https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 06 May 2026 20:52:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1822595 Tue, 19 Aug 2014 02:42:45 +0000 sunshinemama 1822595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in a pretty low/middle income range as it is and I had anticipated taking about 6 months off, but I ended up quitting my job when baby Z was 3 months old. I knew I wasn't going back because I can't really imagine anyone else spending the time that I do with her. </p> <p>Leaving your kids for a difference of $400 would be super frustrating to me, so maybe you could find some at home income to make some of it up. I do online surveys, I coupon, Etsy, anything? Maybe could help make up the difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1822464 Mon, 18 Aug 2014 21:05:11 +0000 jedeve 1822464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I have no idea what I'm going to do! My maternity leave is up in a month. My organization has gone through major transitions in the last year, most of which bad (bad staffing decisions mainly). It's been very frustrating. I've been putting in the majority of our work with little credit. So I'm not looking forward to going back to that situation. </p> <p>The pluses are that it's a good job, very flexible, I work three days a week, I work on issues I'm passionate about, and it's challenging. It also pays well for my location. </p> <p>But after having number two, I just haven't wanted to go back. I feel like I already don't get as much time with my second and my first is fun to be around. But I feel it's selfish to not want to go back because I don't like my job and that I should just look for a different one. But I feel if I'm gonna quit, I should just stay at home. </p> <p>Money sucks no matter what. I make $1600 a month. Daycare would cost bout $1000 to $1200 for two. Which means I would only bring home $400. But it's not like we can just cut $400 from our budget easily anyway. </p> <p>Gah someone tell me what to do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1790198 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 17:14:54 +0000 gingerbebe 1790198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am looking at taking a year off. My job allows a 1 year leave of absence and DH and I want to see if I enjoy being a SAHM. Its something I've always said I wanted to do, but because I've always worked and because I'm an attorney, DH wonders if I'll have enough mental stimulation at home with the baby all day.<br /> If I hate it, I can always go back to work (and I can start earlier if I want to). If I love it, a year at home will show us how to handle the financial realities of being a single income family on a more permanent basis.</p> <p>A serious consideration on whether I return to work after a year is student loans. We have 2 sets of law school loans and have worked really hard the last few years to pay as much of it down as we can. We live on something like 30% of our income, live in a cheap rental, put minimal amounts towards our retirement, and throw everything extra at the loans. So in reality, we've never lived on my income. That means if we pull back our payments to just the minimum balances, we can live on DH's salary just fine. BUT I don't know what it will mean for our long-term savings goals, homebuying, etc. And at the very least, it will mean those loans will linger over our heads for a really long time, which we do not want. If money is an issue, I can always come back to work part time. We have a lot of moms here working 3 days a week, and that allows them to keep their benefits too, so I could probably do something like that.</p> <p>Another consideration in staying home for a year is baby getting sick. I realize children getting sick is inevitable, but the majority of the attorneys I work with are mothers and that first year is just brutal on them with the daycare viruses. The baby is sick constantly, the parents are either stressed, sleep-deprived, or sick themselves, and they are missing work constantly. This means the other attorneys, like me, are always covering for them. I don't mind helping my colleagues out, but if I can avoid bringing that cycle of doom on myself and others, I'd like to - at least while the baby is really young. I think I would feel better starting LO in daycare, if necessary, at 12 months than 2 or 3. My MIL, who's run a daycare for decades, agrees that if we can keep the baby home for a year, he will be a lot better off.</p> <p>A final, more sentimental consideration is that it took us 3 years to have this baby and he was basically a fluke/miracle conception. And this pregnancy has been HARD. So its very possible he might be my only natural born child and this may be my only newborn infant experience. We are totally happy to adopt our next child, but we realize the experiences will be different and we both want to maximize this experience if its the only chance we get.</p> <p>As my due date looms closer, I AM worried about having social connections and am trying to find some more SAHMs at my church to connect with and possibly have coffee or playdates with so that I wont become socially awkard. I'm actually quite happy to be a hermit, since I'm an introvert, but I fear I'll become some Shrek-like creature who wont know how to interact with humans properly if I don't force myself to go out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1790120 Wed, 30 Jul 2014 16:20:45 +0000 littlek 1790120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: suburb of DC </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1788143 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 20:48:46 +0000 immabeetoo 1788143@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also adding that I underestimated the effort required to gather friends and get going in social circles as a SAHM. I don't regret it but it did take some time to network and make nice before I made friends! I feel like it's pRt of my job to get LO with other kids at least 4 days a week - something I didn't think about beforehand.