https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 24 Jun 2026 00:30:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440258 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 12:56:42 +0000 Rockies11 2440258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I have a mama's girl and a 22 month age gap! I wore my baby a lot to cope and my baby is more independent than my mama's girl is so she doesn't need as much cuddling. My baby is 9 months, and my mama's girl has not adjusted well at all still. I feel more guilty that I have less time for the baby than I do about my mama's girl because I think in the long run she'll enjoy having siblings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440160 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 12:16:47 +0000 Applesandbananas 2440160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: my brother and I have the same gap and it really didn't rock his world, according to my mom (though memories are kind!) he was curious and a little standoffish at first (I was a LOUD baby) but he quickly wanted to tend to me and play with me. He would entertain me on the floor, showing me all his toys, and I started walking VERY early because he was always trying to get me to stand up and walk around. He was so proud of me and we were inseparable. My mom says she never punished my brother for things he did to me, unless he was intentionally malicious. If he tried to pick me up when he wasn't supposed to or something like that, she just explained that he needed to ask or wait for her or whatever, but she didn't feel like anything except blatant malicious warranted punishment. </p> <p>She also said that she did not necessarily to tend to LO1 first, but that she got LO1 used to waiting while she was pregnant, so that if she needed him to wait a minute while she was doing something with LO2, it wasn't earth shattering to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440139 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 12:08:48 +0000 erinbaderin 2440139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Applesandbananas: That's a good point - my brother and I are 23 months apart and I definitely don't remember anything about his arrival in my life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440121 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 12:03:58 +0000 Applesandbananas 2440121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think about how sad I was when we were considering being one and done, that LO would never have a sibling. </p> <p>The other thing that I think about is that LO won't really remember the only days (he'll be 3.5 when LO2 arrives). It is definitely going to be a huge transition, but I think he will very quickly forget that things used to be different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440107 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 11:57:51 +0000 wrkbrk 2440107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are probably not having two (not totally sure yet) but I already get sad thinking about the fact that if we did, the second wouldnt get NEARLY the attention and excitement from friends and family that DS got. We are a bit older for our area having a first baby, and are both established in careers. Therefore, we were literally showered with gifts (they are still coming and DS is almost 10 weeks old!) - most of them are personalized, too, meaning a second baby wouldnt even get hand-me-downs! It's so silly that I feel sad about a hypothetical second child but I already do find myself thinking wow, LO2 would never have such a completed, nice baby book, two baby showers, blanket after blanket with his name, toys galore, pricey newborn photos, etc etc etc!</p> <p>So I get it!! Good luck mama!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440059 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 11:40:58 +0000 catomd00 2440059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually feel less anxiety about adding #2 but that may change as we get closer. I think just like you had to adjust to a new normal when you went from 0 to 1 you will adjust to a new normal with 2. Everything gets easier as time goes on and you may not get as much time with #1 at first but you will get back there! The early days are a blip in the grand scheme. You'll be just fine mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2440024 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 11:27:14 +0000 Foodnerd81 2440024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the throes of this right now, with a 2.5 yo and a 6 week old. It's hard! I will admit I have had a lot of moments of resenting each of them- the baby "ruined" the good thing we had going, the toddler was being a pain when I'm trying to do something... I also spent a lot of my pregnancy worrying I wouldn't love the baby as much because I love C so so much- and even the first few weeks I didn't really feel bonded to her. But things are getting better already. </p> <p>The main thing I keep telling myself is that this phase is just a blip and they have a lifetime of being sisters. </p> <p>Also if you can have the older in daycare or preschool or anything, do it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439969 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 11:09:13 +0000 Alivoo01 2439969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I too worry about this since DS is a HUGE mommy's boy. However, I know he loves babies so I'm hoping that will help alleviate some of my worries. That he'll love his baby sister through and through and will be super helpful. However, I feel bad more so for DD than DS since she gets hand me downs (not that she'll know any different), won't get the quality one-on-one time I had with DS growing up, etc. Crossing my fingers everything will fall into place on its own since we totally "winged" it with DS also. