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you enlist someone, like a sister or SIL to bring up when you guys are planning to start a family, as a way to bring it up? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394964 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 10:31:39 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2394964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not related to infertility and I don't have any good specific advice, as my parents knew from the beginning so they went through the whole process with me. But this is a really awesome TED talk about having hard conversations. I have watched it many times and find it really inspiring.</p> <p><a href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&#038;source=web&#038;rct=j&#038;url=https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up%3Flanguage%3Den&#038;ved=0ahUKEwiD-Oaa4OrJAhUT_WMKHcOhCD4QtwIIGzAA&#038;usg=AFQjCNF_AWI48nReVb-oYhFO0zYmfesGLg&#038;sig2=cEoqz1PfmVmNJ9c56gKVlA" rel="nofollow">https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&#038;source=web&#038;rct=j&#038;url=https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up%3Flanguage%3Den&#038;ved=0ahUKEwiD-Oaa4OrJAhUT_WMKHcOhCD4QtwIIGzAA&#038;usg=AFQjCNF_AWI48nReVb-oYhFO0zYmfesGLg&#038;sig2=cEoqz1PfmVmNJ9c56gKVlA</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394955 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 10:21:30 +0000 bloved 2394955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not close to my inlaws and was nervous to tell them because they are very religious. However, they were very supportive and good about not asking a lot of questions. My only complaint would be that they did not understand the "secret" part of it and I know it was told to other family members when I did my Ivf as well as my mil prayer chain and patients! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394952 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 10:09:47 +0000 FaithFertility 2394952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry!!!!<br /> I will say be prepared to hear it all<br /> "Ohhh it could be worse"<br /> There is always adoption"<br /> "You just need to relax"<br /> "When you stop trying it will happen"<br /> Etc.....<br /> I think my mother said all the above :bummed:<br /> I don't think people understand IF if haven't gone through it to understand and they really don't know what to say, so this is all they know!<br /> Know it comes from a good place!<br /> Hopefully you get great support!!!<br /> Many prayers and best of luck to you!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394933 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 09:45:16 +0000 PurplePumps 2394933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I finally told me parents after 3 years, 3 iuis and 3 fresh ivf cycles. I was flying out to CCRM, and they dog sit for us, but it was still hard. At first i called and told her we were going to CO and she asked why, and i said just because. I called back hours later and said i was going to see a doctor about having a baby. It was HARD to get the words out.<br /> At first i was really upset i said anything. The first thing she said was "that's it? There's nothing else wrong, right? " (there's a lot lost in translation, English is not her first language and i was sure how to explain it in her native tongue which didn't help). Her reaction of That's it was tied to her immediate thought on my health, i wasn't dying which would be her first concern as a mother. She didn't understand the situation at first i think, asking (in my mind) stupidly simple ttc questions. And I was just getting mad taking about it. Of course after i calmed down i understood this was new to her and she just asking about what little she knew of ttc. (4 kids 2 yrs apart, no really trying for her I'm guessing)<br /> Weeks later i guess she'd done since research and talking to people and got a better understanding. She asked me some follow up questions, told me what she'd learned and then said she would stop asking cause she didn't want to pester us, and for me to let her know updates when it happens. </p> <p>So i guess from my story, Id say try to work it into a conversation. Maybe warn them you have something neither good nor life threatening to tell them. Be prepared for them not to know at all how to react or what to say. Maybe tell them how you need them to be supportive, what not to do especially if there are things you know you don't want to deal with. Tell them what you want them to know, and ask them not to pry if you don't want to share any more. If they start offering advice you don't want, just tell them what you think. .. yes, i know, no that won't work, I'll be discussing with my doctor, thanks but I'm all set, i don't want to discuss this right now, please don't bring this up unless i do first....<br /> Food<br /> Good luck. I definitely feel better that they know now and I'm not hiding this huge secret and part of my life anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-out-of-the-infertility-closet-if-you-will#post-2394899 Sun, 20 Dec 2015 08:21:29 +0000 Mrs. Pinky 2394899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We haven't told family at all about our infertility struggles and plan to do so this week...as in today and when we see the IL's in Christmas.<br /> Where do we start? How much to divulge? I didn't want to tell them for a few reasons (I.e., didn't want unsolicited advice, didn't want thousands of questions when I'm usually pretty private) but now feel their support would be great for both me and my dh.<br /> Anyway, did anyone else share this news after struggling for a while? It's not like we have super great news (I'm not pregnant) so I'm not even sure how I should bring it up.<br /> Any advice?? </p>