https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 00:22:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909747 Thu, 06 Feb 2020 13:16:26 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 2909747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tried to blog about this on and off for months truthfully. I think we LL probably be someone who never feels done. I always regret things, change is hard, and I love being pregnant as well as how much time f my own personal identity is tied to being a mom of little ones. I was trying to prepare myself mentally to be doing as my husband was adamant he was when this surprise happened to us and believe it or not I was in shock and wasn't fully prepared for the reality of it too. I thought I would be so excited to finally get my wish but in truth I was so scared. Everyone has come around now but I know now I'm done in so many ways, even if the longing comes back, even when this one is grown I know I'm done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909744 Thu, 06 Feb 2020 13:06:02 +0000 agold 2909744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: Yikes. This is exactly how I imagine I will be posting if I get pregnant with #3. I did IVF for my first. So its crazy to think I can get pregnant easily, but that's what happened with #2. A #3 scares me because I'm already feeling stretched too thin, like you. But I am excited for you to have third and you know it will all work out, even if differently than you imagined. And your current kids will have all different great experiences with their new little guy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909732 Thu, 06 Feb 2020 10:24:13 +0000 Shantuck 2909732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with this. We had secondary infertility issues with child #2 and it took us much longer than expected to get pregnant, which kind of threw off what we envisioned our family would look like, timing, age gaps, etc. I had always wanted 3 and my husband was in the 2/maybe 3 camp. However, after it took so long to get pregnant, my husband found himself in the done after 2 camp but I couldn't let go of the idea. He acquiesced that we could try for 2 months for #3 but said I would then need to be at peace with our life with 2 kids after that. I'm pretty sure he didn't think #3 would actually happen give our prior issues and my age (and I kind of didn't either, to be honest, but I'd been so fixated on the idea that I thought trying for 2 more months would bring me peace). Well, during that second month, I did get pregnant and am now 34 weeks pregnant. Despite my history with fertility issues (I should be thrilled, right?), I've really had a hard time with this pregnancy. My kids are 7 (almost 8) and 3 and I can't stop thinking about how this will hold them back from experiences because we'll be towing around a baby and also how at this point, I'm just too old for this. Also, my husband doesn't seem nearly as excited as he did about my first two pregnancies (mainly because he wasn't really 100% on board to start with) and I feel like his lack of enthusiasm is affecting my attitude as well. I'm sure once this baby arrives, we'll all be 100% in love with this little guy but I guess I thought my reservations would subside as this pregnancy continued and instead I find myself worrying about whether I can really handle all of this when I'm already stretched thin with my two existing kids, work, etc. I'm not saying that you shouldn't go for another... I guess I'm just trying to share what life looks like in this murky in between stage and how things look when people aren't necessarily on the same page as one another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909663 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 16:21:45 +0000 cat620 2909663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been there. My kids are 4 and 6 now, but I struggled with indecisiveness about having a third for years. We even went through a few month of TTC (no pressure, just to see what would happen), and I never got pregnant. Now that my kids are older, I feel like I'm happy with my life and don't have the desire for a baby any longer. I think it would be too much to start over at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909661 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 15:50:38 +0000 MoonMoon 2909661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate. For the longest time, DH and I thought we were one and done. But having my son convinced me I wanted more! It took a while to get my husband to come around, but now that he has, we're dealing with fertility issues so... A part of me knows I might have to come to terms with my one (lovely and awesome) kid. But I deeply feel someone missing and it hurts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909660 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 15:46:55 +0000 annem1990 2909660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m feeling the same way. We just had #2 in October. The first 6ish weeks were actual hell. It was so hard and we both said we were done. But now that the dust has settled I’m feeling conflicted. There’s a little part of me that wants 1 more. I think it would take an enormous amount of convincing to get DH on board and that’s just not something I really want him to “settle” on. I also think about the “what if’s:” what if something bad happens to me or the baby? Is that a risk we want to take? Having a new Baby also feels like you have to start over you life again (I know that’s dramatic) and that was really hard to do. The other part of me sort of wants to get on with the next phase and be done with pregnancy/baby stuff. We won’t ever do permanent birth control so I guess only time will tell where we both end up feeling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909658 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 15:32:18 +0000 nwm 2909658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is such