https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 19:57:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809560 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 13:46:08 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2809560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: I would love to live close to my family. </p> <p>None would be caregivers in the day, but even to have another adult come over for a meal or to an event with us when my husband is working would be awesome. I can totally see why you'd want to move close and if you can, go for it. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809556 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 13:40:55 +0000 MrsBucky 2809556@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's crazy, but yes it will be a lot of work. I'd focus on one thing at a time. Like @gingerbee, I'd want to have frank conversations with my family about how much support they can/want to provide if I relocated. Sounds like you feel confident in that, which is great. I'd focus on seeking out job options and focus on that right now. Most companies get that re-locations take a while, and for the right person, they are willing to wait- some may even help pay for relocation! We had 6 weeks from accepting my husbands offer to relocating, which was enough time, if aggressive. We chose to rent at first, though, which eased pressures to find the perfect place. In our case, they paid for packers and movers, which was a huge help. If you can throw some money at the problem (and I know not everyone can) paying for packers is so huge- it makes the packing super quick (in our case, it was only 1.5 days). But honestly, there is no sense in borrowing trouble until you find a job. I'd focus on that, and then when you have an offer, make a weighted pro/con list with your DH. We wrote down literally everything we could think of that was good about moving and bad, and then we gave each one a weight. We added them up and that made our decision really clear, for us. A year plus later, we have zero regrets. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809530 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:46:03 +0000 macintosh 2809530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Oh no, that sounds awful. I think I have a pretty good idea of my mom's limits in terms of child care, but you never know what can happen. She works FT so I'm envisioning her as an occasional babysitter, perhaps picking him up from school/daycare once in a while. She was here this weekend and it is still a tremendous help to have her around to play with him when I'm busy cooking or doing chores. He's almost 3 so at least he's not as needy as a infant or toddler at this point, but he does have tons of energy. I do need to be careful to manage my mom's expectations. She even suggested we get a house where we could live together. Haha no way! DH also likes my brother a lot and I think spending more time with him and sil would be good for all of us. Plus fun Uncle and Aunt time for DS.</p> <p>@Mrs. Toad: Yeah, the hard part with apartments is you need space for the wheelchair to navigate without damaging the walls. It's a power chair and DH is tall so it's enormous. I took the door off my bathroom in my current house and replaced it with a curtain to accomodate it. We will definitely be hiring movers and my bro/sil are super helpful with things like that too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809525 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:21:06 +0000 Mrs. Toad 2809525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm military and we have moved several times for my job. I don't have any advice on interviewing. </p> <p>We have always stayed in apartments, so I can't say anything about buying and selling either. I highly recommend renting for a while to make sure that you have what you want and where you want it. It may be a squeeze from where you are living now, but we fit my 3.5 and 1 yr olds in a 2bed, 2 bath. We are even considering trying for number 3. Most large apartment complexes will have to have something that accommodates wheelchairs.</p> <p>Moving itself will be relatively easy depending upon whether or not you do so. Military moves, so we are able to hire movers. I haven't moved with kids yet, but plan to leave them with my in-laws while we watch the packers and then the move the next day. I also plan on leaving the kids with them again once we get to a new spot and are ready to move in. We will be taking any required items with us as I expect to not have our stuff for up to a month. If you have already decided on where to move to, have your mom watch your son (and help DH, if needed) while you have someone else (brother/SIL) help you with moving. </p> <p>If you want to pack incrementally, then pack up unused items slowly, put them in attic/basement/storage, and then on the last few days, pack everything else and move. </p> <p>Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809524 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:19:06 +0000 gingerbebe 2809524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@macintosh: Well, I hope it works out. I come from a fairly close-knit immediate family that I've always been able to rely on and similarly relied on my mom for some part-time childcare after her convincing us to for a long time. While I did not have a longterm disability to deal with, I was recovering from a brain tumor, had crippling PPA/PPD, and then found out we were surprise expecting DS2 - meaning we really needed the help. But even after setting very clear boundaries and expectations, and we were paying her mind you, we got burned really badly and we were left in a childcare lurch (where we live daycares have 18 month waitlists). It