https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 07:34:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1499044 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 15:13:39 +0000 googly-eyes 1499044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: no disagreement there...better safe than sorry in the delivery room. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1498042 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 09:35:10 +0000 Anagram 1498042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One interesting update that I found out is that the man suing his ex in this story is a lawyer. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1497772 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 07:44:36 +0000 MsLipGloss 1497772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: @MamaMoose: Morally and legally are two different things (ETA: not that either one of you has missed this point at all!) . . . It is for these reasons--the recognition of that distinction-- that women now have access to, among other things, birth control and abortions. A woman has the right to protect and maintain her bodily integrity. That issue is absolutely black and white . . . how people feel about in certain situations, however, isn't. It is this situation exactly that clouded up the legal system (for decades!) and kept women from freely accessing the medical care they so desperately needed. </p> <p>Thank jeebus Sandra Day O'Connor was a sitting Supreme during that time . . . but for her . . . *shudder* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496417 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 21:26:43 +0000 googly-eyes 1496417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@indi: honestly I don't remember who but that's fair enough. :) the only b&amp;w thing about this is the legal part but I felt like there were a lot of judgments being made about the dad as well. Maybe I'm just reading some of the comments wrong. I did skim a bunch. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496370 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 20:28:05 +0000 Mae 1496370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@indi: ditto. Moral questions of "should she allow him there" are much harder (and maybe not for anyone else to judge?) than the legal "should there be a legal mechanism in which he can force his way in if she says no." I think people who litigate for a living are far less likely to trust the law the make case by case decisions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496362 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 20:25:27 +0000 travelgirl1 1496362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: Exactly what you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496296 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 19:28:08 +0000 indi 1496296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@junebugmama: Like a PP asked later, though, what defines abuse in each case? And how much distress must a father's presence cause the mother before it's reasonable to allow her to keep him out of her room? I just think that there are far too many variables in each relationship that make it dangerous precedent to say "dads can force themselves into the delivery room except for x, y, or z situations."</p> <p>@googly-eyes: And part of the reason I may come off so black and white (I'm assuming mine was one of comments you referenced because I was pretty firm on what I posted) is because I am an attorney, so I viewed this from the legal perspective first. The moral implications and fairness to both parents is a second consideration for me in this type of situation, the legal precedent is first (since this was framed under a lawsuit situation). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496281 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 19:15:40 +0000 Anagram 1496281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: I completely agree with what you've said in this thread about this being symptomatic of a lingering misogyny in our society.</p> <p>I also don't believe that giving birth and having or not having certain preferences for yourself gives you the right/ability to dictate another woman's preferences. </p> <p>Obviously, should any woman find herself in this situation, and want an ex in the room, they could choose to have him or her. But I'm glad that it's been legally established that the woman chooses who attends the birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496197 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 17:14:07 +0000 anonysquire 1496197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kept my husband out of the room when I delivered. No regrets! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496183 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 16:36:18 +0000 googly-eyes 1496183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: agreed. I don't think this is, at least morally, as black and white as some of the comments above make it out to be. Legal precedent is another thing...</p> <p>I actually agree with lots of people's points on here which to me just solidifies my thoughts that it's just complicated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496089 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 14:38:11 +0000 MamaMoose 1496089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: yes that's where I was going. If they are truly equal partners in parenting this child (which to me is the ideal) then shouldn't they both be focused on protecting the relationship between them? I'm struggling because I really want to know the true backstory. Was this guy some jerk who had nothing to do with the rest of the pregnancy and now he wants to be in the room just to upset her? Has the woman blocked him out all along because she's upset with how the relationship ended? I want to know these things. But then I think, you really can't put too much focus on those details because the judge is charged with setting a precedent that will impact all future cases of this nature. I just think it's a lot less black and white than some people are making it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496080 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 14:16:49 +0000 Silva 1496080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: but I do take your point that in my statement I was expecting the father to adapt to the mothers wishes "fort he child", which probably comes from cultural standards that place mom as "primary" caretaker. Worth thinking about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496077 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 14:14:42 +0000 Silva 1496077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: sure, but that may mean he isn't in the room so that she can focus on the delivery/baby. Balancing our own needs with our childrens needs is tricky, and sometimes they are in contradiction, There isn't really a great solution here- I just don't think anyone has any business telling a woman who HAS to be present for her labor and delivery. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1496064 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 14:07:25 +0000 MamaMoose 1496064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: just to play devil's advocate in regards to this statement: "A truly supportive co-parent would only want what is best for his child, which means first and foremost protecting the relationship with the mother." Would you not agree with the reverse that "A truly supportive co-parent would only want what is best for HER child, which means first and foremost protecting the relationship with the FATHER" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1495941 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 11:47:26 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1495941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I did read that... After I posted! It took a million years to finish my comment because I was making lunch.</p> <p>I really do agree with you, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/4#post-1495931 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 11:42:37 +0000 Mae 1495931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jump Rope: Like I said above to twist-- I was obviously just talking about a perfectly uncomplicated birth. Of course skin to skin isn't always possible. Breastfeeding isn't always possible (or the option the mom has chosen). When other medical requirements are in the way those obviously take precedent. But I think in those circumstances it is even more understandable why the dad would have some delay in seeing the baby and not have the baby whisked away 10 seconds after the cord is cut. I was just saying, even in the BEST most uncomplicated of circumstances, it is still best for the baby to stay with mom for an hour or two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495928 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 11:38:47 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1495928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I don't disagree with you stance but this keeps standing out to me:</p> <p>"And it is absolutely medically proven that doing skin to skin and breastfeeding immediately after birth for 1-2 hours is what is healthiest for the baby. So, not for the mom--but for the baby-- I think that the baby should have the opportunity to do skin to skin and breastfeed immediately after birth before the dad gets to whisk the baby away."</p> <p>I had a c-section and after delivery, a nurse handed the baby to my husband, who held Chloe beside me for the duration of my surgery. Shortly before they were finished a nurse took Chloe, escorted my husband to the recovery room &amp; I was handed Chloe to hold while I was transferred to recovery. It was a good 45-50 minutes after delivery before I got to hold my daughter. </p> <p>It may be scientifically proved that it's best for mom to be hold baby right away, but it isn't always an immediate option (it wasn't for mine).</p> <p>I think the point Mae is trying to illustrate is that we've all CHOSEN who to have in the delivery room. Can you imagine not having that choice? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495913 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 11:15:32 +0000 spaniellove 1495913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sunderling: @Dandelion: I agree...I remember my dad joking with other dads when I was a kid about how they weren't allowed in the delivery room (maybe more so in his case because it was an emergency c-section). It certainly had no bearing on their bond with their children or how wonderful of a father they all became. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495852 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:32:13 +0000 Dandelion 1495852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sunderling: I agree with this. Back in the day it wasn't common for dads to be in the room or even want to be in there. It doesn't mean they were all bad fathers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495849 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:30:13 +0000 Dandelion 1495849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I agree with you on all points. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495839 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:27:10 +0000 Sunderling 1495839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose:<br /> "Actually, I would argue that not feeling VERY strongly about wanting to witness the birth of your child would make someone a bad dad to be."</p> <p>My husband may not witness the birth of our child. Is he excited to be a father? Yes, as excited as I've ever seen him! But he cares more about raising the child with me than being present in the room when it comes out of me. In the moment I may or may not want him there, and he may or may not want to be there (he is prone to fainting/sickness from images of birth and I am quite private with extreme pain in non-birth situations)<br /> So I would argue that the strength of a man's desire to be present for the birth of his child has little to do with how well he will father that child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495804 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:09:35 +0000 Mae 1495804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Right. I mean obviously I meant just if everyone is totally healthy. I guess the basic point was--- whatever is in the best interest of the baby should happen. If any sort of medical intervention is necessary that is the most important thing. But if it was a totally uncomplicated birth, the best thing at that point is skin to skin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495800 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:07:38 +0000 .twist. 