https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 16:39:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742638 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 10:47:59 +0000 catomd00 2742638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: It's not always as black and white as she got the baby in and out when she got home, so she can do it 100 times a day. Or that there is no benefit. As someone with a chronic illness that results in severe pain and joint disclocations and subluxations, I have to make these decisions every single day and there are real benefits to doing it. Every day is different as far as how my body will feel and respond to certain things. Things still need to get done regardless of how I am feeling, so there are times when I absolutely have to carefully plan how I will get what I need to get done in a way that also limits the amount of times I have to pick my carseat up. I have to get it in the car at home and out of the car at home - those are obvious non-negotiables, so I need to plan around being able to do that. But, for me there are very real benefits to leaving my kid in the car (where it is legal for me to do so) to run a quick errand because if I don't, I may pay for it in other ways later. Any time my husband is home he puts the kids in the car and takes them out for me. Some days I have to have my in-laws come over to help me. Things aren't always what they seem and everyone has the right to make those decisions (where legal) for themselves without being berated and threatened. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742587 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 08:11:18 +0000 Adira 2742587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we need to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the social worker mom came out of the building and saw the infant in the car and had a mild panic attack. How long has this child been in the car unattended? How hot is out? How hot might it be in the car? Where is the parent? What should I do??</p> <p>I can imagine that might have been a frightening situation for the bystander, not knowing all the facts, wondering what's going on, wondering what condition the infant is in, wondering what she should do. Then the OP comes back out and the bystander unleashes on her. I've definitely shouted at my kids before because they've scared me. Maybe it was a similar situation for the other mom.</p> <p>I'm not saying the way she treated the OP was okay or right, but if we're going to give the OP the benefit of the doubt for leaving her child in the car unattended, we should also give the other parent the benefit of the doubt for her reaction.</p> <p>Live, learn, and move on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742586 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 08:09:42 +0000 looch 2742586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: I think people need to understand what calling CPS entails, which I myself didn't, until some ladies posted. Given what the investigations warrant and the emotional toll it takes on families that are investigated, I really think people need to give it a long thought and make sure they're really calling for the right reasons. To me, that means not take isolated incidents and make that judgment call. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742579 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 07:56:28 +0000 MrsSCB 2742579@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlebug: yes, I've also watched and waited when I saw a kid in the car. The parent came out quickly and I went about my business. I also almost called the cops when I saw a dog left in a hot car for a long period of time. The woman came out as I was dialing. I told her exactly what I was doing -- calmly and rationally. There are absolutely ways of dealing with situations like this that don't involve losing your shit, not to mention using your profession to incorrectly cite laws. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742577 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 07:53:02 +0000 littlebug 2742577@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm another one throwing my hat into the ring...and my support at OP. I have called the authorities to report a child being left in a car. After I watched for close to 10 minutes and no parents appeared, I called. But I watched and waited, giving the parents the benefit of the doubt. Because even back then, as a 20-something year old kid with no children, I knew that sometimes, you just can't do everything at once. And sometimes, it's easier to leave a baby in the car seat while you run and drop your groceries inside or pay for your gas or pick up your dry cleaning. </p> <p>I think that that woman completely over-reacted and definitely cold have handled herself better. And I AM a social worker and therefore also a mandated reported, but this situation would not have come back on her or her license if - God forbid - something did happen to the baby. Not unless she finds out something happens and then goes to the authorities and says "Yes, and I saw her leave the baby in the car for a minute!" And even then, I don't think it would come back on her license. Neither her job nor her license as a social worker are not in any jeopardy in that situation, and for her to use her title like that is embarrassing. I'm so sorry that you weren't treated with more compassion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/4#post-2742560 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 06:18:30 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2742560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just want to lend my support to the OP. Leaving a baby in the car happens. Just be quick about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742559 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 06:16:14 +0000 catomd00 2742559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: what an inappropriate thing to do. I wouldn't worry about it at all! Definitely don't put in writing to her that you did it and research the law. In my area it is not illegal to do it for a reasonable amount of time in safe temperatures if you can see the car. What a sanctimonious B! I do this all the time given a chronic illness I have and I'd be so furious if someone did this to me, but I wouldn't be paranoid and stop doing it because I know the law. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742556 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 06:08:23 +0000 MrsSCB 2742556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kemma: I agree. This thread is reminding me a lot of the other one recently about a parking space confrontation at daycare. So many people commented saying the OP "deserved" to get yelled at, or even "worse" (it was never clear what that entailed, some kind of physical assault, perhaps?) When did people decide it's appropriate to fly off he handle at strangers without actually even attempting to understand what's going on? Even in this thread, it has been assumed the OP is lying about how long she was in and out. People have implied she deserved to have CPS called on her. It's baffling. There are things parents do every day that have an objectively worse risk-benefit ratio than this situation (again, assuming it wasn't hot outside, because that's a different ballgame). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742551 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 05:11:03 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2742551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: you said above "I would still report it because it is a behavior that endangers a child.". So in my post I gave other examples that could endanger a child. Would you not report and call CPS for things of that nature? A child not in a correctly installed car seat is at a much greater danger than a child left alone in a car. It could be perceived as a potential sign of abuse or neglect. What if the world reported every one of those cases? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742549 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 04:54:34 +0000 Kemma 2742549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: sure, we only have one perspective but perception is reality so if the OP feels that she'd been verbally assaulted then her feelings are valid.</p> <p>@azjax: I don't think I mentioned CPS in my comment...</p> <p>I guess my point is that if social worker really wanted to keep the child safe then she could've waited by the car and approached the OP in a calm and supportive tone. Losing her rag didn't do anything apart from make herself feel better.</p> <p>Also, sh*t like this reminds of those people that see an unattended child in a parked car and post about it on social media in a fit of faux concern rather than trying to find the parent or doing something genuinely helpful.</p> <p>And one last thing (because apparently I'm having a lot of thoughts about the situation) did she not look around and take her location into account? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742545 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 04:11:01 +0000 Beth24 2742545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've thought about leaving the kids in the car when I need to run an errand that will take less than 3 minutes but I don't because of my fear of other people reporting me. I don't see a problem with what the OP did. I wish I could say I'm surprised by some of the more harsh responses but I'm not, that's the world we live in now. Yelling at another mom when you don't know the situation is not as productive as simply having a conversation with her to see what's going on. Just like how calling the OP a liar about the timeframe of 1 minute is not helpful at all. Aren't we all in this motherhood thing together? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742542 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 03:11:00 +0000 travellingbee 2742542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: agreed that we can and should have our own opinions. We don't need to accuse others of child abuse when their limits are different, however. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742535 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 01:42:26 +0000 808love 2742535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was 12, I sat in the car by myself in the backseat when my mom went into the laundromat. A drunk person emerged from strip mall pub next door and opened the car door, sat in the driver seat and tried to look for keys to start it. I freaked out! So did he! He realized he was in the wrong car and quickly exited.</p> <p>This goes to show, anything can happen. I wouldn't do it. I want to do it. But I don't. I do other things, like leave LO in the car in my driveway for 49.78 seconds, while I drop a load of things inside. Everyone has their own lines. I also would be freaked out if I saw a baby in a car by themselves. I would probably stand guard until parents returned without a word. We can have our own opinions filtered by experiences. We are human. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742531 Thu, 01 Jun 2017 00:12:16 +0000 sarac 2742531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dear god, how terrible the way people are treating you OP. Shame on them. I don't hesitate to leave my sleeping baby in a locked and cool car if I need to pop into a small store and I can see her. Seriously, what is going to happen? My car is going to explode? Someone is going to steal it, while I'm watching? Or run into it? Just, think about what you're all really afraid of here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742526 Wed, 31 May 2017 22:35:25 +0000 meganmp 2742526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Out of curiosity, I timed myself today picking up my twins from preschool. 90 seconds to grab back packs, lunch boxes, check folders, and sign them out. </p> <p>Just in case anyone was wondering! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742524 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:57:00 +0000 MrsSCB 2742524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: OP said on a previous page that her child was waiting by the door near the parking lot.</p> <p>Assuming the car wasn't hot and it really was quick, I think the other parent overreacted. But I've left my son in the car to run back inside my house for something I've forgotten inside 🤷🏻‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742519 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:35:07 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2742519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pinkcupcake: I really don't think one or five minutes would change most people's reactions though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742518 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:32:10 +0000 pinkcupcake 2742518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The more I think about this - I just can't believe it would take one minute to get a child from class. We attended 3 different preschools. Each one had a different layout, but at the least, it would take 5 minutes to sign out, grab the backpack, jackets, etc. </p> <p>I have a hard time believing this child was left alone for just one minute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742515 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:13:39 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2742515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: 👌🏼 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742511 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:08:43 +0000 Maysprout 2742511@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: I guess maybe I am in a bubble or naive. I can see how something could be awkward and might end up with someone being irritated and how emailing the director is easier. But dangerous? I'm just being honest, that I don't think that's a healthy community environment to be in. </p> <p>Maybe it's normal to be scared of talking to other parents at daycare but that would make me extremely uncomfortable to go to a place like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742510 Wed, 31 May 2017 