https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 07:20:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2843244 Mon, 03 Sep 2018 13:51:25 +0000 MrsADS 2843244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hey guys. Sorry I didn't come back to update (crazy life). We decided to contact the daycare director directly - I sent her a long email and she called me right away to discuss it further.</p> <p>Long story short, I feel a lot better after talking to her. She is going to address it directly with the teachers and encouraged me to email her anytime of day or night with any problems. She is going to check in on my son and the classroom this upcoming week unannounced to see how it's going. She reassured me that it's VERY NORMAL for children moving to the 3 year old class to have potty regressions, it is not a big deal and it will get better. She said no way will he lose his spot. And if we don't feel things are improving with the teacher, she wants to have a meeting with us, her and the teacher.</p> <p>so... hopefully things will get better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842918 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 16:01:02 +0000 wrkbrk 2842918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: This sucks. Why the hell do avhools do this?! I also tried in July and my son also was not ready and let me tell you what you already know - with some kids no amount of pushing is going to help. It’s going to make it worse. This is so incredibly stressful. UGH I’d try to find another school just bc I’d be so pissed. But of course I know that’s not very practical. Do these teachers not know not all boys are trained at 3 on the nose?!!!?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842910 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 15:43:26 +0000 gestalt 2842910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry. We went through the exact same thing last year with my younger kid (slightly younger than yours at the time). The problem with him was only during nap time. He would tell the teacher he doesn't have to pee before naptime, and upon waking up he will soak the cot sheets. Every morning right before drop off we reminded him that he had to pee before nap time. We talked about how it's not a nice feeling to be sitting in wet clothes. I also told the teacher that we had to work together, and if we were to ask him whether he had to pee, he would most likely say no. It was better to gently tell him it was time to pee (before nap time). </p> <p>At the beginning of this situation, i was so desperate to make it work that i would reward him with a tv show if he listened to the teacher and went to the bathroom. I emphasized rewarding the "listening to the teacher" behaviour, not the "don't wet your pants" issue. We kept the reward for a few weeks and then weaned him off the bribe :D</p> <p>Can the teachers pinpoint when he is wetting his pants? Is it during naptime? When he's outside? If there's a pattern, you can see what's causing him to not tell the teacher.</p> <p>It's a tough situation because it would suck to leave a daycare merely because of a PT issue. From what the preschool told me, the kids had to be PT because they don't have facilities nearby to clean the child up and it forces the teacher to be out of the classroom.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842848 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 11:20:57 +0000 Adira 2842848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Ugh, that sucks. I absolutely agree that the pressure is causing him to have more accidents. That's exactly what we experienced with our youngest. He's strong-willed and independent and the more we pushed, the more accidents he had. It wasn't until we started bribing him and backing off that he finally trained - we made it low-stress (acting like we didn't care) and rewarding (chocolate and praise), so then he was more willing to do it.</p> <p>But I don't know what you do if the TEACHERS are pressuring him!! That's awful! Does bribery work for you at all at home? Maybe you can try to bribe him "If you don't have any accidents at school today, you get _____ when you get home!" I used to do that with Logan when we were potty training him. When I'd pick him up at night, I'd ask if he peed at school (he used to hold it all day), and if did, I'd praise him and promise him chocolate when we got home. BUT his teachers also were awesome about not pressuring him...</p> <p>I'd maybe meet with the teachers again. Maybe explain that you totally understand their frustration, but that your son is strong-willed and independent and you think he's having more accidents because he's feeling more pressured. Ask how you guys can work TOGETHER to get him there. And maybe offer what works at home ("I've noticed that when I leave him alone, he tends to go on his own more, but if I take him to the potty often, he resists more and has more accidents").</p> <p>Good luck. It's a crappy situation to be in. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842813 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 09:14:58 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2842813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I have to say that we had some of the same feelings when our son moved up too. The toddler class was absolutely wonderful. The preschool class was just ok. I think they really wanted to foster that independence and lack of coddling to prepare for school but at first I was unsure like you. If they would have added that stress of forced training to it, I would have been super upset. We are in Canada and the wait lists are crazy for good centres...what about a home daycare temporarily? It’s super stressful I know. Maybe the daycare could provide you with some other ideas? I mean, if he’s there for 8-10 hours a day, the bulk of the learning and training does fall on them so they should be prepared...your kid is 1000% not the only one who’s gone through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842806 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 08:52:48 +0000 snowjewelz 2842806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I really wish schools would not require potty training by 3; IMO some kids just aren't ready. Physically maybe, but my DD was strong-willed in this area too and it was mostly an emotional/control thing for her. She did it herself when she was 3.5 without any form of training and her teachers had been nothing less than helpful and supportive of being child-led. </p> <p>If they're 100T% unwilling to budge and shaming you AND him for it, I'd consider moving him. I am so sorry you have to go through all this stress! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842800 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 08:37:02 +0000 MamaBear87 2842800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Night training is absolutely not the answer! If he's waking up wet he is not yet producing the hormone to make him produce les urine at night. And night training won't make him day train anyway. </p> <p>My daughter is also very strong willed. We tried a couple times to train her and she had zero want to do so. She's been mostly trained for a bit now but occasionally will have an accident on purpose. </p> <p>To me if the teachers are shaming him I'd pull him out. They should be supporting and helping him, not being upset and annoyed that he's having accidents. And I totally agree that he is likely having more accidents because he's upset and anxious. </p> <p>So sorry you are going through this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842798 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 08:32:41 +0000 crazydoglady 2842798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I'm so sorry for the stress! We've had our fair share of daycare stress, but it was mostly related to behavior (which, thankfully, seems to be a thing of the past.)