Hellobee Boards Topic: dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops

Hellobee Boards Topic: dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 22:21:50 +0000 nana87 on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810327 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 13:55:31 +0000 nana87 2810327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Lo1 has had some really "big feelings" and tantrums lately where she just flips out of control. Our daycare has this book called "sometimes I'm bombaloo" that we got too because it really resonated with her--it's great! I try (and don't always succeed...) to be super calm when she's flipping out and focus on articulating her feelings, like "i understand that you're really frustrated/sad/angry when xyz..." and also sometimes "hmm you're having some really big feelings. are your big feelings scaring you a little? do you want to snuggle?" sometimes just getting her to recognize and name her emotions help her snap out of it. (and other times I totally fail and yell, and then sometimes that seems to snap her out of it too, or sometimes that makes it worse...because you know, these kids are so predictable...not...) jape14 on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810261 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:42:56 +0000 jape14 2810261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ First of all, I love your title because you're so right that the 2-4yo age is so tough when impulse control isn't developed yet, but they're physically and emotionally capable of being quite destructive. I'm an academic researcher in self-regulation (but in adolescents/adults, not young children) and a famous researcher in my field loves to use the analogy of a car where the gas pedal works but the braking system isn't super reliable. For books, I've found "how to talk so little kids will listen..." to be extremely helpful in giving me specific phrases that are easy to remember and are good at cutting through the emotionally charged situations to connect with my 3yo. So if you haven't read that one yet I would highly recommend it! For parenting books about helping to develop self-regulation/emotion regulation/impulse control, I loved and can recommend "Self-Reg" by Stuart Shanker, "No-Drama Discipline" by Daniel Siegel, and "The Whole-Brain Child" also by Daniel Siegel. The other thing you've noted is that it's really hard for kids to use any burgeoning impulse control skills when they are also tired or hungry. AND for me, I'm also hungry/tired around 4-6pm so that doesn't help matters any. So I make certain that we both have a good snack sometime in the 4 o'clock hour - even if dinner is slightly puny as a result - to avoid any hangry behavior/reactions. Often my son will say he's not hungry but if I leave a snack for him or if sees me eating something he suddenly gobbles it up. I try for something with protein/fat in addition to carbs to get us through to dinner - his fave is a combo of peanuts and raisins but we also do peanut butter crackers/peanut butter on apples, a babybel cheese, or even a yogurt. bhbee on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810189 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 04:41:16 +0000 bhbee 2810189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @MrsADS: I am with you both! We very rarely have problems away from home so I know there’s an element of being comfortable enough to let it all out at home. I know I need to work on connection/calm down time too. We’ve had a rough few months of me being first tri sick / flu sick / etc and I’m also struggling by that time of day which doesn’t help! bhbee on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810188 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 04:32:39 +0000 bhbee 2810188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @ChiCalGoBee: I like this idea! In my cart! ChiCalGoBee on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810184 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 23:05:57 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2810184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @bhbee: I feel you. My husband bought this book and has been doing some of the breathing with our son (almost 3.5). It does not work every time, but more often than not it helps stop the tantrum/throwing of things/exhaustion/frustration and gets him to refocus. My husband will say, "Can you do 10 candle breaths? Can you do 10 bear breaths?" and that redirection/pause can diffuse the frustration for him. Not sure if this is what you're looking for but we like how it's helping in our house so far! Good luck! Book: Breathe Like a Bear (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Breathe-Like-Bear-Mindful-Anywhere/dp/1623368839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521173189&sr=8-1&keywords=breathe+like+a+bear" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Breathe-Like-Bear-Mindful-Anywhere/dp/1623368839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1521173189&sr=8-1&keywords=breathe+like+a+bear</a>) MrsADS on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810180 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 21:19:24 +0000 MrsADS 2810180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @silva totally this - a combo of exhausted and holding it together all day (school says my son is wonderful, super happy, never cries). And as soon as he gets home, he falls apart. I'm hoping maybe it will improve as he gets older. It's not a fun way to end every day, that's for sure. Silva on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810177 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 21:07:32 +0000 Silva 2810177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We struggled with this during my daughters first year of preschool. She was there two days a week and it exhausted her and led to total meltdowns at home. Surprisingly the best intervention was engaging with her in gross motor play for a little while. I’d give her a snack on the way home. Then we’d immediately go swing or run around. If it was snowy outside (instead of spending fifteen minutes trying to get her dressed) I set up little obstacle courses inside and timed her. We’d do this for maybe 20 minutes and then I’d have her listen to an audio story on the couch while I made dinner. It worked better than anything else. It’s hard- I remember thinking “I know she needs something from me but I don’t know what it is.” She was exhausted and I think had a lot of tension from holding it together all day at school. Also fast, easy dinners and she’d often be asleep by 6:30. She got older and can handle it better now! MrsADS on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810165 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 20:30:59 +0000 MrsADS 2810165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Following. My 2.5yo is also like this when he gets tired (aka every day when he gets home from daycare and often other times - he's really high sleep needs). Like tonight he literally cried almost nonstop and/or tantrumed from 4:30 until bedtime at 6:45. It was HORRIBLE. I don't even know what to do in terms of discipline vs. giving in to some minor battles because he's SO upset. And it's clear to me that he's just out of control with his emotions/behavior because he's so overtired. He literally can't control himself. Like tonight he had a little plastic cup of Goldfish leftover from afternoon snack at school, and he got upset about something trivial and threw the Goldfish all over the floor and crushed the cup and threw it, and just immediately fell to the floor crying his eyes out. I don't know what to do. I just told him I can't let you throw things, and picked it up, and kind of just let it go. Or stuff like he wants us to sit a certain place while we eat or read books and if we don't he just becomes hysterical (again, because he's overtired). So - do I give in or dig in my heels? IDK. So... no tips, but I feel you. bhbee on "dealing with lack of impulse control until it develops" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/dealing-with-lack-of-impulse-control-until-it-develops#post-2810156 Thu, 15 Mar 2018 20:03:43 +0000 bhbee 2810156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ when my 3 year old starts to get tired (a few hours before bedtime) he loses all self control. consequences don't seem to matter, I assume because he isn't developmentally capable of thinking ahead like that. I can deal with him making a mess, but there's a lot of hurting people, throwing things in dangerous ways, etc. if you have/had this problem, how do you deal with it? I'd love to have a consistent response but just don't have it figured out. I know part of it is time . . . but hoping for some words of wisdom! I already feel stretched to have the energy to deal with this (I SAH and solo through bedtime a lot during the week) and we're having #3 this summer which will make it even harder to be able to focus on it. also would love any recommendations for books or discipline methods that might help. thanks!!