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439913 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 10:47:32 +0000 sorrycharlie 2439913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I cried. A lot. And was stressed and anxious. There wasn't much I could do to prepare aside from spending as much one on one time with DD1 as possible. </p> <p>When DD2 arrived, I realized all the veteran moms of 2+ were right - I wasted my time worrying and stressing, everything fell into place. DD1 loved (and loves) her sister to pieces, and DD2 fit seamlessly into our family. </p> <p>Not to say there aren't *parenting* challenges, but there would be with one child too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439893 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 10:43:26 +0000 Mama Bird 2439893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's crazy, I fought so hard to have no. 2 when we were considering just having one kid, and then things didn't work it the way I expected at all. Logistically it's not that hard to go from 1 to 2, I thought it would be harder! But emotionally is something else. I still feel guilty that I'm depriving DS of attention, and resented DD for a long time because no one ever stepped up to even hold her so I could play with DS. It's like my family thought that now that she's born, she's my only child and DS is the responsibility of DH and day care. But that's a weird situation that most people probably don't deal with, and I tried hard not to let the kids see how upset I am while it was happening. They love each other so much though, and I love seeing this bond develop between them, so no regrets now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439747 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:54:11 +0000 erinbaderin 2439747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I feel exactly the opposite, I'm worried I will resent the new baby because I'll be stuck nursing or something while my husband will be getting to have playtime with my son.</p> <p>@Pirouette: We hired somebody to help us with B's sleep when I was first pregnant and she said it was important to make sure that, if you switched from a both parents bedtime to one parent bedtime, to go back and forth. It doesn't necessarily have to be even but at least a few times a week leave the baby with your husband and you do bedtime with the toddler, just to make sure everybody still gets together time with everybody. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439714 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:46:23 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2439714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had so much anxiety about introducing a new baby before #2 arrived. I was up at night worrying about it.<br /> Seeing #1 love on #2 made all those worries go away. Watching her become a loving big sister has made me love her even more. When they hug each other or play together it makes me so glad we did have more kids.<br /> Now with #3 it's even stronger. Seeing my girls be warm and loving to this little baby and seeing how they unconditionally love her makes me so proud of the people they are becoming.<br /> Honestly it's hard some days, but the best thing in the world. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439685 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:39:12 +0000 Maysprout 2439685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's wonderful to see the kids bonding. Mine are 4 and 2 now and bffs. There was lots that were magical about the early days but we had lots of adjustment we needed too. My older LO took it hard that she wasn't our only anymore, she loved baby but she missed our previous routines. Talking to her about it, making sure she has one on one time is helpful but a lot of it is just being supportive and acknowledge it's a big change for them but they just need time to accept things are different now. My husband took over a lot of dd1 duties bc dd2 was such a mamas girl. We were better about splitting baby duties with the first and so dd2 was slower to get in tune with papa so I'd switch it up more from the get go even if it meant a bit of fussing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439662 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:33:04 +0000 AggieDaze 2439662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's funny - I never felt guilty about rocking LO1s world. If anything, I feel guilty that I cant devote a similar amount of focus to LO2 as I did to LO1. But mostly, I think both boys will be better for having a brother. LO1 will learn that not everything revolves around him (a good lesson!) and will learn to love his brother the way he loves his parents. LO2 will always have a brother to look up to, and will learn so much from him. </p> <p>I think the key is just remembering that this is a huge transition and giving LO1 a little more understanding during it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439661 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:33:01 +0000 Pirouette 2439661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>whenever my husband and I put our daughter to sleep at night together, I think about this too! I think about how he's going to have to do it alone because I'll likely be busy with the baby. I expressed these feelings to my husband, and he had a good outlook on it - he said "sure, things will change a little at first, but then LO will have a chance to be a part of putting baby to bed at some point, and she'll love being able to be on the other side of bedtime routine." I am nervous about the changes, but also know that it will start to feel like the new normal pretty quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439650 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:28:34 +0000 MelisMc 2439650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>following </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439620 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:20:56 +0000 Mrs D 2439620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I feel the same way. Although I am so thrilled to be giving K the best gift ever (a sister) I cry when I rock her for how much her life is going to change. I know its not a bad thing - but I feel so sad for the major life event she is about to go through.