https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 08:48:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840398 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 21:20:51 +0000 MLE81 2840398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and I am trying to choose an avatar so I can get rid of the generic one ASAP! </p> <p>Thanks for the warm welcome, all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840397 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 21:18:57 +0000 MLE81 2840397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your replies/advice/perspective. It’s nice to hear that my feelings about the incident are reasonable....as several of you said, it definitely hurt my momma heart to see my DD being treated so aggressively without timely intervention. I totally get that some(times) kids are physical with each other, but the fact that this was all happening within 3-5 feet of three different teachers and not one actually seemed to notice/intervene right away is perhaps what concerns me most. That and the way the supervisor responded to my phone call are what bother me most, I think. However, I think that since it was 6 weeks ago now, there’s probably no point rehashing the issue as the teachers probably won’t remember it anyway (I don’t even think they knew/saw what really happened because they were busy putting out cots for nap time).</p> <p>To add more context, I had mostly gotten over this incident, but then we got a letter notifying us of yet ANOTHER fee increase, so as of Sept. 1 we will essentially be paying $100/day for our DD to attend this centre. If I truly believed it had a stellar program and she was “thriving”, and I was 100 % confident she was always safe, the crazy high fees wouldn’t bother me so much. But now this incident, plus a handful of other “minor” issues over the last year (e.g., coming home without a diaper on one day, teachers/staff being a little less “gentle”with the kids than I would like, teachers/staff clustering by the fence to chat instead of interacting with the kids during outdoor time) are starting to really make me question whether this is the place for us/her anymore. </p> <p>Definitely can’t hurt to do some research into new options! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840373 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 16:28:30 +0000 Mrsbells 2840373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MLE81: I understand your concerns. Like others have said my main issue is then deflecting the issue. Kids sometimes do hurt othet kids, my daughter has been bitten on the face and my son has hurt himself a few times at daycare. My daycare reports all incidents if it leads to a hospital visit with a state agency. They also log all minor issues in their accident book which makes me feel much better </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840324 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 11:14:35 +0000 MamaCate 2840324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MLE81: I totally understand your concern, I would encourage you to set up a conference or meeting in person with the teacher or director. Try to go in with talking points about what your concerns are what you need to get clarification on as you are not sure this is a good fit.</p> <p>I would put a lot of weight on how they respond. A teacher/director who apologies, reinforces that pushing is not okay and not how kids should behave, owns the issue and problem solved with you about what they will do to prevent future issues would have my support to stick it out. A teacher/director who is avoidant, passes the buck etc would make me focus on switching. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840311 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 10:18:44 +0000 jape14 2840311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you have a legitimate reason to be upset/concerned especially if you feel like your concerns about your child's experience weren't being properly addressed. However, if it was this upsetting to you to the point that you are considering pulling your child, I think it would have been in your best interest to say that you did want an incident report filed when they asked. It's a bit of mixed messaging to say that you don't want an incident report filed when it actually bothers you so much that you are contemplating leaving the center. It sucks that you were the one to have to see it and bring it up with the staff, rather than them catching it and initiating contact, but I think turning down the incident report minimizes your concern and your perception of the severity of the incident to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840308 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 10:11:09 +0000 Ajsmommy 2840308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I have talked to DD about it and she admits this other girl is "bossy" and so I explained to DD that she never has to "do" what this little girl tells her and if she's not having fun with this girl to play with other kids. For a LONG time this tactic worked.. but then a few times I'll show up at pick up and she'll be playing with this girl and I cringe. </p> <p>One time was the time the girl was saying they couldnt' go down the slide.. but DD went past her and slid down so I was happy to see that DD was "playing" with her but not necessarily being ruled by her. (I may have high fived DD after she went down the slide even after the girl scolded her not to)..... </p> <p>I also notice that the days DD is hanging with this girl she gets more "reminders"... two weeks ago the teacher basically said DD had a bad day bc she was "following a certain FRIEND that has issues and they are dealing with it but DD had bossed some of her friends around following suit from this other friend"...well clearly they were referring to the girl so I just have to hope or assume they are addressing the issues with her parents???? After that day I had a long talk with DD (see a prior post re punishment for a 4.5 yo) and asked her how she felt when that girl bossed her and she said bad/sad and I told her that was what she was doing to her other friends when she bossed them... anyway we are switching schools in 2 weeks and after that last incident DD seems to be steering clear of the girl.... </p> <p>The only other thing I can maybe say is that the teachers don't fully see what I see bc when I arrive I am focused solely on DD so I can watch and see exactly what is happening and they have to watch all the kids so maybe they "miss" this girl telling DD and other kids to stay "right there" and "don't move until I come back" .. they might just see a group of them by the fence and then see that one girl run away for a bit and then go back....but I am probably giving them the benefit of the doubt.