https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 20:12:41 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910872 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 15:59:17 +0000 LadyDi 2910872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: Congrats! You must be so happy and relieved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910837 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 11:31:23 +0000 Mrs. Pajamas 2910837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: This is the best news ever! I love hearing stories where women make sacrifices in their career for their partners and kids and it works out in the end!! Sadly I feel like these stories are not all that common so I'm so so thrilled for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910822 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 08:46:31 +0000 Ajsmommy 2910822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>awesome update!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910820 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 08:10:42 +0000 lindseykaye 2910820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone!!! Feeling the love for my company right now. Especially about the incredible women I get to work with on my new team (all three of us are ladies - feels pretty awesome). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910819 Thu, 27 Feb 2020 04:24:41 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2910819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: Wonderful news! Congrats! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910817 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 21:34:10 +0000 Lahela017 2910817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great update! Congratulations!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910815 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 20:48:51 +0000 winter_wonder 2910815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: good for you! Things have a way of working out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910803 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 18:31:53 +0000 nwm 2910803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: yay! so great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910802 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 18:23:27 +0000 crazydoglady 2910802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: That's so great! Congratulations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910800 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 18:21:30 +0000 jhd 2910800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: what an awesome update! Congratulations!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2910772 Wed, 26 Feb 2020 13:55:28 +0000 lindseykaye 2910772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to pop back in and say thanks again for the support when I made this decision.</p> <p>Yesterday I was offered the original role that I wanted all along. :) I do not have to relocate, and it is an additional level above the role I was considering in this post. Things could not have worked out better and I am so glad I listened to my heart and was firm in my decision with my leadership team. I feel really proud my myself and all the sacrifices I (and my family) have made recently that helped make this happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901741 Thu, 07 Nov 2019 02:00:46 +0000 hummusgirl 2901741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely not move at this point in my life, but I did want to say that kids are incredibly resilient and make friends so easily. </p> <p>We moved when I was in middle school for my dad's job and I LOVED the new city and our neighborhood. He ended up getting laid off and we moved back to our original city three years later. I loved that too! </p> <p>I fantasize about somehow moving my family for a year or two to another place, just to give us all a different perspective. We'll see...I do really despise moving so it may not happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901730 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 21:03:58 +0000 lindseykaye 2901730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: I definitely respect this kind of compromise/sacrifice when it comes to balancing the career demands of two working partners. We made the decision for DH to primarily SAH about 2.5 yrs ago when I was finishing grad school and starting to travel. He was unhappy in his job at the time and it made sense. But now it's a lot of (self-induced) pressure on me to perform, to rise, and to make the most of what we've invested and sacrificed (money and time). He's looking to go back to work full time, but it's hard to find something that works with our needs. I think that's another reason I was so hesitant to take the promotion - I don't want him to feel continually dependent on me or separate him from a huge support system and become isolated with the kids while I work.<br /> I am going to keep that phrase in mind a lot in the next few months, especially around the holidays. Everything I do is for my family, and we have so much to be thankful for. Thanks &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901716 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 18:46:24 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2901716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I am nowhere near your level at work and I am very limited in what I can pursue because of my husband's job being very unpredictable. I try to remember "work to live, not live to work." I know I may not necessarily even be happier if I had more work opportunities. But it's still frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901715 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 18:28:38 +0000 lindseykaye 2901715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much for the commiseration and support. I really appreciate you sharing your stories and your decision-making processes.</p> <p>The good part is that my VP is fully supportive of any choice I make and said explicitly that she will have nothing but respect for me putting my family and personal needs first. They value me highly and want to support my growth within the company and they are shifting their mindset overall for critical roles like mine to promote from within. That doesn't mean there will be openings or opportunities in the near future but that's OK for me. The only risk is that now I am the only person in the entire network in my position, located at a smaller site, where I'm not really 'needed' based on the size - this is why I started to work on network projects and travel a couple years back.<br /> But, as much as I really truly love working here and believe in the mission of our organization - I would rather find another job in my community than leave my community for this job.</p> <p>@gotkimchi: @kiddosc: @Ajsmommy: @hitchhiker: @erinbaderin: There are some scenarios where my continuing in this role remotely with travel may work but it's all very up in the air. It depends on how successful this interim support goes and the strength of the candidates they have once I give a final 'no' and they open the position. It's a very client-facing role in many ways (1-3 site visits or audits a month, walking the facility, etc.). So it may be possible that a more junior person takes on the facilitator-type responsibilities of this and I mentor them and handle the oversight.