https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 23 May 2026 22:01:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2275206 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 19:30:16 +0000 youboots 2275206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsB2012: great news. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2275180 Thu, 27 Aug 2015 19:19:08 +0000 MrsB2012 2275180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ended up booking an appointment to finalize daycare. I told dh and he said, "ok, cool." So all is good and now it's a none issue about his mom as we've paid the registration and last months pay :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2273061 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 17:00:18 +0000 mauxie 2273061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare, for sure! Aside from the points you brought up about your MIL, I'd still prefer part time daycare-- more eyes on my child, more interaction, stimulation, socialization.. etc! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272730 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 12:16:52 +0000 FancyGem 2272730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand how you feel. I think it would be best if you try to appear like you wouldn't mind working something out with her. Otherwise, she will get mad. lol<br /> How about this:<br /> Let your girls stay in daycare. Tell her that you think the program will be good for them because they can learn different languages and sign language. Offer to work something else out with her, like she can take them to the park/play while you do something. Probably for 30 min or a couple of hours. If she flakes on you, then you wouldn't have to worry about it effecting your work schedule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272682 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 11:47:21 +0000 MrsB2012 2272682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I kind of feel like sticking with the original plan is a compromise. As we will have a few days a month that we will need family to watch the girls, she can help with those days. So they're still in daycare, she still gets to help ( although I realize it's minimal, she would still help.) I thought about it before, if it was my family and we had the same opportunity would I be upset if Dh was digging in his heels. I can honestly say, if he was going to pay for the care, and he wasn't comfortable, then no, I wouldn't push the issue. I don't think it will cause problems in our marriage. I think at first, he'll be annoying that I'm not budging, but once we start daycare and he sees the girls thriving in that environment, he will realize that it was the right decision. </p> <p> @blackbird: Come over and play with them while I'm home? Oh heck no. I get the heck outta dodge so quickly when she comes over. I legit will fly out the door about 5 minutes before she comes over and then have literally driven around the block until I've seen that she's left. I realize I need to work on this, and it drives my husband insane that I won't stick around and visit them. However, that's a whole other topic ;)</p> <p>Thank you guys, I really appreciate all the answers. I might have to show Dh this post so he can see it's not just me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272562 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 10:19:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2272562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Given your LOs' ages I say daycare is best for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272560 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 10:18:10 +0000 catlady 2272560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely go with the daycare. Your mental state is worth the extra money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272555 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 10:14:13 +0000 MRSJX3 2272555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd go with the daycare, no question!! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272550 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 10:09:57 +0000 bunnylove08 2272550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would stick with the daycare. She is only coming back for a little while and when she leaves you're going to have to put them in daycare anyway (use that as an excuse so she doesn't think its something against her). I would see if she can watch your kids the couple of days you need help with, so she feels she is involved but its also limited care where she hopefully will not flake out on you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272526 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 09:59:35 +0000 blackbird 2272526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um.....fuck no. I would not let my MIL watch my kids if I was in your shoes. Nope nope nope nope nope. </p> <p>As far as a compromise goes, maybe she can watch them on some days they don't go to daycare? Or she can come over and play with them while you are home, too, so you can get a feel for her "issue". </p> <p>I dunno, my mother has some disabilities and other issues, and as her child, i am not blind to them, nor am i inclined to think they are "going to be fine", so if these were concerns my husband brought up to me, I would pay heed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272470 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 09:16:36 +0000 snowjewelz 2272470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare 100% </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272456 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 09:08:19 +0000 alphagam84 2272456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't trust my MIL with watching my baby when it's born. Can you just tell the MIL that you already signed a contract for the the daycare so there's no backing out and you'd lose money if you did? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272239 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 06:21:10 +0000 looch 2272239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It seems to me that your husband wants to compromise somehow and let your MIL take over some of the care. If you don't do that, how will it affect other things? Is it going to cause strain in your marriage? </p> <p>I can tell you that if the situation were reversed and it was my family, if my husband was unwilling to come up with a solution that involves compromise, there would be problems in our marriage. I know it sounds terrible, but I feel that there has to be a solution. Compromise, after all means that everyone is a little bit happy and a little bit mad, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272235 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 06:19:09 +0000 NovBaby1112 2272235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm usually pro family watching kids if it can save money and it seems like it could work, but in your case no way...daycare 100%. You could always use her for back up days or days you might need her, but I would def stick to your original plan </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272228 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 06:10:17 +0000 Adira 2272228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare 1000%! If you don't feel comfortable with your MIL, there's absolutely NO REASON to allow her to watch your precious cargo. That's just crazy talk! If you don't feel inclined to go visit her or hang out with her, WHY would you want her watching your kids??? Especially if you found a daycare you love and can financially swing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272206 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 04:27:51 +0000 PrincessBaby 2272206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare.</p> <p>It's so much easier for me to work knowing that my kids are 1000% well taken care of between our Nanny and my DD1's pre-K program. I couldn't function nearly as well if I didn't feel good about where they were while I was at work.</p> <p>Also at those ages, daycare would be great for them for socialization. I think always being at home would be very isolating.