https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 21:31:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous/page/2#post-929018 Sat, 13 Jul 2013 16:38:41 +0000 LovelyPlum 929018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: that is such a great plan. I'm so hopeful that this all.works out for you. Let us know, and I hope that it is a FABULOUS experience for all involved :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous/page/2#post-928702 Sat, 13 Jul 2013 10:57:52 +0000 lizzywiz 928702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: "Maybe this is a gift? "<br /> That is how I try to think of things...hopefully so! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous/page/2#post-928696 Sat, 13 Jul 2013 10:54:02 +0000 lizzywiz 928696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it wouldn't take so long I would list everybody who responded by name and give a big shout out, "THANK YOU!"</p> <p>Your responses were unfailingly kind and thoughtful, regardless of which side of the fence you fall on- what a great community at hellobee.</p> <p>For those who hate to be left hanging ;) , I have decided to discuss my concerns/ recommendations with my provider, observe this young man in action and then reassess my feelings.<br /> To put any worried readers out there at ease, this is essentially a one room set up with 2 staff, 8-12 kiddos and this young man- pretty much everything/everyone can be seen at all times. There should be no reason he would be left alone, even for bathroom breaks, but I definitely need to make sure my provider know that is non negotiable for me.<br /> One reason that I am not jumping ship is because I DO feel so positive about this provider and in my experience finding someone I feel good about was not easy.<br /> The other reason I am not leaving right now is because while some of my feelings are valid, reasonable concerns, some are not. Some are based in stereotypes and prejudice and I don't want to make a decision based on that.<br /> Thanks again for the support. I'll let you know if anything exciting happens ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous/page/2#post-927734 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 16:39:34 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 927734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do vocational &amp; residential habilitation for individuals with disabilities. One of the girls I worked for had a learning disability from a seizure disorder. She is married, independenly owns her own home, drives, has 2 children &amp; runs her own in home daycare.</p> <p>However I would be nervous as well. Not everyone is that high functioning. I to understand the process it takes to get them jobs &amp; I also understand the discrimination that goes along with it. I think asking all those questions would be your best way to go about it. There must be some structure &amp; boundaries set. This is a hard one mama. GOOD LUCK. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927644 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 16:02:48 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 927644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: " If I don't trust her to run her business, what am I doing there? " &lt; bottom line.<br /> I think, despite all details of this situation, the bottom line is, you don't trust the decision that has been made and/or the fact that she was not responsible enough to discuss this with parents beforehand. Therefore, you don't fully trust her. You've got to go if this is the case...</p> <p>P.S: I am sos orry you're going through this! It is stressful. And, it is difficult to be surprised by your own reactions and to think, "wow, am I a hypocrite?" But, you're not. You're a parent, and parents must investigate everything. This is your child, and you have every right to (in fact, you should always) be cautious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927617 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 15:53:48 +0000 daniellemybelle 927617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, developmentally disabled or not, boy or girl, your daycare provider should have cleared it with you before bringing someone in to be with your child all day that is not a qualified provider. That's what gives me the the most pause. If she thinks its "no big deal," that's a slippery slope to quick bathroom or lunch breaks without supervision. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation, but I wouldn't feel too bad about how you reacted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927392 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:52:45 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 927392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: there is no one better equipped to deal wih his as a mom than you. It may help you, the daycare provider, the disabled learner and the kids to all grow. Maybe this is a gift? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927326 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:25:24 +0000 lizzywiz 927326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: No, he isn't a real employee. He is basically getting job training.</p> <p>@ALittleP: I am definitely more weirded out because he is a boy! Small minded, I know.</p> <p>@ALittleP: @LovelyPlum: Visit and observe-what a great idea! Why is this situation blocking my brain from thinking of these awesome, easy solutions? </p> <p>@kiddosc: That 'good game plan' you speak of is courtesy of everybody else on this thread :-) I was frozen like a deer in the headlights but you guys saved me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927292 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:14:26 +0000 HLK208 927292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would feel the exact same way :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927277 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:10:24 +0000 kiddosc 927277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't blame you for being a little apprehensive about this situation, but it sounds like you have a good game plan for moving forward. I see that you mentioned that she has another employee in the house. That would make me feel more comfortable, knowing that there was still someone else around even if the owner needed to use the restroom.