https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 16:57:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902509 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 16:55:59 +0000 josina 2902509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: lol, I REALLY want to but I'm holding back in case she's legitimately sick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902507 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 15:54:07 +0000 Ajsmommy 2902507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: again, you must have the biggest, kindest, most patient heart of anyone!!! I give you so much credit. I would be whipping out my GTFO here attitude on her so fast.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902505 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 15:41:23 +0000 graceandjoy 2902505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I'm pretty sure she knows :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902503 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 15:27:49 +0000 josina 2902503@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: YES! I couldn't help but respond with 'you plan on being sick for 2 weeks'? I hope she knows how ridiculous she is being. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902502 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 15:11:45 +0000 MrsSCB 2902502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Um, what?? No, that's super weird. I mean two weeks?! Unless she's gravely ill, I feel like pretty much any common sickness would be better by then. I'm sorry :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902492 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 14:37:32 +0000 josina 2902492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902491 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 14:31:52 +0000 gotkimchi 2902491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I heard once “Choose not to take things personally, and watch most problems go away.” Which I know is easier said then done, particularly with in laws and children involved. But I think you’re doing a great job to offer and then move on. You can only control yourself and you should let go of any guilt beyond that </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902488 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 14:26:50 +0000 josina 2902488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@graceandjoy: Thats what I thought! I'm SURE she's made time, despite being sick, for her other grandson. For now I'm just going to ignore it and see if she asks for him... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902486 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 14:19:20 +0000 graceandjoy 2902486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Ok what the heck. How does she know she will still be sick 2 weeks from now?! That is such a cop out/passive aggressive answer :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2902484 Thu, 14 Nov 2019 14:17:48 +0000 josina 2902484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So today I offered to my MIL that she could take my son on his birthday for a couple hours after school gets out (early, so 2:00). Her response - "I'm sick". His birthday is TWO WEEKS away! Am I wrong to think the appropriate response would've been, 'would love to if I'm feeling better'?<br /> ETA this would probably be the only time she'll get to see him as we're purposely not having a family-party with that side because of the drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901868 Fri, 08 Nov 2019 17:57:32 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2901868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901714 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 17:41:07 +0000 Sams Mom 2901714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have been no contact with my in laws for almost 2 years (albeit they don't live next door). It was never my place to choose when that happened, but I did let my husband know that I wouldn't be going to see them with him. </p> <p>I know it's different because you don't have an issue with them, but if your husband reasonably comes to that point (because it's a hard one to make) you should support him. I know you only get your parents, you don't get do overs, but some people are only parents because the contributed genetic material, that's it. </p> <p>I honestly don't know what I'd do on your position, I just know my husband struggled leading up to the decision to cut his parents out... And still does, but it has improved his quality of life immensely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901712 Wed, 06 Nov 2019 17:05:09 +0000 josina 2901712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: That is a very good point about teaching your kids that cutting out family is not an appropriate solution. It's important to teach forgiveness and open communication, of course DH nor his mom are open to that. </p> <p>Ugh; found out last night MIL started smoking in her house again (after 4 years) so another reason to not send my kids there, she just keeps making it harder! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901568 Tue, 05 Nov 2019 10:18:11 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2901568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901557 Tue, 05 Nov 2019 09:12:27 +0000 josina 2901557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: That sucks about your aunts... it just blows my mind that people can say such mean things about family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901467 Mon, 04 Nov 2019 10:56:46 +0000 Ajsmommy 2901467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I just want to say good on you for continuing to include her and reach out to her!! You are a wayyy better person than I am! It's great that you are able to keep your kids best interests in mind. Good for you! Just make sure it doesn't start to weigh to heavy on you or DH though... if it starts to become a drain then don't feel bad for cutting it off.</p> <p>I just had to cut off 2 of my "close" aunts. I found out some stuff they said and it's just not worth it to me to have myself or my kids around them. … until or unless they grow up, apologize and cease the bad stuff. Until then … mmm mm bye </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901461 Mon, 04 Nov 2019 10:51:23 +0000 josina 2901461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnleaves: It is hard, and I'm just an in-law. I feel bad for my DH for having such a crappy family, it's been this way his whole life and he's just ready to be done with it. </p> <p>@cake2017: I'll keep inviting her to spend time with them, if she doesn't respond, thats on her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901349 Sat, 02 Nov 2019 07:31:49 +0000 cake2017 2901349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Yes it’s tough living right next door. However, I wouldn’t cut ties. Life is too short and I think the kids should have some type of relationship. I wouldn’t feed into her pettiness but keep trying and maybe reach out every couple of months to see if she wants to see the kids. Avoid the texts messages- I wouldn’t get caught up in it.