took us 9 months of chaos to find a stable childcare situation for DS1 and my relationship with my mom has never been the same again. </p> <p>We have considered moving to DH's hometown. There are 3 other similarly aged grandchildren there and DH's parents are actively engaged grandparents, albeit not in daily or regular care. We would like our kids to be raised around extended family and they would definitely help us out in a pinch, but a lot of the reason we would never just up and move out there is because we'd need rock solid care and commute plans for our jobs and our children that have nothing to do with family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809517 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:02:11 +0000 Mama Bird 2809517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If your family is able to help, can they house-hunt for you once it sounds like a job is falling into place? And are apartments an option where you're moving? They're a bit easier to make accessible because they don't normally have stairs, and you can make sure to find a place with elevator access. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809515 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 12:00:40 +0000 macintosh 2809515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lioneyes: Good idea about working remotely. I think I could do some remote work on a part time basis, but not enough for full time due to the need for weekly on-site client visits. There are also some frustrations in my current position that lead me to think about looking for a new job anyway. Good info on the POA process for real estate, I just met an estate planning lawyer I liked and I can ask her for a recommendation. Family can definitely help with the house hunting process in my home state, too.</p> <p>@TemperanceBrennan: Yes, we can stay with family if I come in for an interview, and I'm sure we can arrange someone to babysit. DH needs accessible accommodations and doesn't do well out of routine, which is why I'd prefer he stay home for a short trip. Thanks!</p> <p>@gingerbebe: I actually trust that I can rely on my family. My mom helps me a lot financially and she visits often to see DS and she's great with him. This has been her idea for a long time, but I'm finally realizing that I should seriously consider it. She's offering to help with the move process and I know she'd love to have her grandson around all the time. Renting is a good idea to look into. DH gets SSDI on a federal level and the only local service he gets is Paratransit, which sucks anyway. I'm handy enough to install grab bars in the bathroom, but what I don't have time to do is remove carpeting and install new floors. Thanks for the housing market tips :)</p> <p>@brownepiano: Yeah, unfortunately DH's wheelchair limits things. We always have to stay in an accessible hotel room when we visit because he's pretty much tied to the chair for mobility. An apartment building might be a good temporary solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809510 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:38:25 +0000 brownepiano 2809510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have experience relocating for mom's job, but wondering- if you could get a job, could you live with family for a few months while you find housing? It seems like being able to spread out the big parts (new job, sell house, buy house, move dependants) a tiny bit might make it more manageable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809509 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:32:18 +0000 gingerbebe 2809509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My biggest piece of advice is that you probably shouldn't expect THAT much help from your family. Even if you have very firm and clear conversations and agree to terms before getting the help, people change their minds all the time. Sure, if its a matter of having someone who can babysit now and then and perhaps pick your kid up once in awhile, that's doable, but I don't think you can expect your family to do any heavy lifting.</p> <p>I don't know if your husband requires disability services or government programs provided through the state, but you probably want to research that and make sure that's all straightened out. I had a friend with CP and wheelchair bound who had to move several times in 10 years and each state did things very differently and she was constantly fighting some bureaucrat about her services.</p> <p>You may want to look into renting for about a year. You can hold any money from a home sale for a year before taxes kick in and it will give you a chance to get more acquainted with the area and services and also because most jurisdictions (and federal law) require reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities in rentals. For instance, when we rented, my husband had to be in a wheelchair for a few weeks following surgery and our landlord built him a temporary ramp and took it down for us when he was healed. Things like shower bars or handles or ramps would be seen a reasonable under most standards. You're not allowed to discriminate against a renter under federal law for a disability, but if you feel like you may be subject to that kind of treatment (some people are quite nice about it), you may just want to not mention the disability until after you've executed the lease and then say by the way my husband is in a wheelchair, I need a ramp. Also you may be able to rent a home that an elderly person used to live in that already has all the accessible things installed in the home. That is extremely common where DH's family lives - there are a lot of old people there who seem to like to age in place well past the point that they should and trick out their homes with all the accessible stuff, and then when they have to move into assisted living, don't give up their homes because they feel they will move back. (And as an upside, they sell for a lot less when they hit the market eventually because usually its an estate sale and they are trying to sell fast). If you're in a rental you can also try to buy in an off-season, like in the winter, and get a much better deal on movers, home prices, etc.