https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 25 May 2026 17:55:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2839109 Fri, 10 Aug 2018 15:15:00 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2839109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Thanks for asking! So, it seems like after I spoke with the director, they did away with this whole thing, or at least reduced it significantly. The head classroom teacher pulled me aside a couple days after I spoke with the director and we spoke a bit more about it, and it sounds like the other teacher also didn't communicate very well to my daughter why she didn't get those dollars she'd hoped for (it wasn't actually for taking too long to come into the classroom, but more about wandering around rather than sitting down for circle time). All around I haven't seen a prize nor have heard anything about this since, which makes me think they must have stopped doing it. And we haven't had any issues with naptime - it sounds like they've been more flexible with giving her some things to do if she doesn't want to nap. She's still slow to leave in the morning - I'm on solo parent duty this week and thus doing dropoff so I definitely understand the struggle, but the teachers have also gotten really proactive in helping her come in by giving her a job to do (she loves being helpful). Glad the handshake thing is working for you guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2838995 Fri, 10 Aug 2018 04:15:10 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2838995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: how have things been going? Is your LO getting all her stickers lately?</p> <p>Big thank you to you, btw. I took the “secret handshake” component from you/ your hubby to have better mornings at drop off. Now most mornings (3.5/5 days) are chill. LO calls out: fist pump, high five, hug, and kisses in the car seat when he first gets in and I do the prompting at the daycare good bye. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2824259 Wed, 23 May 2018 10:22:25 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2824259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so much for your feedback and validating that I wasn't blowing this out of proportion. I actually had a conversation with the director on Monday, and tried to approach it from a "I understand the intentions are good, but I'm having a hard time explaining to my kid how to do better to attain her goal" perspective. The director was actually super receptive, and said that she had initially expressed some concerns to the teachers about this system, fearing the kind of reactions I described. I tried to be really explicit that I wasn't blaming the teachers, and I believe the director heard me on that, but that I did have concerns about behavior that's not very age appropriate for a kid to control. We talked about the nap issue, and she said that their rule is that it's ok to give kids books if they're not asleep after an hour, but she would consider giving my daughter a puzzle book earlier on (and she mentioned that she really didn't ever witness her having a hard time with staying quiet, so maybe it was just a rougher week that this all happened). I also talked to my husband about being on time for circle time (he and my daughter are both not morning people at all, so it takes them a while to even get to school) and he's going to try to be better about getting her there a bit earlier so she's not disruptive by walking in later. So hopefully that'll all help, but I'm glad I brought it up, the director seemed really invested in making sure this wasn't a punitive system for the kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2824109 Tue, 22 May 2018 18:30:39 +0000 Elizabear 2824109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is there a way she can do her good bye routine w dad in the parking lot so that she can join right in? That might solve both problems. I am a K teacher so I might have a different perspective. In general, I agree with and like reward systems. It does motivate and give kids something to work for in a positive way. Work rewards me with a paycheck. Kids work hard for their reward. The alternative is a system of consequences for kids who don't follow the rules and positive reinforcement works must better! I might ask the teachers a few questions if it keeps happening. In the kindergarten world, is talking in the hall way a big deal? No really. Can I allow everyone to do it? No, it would disturb the neighboring classrooms. Is talking the moment after I am sure you understood my reminder a big deal? Yes, that's different than just forgetting. Two hours to expect anyone to be quiet is really an unrealistic expectation. I might bring it up by saying is she talking after you gave a quiet reminder? That might open up the conversation so you know where to take it. I might even say, I want to make sure I understand the expectation so I can reinforce the rule at home. What are the expectations at drop off? I would think/hope they want her to come right in because the other kids are watching her and dad in their routine distracting from learning and possibly making them miss their own dads. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2824108 Tue, 22 May 2018 18:19:22 +0000 Dahlia 2824108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Shoot, even I can't lie down quietly for two hours without something to keep me occupied! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2824100 Tue, 22 May 2018 16:18:41 +0000 wrkbrk 2824100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: In short you are not over-reacting and I would 100% have said something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2824098 Tue, 22 May 2018 15:53:55 +0000 juli7 2824098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those would both really make me mad. Our daycare has quiet activities out for kids who don't nap - they can pick something (books, coloring, etc.) and bring it back to their mat until nap time is over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823920 Tue, 22 May 2018 06:57:10 +0000 bloved 2823920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @sugarmaple. I don’t think they are punishing your daughter (ie they did not take anything away or penalize her). rather they are trying to reward the behaviors they want to see (a quicker goodbye; a quieter naptime) in hopes of making them more routine. Are these rewards universal (ie everyone in the class is getting them for the same goals) or personal?</p> <p>I do think laying down/ staying silent during a 2 hour nap block is not reasonable. My son is 4 and no longer naps. I know he has to be quiet, but he is allowed to color/do other quiet activities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823887 Mon, 21 May 2018 21:24:05 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2823887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don’t like the sound of that at all and I’d be talking to my kids’ school if that happened to us. The fact that they’re punishing your child for their illegal voices regarding nap is not okay. You could call their state licensing rep out if you wanted to, so they should fix that situation immediately. Also, no child should be punished for saying goodbye to their parent. *Maybe* for not joining circle time quietly, but certainly not a “long goodbye”!