</p> <p>I am very hands on - mostly because I am a control freak. It makes me sad that DH will have to take over a lot of the little (and some big) things with her. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439607 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:17:37 +0000 Cherrybee 2439607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm terrified that I will resent my older child for spoiling precious times with my newborn (even though I know in my head that there was nothing blissful about the newborn days at all). The sound of a baby crying triggers my anxiety so I will really struggle to see to the toddler first, even though I know it makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439601 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:14:26 +0000 mamabolt 2439601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not alone, I am worrying a lot about this right now myself. I'm especially worried about the household balance sine I do the lions share right now and not sure how that will continue with 2 kids, BF, and working FT. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439590 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:09:13 +0000 Anagram 2439590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't worried about LO adjusting or any emotional aspects of having 2, but I did have concerns about routines and household balance issues. I leave quite early for work and then I solo parent every night till right when the girls are ready for bed, so I take on the lion's share of unpacking daycare cups/bowls/bags, making dinner, repacking all the daycare stuff, making dinner for us, giving baths, getting PJs on, etc. I was worried about how I'd do that with two, and you just figure it out. </p> <p>You have a hard first week or two, and then you figure out how to do it, and your kids' expectations are adjusted and it ends up being totally fine.</p> <p>My 2.5 year old LOVES having a baby sister and is so loving and caring 95% of the time towards the baby. And I still put her to bed the same amount as before, because their bedtimes are slightly staggered (baby at 7:30 pm, LO1 at 8 pm.</p> <p>We also hired a nanny (not totally sure if she's working out), but that has cut down on the amount of daycare stuff I have to prepare, because now only LO1 attends daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439586 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:04:56 +0000 Applesandbananas 2439586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also following! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439544 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:44:53 +0000 cheert16 2439544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt the exact same way before we became a family of four (and I'll even admit sometimes in that frist month when I was figuring out how to take care of both kids I asked myself- why did we do this!?!) Things just have a way of working themselves out though. It takes some time but you eventually figure out how to take care of both kids, and your spouse. I got the advice if both kids are crying/ melting down take care of your oldest first and get them situated them move onto the baby. We did lots of snuggling together while I was feeding the baby, and let my son be a helper in a lot of things with she first came (and even now too!)<br /> The adjustment period takes some time- but it's totally amazing once you get there!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439543 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:44:45 +0000 BandDmommy 2439543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I did not think it was bad and I solo parent most of the week. You just create a new routine. My son was 2.5 when DD arrived so it was easier on me because he was independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439536 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:39:21 +0000 JoJoGirl 2439536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following!! I'm concerned also about the toll it'll take on us in terms of household balance, how we will manage to get everything done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439533 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:37:38 +0000 tinyperson 2439533@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Following. I'm struggling with this right now too. I think LO1 will adjust well, I'm more worried about myself!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-having-a-second#post-2439518 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 08:30:13 +0000 erinbaderin 2439518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How did everybody come to terms with the changes that were going to happen once the second baby arrived? I just feel very anxious and stressed about how our lives are going to change, in the sense of how my son is going to react, how I'm going to start missing things, etc. Right now every night my husband and I both do bathtime and bedtime, and that's going to have to stop. My son is a very clingy mama's boy (which I kind of love) and spends a lot of his time in my lap. I'm not worried about loving the new baby, I know my heart will make room for him, I just feel so sad about disturbing the little family unit that we have going right now - we're in such a good routine, we have so much fun together, and I know that that's going to change.</p> <p>Anybody have any tips or advice for transitioning into a 4 person family? </p>