<br /> There are a few preschools here in town that only accept potty trained 3 year olds which I think is for their own convenience (and maybe licensing?) than because 3 year olds SHOULD be potty trained. DS turned 3 in July and is not potty trained. I think he's more ready than I am, but at 39 weeks, it's an endeavour I don't want to make right now. </p> <p>I'm with @muffinsmuffins: most of my friends who did the 3 day and up having to wait until their kids were ready. You can definitely encourage and help move things along, but I think it makes life SO much easier if you go at their pace. Luckily, our daycare has been pretty cool about it even of they say my son is their only not potty trained 3 year old.<br /> At this point, I would look for alternative placement. It sucks, but this is stress you don't need in your life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842792 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 08:19:41 +0000 Pollywog 2842792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So your teachers are half right. Most kids are ready to potty train before 3 and aren't because of the invention of pull ups and disposal diapers. But not all kids. My cloth diapered 60 year old aunt wasn't ready until 4 (and her older brother and three younger siblings were PT by 2). Some kids aren't ready, but I wouldn't give up on yours yet </p> <p>Can you use the long weekend to do a no pressure, bottomless boot camp? Lots of praise and no shame? The goal would be to get his confidence up. You believe he can do this.</p> <p>If that doesn't work, talk to the director and have her figure out some options. Chances are she will be willing to talk with the teachers to make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842790 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 07:55:21 +0000 MrsADS 2842790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins yeah I am losing a lot of sleep over it. The 2 year old class was so wonderful and the teachers were amazing. So far we are not loving this class. I think he's having more accidents because he is feeling pressured. I am not happy but not sure what to do. We waited 16 months to get his spot in this school and to have this happen is very upsetting to say the least. I don't know what I'm going to do. It seems to be the norm at most preschools/daycares around here that you have to be trained to be in the 3 year old class, which seems crazy to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842785 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 07:38:52 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2842785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. That’s so hard to deal with! I would be going crazy with concern. I think I would be considering pulling him to be honest. The teachers are supposed to help them learn not be angry he isn’t perfect. </p> <p>Potty training DS was a BATTLE for us so I feel you. He turned 3 in November and moved to the preschool room and we started in January. It took months to be accident free. His issues were different because he would withhold pee and poop and it would be a disaster. Our daycare tried lots of different tricks and we did all I could think of at home but it just took time. Probably a good 3 months total. They never shamed us or forced us and certainly didn’t suggest he should be night trained or any of the other crazy talk they told you.</p> <p>If theres one thing I learned for when we have to train our next son is that it truly can’t be forced despite everyone pushing the 3 days method and whatnot. This would also raise flags for me about other things he may need help with down the road like dressing himself, sitting for activities, etc. And worry that the teachers basically want to be hands off and not actually help the kids at their pace. Sure it’s easier if the kids just do things on their own but every kid is different and it’s their job to facilitate learning life and classroom skills. Maybe you could look for an alternative and keep him there until you have a backup? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-and-potty-training-issues#post-2842767 Fri, 31 Aug 2018 06:07:32 +0000 MrsADS 2842767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am very concerned about my son and I'm looking for feedback/ideas. My son just turned 3 a week ago. He has been in the same daycare (good university lab school) since he was 1. He was in the 2 year old room up until two weeks ago. They require that children are potty trained to move to the 3 year old class.</p> <p>We started potty training in July even though he did not seem ready because he has to be PT'ed to move up to the new class. By that point, he was the oldest and biggest in the 2 year old class and several new kids who were not even two were moved into his class. My son is very verbally advanced, smart, and tall. He definitely needed to be moved up to the 3 year old class for all those reasons (his teachers agreed).</p> <p>He moved up to the 3yo class even though his potty training is not 100%, I'd say. When he moved up, I would say he was staying dry at school 3 out of 5 days per week, and not as good at home. </p> <p>Since he has moved up, he is having several accidents a day at school. I think he is stressed/anxious about it. The 3 year old teachers are very unhappy and although they are working with him, we are concerned they may dismiss him from the school because he is not PT. He can't move back to his old class, his spot is gone (plus it is not really appropriate for his age/level at this point). We are very worried - it seems to me he's having so many accidents bc he is freaked out and feeling pressure about it. </p> <p>We had a conference with his new teacher this week, and she said we need to be doing more at home (but what?!). We are already doing everything. He's very strong willed. The teacher said we need to put him in underwear at night to get it to click, which I think is totally stupid (he wakes up soaked in an overnight diaper every morning still). We are not super happy with some of what we're hearing from the teachers (plus they are very matter of fact, not warm and fuzzy at all which I really don't like). </p> <p>I don't know really what I'm asking at this point - we're just really concerned that maybe the teachers are making him anxious, or that he'll be kicked out, and I just don't know what to think. I don't think it's unusual that a just turned 3 year old boy is not fully potty trained. IDK. :bummed: </p> <p>Maybe what would you do - wait to see what happens, pull him out of the school (which will create major childcare issues but I want to do what's best for him), any genius potty training tips for a resistant child?</p> <p>Edited to add: I think the issues my son is having with potty training is because he is really just not quite ready and we are pushing him into it (plus he's very strong willed). The teacher said kids can be trained much younger, the reason older children are in diapers is because of marketing from the diaper industry... :shocked: </p>