</p> <p>Not to mention that it's physically exhausting chasing toddlers, or even chasing one and simultaneously caring for a baby. It sounds like she may not truly be capable of handling that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272203 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 03:25:14 +0000 lamariniere 2272203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Go with daycare! It does sound like your MIL means well, but it also doesn't sound like she will be able to cope with 2 LOs on a semi-regular basis. Added to the fact that she makes you and your DH crazy, I would much rather pay for daycare. Having her watch them sounds like a recipe for nonstop family drama. If you need an excuse, I would use something along the lines of your older LO will start pre-school or a longer program in the future and you want both of them to get socialization. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272184 Tue, 25 Aug 2015 00:07:20 +0000 Kimberlybee 2272184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vote for daycare all the way if money is not the deciding factor! My 2 year old would go crazy if she had to stay home all day week after week without mingling with other kids. I am a SAHM but we have outings daily and play dates a couple of days a week. We also go to Gymboree classes a few times a week. She enjoys seeing other kids so much. I wouldn't want her to be stuck at home all day watching TV or playing on her iPad once she gets bored of her toys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272157 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 21:57:19 +0000 Nutella 2272157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like she probably doesn't even know how hard it's going to be chasing after two toddlers all day, so you could totally just thank her but say you've already sorted a plan that suits everybody best. You're allowed to step in and say what you want! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272086 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 20:21:33 +0000 misolee 2272086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just explain that the socialization and other lessons that they learn with other children is also an important part of them being well rounded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272056 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 19:32:32 +0000 MrsB2012 2272056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And thanks for all the responses, I'm glad that I'm not being crazy for wanting to spend the money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272055 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 19:31:58 +0000 MrsB2012 2272055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Crystal: We would use her to watch the girls the other 2-3 days a month we might need care - in conjunction with other family. ( Like Dh's dad, or my dad, or my sisters.) I work split shifts so maybe she would watch for 3 hours in the morning and someone else would watch for the evening part until DH is home.</p> <p>@JoyfulKiwi: It would only be for a few months. The plan is I'll be hopefully 3 months pregnant when I go back to work. I'll work for 4.5 ish months until I have enough hours for my next mat leave, and then I'd be off work again. So the long term questions are applicable. But daycare is near impossible to get into here so you're right, if it doesn't work, then we might not have the option to get the girls in at that time. Good point!</p> <p>My husbands point of view is that we'd be saving $1000+ per month. That his mom would be so ecstatic to watch the girls so that would elevate a lot of the tension that she doesn't see the girls as much, that I would see the kids are fine in her care. He says we 'know she's fine' and that PTSD doesn't affect her ( does she actually have PTSD ? We would say not, I think it's a plot to not work honestly.) and that the kids would be safe in her care.</p> <p>He says that we need to compromise on this. That options would be to only put the older girl in daycare and let her watch the younger one. Or Put them in daycare for less days, and use her as the main source, so they still have days of socialization with children some days.</p> <p>I say stick with the original plan. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272044 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 19:22:40 +0000 Tanjowen 2272044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would 100% stay with the daycare you found and tell your MIL that you would love to have her watch the kids the times you and DH need a date night or to get house projects done...that way when/if she flakes it's no big deal and you can choose what you are comfortable with in terms of spending time around her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272041 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 19:15:36 +0000 birdofafeather 2272041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>absolutely positively go with daycare!! it's amazing that you found one to work with a rotating schedule (i wish i could for DH's work, but alas) and if you feel like one day she could be trusted for that random day of care, then you can do that. no way would i bail on a great situation for a flakey one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272029 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:58:40 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2272029@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsB2012: nope, not crazy! It might seem to your husband like you'd be "saving" in the short term, but what about the big picture? If you did choose your MIL to watch them, you'd have to ask all the questions you would of an in-home care or nanny:<br /> What happens when she gets "sick"? Or needs time away to see her husband? What's the back-up plan? How long is she willing to do this? What happens next October - who will care for them then? If one of you decides it just isn't working, will that amazingly flexible daycare have spaces still? Or will you be stuck paying more for a different daycare situation?<br /> Plus, would he really want to deal with the conflicts that always arise when family/grandparents watch the children? Things like disagreements over parenting styles &amp; choices?<br /> I think he's being short-sighted and just trying to appease his mom. You should definitely stick to your original plan (although now you do have a back-up caregiver!) I bet he'll see things differently once you've had the actual experience of her watching them occasionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272024 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:55:14 +0000 MenagerieMama 2272024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>110% go with the daycare. Agree w/PP that if she has medical disability and can't work, that includes taking care of 2 toddlers. She could maybe help on those extra couple days. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272020 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:52:43 +0000 ldh112 2272020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>you should not feel pressured to change your plan - boundaries are so important especially in dysfunctional dynamics. :) tell your husband its either 1000K for daycare now or towards therapy if she watches the kiddos :) haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272016 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:46:40 +0000 Torchwood 2272016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare for sure, and I'm generally not even pro-daycare! We have serious issues with my MIL too, and I would never let her watch LO. Thankfully DH agrees. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272013 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:42:17 +0000 winter_wonder 2272013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Daycare all the way! It's not worth the stress to have her do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-vs-mil#post-2272012 Mon, 24 Aug 2015 18:38:36 +0000 ms.line 2272012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My batshit-insane MIL also thinks she can watch my LO full time. I'll be paying $1k a month for daycare, and I'd pay twice that to keep her away! </p>