</p> <p>I do find more enjoyment out of my hobby and part time work in a sewing blog- it's my hold to a non mom identity :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1788139 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 20:45:45 +0000 immabeetoo 1788139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: I don't know how helpful it is; we knew I was going to SAH from the time we were married so we lived solely off his income until I was pregnant (3 years). </p> <p>I think it's important to remember nothing is permanent. I stay in touch and volunteer in my field despite having no intention of going back in the next five years. Also, that newborn days are hard for almost everyone. I would've happily gone back to work in the eArly days haha!! But I'm glad I didn't and I absolutely loved staying at home once he hit 6 months ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1788073 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 20:03:59 +0000 skipra 1788073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to SAH but planned to return to work because I made significantly more than DH and we didn't think we could afford for me to quit. I was set to return when DS was almost 4 months and we found out at his appointment that he was not gaining enough weight. He totally fell off the growth chart and it was wintertime so we were really concerned with him getting sick. My plans changed to only working 3 days with my mom watching him but ultimately it was short lived because he refused the bottle and we couldn't afford for him to lose any weight during the adjustment period. My boss was awesome and put me on extended leave and we were discussing my return when the company did cuts and I got laid off. Then I got pregnant again so we just decided that I would wait to find a new job. Ideally I would like to work a couple days a week, for both the financial reasons and my sanity. I won't lie, money has been really tight especially since we had to move once we found out we were expecting again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1788025 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 19:31:10 +0000 littlecasita1122 1788025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: Since I was home for his first 18 months, I definitely don't feel like I missed out on any milestones - I was there for the first steps, first words and everything else. For our next LO, I would like to stay at home for at least the first year but I'm not sure if we can swing that financially anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1787236 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 12:49:09 +0000 MrsD2442 1787236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlek: Whoa! That is really high. Do you mind if I ask where you live?</p> <p>@looch: I totally understand about the "all the eggs in one basket" thing. I am worried about that too. Thanks for your input! Two salaries are definitely better than one, regardless of childcare expenses. </p> <p>@littlecasita1122: I am lucky because I work for my family's business so I would be able to go back to work quite easily (I imagine..) and I'm hoping that part time work would be an option (half days or only a few days a week). Do you ever worry you're missing milestones with your LO?</p> <p>@catomd00: I'm worried about feeling that way once we have a LO, and to be honest, I already know I'll have a hard time going back to work. The college student seems like an amazing deal! Where are you from?</p> <p>@twoofeverything: Wow twins!! I'm probably crazy, but I always wanted twins. Thanks for being honest about hard days and the warning about losing your identity and keeping up appearances. I can only imagine, especially with twins! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1786633 Tue, 29 Jul 2014 09:15:56 +0000 catomd00 1786633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: As for childcare expenses...</p> <p>We currently have a college student sitting (4 days/week) and we pay her $1000/month. She's a STEAL! </p> <p>Home daycare is $200/week (the range in our area is $175-350/week)</p> <p>Centers in our area cost on average $350-500/month for an infant full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785879 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:34:48 +0000 Tidybee 1785879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: as an infant, 1400/month for daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785857 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:22:59 +0000 twoofeverything 1785857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So for us, the decision came the same day we learned it was twins. I am a teacher and make around 40K...two infants in daycare would essentially equal my monthly salary. It was a pretty easy decision, because I knew I wanted to stay home ...it wouldn't have made financial sense with a singleton, so in that sense, we kinda scored when it was twins.<br /> Financially, it has been tricky. We ended up selling our home and moving to a larger/nicer home that was in a cheaper/slightly more blue-collar area. We also tried hacking it with one car, which just didn't work, unfortunately . We've our best to trim monthly expenses, and I rarely buy anything for myself. 401k loans have definitely factored into everything...we basically know we are taking a huge financial hit until they enter kindergarten, when I will go back to work part-time and hopefully get us back on track.<br /> The emotional adjustment to being a SAHM has honestly been tough. Truthfully, I've just started feeling confident at it...and my guys are almost 2! Hard days are reeeeeeeally hard. I definitely recommend finding friends whatever way you can, getting out every day, and finding time to do things just for you. As a SAHM, it's easy to lose your identity and stop taking care of yourself! Also, it has helped DH and I to handle money and budgeting together....for awhile, he made and managed all the money , and that didn't really work for us!<br /> Good luck on your journey! It isn't easy all the time, but I honestly can't imagine life any other way :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785830 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:06:48 +0000 catomd00 1785830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not a SAHM but I did reduce my hours at work to part-time, so hope you don't mind me weighing in! :) I planned to go back to work full time (I never saw myself being able to be a SAHM) but once she arrived, the thought of leaving her killed me. I still loved my job and my husband job doesn't have good health insurance, so we still needed me to work for the benefits. At first I thought it would be temporary (maybe for the first year or so), but considering we are planning to have more children fairly close in age, it just made sense that it would be permanent. It's really been the best of both worlds. I get to go to work and exercise my mind and do what I love, but also get to spend extra time with my daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785766 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 19:08:25 +0000 littlecasita1122 1785766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a SAHM for 18 months and then went back to work part-time, so my son's been in daycare for about 7 months now. We decided before TTC that I would stay home - something I always wanted to do because that's how I was raised. A few months before I got pregnant, we started putting my salary into savings to make sure we could still live comfortably on just my husband's paycheck, so that helped us figure out things financially and build a bit of a nest egg. </p> <p>I don't regret staying home with my son one bit - I loved being a SAHM but now I love working part-time out of the home even more. It's a great balance for us. However I did have to take a big career step backwards with working part-time, but I'm okay with this. It also took me several months to find a part-time job that wasn't just weekend/weeknight hours and payed well enough to make it worth it to pay for daycare costs. Just a few things to consider if you do want to get back into the workforce eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785618 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 16:54:38 +0000 looch 1785618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am not sure if I would classify myself as a successful SAHM, I worked for 14 years, stayed home for 2 and have been back at work a year and a half.</p> <p>At the end of the day, for me, at least, it boils down to money and time. If I work, I have money, but not time. If i am home, i have time, but not money. I am also very cautious about putting all my eggs in one financial basket, a large part of why I returned to work was to ease the burden on my husband. He never complained and encouraged me to stay home, but I felt we spread the risk around if we had two salaries.</p> <p>My son is fine either way, he thrived when I was home, but the socialization he gets from part time care is beyond what I was trained to provide.</p> <p>Good luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785592 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 16:30:14 +0000 littlek 1785592@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsD2442: for two kids in daycare, $4k a month </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785585 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 16:25:42 +0000 MrsD2442 1785585@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was so unbelievably helpful! Thank you all so much. I felt like I was the only one who is so anxious to quit my job and raise a family! We are planning to begin TTC this fall and I am so excited! Would anyone be willing to say how much childcare cost them per month? Maybe just a ballpark number? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785507 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 15:11:09 +0000 illumina 1785507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always hoped I would be able to be a SAHM. Although I have a University degree and had a pretty decent job, earning almost the same as DH...I am just not a career person. I hated going in to work and couldn't wait for the day when I got to quit to raise kids! DH and I talked about it in the early days...how much he would have to make, how feasible it would be etc. we did the sums and figured out when we would be able to TTC.</p> <p>I guess I will go back to work at some point in the future, when my youngest LO starts pre-school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785377 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 14:07:45 +0000 Foodnerd81 1785377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always planned to be a SAHM, as long as we could make ends meet without really struggling. We talked about it before even getting married, and that factored into our timing for TTC. I was starting to get really burnt out with my job by the time we started TTC (I had been in roughly the same job for about 5 years by then) but decided not to look for something else since I knew I'd be leaving soon-- which I know really could have backfired if TTC took a long time! </p> <p>Childcare is crazy expensive in MA, so most of my take home pay would have gone to day care, and I didn't feel passionate about my job that I cared about stepping away from it for several years. Me being home makes a lot of things easier for both of us-- DH works longer, unpredictable hours, so it would have been really difficult to share drop off or pick up, and he travels occasionally for work without a lot of notice. I am able to take care of everything at home, do the shopping and errands, and obviously stay with the baby when he travels. </p> <p>But for us, really, the biggest thing was that I really, really, wanted to stay home. C is 1 and I plan to stay home until our (future) second baby is at least 3 or 4, so a while. I don't know how I will re-enter the work force then and I not so secretly hope that DH gets a huge raise and it's not an issue, but I'll be realistic and assume I will work in some compacity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785282 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 13:27:32 +0000 littlek 1785282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as @sandy I have been working for awhile. Almost 10 years before becoming a SAHM. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785281 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 13:26:33 +0000 littlek 1785281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just recently became a SAHM. My LO is 2 years old. My job made a lot more than daycare but my husband does very well, so we didn't need my salary to afford our lifestyle. I became a SAHM, because LO was struggling in daycare and I was struggling balancing work and home life. My husband works about 80 hours a week and I was working 55 to 60. Staying home so far has been an easy adjustment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785269 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 13:21:10 +0000 sandy 1785269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never thought I'd be a SAHM but once we decided to start TTC I just really felt like I wanted to be at home with our kids while they were little. I got married later and we waited to have kids so I had been working for 7+ years as an attorney and was just burnt out...so it was easy to walk away from my job. So we made a lot of big life decisions on the fact that I would be