https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 00:24:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2884346 Mon, 13 May 2019 23:35:02 +0000 agold 2884346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for responding and helping me sort out my feelings on this. I can agree with you all on just about everything. I think we are holding off on the snip for a bit longer, but really close to feeling final about stopping at 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2884342 Mon, 13 May 2019 21:35:21 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2884342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This past year we went through the whole "stay at 2 or go for 3" and went back and forth. Finally we sat down and hashed it all out (actually during a layover at an airport, the only time we have to have such a complex conversation!). We decided that we were more interested in reliving a phase vs. actually adding another person to our family. So, no third. For six months after that I still went back and forth. But then we hit a hard patch (expenses, extracurriculars, work, etc.) and I kept thinking how glad I was to not be pregnant or have a third. Right now I honestly feel like I'm just running through my days without really experiencing anything....I could use more time to just soak up my kids in this phase. Plus my youngest is four and we can do really fun stuff, like let them play outside with less direct supervision, go on big extended family campouts and hike trips where the kids sort of band together, go kayaking as a family, longer hikes, extended road trips, etc....the idea of putting big kid stuff off for another 3+ years is unappealing to me now. Plus I've started developing some new goals. Secretly I have a hard time imagining what my trajectory will be once my youngest is in school so having a third was a way to temporarily relieve that anxiety. But that's not a reason to add another person to our family and I need to trust that I will find other things to dig into as my kids become more independent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883890 Thu, 09 May 2019 13:01:42 +0000 graceandjoy 2883890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: Can't agree more, everything is IN THEORY lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883885 Thu, 09 May 2019 12:43:04 +0000 Ajsmommy 2883885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through this after lo1 and then we had secondary infertility so we did treatments and they got to be too much (physically, mentally, emotionally and financially) so we decided to stop. It took me a while to get to that point but once I did I felt oddly fine with it. It happened for me when I was talking to one friend who asked me if I was happy... in that moment with DH and LO1 and I was... That's when I decided we were done even though I wanted one more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883878 Thu, 09 May 2019 12:21:44 +0000 Iced Tea 2883878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: I like what you said about really just wanting to relive the moments. I think it's the same for me as well. </p> <p>I've looked through pictures a lot lately and I love seeing their cuteness and cleverness, but I ALSO see how freakin' miserable I was as a pregnant lady with hyperemesis (had it both times!). That brings me back to reality real quick. I'm pale as a ghost and exhausted in almost every picture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883857 Thu, 09 May 2019 11:03:24 +0000 psw27 2883857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want one more. DH wants one more. But the rational side of me is like, we are drowning now so why would we add to the craziness of life... We can sort of afford it (daycare. woof.) and we have the space in our house. But I feel so tired and like a sh*t mom to my 2 that I already have because of work and long commutes that I don't know how I would handle it. I think if we had a third I'd need to seriously think about quitting my job for a while and that isn't really an option or a desire (Where are these elusive amazing part time jobs?!). We just aren't there yet so the waiting game continues. My youngest is 2 and I'm 36 so we probably need to decide soon. My heart and head have 2 different discussions on a daily basis. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883856 Thu, 09 May 2019 11:00:55 +0000 crazydoglady 2883856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883855 Thu, 09 May 2019 10:53:27 +0000 crazydoglady 2883855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsrain: This is me exactly.</p> <p> I always envisioned myself with 3 children, but I just can't do it again. Getting pregnant both times was difficult and heartbreaking, and I just don't think I could do it again. I also get really bad morning sickness and don't enjoy pregnancy.