1495800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I think it's really hard to put any sort of time limit on the aftermaths of birth. My baby was whisked away to NICU immediately after birth. my husband and I didn't get the opportunity to hold him for hours after his birth. Skin to skin wasn't possible and I'm not a rare case. Things like this happen often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495779 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:01:33 +0000 Mae 1495779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: As I said above, I think the "how long after birth" he HAS to be allowed to see the child is a harder issue than the "during delivery" question. But I guessed somewhere at 2+ hours would be valid for exactly those reasons. Yes mom and dad have equal rights at that point, but the child also has rights. And it is absolutely medically proven that doing skin to skin and breastfeeding immediately after birth for 1-2 hours is what is healthiest for the baby. So, not for the mom--but for the baby-- I think that the baby should have the opportunity to do skin to skin and breastfeed immediately after birth before the dad gets to whisk the baby away. </p> <p>Also, WANTING to see your baby's birth, and taking a pregnant woman to court WHILE SHE IS IN LABOR are two very different things. It is one thing for a guy to say he really wants to be there and to try to negotiate with the mom to be there. But if she makes it clear it makes her uncomfortable, I think a good dad takes the needs of the baby and mother into account before his own emotional needs and just lets her labor the way that will make her most comfortable. It seems incredibly selfish to me to demand your way into the labor room where you are not welcome or wanted and where your presence can put both mother and baby in physical danger. Lots of dads miss the birth of their child for a wide variety of reasons. Missing the birth doesn't make him any less of a father or have any physical side effects (or emotional ones, unless the dad wants to really hold a grudge). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495775 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 10:00:05 +0000 .twist. 1495775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: My husband told me about so many people that were in and out of our room that I had NO IDEA were there because I just didn't care and was concentrating on getting a baby out of my vag. LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495765 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:49:05 +0000 MamaMoose 1495765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also... I'm guessing that most of the people hung up on the nakedness aspect haven't actually given birth. When you give birth, tons of people are in and out of the hospital room. They certainly didn't each individually ask me if I was ok with their presence.</p> <p>I'm still not sure how I feel on the whole about this issue... But there are certain points which seem less valid to me on both sides of the arguement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495761 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:45:42 +0000 MamaMoose 1495761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Actually, I would argue that not feeling VERY strongly about wanting to witness the birth of your child would make someone a bad dad to be. Also... Earlier you reasoned that until the cord is cut the dad has no rights. So as soon as the cord is cut is he allowed in the room? Is he allowed to demand that as soon as the cord is cut the baby is brought out of the room to him? Because once that cord is cut the parents have equal and identical legal rights. But I have a feeling you would argue that if the mother wants to do skin to skin for an hour after the birth that should trump the father's desire to see his child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495758 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:36:03 +0000 Mae 1495758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: @.twist.: This is also sort of one of the problems with the concept of leaving this decision (if mom gets to keep dad out of the delivery room) to the "circumstances" rather than making a bright line rule-- and making it so you have to get a court involved. Litigation is SO EXPENSIVE. And even if you win, you generally never get that money back. You can go bankrupt being right. </p> <p>Also, for what its worth, my FIL got custody of my husband and his sister when his parents divorced and from my husband's perspective (which I realize could be inaccurate because he was a kid and his parents don't talk about it now)-- the courts really railroaded his mom. He felt(feels) his mom was the much better parent but his dad had money for a lawyer, family support, and a job. My MIL had no job (my FIL didn't want her working, she got "an allowance"), no family, and thus no money. So she lost and my husband had to grow up with his dad, which he still resents decades later. I don't really know what the answer is, but I feel like courts a lot of times just don't do a good job of figuring out what is really going on and who is best equipped to raise kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495756 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:29:45 +0000 .twist. 1495756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: I'm sure it did cost a crap load of money. Which is so sad. It's also sad that a lot of people go into debt or simply can't afford to do anything about it. Which is, unfortunately, our situation.</p> <p>Lol, sorry for the thread jack!! I'm kinda passionate about the particular off-topic topic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dad-tried-to-sue-his-way-into-the-delivery-room/page/3#post-1495755 Sat, 15 Mar 2014 09:27:20 +0000 mrskc 1495755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: this is off topic but my step father had to fight HARD to get custody of his daughters. Their mom was on drugs and not taking care of them. He had to hire a PI and everything. It took a long time. It's sad really and I'm sure cost my parents a lot of money. </p> <p>@Silva: agree with you! </p>