<br /> I totally loathe reward systems like this. To me, it’s the absolute laziest form of classroom management and shows a real lack of understanding of best practice for young children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823856 Mon, 21 May 2018 16:58:12 +0000 codeitall 2823856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be very upset. </p> <p>1. I don't like the concepts of rewards for things kids should be doing. That is not how real life is.<br /> 2. It seems very arbitrary what they are giving rewards for.<br /> 3. If it wasn't a problem before, then she shouldn't have to improve/change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823853 Mon, 21 May 2018 16:29:00 +0000 shabang 2823853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be having discussions with the teacher and director if necessary about both these things. Too long to say goodbye? That would make me livid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823849 Mon, 21 May 2018 16:03:46 +0000 JCCovi 2823849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would bother me a lot. At least she’s not being punished, but it sounds like this system is designed to reward the kids who still nap which seems pretty unfair at this age.</p> <p>I would ask your husband to get there a couple minutes earlier so she can go through her routine and still be ‘’on time.’’ Other then that there isn’t anything you can really do, unless you want to sit down with the teacher and explain your concerns. 🙁 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823846 Mon, 21 May 2018 15:49:27 +0000 Chuckles 2823846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd be upset, too, about my child being penalized for not being able to stay quiet for 2 hours. For the morning, do you know how long the good bye routine takes with your husband? I only ask because my son is a total slow poke for drop off and it was becoming a problem in the classroom at his old school. The kids were required to wash their hands when they came in and he would spend a *long* time in the bathroom playing, singing in the mirror, whatever. Can you ask the teacher what the expectation is for drop off and then practice it with your LO? My main concern would be making sure that she can come up with a comfortable routine that can still conform to the time expectation, as long as the expectation is reasonable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823830 Mon, 21 May 2018 14:32:09 +0000 Mrsbells 2823830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: i think i see both sides of the situation. I am with you on the whole rewarding and punishing thing. At the same time i do see the teachers perspective. Most daycares insist of quiet time even if you dont want to nap. You just have to be quiet and lie down. Additionally we had a situation at our old daycare when some children had a long "goodbye" routine in the morning and it generally became a bit distracting to everyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823817 Mon, 21 May 2018 13:48:36 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2823817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kiddosc: Thanks for that tip! I checked the VA regulations and it says quiet activities if they're not asleep for 30 minutes. I'm going to talk to the director today about what policy they have on this. </p> <p>@Truth Bombs I'm totally in support of nap time, I really am, and I've talked to my kid a ton about being quiet because other kids may want to sleep. I just wish that they did give them more flexibility, given that they have 2 classes of 4-5 year olds, and segregate nappers and non-nappers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823812 Mon, 21 May 2018 13:44:58 +0000 FaithFertility 2823812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a teacher the reward system does not match the behaviors, I'd be upset! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823810 Mon, 21 May 2018 13:23:06 +0000 SugarMaple 2823810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's not being punished by not getting a reward. It may feel that way to her, which is hard for kids to understand. Help her see that it is okay for her to not get that special money, because she would rather spend extra time with dad. That's not a bad thing. I imagine the token system is in place to try and encourage kids to join the class quickly, in preparation for K. How long is an acceptable amount of time for drop-off? Start there and see if it is possible for her to do, or if she just learns it's okay to not get the money/reward.<br /> As for the nap time, whoa, 2 hours is a long time. Are other kids earning that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823805 Mon, 21 May 2018 13:06:01 +0000 Truth Bombs 2823805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The circle time thing does make it a little more complicated. Could your husband just make sure they always arrive with plenty of time for their goodbye routine before 9:15 circle time? If her arrival is disruptive to the class, I could see the teachers wanting to resolve that, but they should be working that out with you, not punishing your child.</p> <p>On the nap issue, I'm a little defensive about naps from the other side of most of HB because I have a 5 year old who really just recently got to where she can skip naps and not have a total meltdown before bedtime. However, she's super extroverted as well so if other kids are playing and talking it will distract her from the nap she needs. So I understand the teachers being committed to enforcing quiet during nap time. That being said, my daughter's class is much like the policy noted above where after thirty minutes when the tired kids are asleep, the children who are awake may have a book/puzzle/ quiet activity provided the parents have approved it (some parents don't want their kids to have an option because they'll stay awake waiting for the toy time when they need to be sleeping). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823804 Mon, 21 May 2018 12:57:39 +0000 Mrs D 2823804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm annoyed for you. My daughter is notorious at slow good byes (it runs in the family) and that one would really irk me.</p> <p>Its also unacceptable to punish a 4/5 year old for not being quiet for that long without something else to entertain them. Not cool. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823799 Mon, 21 May 2018 12:41:15 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2823799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m not a fan of rewards. My LO is still small and maybe what he responds to will change.