</p> <p>I am so much more optimistic and at peace this evening vs. this morning (lots of fresh, tough conversations to process yesterday). Going to try to take a break from evening work at my hotel and just relax and have dinner and maybe read the book I brought with me :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901693 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 14:27:56 +0000 codeitall 2901693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For all the reasons you listed, I would also be declining the role. I recently chose not to pursue a higher-level manager role in my company and I stressed over it for weeks. You will have other opportunities. Don't regret putting your family first. Imagine if you do move and the kids hate the new location, can't find friends, you lose your social safety net, and you had to deal with the actual moving. You'd be full of regret. You can always regret the path not traveled, but in my opinion, you may just be passing up an early fork in the road, but another one later in life may get to the same place and be less rocky anyway.</p> <p>Something that helped me is expressing how much I wanted to pursue the job and how good I think I would be in it, but I'm just not in a place right now to manage that stress. I don't intend to be in this phase forever and I want to climb the ladder later and telling my command chain that leaves me the option to go that direction later when I'm more ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901688 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 13:49:17 +0000 foodiebee 2901688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure I have much advice, but I can commiserate. A few years ago, I had an awesome job opportunity presented itself across the country. DH was a rising star at his company and it was not at all a good time for him to leave the company to relocate. For the first time in our marriage, we had to confront picking one of our careers over the other person's. It was HARD. I really wanted to pursue this role, but we ultimately decided not to because DH's career is the more financially lucrative. It was so sad. I went through all the stages of grief giving it up—angry, sad...</p> <p>I look back on it now and don't feel the hit of it as strongly, but that's because I've changed companies and am very happy right now (if I was miserable, I'd probably think about it a lot more). I think it's natural to grieve one way or the other, especially if your career is part of how you see yourself (it is for me). It's hard to give up something that thrills you when it doesn't work for another part of your life, and hard to feel confident making a big change when you have other people's happiness wrapped up in your decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901681 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 12:25:54 +0000 erinbaderin 2901681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm agreeing with everybody else - it sounds like you'd be in a good position to negotiate a different way, maybe you travel to the other city once a month or so, but personally, in your place, if it was a choice between turning the job down and moving, I would turn the job down. It seems like it just isn't right for your family right now, and that's ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901678 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 12:15:35 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2901678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m similar to the others in that I’m not career driven. Neither DW and I are really. It’s a means to an end even though we both like our jobs enough and will stay in our fields. </p> <p>To make the move, it would need to be A LOT more money, no increase in work hours/time, my spouse would need to have equal opportunity, and we would need to be able to afford travelling to see family as much as we want/need. My kids would also need to be younger than school age so it wouldn’t uproot them too much. We live 3 hours away from my whole family, 45 from DW. Grandparents proximity takes precedence, brothers and sisters not as much (that’s just our relationship though) I maybe see my parents once a month but I would love to be closer to them and vice versa. </p> <p>In your situation specifically, your mom’s diagnosis and possible move would be the most important factor tbh. Do you think it’s actually likely that they will move though?</p> <p>Also to your last point where you said you feel nothing will work out in your favour: you’ll have the same work/family situation as you have now if you decline, which as long as you’re not feeling like that is a major issue, it will just maintain the status quo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901670 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 11:32:06 +0000 hitchhiker 2901670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like the suggestions to see if there is a "third way." Maybe there isn't but it seems worth it to ask - so you will know </p> <p>In case it's helpful to hear others' stories: I am also very career oriented, but feel like I have taken a small step back (not necessarily role-wise, but focus-wise) in the past few years (since my youngest was about 1). Currently I am at peace with it, but I go through phases of being frustrated, too. At this point in my life I like having the balance of a challenging (but not all consuming) career, enough family time, and plenty of time for socializing and activities. I know at some point when there is the right opportunity I will try to step out of this comfort zone again, but now is not that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901664 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 10:25:55 +0000 Ajsmommy 2901664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP's in that I would try to discuss it with your VP to see if you could make it work without moving. You have a LOT on your plate! </p> <p>As for me I would not move, however, I am not a "career driven" person. I just never have been. In my job I easily put my family and kids first and i don't feel bad about it at all. I am also an older mom, so I feel like I put in my time when I was younger and worked over time and weekends. I just recently hit my 20 yr mark with my company and I plan to work another 7-10 years but for that time my family will come first and I won't be putting in for any promotions that require moving.