a tough question. We were on the fence about #3 and hadn't really dealt with the question before we were surprised to get pregnant with #3 while #2 was only 8 months. Now, I feel really happy and blessed that we have 3 and that our hands were sort of forced into it. And, financially, mentally, emotionally, logistically, in every single way--3 is a lot and we are DONE. </p> <p>And yet...when I was little I always dreamed about having 4, boy/girl/boy/girl. Now I have boy/girl/boy, and there's like a totally irrational itch that I can't scratch thinking about a fourth and getting to "complete." But--and I say this knowing how absolutely lucky we are--I really don't want to be pregnant again, to breastfeed again, etc. I don't think it's a good idea for us to add another kid and I don't think we could afford it without making major, major lifestyle changes. I'm hoping that I can just keep my mind made up and my heart will eventually follow. In the meantime I had an IUD put in and am pushing my husband to get a vasectomy, cause I just don't think I should give into this 2% of my brain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909656 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 13:09:48 +0000 Jess1483 2909656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a long road to deciding on #3, and there was a long time I thought the answer was that it wouldn’t happen (DH was NOT on board, then was, then pulled out again, which was really painful). Since my mc between 1 and 2, I was sure I wanted 3, but I absolutely went through a grieving period before he eventually decided 3 was okay (I also got rid of all our baby stuff, so...) I’m not sure i feel like our family is “complete” in a different way than I did before (I definitely don’t feel like it’s not complete, and there will be no more, I just say that to mean that it’s not always clear-cut either way.) I don’t know if any of that is helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909655 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 12:58:38 +0000 Mama Bird 2909655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: @PinkElephant: oh wow, I'm not the only crazy mom of three :silly: I'm pretty sure that's it for us, because logistics and needing time for everyone and I'd rather not lose my job. But also, with this last pregnancy my tummy never quite went away, and now the kids have this running gag where they follow me around hugging my tummy and exclaiming "one more baby in there!" and it's not helping me find closure. Not helping at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909647 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 10:49:54 +0000 PinkElephant 2909647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We currently have three, with the youngest one being three years old. DH has always been in camp 3-4 kids, while I preferred 2-3. Part of me will feel a little sad if we decide for sure not to add another baby to our family, but frankly I feel like things are really really hard as an active SAHM to 3 preschool to elementary schoolers. DH works very long hours/has a long commute, so things are definitely not easy. Everyone is potty trained and goes to school for at least a few hours at least 4 days per week....so it seems like we are finally on the road to some form of sanity.</p> <p>And yet...three families we are friendly with have just had their fourth, so this is a timely topic in our household. We waiver constantly. I'm holding off switching to Mirena until I feel a little more certain on our plans. Besides that, I'd LOVE to clear out all the baby things in our house once we know we're finished...it definitely feels like we are in limbo! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909642 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 09:37:45 +0000 JennyPenny 2909642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm struggling with this a bit too. I'm currently pregnant with #3 but my romanticized vision of my future has 4 kids and I suspect there's a good chance this is our last. My husband has expressed skepticism about a 4th, but hasn't ruled it out. I just know that when we end up considering logistics 4 is going to feel like a really big leap and we'll probably decide against it. It doesn't help that this pregnancy has been really rough on my physically and we had way more challenges in conceiving her than we did our first 2. It feels weird for me now because I don't *know* that this is my last pregnancy so I don't feel like I can create any closure or anything yet. But I guess only time will tell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909639 Wed, 05 Feb 2020 09:05:22 +0000 skinnycow 2909639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes - it's hard. We're in the same boat. My husband has always wanted two and I've always wanted three. We were really close to getting him a vasectomy right after DD2 was born but decided to delay a few years. I'm not sure that I'll ever get the feeling of our family being complete but I definitely don't feel done yet. </p> <p>I still really, really want a third and he's kind of ambivalent. I've basically worn him down and he says he's okay with a third. I don't really want him to just be okay with it, though. We do have the benefit of time on our side thankfully as I'm only 29 currently.