</p> <p>In law relationship are hard in my opinion. We don't have a great one but I’ve gotten better and try to make it work for our kids cause it’s a blessing they have them for now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901342 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 20:36:54 +0000 autumnleaves 2901342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That has got to be so hard! My sister and dad have created divides in our family and it’s hard because they don’t get why other people don’t want to interact with them or they don’t have an interest to talk through things and recognize the need for compromise.<br /> It would be nice for you to be able have more distance from your MIL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901340 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 16:40:21 +0000 josina 2901340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lindseykaye: Yes, that's true. I don't see it getting any better.<br /> If I try I will probably be just postponing the inevitable, which would make it worse for the kids as they get older. </p> <p>I wish my MIL would just grow up and apologize for the things she said for the sake of her grandkids, but she's too stubborn (as is my DH). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901303 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 11:17:36 +0000 lindseykaye 2901303@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: "I was super close to my grandparents (who lived next door) until a tiff between my parents and them, and then moving, so I have some resentment because of it, so I just don't want that for my kids."<br /> This comment of yours combined with what's already happening based on your original post makes me think this is almost inevitable if you attempt to keep a close relationship with all the tension under the surface.<br /> This sounds incredibly hard, and I'm so sorry you are having to go through it now and also relive some painful memories of your own through all this. I don't have any practical advice except that I think you're right to pull way back now and echo the thoughts of others to seriously consider possible options for moving. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901299 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 10:14:42 +0000 graceandjoy 2901299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Yeah, I feel like as kids you will never know ALL the drama that entailed till you grow up and really understand :sad: Then at least you can say I did everything I could; you can't control what she does. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901298 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 10:12:16 +0000 josina 2901298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@graceandjoy: Yeah, I think she's good with them for the most part, at their age they wouldn't notice the drama.<br /> My biggest thing is that I was super close to my grandparents (who lived next door) until a tiff between my parents and them, and then moving, so I have some resentment because of it, so I just don't want that for my kids. Its so tough being in the middle but I guess I need more from her if she wants to maintain a relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901296 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 09:59:07 +0000 graceandjoy 2901296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: That was sooo my first thought too; creating physical distance would help so much. Is she good to the kids if/when they are with her? I think if she is good/loving to them without bringing in any adult drama, it MAY be worth the effort to keep somewhat of a relationship; but if she crosses the line and drags the kids into it, then I'd cut ties as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901291 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 09:09:36 +0000 josina 2901291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: Well, DH wants to! But it would be probably at least a couple years before we could since we want to buy land and build. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901290 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 09:03:54 +0000 Madison43 2901290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Serious question: can you move? I can’t imagine that close of proximity is helpful with this type of dynamic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/cutting-family-ties#post-2901289 Fri, 01 Nov 2019 08:58:24 +0000 josina 2901289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for the long post! Basically ever since Mother's Day this year things with my MIL have gone downhill. She gets extremely jealous and is hyper sensitive about everything.<br /> Last month my DH called her out for spending more time with our nephew than our 2 kids which she got upset about even though it was all true. After a blowup between DH and his alcoholic brother, that relationship is over, and MIL said really nasty things about my DH who was trying to help, and caused even more family drama.</p> <p>At this point it is DH and his older brother vs. MIL and younger brother. When my BIL visited her house last week to see his visiting great aunt, she verbally assaulted him about how he never comes to see HER, doesn't bring the kids around, and physically grabbed my SIL blaming her for all their problems.</p> <p>DH is 100% ready to cut ties and has; just like he did with his dad 2 years ago. I have been trying to keep peace with her for our kids sakes but its just so awkward I never know where we stand.<br /> I have told her if she wants to see our kids that she can ask me anytime and in 3 weeks she hasn't asked once, but will send me sad emoji's saying that she misses them so much.</p> <p>Biggest issue - we live next door. </p> <p>I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I feel like I'd like the kids to have a relationship with their grandma and have it not be 'our' fault if they don't. Her attitude is she's done no wrong, she will not apologize to DH for her actions, and she will not talk to anyone unless we reach out to her first.<br /> I msg'd her yesterday about watching DS for an hour and ah half and she never answered, and yet I feel bad because we didn't bring the kids up to trick or treat. </p> <p>TL;DR: MIL has mental issues, do I/how do I cut ties? </p>