https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 14:41:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2302333 Fri, 25 Sep 2015 13:34:57 +0000 Mrs. Train 2302333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: turning in the paper work is so exciting!! Congrats. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2299662 Wed, 23 Sep 2015 15:36:20 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2299662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Train: Thanks. I think this is a good point. I will definitely need reminding that I can't take every baby they call us about and will have to really feel out a situation to be sure it's right for us. We turned in all the preliminary paperwork this morning and made an appointment to get finger printed in two weeks. Moving along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2297368 Mon, 21 Sep 2015 14:42:24 +0000 Mrs. Train 2297368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We adopted in California through domestic infant. I also became pregnant right after our placement. Ours did ask that we didn't pursue Fertility treatments but that was a private agency. I don't think foster care has the same requirements. </p> <p>We are also hoping to foster to adopt in the future. It is possible to get a baby and to have it go towards adoption. But you have to be firm in what you will accept. the state is desperate for foster parents and the social workers can very convincing about situations. At the same time they also want what's best for a child so they will understand if you say you are uncomfortable with a placement. It is good to be open but to also know your limits. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296899 Mon, 21 Sep 2015 09:11:40 +0000 ShootingStar 2296899@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Here in MA the law is that infants can't go to daycare for more than 50 hours/week. </p> <p>@2farmmoms: We went to our first adoption party yesterday and it was really interesting. The tough part is that it will still take a couple more months for us to get certified and the kids we saw may no longer be available. More and more we're leaning towards this option versus trying to get pregnant again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296692 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 22:57:11 +0000 MamaCate 2296692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: Posted on your wall! :happy: </p> <p>@DesertDreams88: I am in pima. I think the licensing rules are statewide but who knows? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296592 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 19:57:31 +0000 DesertDreams88 2296592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: Yeah, my MIL will be our childcare but I know she couldn't deal with the emotional possibilities nor interact easily with the bio parents during visits. :-/ Here's to hoping clomid, metformin, and progesterone will work again when trying for #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296591 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 19:55:10 +0000 DesertDreams88 2296591@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamacate: Oh, interesting! Maybe it's a regional thing? But I would think that'd be a state-level thing. Maybe I misunderstood her or she was substituting her own views for that of DCS's :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296498 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 17:06:52 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2296498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: thank you! Having read my post, do you think what we're doing is feasible? I know there aren't any newborns cleared for adoption, but is it unreasonable to think we might get placed with one relatively young that is likely to go to adoption? Also the foster agencysaid siblings are really common and we should consider if we would take two, an infant and a toddler for example. We are ok with that idea although it would sure be a shock! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296481 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 16:42:16 +0000 MamaCate 2296481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Hmmm I am also in AZ (down south) and I am a therapist working with foster kids among others and we definitely have infants in childcare!</p> <p>@2farmmoms: I work as an early childhood family therapist primarily with children involved with child protective services. I have been in this role for five years so I am glad to be a resource if I can be. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296480 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 16:40:31 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2296480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: interesting! I'm hoping that by the time we actually bring home a baby, whether through adoption or fostering or if I do get pregnant, I will be working from home for our own nonprofit business that we are in the process of forming. Either way, though, my parents will be our main childcare (we are VERY lucky, my mom was actually a little disappointed when I said I was planning to work from home and she wouldn't be needed quite as much). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296479 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 16:35:41 +0000 DesertDreams88 2296479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh one thing I forgot! Here in AZ, foster children aren't allowed to go to a daycare / childcare facility until 12mo old. That was a major factor in restricting our ability to foster; back when we were considering it (open to it in the future, but finances would have to significantly change!!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2296440 Sun, 20 Sep 2015 15:30:29 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2296440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I'll be very interested to hear how the process goes for you! We had our initial meeting. It went well, and we are slowly starting the process. We aren't completely giving up on ttc, but ivf isn't an option for us because of finances and location, and I'm not sure how much longer I want to keep doing IUIs when they're not working. They gave us a huge packet of paperwork. Sounds kind California requires 12 hours of training. Much better than 30! There's a cpr class we need to do in November. And a water safety class. I did most of the paperwork the night after our meeting, but have since stalled on my progress. I think we need to take it slow so we both get more used to the idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2291753 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 16:56:08 +0000 ShootingStar 2291753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are just starting the foster to adopt process. We have fertility problems but we were able to conceive our toddler with the help of an RE. We're not sure we want to do the whole process all over again though. We're really interested in the idea of 1 or 2 kids in the 4-7 range. </p> <p>I'm not sure how it works in CA, but here in MA we have to take 30 hours of classes (UGH) and then we are eligible for a home study. We are actually going to an adoption even this weekend where we can learn some stuff and meet some of the waiting kids.