https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 12:26:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623940 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 04:14:29 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2623940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom has always been overly critical about physical appearance. As a child, she used to always joke about her big calves. Although my mom and I don't look alike, I did inherit her calves. That really made me hyper aware :bummed: </p> <p>We're planning on a trip to visit my mom soon. It'll be the first time she sees DD as a preschooler (she's only met her as a baby). I know she can't help but comment, (mostly positively) about DD appearance, but I'm kind of dreading it. I've brought up the subject a few times already, but having a real sit-down talk is always difficult (and I know I have to do it). But it's necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623849 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 17:42:55 +0000 daniellemybelle 2623849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a family member that makes comments about LO's body. They aren't this overtly negative but it still bothers me. I haven't figured out how to respond to it other than to do what you do: "We love her strong legs!" "We think she's perfect how she is and try to tell her that." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623811 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 15:45:10 +0000 catlady 2623811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would bring it up, in a gentle way if possible, but definitely let her know that you prefer that she not comment on either her own body or your LOs, even if your LO isn't around. </p> <p>We are lucky we don't have to deal with this but I have a feeling we would have if my mom were still alive. She was someone who always made disparaging remarks about her own body shape, even while she was literally dying of cancer. She got it from her own mom, and I think I was sort of headed along that path, but the cancer thing really shocked me into realizing that there are more important things in life to worry about. I will say that having grown up with someone like that, it is extremely hard to shut it down, so I'd give her a couple chances if you have to. But it is definitely not healthy, joking or not, so you should stick to your guns about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623787 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 15:08:45 +0000 NorthStar 2623787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely bring it up. I remember my aunt either telling me or saying to someone when I was around (I must have been between ages of 3-5). When a baby is cute, they grow up to be an ugly adult and when a baby is ugly, they grow up to be a beautiful adult. How horrible and even now, i think of that every once and awhile, because yeah, I was a cute baby and our daughter is adorable. :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623780 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:59:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2623780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I still remember an offhand comment one of my grandmothers made about the shape of my nose, when I was five, and playing in another room. Kids have radar for people talking about them out of earshot. Maybe tell your MIL that there's a good chance your daughter will overhear, and remember, and turn it over in her mind till it makes sense to her, and you don't want her carrying that around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623760 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:43:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: thanks for this- and sorry you have dealt with this much worse it sounds like. I think this is a conversation I need to have with mil directly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623755 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:39:12 +0000 ShootingStar 2623755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it's awkward, but I think you or DH should say something. My grandma used to comment all the time on my body/looks and it definitely gave me a complex. I only saw her a couple times a year but she mentioned my size every time I saw her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623749 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:28:55 +0000 yoursilverlining 2623749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So from my response in the other thread, I have some experience with this. (quick recap: my step-MIL made many comments about LO being “fat” when she was a baby and toddler – and not in a sweet way. In a very nasty, disparaging way – like, am I worried about LO being a “fat girl” and whether I want to give her less to eat. Yeah….)</p> <p>Like your MIL, a lot of my step-MIL’s malicious behavior is learned and she doesn’t do it to outright be mean. Her father was an asshole and pitted his 2 daughters against each other for attention and affection. She has *huge* power issues surrounding food in general, and she left her own adult daughter with body issues and an eating disorder. So, while I get having some sympathy for your MIL and her upbringing, the bottom line is that her words can be very harmful.</p> <p>We talked to my FIL about step-MIL’s comments and were very upfront that 1) comments like those are damaging (whether step-MIL agrees or not) and that 2) we cannot accept comments like those around or about LO. If step-MIL continued to say things about LO, we would stop visiting them and having LO around them. We told them that girls deal with enough body shaming, they don’t need their grandparents adding fuel. FIL then talked to step-MIL, which is the best for our family, but your family dynamics may be different. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623744 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:24:00 +0000 catomd00 2623744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, gross! Is just be perfectly Blunt and say you'd appreciate if she stopped commenting on LOs body: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623739 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:17:48 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pastemoo: recently she has only made the "jokes" when LO is sleeping. But still. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623737 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:17:11 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: yes, that's what I try to do- wow your legs are so fast, or you jumped so high! (Though I admit I love her curls so much and say it all the time). And I'm conscious of anything I say about my body in front of her (and in general anyway). </p> <p>@travellingbee: that's exactly the kind of thing I don't want to happen- thanks for sharing that, it makes me realize I'm not crazy for worrying about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623727 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:05:55 +0000 nana87 2623727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh that's so frustrating! I feel like I've been seeing stuff online lately about body positivity and parenting on using language that emphasizes all the amazing things bodies can do rather than what they look like (ie, "wow your legs are so strong, they help you run so fast!"), and it's something I'm really going to try to focus on myself with our girls, in addition to not trashing my own body in front of them. Maybe next time she says something about it, you can say that you've been reading about body positivity and want to avoid using language that can lead to insecurities? It's a little less confrontational than straight out saying "don't say that" and also explains why it bothers you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623724 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 14:00:41 +0000 pastemoo 2623724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: This is so hard! My husband realized his own issues with his weight were transferring to our son when our son didn't want to go swimming because he would have to take off his shirt and people would see his tummy. He was 3 at the time.<br /> I don't know how you can handle this other than a sit down heart-to-heart with MIL. From a place of kindness, tell her that her joking is getting to you and might get to your baby girl. Or make the very simple point that 3 year olds don't really understand jokes and definitely don't understand sarcasm, so this is already having an effect. Get a drink or a coffee or something and leave time for a big conversation.</p> <p>I actually remember overhearing a conversation my grandma and her friends were having about me when they thought I could not hear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623723 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 13:59:03 +0000 avivoca 2623723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Yeah, it could change, but she's his exact clone with my skin tone and curly hair. When we put their baby pictures side-by-side, they are exactly the same. It's uncanny. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623720 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 13:56:24 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: to be fair it really doesn't come up often- we don't see her often- but a couple of times a year is way too much. This last time it was while we were all drinking champagne celebrating moving into our house, and she had helped a ton, so I didn't want to make a big thing of it, but still. </p> <p>I don't even know whose body she has. Because she is 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623716 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 13:54:40 +0000 travellingbee 2623716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you do what you said. Politely but firmly say, "I'd really rather you didn't say those kinds of things about LO's body." Maybe you can say something like "I think you have a nice figure and I know we all have our insecurities but I'd rather not GIVE LO insecurities about her body." My mom is like that and always complained about her body. Still does. She always flattered me about my figure, saying it was everything she ever wanted, but mentioned several times that my problem area was my thighs. That when I gain weight it goes to my thighs. While that might be true that I gain weight in my thighs first, she will never understand the complex she has given me. That every time I look down at myself in shorts I notice my thighs and wonder if they look fat in these shorts... :( It doesn't take much to give you a complex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623707 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 13:50:48 +0000 avivoca 2623707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. That is so inappropriate. I think I would gently but firmly tell her that that type of talk is unacceptable in your house and then shut it down every time it happens.</p> <p>I'm working on getting my husband to stop talking about how fat he is (he really isn't) and saying bad things about his body because H is built exactly like him (long torso, short, muscular legs) and I don't want her to grow up thinking there is something wrong with her body. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/comments-on-lo-body#post-2623704 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 13:43:28 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I need help coming up with a response that will put an end to this the next time it comes up. </p> <p>My MIL, who I get along with very well but don't see often because she loves far, has been making comments about my now 3 year old daughter's body since she was really little. Like maybe since pre walking. She says she feels bad because she thinks LO got her body, or got her legs and hips. MIL has a perfectly fine figure, mind you, but is pear shaped. She used to say it jokingly to LO when she was really little, now she generally only says it to me and DH when LO is not there, and only when she's been drinking. Says it like a joke but considering she's been "joking" about it for years, it's not. </p> <p>I've tried being subtle, saying, I think she has a perfectly fine body and I don't want her to ever be self conscious about it, or I love her body. Her legs are strong and adorable. Or she has the rest of her life to worry about the way her body looks, I don't want her picking it up from us. </p> <p>But obviously she is still thinking it and it makes me really mad. How do I politely, but firmly, say she needs to knock it off completely. </p> <p>Also- from what I have heard, MIL's mother is exactly the type of woman who would have said this to her daughter all through growing up, so cutting her some slack but not enough to upset my daughter. </p>