</p> <p>I will note that I had a close friend, who is 15 yrs younger than I who just got married, had 2 kids and took a promotion that required move. She is still young with the company and working to prove herself/develop her career. It worked out great for her. Her family is very happy and she had a 3rd kid and she is high on the recruitment list with our head quarters. So for her it worked out. She is very much more career oriented than I am at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901663 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 10:22:31 +0000 JennyPenny 2901663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, that is a really tough decision. I am in a similar position where I used to love both the work that I do and the company that I work for. The work I do has changed significantly this summer to the point that it really is now just a "job" but the benefits of the company make it worth staying. I was offered a position that would be my absolute ideal kind of work, but at this point I can't accept it and lose my family friendly benefits because I know that those are the only reason my life runs as smoothly as it does. It feels especially hard because I used to be super motivated about my career and my work and it feels hard to admit that my family life takes priority now. It seems like you're facing a similar challenge/crisis of having to decide which is more important and lose out on something based on that decision. I know for me I'm still coming to peace with the fact that my priorities have changed from my prior self. It hasn't been a short process but I'm feeling better about it day by day. Regardless of what you choose I hope you can find peace once you identify what your priority is. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901656 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 09:50:27 +0000 kiddosc 2901656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @gotkimchi: that my first step would be to straight out ask if moving is necessary for the position. I also work for a large corporation and for a global team. We have many team members that work remote. My senior manager is remote and travels in for a week every other month or so and is in daily contact via phone calls and instant messaging. Maybe you could make an arrangement like that. All that to say, that I wouldn't move that far away for a job either, but I would try to negotiate something that worked for me and the company. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901652 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 09:33:16 +0000 gotkimchi 2901652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you HAVE to move? It seems to me like you might have the power here so is there any way for you to negotiate moving the position to you. Or while this might not be ideal - they pay for you to be at the new location m-Thur and fly back and forth. Maybe this isn’t a binary decision and there is something creative you can come up with. They want you so don’t undervalue your worth and experience!! That being said, if it doesn’t work out it’s just not meant to be. Job decisions are always scary/hard </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901651 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 09:31:13 +0000 pachamama 2901651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is hard. I've had quite a few decisions recently where either one I thought I'd regret. And worst of all, I didn't have a good gut* instinct as to what was right. But once I made the decision, things fell into place<br /> My perspective might be a little different because I am not super ambitions and prefer a simple life and career (I'm a teacher and a homebody). I wouldn't move. Family and friends, not my job, make my life worth living. It's the connections I have in my community that make me happy. If husband desperately wanted to move, I'd consider it. But yours doesn't want to. And imagine if your mom moved back. Ackkkk it's hard even thinking of sacrificing your career for family and friends but just look close as to what's the most important.<br /> Xoxo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901650 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 09:16:00 +0000 ElbieKay 2901650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is a tough decision. I live in a very major metro area which I don’t especially love. But my job market is relatively liquid, and we have roots here. At this stage, in my early 40s with three young kids, it would have to be extremely compelling for me to uproot my family just for a career opportunity. And it would depend on my husband having an opportunity in the new location as well. In your case I would probably stay put or ask them if you can do the job from your current location maybe plus some travel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/coming-to-terms-with-work-decision#post-2901646 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 08:56:01 +0000 lindseykaye 2901646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need some help coming to terms with a decision not to take a promotion that requires relocation. Maybe this is also just needing to get it off my chest to people who may understand better than most people close to me.</p> <p>Long story (short?) - about a year and a half ago I was brought in to discuss a potential promotion within my department at a large global company. Moving from a location-based to a regional role. This would have allowed me to continue to work from my current city which I love and travel intermittently which I have been doing for the past two years. It took months for them to post the positions on the internal board, months more to begin interviews, and then once that was done we were having a rough year financially and there was a hiring freeze. Now, it seems they will not be filling the positions for the foreseeable future. The only other person who held my title within this region (who also applied to one of the three new regional roles) left the company a few weeks ago to relocate to the area where she would have been based out of if they filled the roles. I am now stepping in to support her location (the largest in the world) while a decision is made for how to proceed.<br /> They want me to take the role to replace her, but it would require moving across the country with my husband and small children.</p> <p>I know people do this all the time, but we absolutely LOVE where we live and our community. All of DH's extended family (minus his sister) live within a few hours and we are very close to them. My brother and SIL also live within a couple hours. The friends we have here are lifetime type of friends.<br /> Add on top of that my mom was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and there is a chance she and my father will move back to our state (though there are no firm plans) and I will be devastated if I move away only for them to be back home. Side note - the new location is equally as far a drive/flight to them now as our current city.</p> <p>I am so sad to say no to this opportunity. DH very, very much does not want to move. I am open to it to an extent but that's because it's my career development that is directly impacted. My VP came to talk with me about the position yesterday and I haven't given my final answer but I know I need to be in this 100% for it to work on both sides (mine and the company) and I'm just... not.</p> <p>I cried myself to sleep last night and I am tearing up now even thinking about it either way - whether I say yes and risk our family peace and connections, or whether I say no and give up this opportunity. </p> <p>My decisions feel like they're based on fear - fear of missing this kind of chance (and income) again, fear of putting my family through a potentially really difficult change, fear of taking the job and then regretting it. I don't know how to get past this part and feel good about prioritizing my family over my career. I am just so afraid that nothing will work out in my favor here - whether I take it or not. I need to let this go and trust that things will be fine but I don't know how to do that. </p>