https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 09:58:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796748 Fri, 12 Jan 2018 23:27:42 +0000 lamariniere 2796748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s fine. As long as invites are given privately, most other kids and parents probably won’t even be aware that they weren’t invited. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796472 Thu, 11 Jan 2018 20:06:04 +0000 chopsuey 2796472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>picking and choosing friends to invite is fine. a lot of kids did girl/boy only parties in kindergarten last year.. and this year too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796463 Thu, 11 Jan 2018 19:28:51 +0000 erinbaderin 2796463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eminthevalley: I think there are 24 in B’s class. I definitely wouldn’t do that many to a house party but we booked an indoor playground that lets us have up to 65 people (kids and adults) plus I knew not everybody would come.</p> <p>I also recently had my neighbour tell me a story that one of their classmates was telling her son about her birthday party, which he wasn’t invited to, and he was really hurt because he said she was one of his best friends and all the other kids he considered best friends were invited. They’re all just turning four so they don’t understand how these things work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796428 Thu, 11 Jan 2018 16:52:12 +0000 skipra 2796428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eminthevalley: That sounds like a really large preschool class! My 5 year old has 12-14 kids, I don't know exactly how many but less than half of yours. </p> <p>I definitely saw it spends on how many kids are invited vs. not and the type of party. 5 out of 15 for an at home party is no big deal but 10 out of 15 for a bounce house type party would be kind of mean. Or if you invite all the boys or girls except 1 or 2 is kind of mean too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796426 Thu, 11 Jan 2018 16:37:36 +0000 Eminthevalley 2796426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: @hilsy85: are we maybe talking about different class sizes? My twins have 31 kids in their preschool class. My house can’t handle that many and I can’t imagine inviting that many to any public place either. Conversely I’m quite happy that they aren’t invited to all classmates’ parties as that would mean 29 parties to attend and 58 gifts to buy 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2796061 Wed, 10 Jan 2018 12:00:54 +0000 hilsy85 2796061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eminthevalley: people feel the need to do this because kids discuss parties at school, and kids who weren't invited can feel left out, particularly, if it is a small number that weren't invited. </p> <p>Generally, I think it's appropriate to invite the whole class, or all the boys/girls. If you are just inviting a few, I would do three or less from the class--any more and I think it starts to become exclusionary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795948 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 18:07:09 +0000 ElbieKay 2795948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My rule of thumb is that you either invite less than half of a group OR the whole group. If you invite more than half then it starts to look like you are singling some kids out. Less than half means you are specifically choosing the more important people to you.</p> <p>So in your situation I would make sure that less than half the girls are invited, or invite all of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795946 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:59:15 +0000 erinbaderin 2795946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Eminthevalley: Personally, I don’t necessarily feel like I NEED to, and last year we didn’t. But this year we booked at a play place that doesn’t charge by the kid so figured the only downside to inviting the whole class is paying for extra treat bags. I absolutely understand if somebody doesn’t, although to be honest I would still probably feel a little bit of sadness if my son wasn’t invited, just out of worry that he’d hear about it and feel left out. But as a parent it’s my job to manage that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795933 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:18:03 +0000 misolee 2795933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea. My daughter turned five like a month into school. We invited mostly from her old class (her friends she knew well) and only two from her current class. No biggie. </p> <p>Invite whoever she wants. Unless you’re specifically not inviting just one girl and the whole class. Our school doesn’t have the invite the whole class rule. Their only rule is if you’re passing anything out in their backpacks, you have to do the whole class. But we do emails :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795932 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 17:11:42 +0000 Eminthevalley 2795932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just don't get the whole need to invite the whole class thing. If I were hosting my own birthday party, I wouldn't feel obligated to invite all 25 of my coworkers, so why does anyone feel this need for kids? We do the limit by age thing and tell them to choose 5 kids to invite. It's my house and I'm not at all comfortable to have a large group of kids + parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795909 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 16:02:02 +0000 BlueWolverine 2795909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Luckily, we have an evite culture at the school - evite sent to parents. Parents decide. I don't even tell DD if we get an invite that we can't go to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795892 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 15:46:18 +0000 Truth Bombs 2795892@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BlueWolverine: The only caveat I would add is not to hand out the invitation at school. Mail them directly to the children's home. We've never invited the whole class to my kid's parties, but we always mail the invitation so as not to make anyone feel left out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795860 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 14:50:45 +0000 BlueWolverine 2795860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everyone. You have all pretty much backed up my initial reaction - it's her party, she invites who she wants. I never wanted a party with all of them; that's so many kids. So many.