</p> <p>As a parent/type a it's very hard to see my DD fall in an be a follower.. I know she's just 4 but I hope to make her strong.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840307 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 10:01:27 +0000 avivoca 2840307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Right?! I'm so glad we are out of there and I feel much more confident with our child care situation now, even though it is a PITA to do two drop-offs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840305 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 09:52:34 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2840305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: whaaat?! Mom and dad can’t line up care to cover them when their child is causing harm, so we will just keep the kids there :sad: </p> <p>@Ajsmommy: have you talked to the teacher about your observations? I wouldn’t like that either and hope the teachers don’t see it as “cute.” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840290 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 09:05:58 +0000 avivoca 2840290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Follow your gut. I pulled both of my children earlier this year because my youngest was bitten five times in less than two weeks. It was always different children and one of the bites wasn't documented. My oldest (4.5) was bitten on the face and no one saw it. When I asked the owner/director, he said that they had parents losing jobs when they sent kids home for biting, so they stopped doing that. I didn't feel like they were safe, so I pulled them. I don't regret it for a minute and neither child has been bitten/hurt by another kid since then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840288 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 08:57:14 +0000 snowjewelz 2840288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say go with your gut. Start looking around a researching anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840277 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 08:15:58 +0000 periwinklebee 2840277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is a fair amount younger than the other kids in his class (age range of 6 months to 2 yrs), and sometimes they are inadvertently a bit rough with him and he'll cry. But the teachers are *so good* at managing it, directing the offending child in a positive way and if needed moving my son so he's no longer in their path. </p> <p>We switched daycares because I didn't feel great about the one we were at, and absolutely no regrets. The teachers at the center he moved to are just so much better at managing the room, which means it feels much less chaotic and things like the incident you describe are less likely to happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840269 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 07:25:39 +0000 Ajsmommy 2840269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough.. tough bc its hard to have to leave your littles in other peoples care. My experience which has been 3 yrs in an inhome and now 1 yr in a larger/facility/preschool setting is that as they get older and as the class is bigger some teachers really try to let the kids "work it out" by themselves without intervening. Your situation sounds a bit different though bc your little is younger and was physically being touched/pushed. As PP's have said if you don't feel your concerns were handled properly then I'd look elsewhere....</p> <p>I know that there are a few times when I would have intervened or when I was hoping the teachers would intervene but they haven't. Specifically when one bossy girl makes all the others act like her "kids" and then she yells at them to stand on the fence and not move or she tells them they can't go down the slide. To me this is not acceptable behavior and it's not "fun play" but the teachers don't say anything..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840263 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 07:00:29 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2840263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daycare has cameras too. I have addressed things that I saw on camera and things that I have not. No matter how the situation began I have always been impressed by the way my concerns were handled. The way the director minimized the incident and your daughters feelings and behavior in the aftermath would concern me. If you feel strongly that this is the right program for her then you have a new issue that needs to be addressed. I say that because through all the issues (mountains and molehills) I saw that my son was thriving at school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840260 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 06:48:31 +0000 Pumuckl 2840260@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If there is one thing that I have learnt while being a working mum is that I don't want to be worried about my kids but want to know them safe. We have switched daycare because of something not feeling right and never looked back. If I were you I would listen to my guts and find another place if just for your peace of mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840256 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 05:48:55 +0000 Amorini 2840256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @pachamama: that this would hurt me to watch. :crying: And then to have my concerns sidestepped would feel like an injustice. My DS’s daycare does not have cameras, but one thing they do when there are incidents is really describe the whole scene. They just give a lot of details in addition to the incident report that gives me peace of mind that they are on top of it and keeping kids safe and correcting problem behaviors. Details like where they were when it happened, where the kids were, how many kids they had in the class, what they think precipitated the behavior, if it’s been happening with other kids, how they are going to prevent it next time. Whether DS is at fault or the victim of the incident, I will usually have a follow-up email or in-person conversation about the circumstances in order to get details. Since you saw what happened, I would have conversations along that line with the teachers and gauge the reactions and responses that you get. Yeah, and unfortunately, I would be prepared to find a new place. Sorry you are going through this and welcome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840253 Fri, 17 Aug 2018 05:00:30 +0000 pachamama 2840253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MLE81: awwww this would really hurt me to watch. I always said, I am so glad our daycare doesn't have a camera because I know some kid scuffles and some "lack of attention" from the caregivers is very normal in a busy daycare setting, but I just don't want to see it, ya know? Wow I sound like a bad mom.<br /> I would maybe explore other options if your gut is telling you so but I do know the nature of daycares today is not perfect and as a mom that can be hard to swallow. I also have been soured by the larger daycare centers around me so I'm not a huge fan (high turnover, inflexible regulations, lack of outdoor time turn me off). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840242 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 22:18:19 +0000 peaches1038 2840242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with both @Grace and @LCTBQE. You gotta trust your mama instincts when it comes to daycare and if something doesn’t feel right, find another option </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840241 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 22:10:53 +0000 Grace 2840241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You know what my problem would be? That they weren’t addressing your concern and seemed to be avoiding talking about it. Stuff happens at daycare. Kids hit, push, bite etc., but the teachers are supposed to communicate what happens (without naming names). Now you can’t trust that they will do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840238 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 21:59:51 +0000 LCTBQE 2840238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would not fly at our daycare or our former daycare at ALL from what I can tell, although neither have had cameras. Both places have been super strict with physical boundaries/respect, and my strong impression is they're just keeping a closer eye on the kids than you describe. It sounds like the director was trying to sidestep the issue with a line of bullshit instead of owning up that they don't allow this behavior and it shouldn't have happened (perhaps they do allow this behavior, after all?). If you're already lukewarm, I'd be looking as of now if I were you. I've read a lot of these threads on HB and the consensus seems to be "go with your gut" re daycares and fit. </p> <p>Also welcome! Choose an avatar instead of that default blue bee symbol, it's so much easier to keep track of people when they have one :) I always mix up everyone that doesn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycare-woesdilemma-perspectiveadvice-appreciated#post-2840236 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 21:45:23 +0000 MLE81 2840236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi everyone, </p> <p>This is my first post, although I have been reading the boards for a looooong time. I always find such interesting topics and great advice here, so hoping for some feedback/perspective on my current situation. </p> <p>Brief background: DD is almost 2.5 and attends a daycare centre two days per week (Th/F). My mom looks after her at our home from M-W. I have never LOVED the centre, but after the initial transition period last fall she adjusted and seems happy enough to go there. However, there have been several incidents over the past year she’s attended that have bothered me slightly, including one that REALLY upset me in early July:</p> <p>After some tears at drop off, I logged into the webcam one day around nap time to witness my DD being pushed three times in a row by the same child. She fell over each time, and would stand up and walk away, but he continued to follow and push her over again. After the third time she lay on the carpet and started to cry, and it looked like he tried to kick or hit her in the head. Finally, one of the staff intervened, but it took far too long, IMO. I was so upset I called the supervisor and asked her to check on my DD, and when she came back on the line I felt like she completely avoided the issue and instead began telling me about how my DD was “off” that day, and wasn’t “engaging” with the other kids or the staff, so they didn’t want to “force”her to do anything and risk upsetting her. I had to clarify what my concerns were and specifically ask AGAIN if my DD was okay and if anyone knew what actually happened. She said my DD was “fine” and didn’t have any bumps or bruises. I was asked if I wanted them to file an incident report and I said no, but that if it happened again I’d like to be informed. Haven’t heard/seen anything similar since, but a few other minor things have happened that I’m not impressed with, and I honestly feel like withdrawing her altogether and finding a new daycare.</p> <p>So, my question is, am I over reacting to this incident and letting it sour my entire perception of this daycare? Or do I have a legitimate reason to be upset/concerned? </p>