</p> <p>One of the social workers I talked to did tell me that 0-5 is the most in demand age range, with infants being the most desirable. The most in need of homes are kids in the 7-12 range. It seems from what I've read that if you are open to fostering first you have a better chance of getting an infant or a child who's spent less time in the system. Of course, it is a bigger gamble. I had the same questions as you - how do you possibly prepare for an infant on the spur of the moment? Being a working mom, this just seemed impossible to overcome. So our ideal is the kindergarden/first grade age range. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2291668 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 14:57:04 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2291668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveletter: thanks! We had our intro meeting with the foster agency yesterday. It went well, they were very nice and sent us home with a lot of paperwork. They sounded pretty positive about infant adoption being a possibility, but it was hard to tell how likely it was or how long it might take. How long did it take you to complete the paperwork, home study and all the other hoops you have to jump through? I finished a lot of the paperwork last night but all of the home inspections, classes, etc have us a little overwhelmed. We are trying another IUI this month and also starting the foster process. We'll see what happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2291620 Tue, 15 Sep 2015 14:12:38 +0000 loveletter 2291620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi 2Farmmoms! I am sorry that the road to parenthood has been hard. :( We had a difficult time trying to conceive too, and it did feel like such a relief when we shifted our focus to adoption! I didn't have time to read all the comments on this thread, but I wanted to pop in real quick to say that we are an adoptive family and to please feel free to message me with any questions. We did a private domestic adoption 2 years ago and had a really positive experience with that, and we also are foster parents now in hopes of adopting #2. We have requested newborns and we had one placement that went home after 3 months, and we currently have a placement that is looking like there is a possibility of adoption. I would love to answer any questions you have. It is so exciting that you are looking into adoption! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289458 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 19:37:36 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: Thanks, good idea. I'm hoping that being in CA and being legally married, we won't run into to much trouble.</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: THANK YOU!!! It's SO helpful to hear stories, good and bad. Mostly what I hear about the foster system in general is bad, so it's nice to hear some success stories as well. From what I've heard the local foster system is overloaded here as well, so we might have a chance. We live in a very low income area and I think that tends to mean more kids in foster care.<br /> @bluestriped bee: That's a good article, thanks. I agree that it could be very difficult pursuing both. I feel (and I could be totally wrong) that we would be able to do an IUI every couple of months using our known donor without a lot of added stress. I think that would be very different than pursuing IVF or even medicated cycles while looking into adoption. But I may be wrong and at this point I think I would be totally OK with stopping IUIs while we went through the adoption process, if that's what the agency requires. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289453 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 19:25:18 +0000 BSB 2289453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: True. Good point. I don't think it's the act of getting pregnant but they want you totally invested in the adoption process. As you and I are aware going through IF treatments make us a bit more emotional in the success snd failures of treatment.<br /> I found this blog article on it.<br /> <a href="https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/cake-eating-continuing-infertility-treatment-applying-adopt/" rel="nofollow">https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/cake-eating-continuing-infertility-treatment-applying-adopt/</a></p> <p>Having skimmed that article it does make it unfair that they treat people with IF differently than people who are more fertile and can get pregnant easily. I think if an adoption agency were concerned about this that they should include an assessment that evaluates if people will see their adopted child as their own. Also, maybe include in the contract that should you get pregnant during the adoption process that you should be prepared to continue with the adoption. I do understand from the adoption and fostering point of view that they want someone invested in adopting and not as a second choice to IF. They most likely want to protect the children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289435 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 18:23:44 +0000 DesertDreams88 2289435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Many of the families in my church do foster care and end up adopting. Here are their basic experiences:</p> <p>1) One couple had a baby girl for 2 days; then a toddler boy for a week that hurt their other bio children, and then fostered a baby "G" starting 2 days after his birth. After 8 months, his three bio siblings were found neglected in their foster home, so they took in all 3. After a year from the beginning (getting baby G), parental rights were severed and they adopted all 4.</p> <p>2) A couple received a month-old baby girl, her parental rights were terminated about 2 months later, they adopted about 10 months after getting her?</p> <p>3) A couple fostered a baby girl for 3 days but she was Native American and I guess the native courts don't like to do interracial fostering/adopting, so they knew it was temporary. Next they received a 4 month-old baby girl, her parental rights were terminated at some point, they adopted about a year after getting her?</p> <p>3) A couple received a 4 month-old baby girl and a 2 year old brother. They have had them for 13 months now and are still in limbo. The bio parents are doing "just enough" to keep their rights, but not earn back custody. </p> <p>5) Another couple had a baby for 2-3 months and she went back to her bio mom, then another baby for 2-3 months and he was moved to another foster home to be with siblings and closer to bio parents who still have visitation rights, and they are now fostering a difficult toddler. They have had a lot of struggles and heartbreak. I don't know what their current status is. </p> <p>They're a variety of races. Most of these situations involved parent neglect before and after birth. With 1-3, I think there was a question of drug use. Most of them had their parental rights terminated within a year, but some didn't, and some were moved to other foster homes for various reasons. </p> <p>I should add, AZ has a TON of kids in the foster system and it's very "backlogged." I don't know what it's like in CA. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289392 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 13:43:06 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mamasig: this is exactly the scenario I've heard of and would wish for. I wonder if being open to twins makes it easier... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289391 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 13:41:07 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I know some of them do. I'm wondering if I child convince them to let us casually try an occasional IUI with a midwife. Since we have to use a donor, this isn't exactly infertility treatment. Who knows, just a thought. I could argue that they don't make straight couples use protection! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289389 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 13:37:22 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crystal: Honestly, since we started talking about adoption seriously it's amazing how much better I've felt. I feel like I can breathe again after having this huge weight on me for the last year. I'm not necessarily giving up on the idea of a biological child, but focusing on something else right now seems to be exactly what we needed. We have never been great about communicating about ttc and our relationship has definitely been stressed. We've been talking more openly and more positively about adoption than we ever did about ttc. Maybe it's just what's right for us. It feels more right at the moment. I hope you guys also find some peace and a solution soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289360 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 12:01:28 +0000 wrkbrk 2289360@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: I'm sorry to hear this :( No real advice (I have friends who are just now looking into the foster to adopt options in our area) but I wanted to wish you luck. Consider maybe also contacting your local ACLU - I think they have lots of resources on same sex adoption. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289315 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 09:54:31 +0000 Mamasig 2289315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a very good friend who adopted after struggling with infertility. She went the foster to adopt route and ended up with 4 month old boy/girl twins rather quickly. After about a year, the bio parents terminated their rights and she was able to adopt the kids. She had a great happy ending. But I also know others whose foster kids are given back to the parents. That's just the risk you take. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289314 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 09:51:37 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2289314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crystal: I'm actually one of the lucky ones who has insurance coverage for fertility meds, even though I don't have coverage for infertility treatments. I'd have to pull out my paperwork to find the exact numbers, but I know it cost less that my fresh IVF cycle, which was $12k. It was also spread out over several months. In July we paid for the application, then the home study in August, the clinic's fee in November, the open donation fee in December, and then the FET fee in January. Also you use a lot less meds during an FET than you do during a fresh IVF cycle so the meds would be a little more affordable. There are lots of ways to get donor embryos and the way I did it wasn't the cheapest. I'd be happy to talk to you about some of the different ways if you're interested. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289234 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 06:01:21 +0000 BSB 2289234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: I'm not sure how true this is but back before we decided to pursue IVF, we considered adoption, too. I believe that adoption agencies require that you stop fertility treatments during the adoption process. I would contact blogger Mrs. Train. She might be able to confirm or deny this. She is also in the CA area. She went through IF and was adopting a set of twins when she became pregnant with her daughter. Well, lots of luck to you. I'll be thinking of you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289216 Sat, 12 Sep 2015 01:23:08 +0000 Crystal 2289216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: thank you. We're feeling a bit beat down right now with the over 2 years of IF and the 2 losses. Adoption has been in the back of our minds for the last year, but now it's coming to the forefront. I'm so sorry you are struggling as well. </p> <p>@Mrs. Pickle: was it affordable even with the medications? I've always assumed it was more expensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289182 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 22:33:37 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2289182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2farmmoms: it was definitely a more affordable option, even using a clinic that required a home study. I'd be happy to chat with you! I'll post my email to your wall. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289179 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 22:31:54 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: I've been meaning to go through your blog posts about embryo adoption. I always assumed that once you paid for the adoption part and all of the medical bills with the transfer, that it would cost as much or more but it sounds like this isn't the case? I'd love to chat more about this, maybe on the wall or via email? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289177 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 22:30:39 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tiger: Yes, this is one of the conversations we need to keep having. </p> <p>@Amorini: Thanks! I've heard stories locally as well that were similar. It sounds like a heartwrenching process and I'm honestly not sure I'm up for it, but I guess the couple that has now adopted two local infants through the foster system was very clear up front that they were only interested in adoption, so they were only presented with babies that were either cleared (their first) or their social worker was fairly confident that they would be cleared (their second). Both worked out as well but still involved a lot of visits and waiting during that period. I wonder if it being a rural area makes it easier to have an idea up front how likely adoption is. Everyone knows everyone here, so it is feasible that these social workers have a good idea what is going on with the birthmothers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-adoption#post-2289176 Fri, 11 Sep 2015 22:27:30 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2289176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crystal: Absolutely. I'll share anything I learn. I'm just in the beginning stages of researching but I'm enjoying researching something other than TTC, which has gotten really old. I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss, and hope you can start trying again soon. For us, this isn't necessarily a decision to stop trying, just to focus our attention in a different direction for a while. Trying, for us, is so difficult with monthly trips to the bay area (5 hours each way) with last minute notice for IUI, that I just need a little break or at least less pressure. I can't keep missing work every month without giving them a good explanation and I'm absolutely not ready to tell them the real reason we are making the trips. </p>