a SAHM once we had kids. We bought a house in the suburbs closer to DH's office and closer to our family...we would have loved to buy a house in the city but we wanted to be comfortable living off of 1 salary. We saved my income for 2 years to get used to living on just DH's income so it wouldn't be such an adjustment when I left my job. Everyone told me I would be so bored at home and miss the mental stimulation of being at work but it's been almost 3 years since I quit to SAH with my LO and I love it and don't miss work 99% of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785209 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:54:31 +0000 Tidybee 1785209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was a WOHM until DD was 13 months and then due to DH's new job and our resulting move, I decided to be a SAHM. I am actually glad DD was in daycare during her first year. I wasn't quite ready to leave my job for various reasons, and frankly, I think I would have been totally bored at home and/or feeling guilty about DD not doing much.<br /> Financial concerns -- We are pretty good about living within our means. I didn't make much after taking out daycare expenses, so we weren't that concerned with the finances. We were paying so much for daycare that it almost made sense for me not to work.<br /> I did consider commuting 90 minutes to my job as they really wanted me to stay. When I told one of my coworkers (an older mom) about my dilemma, she said if I had the chance to SAHM now, do it. I won't get this time back. She also said something pretty direct which has stuck with me. She said -- "you had the kid. You raise it." I knew I agreed with her...but of course don't judge anyone else. For me, we had a really hard TTC journey and all I wanted to be was a mom. I didn't want to lose any more time with my DD. I'm really happy with my choice and I'm hoping for it to be somewhat permanent. I love doing things with her (and hopefully more kids down the line), and as she gets older, I want to be the one who greets her when she gets home from school. Who knows what will happen. Maybe in a year I'll feel completely different. But for now, I really couldn't be happier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785187 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:46:58 +0000 kml636 1785187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>favoriting because I have to decide too... Work 2 days a week or be a SAHM? I'm just overwhelmed at the thought of getting child care for two. I have 11 weeks to figure it out... sigh... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785179 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:46:01 +0000 fairy 1785179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been a SAHM for 14 months now, decided to do it when I was pregnant. I wasn't super attached to my job and I had been out of work for 6 months before I got pregnant/part of early pregnancy and so we knew that we could live off my husband's salary. I took into consideration the cost of childcare if I went back to work and how much I would actually bring home after paying for childcare (wasn't worth it to me). And I knew that I would have a really hard time leaving my daughter, I don't think I would have been a very good worker because leaving her would just make me depressed and thinking about her all the time :/ so I really wanted to avoid that. 2 weeks after DD was born, my husband took a higher paying job, and when she was about 7 months old, I started an at-home business with a friend, so I am hoping that I can work from home indefinitely and we are considering homeschooling and having me stay home for even longer. It is what works out best for us and I love being a sahm. To be honest there was an adjustment period where I needed to get used to the lack of appreciation/acknowledgement for what I do all day and getting my husband and I to think of it as "our money" vs him paying for everything, but things worked out :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785142 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:33:12 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1785142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was pretty miserable in my job while I was pregnant and had been looking for another job, but didn't find anything I was willing to jump ship for. DH and I looked at our finances and determined that we could afford for me to stay at home for about a year without having to make any major adjustments to our living situation and without taking a huge hit to our long-term financial goals. </p> <p>Some financial things we looked at:<br /> We had 6 months+ of living expenses in our joint savings and I had enough money in my personal account to cover "entertainment" costs for me for awhile so that I could occasionally do things like meet friends for lunch or take LO to the zoo. We also had enough wiggle room in our budget to be able to continue to contribute to our IRA and/or LO's college fund, though not very much. The biggest increase in costs that we anticipated was health insurance. The biggest increase in costs that we did not anticipate was our electric bill. It went up significantly since LO and I were at the house and running the AC during the day.</p> <p>We made the decision when LO was born that I would quit my job and start looking for a new job when LO was 6 months old. This would give me 6 months or so to find a job that would be a good fit. The job search went quicker than anticipated and I went back to work when LO was 8 months. </p> <p>While I do wish that I had been able to stay home longer, going back to work was the right choice for our family at the time. Good luck and I'm sure you guys will make the right decision for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-a-sahm#post-1785094 Mon, 28 Jul 2014 12:10:48 +0000 MrsD2442 1785094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I believe that when it comes time, I will be a SAHM for at least 6 months, if not permanently. For those of you who are SAHMs or considered becoming one, what did you take into consideration? When did you decide that you would be a SAHM (before pregnancy, during pregnancy, after birth)? What were your financial concerns and how did you feel comfortable with your decision? What impacted your decision? Was it a permanent one? If not, when did you go back to work? </p> <p>Ok, sorry for all of the questions, but this has been weighing on my mind and I'd like to hear from some successful SAHMs. Any feedback would be helpful! </p>