<br /> Also, since this sounds like your daycare provider is helping out her friend by giving her son work experience, she may not be as familiar with some of the common tactics you use in your professional life placing special needs people in the work place. Having a discussion with her an letting her know how you approach it at work might actually be helpful in making this a successful relationship for everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927252 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 14:03:27 +0000 mrskc 927252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I agree, I don't think the provider needed the parents permission, but she definitely needs to let all the parents know. And you have every right to meet this person and pull your LO out of the daycare, if you're not comfortable with the situation. I think it's good you're going to talk to the daycare provider and find out what rules will be in place. Then you just have to decide if you're comfortable with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong if you want to pull your LO out of the daycare if you're not comfortable with this person. Listen to your mama instinct! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927240 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:59:47 +0000 LovelyPlum 927240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALittleP: good point-I bet getting to know him will help! Then, maybe once the fear of him being a stranger is alleviated, the rest will sort itself out :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927218 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:55:16 +0000 ALittleP 927218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would feel exactly the same way. Don't feel bad :)</p> <p>I do wonder though: would you feel the same concern if he was a girl?!</p> <p>We have a 30-something year old guy in our neighborhood who is intellectually impaired and lives with his mom up the street from us. He helps us maintain our huge yard/garden. He is great with kids (has lots of nieces and nephews) and I let him entertain my daughter when he is around. I am always there to supervise but I think it helps to boost his confidence and makes him feel proud.</p> <p>I would definitely find out more from your day care provider and if you're still uncomfortable make the decision that is right for you. Maybe you could also come in one afternoon/morning and observe to see how he interacts with the kids and how he is supervised?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927196 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:48:07 +0000 T.H.O.U. 927196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I agree that they don't necessarily need parent approval to hire someone. I would hope you trust her enough to do appropriate back ground checks and reference checks and to be a good judge of character. </p> <p>I think it's helpful that its basically one but living room. It's not like he would be alone with kids. </p> <p>Another question, does he count towards their staff to student ratio? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927190 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:46:02 +0000 Mrsbells 927190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I would feel exactly the same way as you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927188 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:45:38 +0000 T.H.O.U. 927188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: great advice. </p> <p>@lizzywiz: I think those are a clear way to approach the situation. I would be open to letting him try but making sure that clear boundaries are established and that parents agree </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927183 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:44:33 +0000 LovelyPlum 927183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: of course! And I agree with other posters, I am seriously impressed with you. It is so hard to live what we want to stand up for, especially when our loved ones are involved . And intellectual disabilities can.be so difficult to approach with the appropriate balance of dignity, respect, and caution. You should be really proudthat you're trying to work so hard to do this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927154 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:34:11 +0000 looch 927154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: You are amazing, seriously. We should all take a lesson from you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927148 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:32:49 +0000 lizzywiz 927148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: your insight was awesome. Thank you for sharing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927133 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:29:23 +0000 lizzywiz 927133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrskc: Objectively, assuming he has a safe background and expressed an interest in working with kids, this would be an excellent job training placement. Why? Because it is small, with only two other employees and 12 kids. It wouldn't be overwhelming. The boss is on site and directly working with him everyday. There are a range of job tasks to try and it is essentially one big room (imagine a living room flowing into a open kitchen), so it would be impossible to lose track of him. That being said, I would have clear rules and expectations, with safety foremost in mind.<br /> As a parent, I do not have an excuse for why I haven't asked about the rules. All I can say is that I was caught off guard by the whole situation (and my feelings) and I am going to rectify that part ASAP.</p> <p>I have delayed responding re: the comments that my provider should have asked the parent's permission because, honestly, that is kind of how I felt. But I also feel like I have to balance my wants with respecting her as a professional and her right to hire and fire at will (he is actually more like a volunteer). If I don't trust her to run her business, what am I doing there? If I don't like it, I need to just leave, which a couple commenters have also recommended. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927111 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:24:54 +0000 LovelyPlum 927111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how I would feel as a mom, but as someone with a sister who has disabilities who herself wants to work with children and the wife of a special needs educator, I would hope I would want to give him a chance. Pirecautions need to be taken, and boundaries addressed, I agree. But I get why a daycare, at least in some circumstances. My sister is less intimidated by small children, and they really bring out a good side of her. Maybe he is similar?</p> <p>Either way, I respect your honesty! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927052 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:05:34 +0000 mrskc 927052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you're feeling. I personally would not be comfortable with it and would be pulling my LO out of the daycare. Since you're job is to help teens with special needs find a job, would this have been a good job placement in your professional opinion? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927042 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 13:00:30 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 927042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wheres_c: " I applaud them for giving him a chance, but I don't think it's the appropriate environment." &lt; yes, exactly!</p> <p>Maybe an elementary school would have been better. Or a library. But, not an in-home daycare, taking care of infants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-927033 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:58:23 +0000 wheres_c 927033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree, I would feel mega uncomfortable and It would raise huge flags to me that it wasnt discussed prior to bringing him on board.</p> <p>I would be uncomfortable with a teenager period. Throw in intellectual disabilities and no way....*I* can barely make sure I give my LO the right foods, remember other LOs allergies, pick up cues etc.<br /> Personally I would be pulling LO out of daycare as this would make me too nervous. I've read too many horror stories.</p> <p>I applaud them for giving him a chance, but I don't think it's the appropriate environment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926969 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:39:40 +0000 lizzywiz 926969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks to all for the kind words. I also have to say (and I am SO not proud of it) these fears are truly based on stereotypes (that I thought I didn't think :-( ). We all know that a teenage boy does not = sexual deviant, and along the same vein, intellectual disability does not = Lennie Small from Of Mice and Men. I KNOW this logically and now I just have to focus on living it. </p> <p>@deerylou: Thanks for the excellent advice. I don't know why I didn't think of addressing this from a professional stand point </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926966 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:38:50 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 926966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be OK with this....at all. Sorry. Just wouldn't.<br /> First off, I don't want anyone who is not 100% trained, nor do I think someone who is mentally and physically disabled should be taking care of an infant. I know he is just helping, but honestly, God forbid he makes an unknowing mistake or something.<br /> I wouldn't be able to keep my kid there. I hate if that sounds<br /> terrible. That is just my initial reaction.<br /> By the way: it is NOT prejudice at all. There are some jobs that not everyone can do. Can a person who is blind be a toll booth operator? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926963 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:38:33 +0000 dookie32 926963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's prejudice to not want someone who is intellectually disabled to be taking care of your child. Not everyone is qualified to do every job in life. I don't think it makes me prejudice against overweight people to not want my town hiring a 300lb firefighter- this is not much different. There are jobs out there for people with disabilities- child care is not one of them. Dealing with children on a daily basis takes a lot of patience- it's a challenge for people that are not disabled (myself included). It doesn't matter if they aren't left alone with them or not- it only takes a second for someone to accidentally cause physical harm to a baby. There is just too much risk involved- I would not feel safe with my child there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926934 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:34:03 +0000 LindsayInNY 926934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I think your last comment to @deerylou is a perfect approach. When/if you talk to your daycare provider, I would word it in a way where you mention your work experience and how you would approach things from that perspective (if that makes sense). Ask the questions you mentioned, you're entitled to! You might bring up some concerns that the provider didn't think about. And while they may not even be an issue, it can't hurt to mention! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926917 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:29:07 +0000 deerylou 926917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I completely get what you mean. There is so much we know, working with the differently abled. For me, it would be hard to let go of control, and not want to micromanage the situation.</p> <p>I definitely think you should talk to your daycare provider, and offer some of these solutions/reminders, stressing their importance. I think it's pretty cool that they're willing to extend a job placement to this young man, but I do believe they need to focus on making sure he is successful, and the kiddos remain absolutely safe.</p> <p>Wishing you luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-hired-intellectually-disabled-teen-feeling-nervous#post-926907 Fri, 12 Jul 2013 12:24:10 +0000 lizzywiz 926907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: Maybe I need to think about what I would do if this were one of my students, at a work site. I might ask the employer, "Have you given him clear rules about what he can and cannot do in his role here? Are they posted somewhere? Do you review them? Can I see them? Have you talked about personal space? etc." Maybe I need to ask those same questions as a mom. </p>