</p> <p>For us, whenever we have moved, we just decided the move needed to happen and then we had to figure out a job first. In your case, once you're done making sure your husband's needs can be met in the new location, then go deep into looking for a job, then triage housing options in relation to that job (commute, daycare, etc), and then just commit to do it. In your shoes, I'd probably focus on moving out there first and then selling the house. You can throw everything into a Pod or have movers come box it up when it comes down to it and its easier to stage and sell a house once its empty anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809508 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:32:11 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2809508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a big decision and a ton of work, but just break it into small parts and figure out the priority of everything. Don't worry about packing up your house now! That's one of the last steps. I think securing a job would be first, right? I would focus on that first and realize that you can outsource other stuff later. Since you do have family in the area, they should be able to help you with the house search and travel logistics. Can you and your son stay with them if you have to be in town for interviews? Can they go to open houses for you and take pictures/give you their opinion when you are house hunting? Can you ship some stuff to them when you actually are in the process of moving? I know it is overwhelming, but you can do it!!!! Good luck!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809507 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:29:47 +0000 lioneyes 2809507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did this when I was pregnant with DS #1. However, it was close enough that we could drive between locations, which is obviously different.<br /> In our situation, DS, stayed at his job and commuted/worked remotely for the first 9 months, and then found a different job in our new location. While commuting wouldn't work for you, would possibly staying at your current position and working remotely be at all possible? That would make the huge transition more manageable and then once you're settled, you could maybe job hunt for something local.<br /> As far as buying a new home, you could do the majority remotely. If you found an agent you liked and trusted, you could have them pre-screen homes with your specific criteria for you and then fly out to see the best ones, choose one and then do all the paperwork remotely. Selling your home could easily be done remotely- you would just need someone trusted (usually a lawyer, but you could also use a friend/family member) to sign a "power of attorney specifically for the sale of the house" and then they would sit in at the Closing and sign in your stead. You could also do this when buying a place, but buying/mortgages do require more paperwork/signatures than as a Seller).<br /> While this sounds like a long and stressful list, it's all specific things you CAN do and cross off, and then your quality of life, near family with help, would be better, it sounds like. In my case, it has been very worth it- while we were in the thick of it, it was hard but manageable. Only after the fact were we like, omg that was nuts I can't believe we did it. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/considering-relocating#post-2809504 Tue, 13 Mar 2018 11:09:47 +0000 macintosh 2809504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not sure where to put this because it affects so many aspects of my life. I'm considering relocating from our current city back to my home state to be closer to family. My mom and brother/sil both live there and I miss them and could use their help with DS and DH. We have no family here and DH's family is on the other side of the country, not rushing out to help any time soon.</p> <p>I'm trying to think of every possible thing that needs to be done for this to happen and it's giving me major anxiety because I'm responsible for all of it. I would need to find a job, find an accessible (or easily modified) house in an affordable but safe location, sell my current house, not to mention pack and move all my junk. </p> <p>If I needed to do any in person interviews it would entail flying out with my son and hiring a caregiver for DH because taking him with the wheelchair is a huge hassle for a short trip. House hunting would have to be done remotely for the most part, but then there's a chance I'll need to fly back and forth to close on the new or old house.</p> <p>I always thought that I'd eventually move back but now that I'm able to balance work with DS in daycare and DH at home, I realize that I could take a more traditional, less work from home position. Once we're settled in in my home state we'd have help from my family, and my sil even has her extended family in the area. </p> <p>I do have tons of business contacts from early in my career, but I've changed my focus to a slightly different industry. I worry that if I do find a position I won't be able to move fast enough to have a reasonable start date.</p> <p>Does this sound like a crazy idea? I'd appreciate hearing any experiences with relocating (specifically for MOM's job) to a new area with a family in tow. Please give me your tips :) </p>