</p> <p>LO recently moved up a room and some of those older 2 year olds have dropped their nap. The teachers let them play in an area away from the sleeping kids. I just don’t understand why an alternative quiet activity isn’t available. Maybe the teachers need a break and the director could look into alternative room coverage.</p> <p>Given your response to @Grace, while I don’t think she should be penalized for taking too long saying good bye to her dad I think out of courtesy every effort should be made to get to the class in enough time to participate in circle time from the beginning. Two class rooms ago the teacher sent out a few reminders (requests) to bring the kids in time for circle time at 8 I think. We drop off before 7, so there was never an issue. Based on the number of reminders I felt this activity was important to the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823795 Mon, 21 May 2018 12:38:03 +0000 kiddosc 2823795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Regarding the napping situation, it may not be the school's choice to make all kids lay down. In my state they must offer a rest period for all children under 5. However, if a child is not asleep withing 30 minutes they are supposed to provide them with a quiet activity. I would check your state regulations to see what they say. Making children lay there for 2 hours is ridiculous. </p> <p>"REST PERIODS. (a) A child under 5 years of age in care for<br /> more than 4 hours shall have a nap or rest period.<br /> (b) Child care workers shall permit a child who does not sleep after 30 minutes and a child who awakens to get up and to have quiet time through the use of equipment or activities which will not disturb other children." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823730 Mon, 21 May 2018 09:25:23 +0000 Grace 2823730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Hmmm, that makes it trickier. Maybe when you talk to them, ask if it’s a hard and fast rule. And if they say no, just say that you don’t think LO should be punished for it. And if they say yes, that’s a rule, she’s being disruptive coming in later etc, then maybe they have a point. Maybe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823728 Mon, 21 May 2018 09:20:05 +0000 snowjewelz 2823728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow. I feel like I'd be on board with the reward system if it's bonus for helping someone, being kind, etc. Your 2 scenarios are not okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823725 Mon, 21 May 2018 08:48:44 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2823725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: They don't have an official start time, so no, this isn't a lateness issue. They're making it about circle time, which starts around 9:15, and because they sometimes arrive close to that time, she's coming in after it started, but it's not a hard and fast rule that the kids be dropped off by that time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823722 Mon, 21 May 2018 08:40:34 +0000 Grace 2823722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is she late by taking a long time with dad? Like it’s school and starts at 8:30 and she’s in at 8:35? Then I would say it makes sense. If it’s like regular daycare and you get dropped off whenever, then that’s crazy. As far as I’m concerned, the child is not on daycare rules until after parent drop off and I would address it.</p> <p>I have no comment for the nap thing, because I think your daycare is rediculous about naps and you’ve already tried to address it. My daughter (5 in Sept), doesn’t stay quiet during naptime either, but I think they only enforce it for 30 min or so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823718 Mon, 21 May 2018 08:28:48 +0000 josina 2823718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That would upset me also;<br /> Having to lay on a cot for 2 hours without sleeping seems like a lot. At the least if she's still awake after a half hour of quiet time she should be allowed to get a book or something? Color quietly? Puzzles? I agree with PP it seems more beneficial to the teachers.<br /> And being punished for taking extra time to say goodbye to her dad, ridiculous. They need to reevaluate what they're giving rewards for/withholding them for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823713 Mon, 21 May 2018 08:17:28 +0000 Madison43 2823713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I’d be upset by this too. Rewards for certain things do seem ok to me (cleaning your place after lunch, lining up when it’s time to go outside, etc...) though I admit I haven’t given it a lot of thought. Honestly, I’m stuck on the naptime thing - my 4 yo does not nap, and although some quiet time in the afternoon is beneficial for her, she could not lay on a cot for 2 hours in silence and I’d be livid with the school for trying to make her. That starts to sound like something that is more beneficial to the teachers than the kids. I’d start there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823708 Mon, 21 May 2018 07:34:16 +0000 Anagram 2823708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I don't think either of those behaviors are "punishable", especially not the drop off scenario. My daughter's class has a reward system--I'm also not very into it as a philosophy for encouraging good behavior (external rewards vs intrinsic motivation--I'd rather encourage intrinsic motivation), *however* it seems that most parents in my town really love this rewards system and our PTA even funds it, so I realize I can't control everything. My daughter is (generally) an obedient rule follower type, and she's also been the total teacher's pet the last 2 years running. So she's never not gotten a prize, and in fact, it seems she gets additional prizes and rewards all the time and I do wonder how that affects other kids in the class who have a harder time controlling their bodies or who are less socially developed. Like, my 2nd kiddo is not at all a rule follower, and I anticipate some issues when she starts public pre-K this next year and we come up against this system.</p> <p>I think you should sketch out some talking points so you are focused and pleasant, and then schedule a conversation. I would even try to get alone time with the teacher, rather than broaching this topic at pick up or drop off, when they are probably distracted.</p> <p>Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823707 Mon, 21 May 2018 07:28:04 +0000 Mama Bird 2823707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok what? She's getting penalized because she wants to give her dad a hug? And also probably publicly shamed, because presumably the prize selection is in front of all the kids? Way to go, day care. If that was our day care (which I can't for the life of me imagine) they would be hearing a lot about what I think of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/daycareprek-rewards-wdyt#post-2823706 Mon, 21 May 2018 07:20:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2823706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:sad: Later when I have more time I will write more. </p>