</p> <p>We'll bring cupcakes for everyone on her actual birthday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795815 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 13:55:25 +0000 Ajsmommy 2795815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say let her invite who she wants. I really don't like the rule that everyone has to be invited if one is... my friends daughters daycare has that rule. </p> <p>My dd invited 6 of her friends from school, both boys and girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795804 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 13:12:23 +0000 looch 2795804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, my son was very particular about who he invited to his party this year, at first it was just boys, and then he added some girls, and some boys from his class the prior year. There has been zero fall out from it. If any kid has had an issue with hearing about it and not being invited, no parent has approached me on it and I've gotten confirmation from other parents that this is starting to be the case, that kids are not wanting to invite the whole class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795780 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 12:44:07 +0000 Becky 2795780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only invite who my daughter wants there. I wouldn’t want there to be kids around her on her special day who made her feel uncomfortable or who she wasn’t close with. I did have to make a few suggestions this year because we were doing a party package which included 7 other kids and she had only mentioned 4 or 5, but when I started making the other suggestions she was very “Oh, yeah! Let’s invite her!” It is also really expensive to have bday parties and I’m sure the other parents would understand, especially if you’re inviting like 6 out of 12 girls (and not 10 or 11 out of 12, leaving one or two out), agreeing with marym. I definitely agree that all kids are going to be excluded at some point. I started having sleepover bday parties every year in first or second grade which was probably 6 girls, in a classroom of probably 10-12 girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795775 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 12:40:04 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2795775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I say only invite the friends that your daughter wants to attend her party! </p> <p>I think this idea of having to invite the whole class is a bit ridiculous to be honest. The kids will naturally form friendships as we all do in life so no need to force it. Plus as a parent I would rather be spared having to buy gifts for classmates that my child is not friends with :wink: </p> <p>I understand wanting to be inclusive. Can you bring treats to school so she can celebrate with her whole class that way? (I know our daycare has some rules around what you can bring so might not be an option). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795773 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 12:36:31 +0000 erinbaderin 2795773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it’s fine for her to only invite a few, but make sure you talk to her about not talking about it at school so as not to make the other kids feel bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795767 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 12:00:50 +0000 MaryM 2795767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if you're only inviting a few, that's fine. That's your (and DD's) decision. </p> <p>If you're inviting all but one, that would be another story. </p> <p>At some point, kids have to learn that not everything in life has to be equal... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795766 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 12:00:06 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2795766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some of my close friends who have an 8, 7, and 4 year old have a family rule that they can invite the same number of kids as their age. Is that something you would be interested in doing? She is turning 5, so she can invite 5 friends to the party? I will note that they also do a family party with family friends where the parents decided who to invite. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dd-doesnt-want-to-invite-all-of-her-school-friends-to-birthday#post-2795763 Tue, 09 Jan 2018 11:53:57 +0000 BlueWolverine 2795763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD turns five this month and we're having a smallish party at our house. We're going pretty low key, having some cake and a bounce house. We've never done the big, whole class birthday party (though we have certainly attended a few).</p> <p>When I asked DD if she wanted to invite her class, she said only the girls (which some other parents have done). Then she said only a few of the girls. We asked her teacher, and she said do whatever - there's no obligation to invite anyone.</p> <p>One of the girls she especially doesn't want to come "is always telling me what to do." I'm inviting a different girl because I really like her parents (hah). I'm worried about the others, though. I don't want to force my kid to have people at her party that she doesn't like, but I also don't want any of the girls to feel bad. </p> <p>Thoughts? </p>