21:07:12 +0000 azjax 2742510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: do you think any of those things are illegal or potentially indicative of child abuse? Because that is what I stated was my personal cutoff for being concerned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742504 Wed, 31 May 2017 20:59:44 +0000 nwm 2742504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: exactly. just want to echo this one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742502 Wed, 31 May 2017 20:54:43 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2742502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: Yes, I feel that people should use good judgement and not report incidents are minor or inconsequential. Now in this case, if it is really illegal then maybe it "could" warrant a call. But what if I see a child climbing really high on the playground with the parent not in sight (sitting off to the side, not paying attention/helping). That child is probably in WAY more danger but if we reported every time we see a child in a situation like that? There wouldn't be enough resources in the WORLD to fund those agencies. What about a child walking across the street not holding their parents hand? What about a child eating things that are a choking hazard? What about not installing car seats correctly?!?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742501 Wed, 31 May 2017 20:54:05 +0000 travellingbee 2742501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Completely agree. The ONLY reason I probably wouldn't do this would be because of stories like this with overly concerned passers-by. I'm paranoid about this happening, which seems a lot more likely than my child being harmed. I've even heard of people getting flack for leaving a dog in the car (on NOT hot day!!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742494 Wed, 31 May 2017 20:41:34 +0000 Mae 2742494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I didn't read all the comments, but I skimmed enough to see you're getting a lot of flack. I just wanted to say, you are doing a GREAT job. Mom'ing is fucking HARD. And we are a paranoid, paranoid society. I hate that we have to be so constantly worried about what other people think about what we do. Honestly, what is the risk to your child of being left in a cool locked car for literally one minute? Zero. Seems more likely you'd drop the kid with your messed up back, injuring them, than...what? Someone car jacks your car from the school lot in those 60 seconds? Life is full of calculated risks. We choose to drive with our children. We choose to let them climb to the top of the play structure. We choose leave them with babysitters we *think* we can trust. For some reason kids in cars is a hot-button topic for people and there seems to be no consideration for actual common sense on the matter IMO. I'm sorry you got yelled at. I'm glad nothing will come of it. Keep on keeping' on mama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742486 Wed, 31 May 2017 20:35:21 +0000 azjax 2742486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: My original and subsequent statements were that confrontation could become dangerous, that i have observed some of the parents at the daycare talking down to staff, and that I don't enjoy face to face confrontation with people, especially on sensitive topics. Suggesting that I need to change daycare over these things is OTT. Maybe you live in a perfect buble where every parent at your children's school is wonderful and polite, but you have to recognize that even if that is the case your experience is an exception to that of the unwashed masses. I never accused the OP of abuse, I stated that I would be concerned about behaviors like the one she engaged in being unsafe, so please don't misconstrue my post. </p> <p>@Kemma: @looch: Is your argument that CPS type offices are stretched thin on resources so people should not report incidents that others feel are minor or inconsequential? Why not advocate for more resources for those organizations so they can handle all complaints properly? One of the major difficulties in detecting abuse and removing children from abusive environments is lack of reporting and lack of documented evidence. The "little" things people see in public can be what helps big problems be uncovered​. A poster with social work experience explained upthread that CPS has methods for determining what to follow up on, shouldn't we trust those with experience to decide if a.complaint is a waste of resources? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742470 Wed, 31 May 2017 19:56:35 +0000 littlejoy 2742470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ScarletBegonia: Bahaha. Parenting is humbling, huh? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742464 Wed, 31 May 2017 19:34:16 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2742464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just some food for thought .- I got into an discussion/borderline argument with my (then childless) neighbour about whether it was safe to leave a child in their carseat in the car at the gaspump while paying in the store (for some reason Australia hasn't caught on to the whole pay-at-the-pump thing the rest of the world has embraced). I told her I do it with my son and she was HORRIFIED - I waved her judgement off cause I don't really care, told her I'm comfortable with it and can see the car the whole time I'm in the shop.<br /> Lo and behold!!! Two years and a baby later, who do I see at our local gas station but her baby, sleeping peacefully in his capsule car seat, while she's in paying for her gas. I brought my now 3 year old in with me and may have beaten smugness records with the look on my face...but I didn't say anything to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742463 Wed, 31 May 2017 19:29:29 +0000 skipra 2742463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I am glad that the police officer confirmed it was ok. Fwiw, I know a mom who left her baby in the car while picking up her son who is in my son's class. There is no dedicated parking lot and sometimes it takes a few minutes to do pick up and you can't see outside from the pick up area. And guess what, the baby was fine and no one batted an eye! In the winter our school doesn't always have the snow cleared of the sidewalk and try climbing mountains of snow with a baby in the car seat. Much more dangerous than leaving him in the car a couple minutes. Sorry you were approached in such an awful way. I'm sure she was in total shock to see a baby in the car, which I can understand too. Bad day all around, I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/confronted-by-a-mandated-reporter-what-would-you-do/page/3#post-2742456 Wed, 31 May 2017 19:08:25 +0000 Eko 2742456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I am sorry that you had to deal with that and glad to hear that you found some resolution. I would've also been very upset if someone berated me like that. I can imagine myself in your situation as I could see myself leaving a second LO in the car while dropping D'S off. So my sympathies go out to you. </p>