</p> <p>Anyway - just rambling and I don't have any real advice. I hope you come to a decision that you both are content with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909632 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 22:18:09 +0000 graceandjoy 2909632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually never wanted 3. The moment I got pregnant with #3, I realized possibly wanting another one was really just the idea of it haha. Because once it became reality I really had to deal with/accept the reality of having 3 vs what I thought our life was heading towards with 2. </p> <p>Of course I am super happy and now that DS3 is here I feel like he was always meant to be with us! But I def think it’s easy to FEEL like you can always have another, when it’s only a thought. Reality is we are now paying for double daycare for another 2 years, had fo forgo an international trip, etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909630 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 20:06:37 +0000 erinbaderin 2909630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did the same thing, re: second baby and quick vasectomy. We weren’t going to have a third, mainly first financial reasons, but I wish we had. My kids are 6 and nearly 4 and I still feel a pang when I see a baby. It’s not brutal, and I’m contented with where we are, but in a perfect world I would have had at least one more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909626 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 18:17:02 +0000 catgirl 2909626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I have been struggling with the decision about having a second, basically ever since DD was one and she is now five. Before she was born I wanted one and he wanted 2+. After she was born I knew that I really wanted a second but he decided he only wanted one. We had lots of discussions, would table it for long stretches, talk again, and then table it again. About a year and a half ago DH brought up that he may be open to another but then we had some huge problems come up with our newly purchased house that made us scramble financially for a bit. We have dealt with that and are back where we should be - but now DH doesn't think we should have another. He admits he wants one but he doesn't think it is the right financial choice and isn't sure he wants to disrupt our awesome life with DD. </p> <p>I don't feel complete. I long for another LO. I had somewhat prepared myself that we might only have one if DH really didn't want to have another. But I am finding it much, much harder to deal with knowing that ideally he does WANT another, he just doesn't feel like it is the right or smart choice. But we would never have another unless we are both in complete agreement. </p> <p>The only thing I can do is focus on how wonderful our family is right now and all the things that we get to enjoy with DD. But some days that is really hard. I'm sorry you are dealing with these feelings too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909625 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 18:01:32 +0000 gotkimchi 2909625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I feel similar to this too that in a different world with unlimited money and support we could do it but in our actual lives it would be hard on our marriage, hard on us financially and we’d be struggling to give the kids the things we want like travel etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909624 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 17:58:56 +0000 agold 2909624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: I'm so sorry. Yes, I feel this way all the time. I think in a fairytale life, I have three amazing kids and a stress free life. But things are a bit stressful for me after baby #2 and she's almost 2. I plan for DH to get the snip. I was thinking after my next birthday when I will be over the age that I would want to get pregnant again. I think that my DH doesn't think so much about the logics as I do. As I'm currently in an unplanned TWW, I'm thinking about moving up the snip appointment. I'm so sad though. I have always said I wouldn't let money be the reason I don't have more kids, but it kind of is. I need more child care, want private school and activities. A third would mean public school for all, so maybe it becomes a wash in the end. I think there are always "what if" thoughts in life and at some point we just need to close this baby making chapter. Maybe we won't be 100% okay with that, but its just our big loving mama hearts and we will just give the best life we can to our current two littles. No sense in dwelling too much on what's already been done. I sort of wish I was in your spot and already have had the snip. ETA: My road to #1 for me wasn't easy, #2 was an unplanned surprise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909623 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 17:55:07 +0000 crazydoglady 2909623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Oh, gosh I hope so. Mine are 4.5 and 1.5. I have always been in the maybe 3 camp. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909622 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 17:46:00 +0000 gotkimchi 2909622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How old are yours? We were in a similar situation but as my kids have aged I’ve felt done with two. From 0-12mo of my youngest I was desperate for a third, from 12-24mo i was 70% for a third and now at 3.5 if I got pregnant I would be unhappy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-family-size#post-2909621 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 17:44:20 +0000 crazydoglady 2909621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People always talk about feeling like their family is "complete," and I feel conflicted because we were supposed to be done with 2, but I am slightly struggling to come to terms with it. DH got a vasectomy with DD was only 4 months old, and he has told me time and time again that he would have never changed his mind about a third. In the tiny baby phase, I went along with it. DH has always wanted 2 while I wanted 3 and he feels like our family is complete and what he always envisioned while I am...not so sure. Maybe it's the romanticized vision of having three never mind the logistics of our personalities, jobs, childcare, etc.<br /> Anyone else feel this way? Conflicted and not feeling complete, but having to accept it any way?</p> <p>I also want to add that I know I am ridiculously blessed. The road to these kids wasn't easy, but they are here and I am so blessed for it. </p>