<br /> More importantly, DH isn't willing and has never been willing to have a 3rd (he expressed that when we first started dating.) He knows his limits. There is a part of me that is sad since my daughter is 8 months old now and not the teeny tiny baby. The part of me that wants another baby really just wants to relive the moments that I think I took for granted because I was too tired/frustrated/exhausted. It's the part of me that wishes I had studied their tiny faces more while I nursed instead of looking at my phone, reading, or watching tv. It's the part of me that still listens to the "enjoy every moment" platitude. I know I studied their faces, I just wish I had done it "more." The thing is, I don't love the baby phase. I love babies and I specifically love my children, but I don't love the shift in my role or the overwhelming dependency on me. </p> <p>Anyway, we've taken permanent measures, so that chapter is done, I am trying to focus on where we are headed vs what we are leaving behind and it's a little exciting to plan what we envision for our family. I have to keep reminding myself that whether you have one child or twelve, there will be always be the last baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883849 Thu, 09 May 2019 10:40:11 +0000 SweetiePie 2883849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Yes all of this. We have both said in THEORY we like the idea of a third child. But the thought of going “backwards” once again and doing the baby stage all over. We just don’t have it in us. We like that attention we are able to give 2. We like the man-to-man coverage of two.<br /> We also have another pgd “normal” embryo so it’s been especially difficult for me. It was so unlikely we’d have a 2nd and now to know we actually have a third good embryo makes me feel like it was meant to be (kinda). But again. We’re at 14 months with our 2nd and I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel of this infant/baby stage and the idea of things getting easier again feels like such a relief. For example, we’re traveling right now with only the 4.5yo and it’s so easy. It’s so much harder with the 14mo! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883815 Thu, 09 May 2019 08:57:25 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2883815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want one more ( I have one) but DH and I compromised before we were married on 1. And then 1 was very hard to have,..IVF, Micropreemie. So I use those things to justify but I still wish I had two. But there are lots of benefits to just having one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883787 Thu, 09 May 2019 07:58:43 +0000 periwinklebee 2883787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I only have one now, so the 2-3 decision feels a bit premature, but I expect it's very unlikely we'll ultimately try for a third, even though I initially liked the idea of a 3rd. Two main reasons are that we don't have family nearby (raising kids w/o family support is HARD) and I'm already AMA. LO is 15 months, still BF, and I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy with a young toddler is already killing me, and realistically if I wanted a 3rd I'd need to start trying as soon as I got my period back from the second. If I was 28 and lived near retired grandparents, I think I'd feel very differently. But realistically, I'm 36 and my parents work 2000 miles away, and I just don't know how we'd logistically handle 3 young kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more/page/2#post-2883732 Wed, 08 May 2019 14:23:21 +0000 LCTBQE 2883732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: we’ve talked about this before, but samesies re everything. I feel a little disappointed in myself, but kind of like @DesertDreams88: said, idea sounds great but in reality: the money and time and energy required I think would spread me thin to the point of breaking, plus my husband and I both really dislike living in chaos and disorder, not to mention the pregnancy. I do feel a lot lighter knowing that I never have to worry about the whole scary world of ttc/pregnancy/newborn days again. But then deep down I think that only two is a tiny bit sad. So, solidarity. </p> <p>@Shantuck: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883731 Wed, 08 May 2019 14:22:20 +0000 cyoung 2883731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I'm pregnant with number 3 right now and the thought that this baby will be our last makes me very sad. In a perfect world I would a bunch of kids. I love kids so much! My children make me so happy. However I'm afraid DH and I will get spread too thin and not be able to be there for each child. I dont want my kids "getting lost" I was the oldest of 4 and even some of us felt lost at times. Also for money reasons. My husband wanted to stop at 3 but left it up to me. I've been really thinking a lot lately and the other day I told him we will be officially done once this baby gets here safely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883727 Wed, 08 May 2019 13:58:47 +0000 Calibee 2883727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Right there with you! I love a snuggly baby. Once they start getting mobile and having opinions, I’m ready to trade for a new newborn :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883710 Wed, 08 May 2019 12:50:54 +0000 Littlebit7 2883710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think if all of these things were met I'd want a third child:<br /> -low cost of living area<br /> -living near family<br /> -husband working more traditional hours and not traveling as much</p> <p>Where our life is (and none of this will change except perhaps my husbands job demands):<br /> -high cost of living area<br /> -far from family<br /> -husband travels 90% of the year </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883706 Wed, 08 May 2019 12:21:51 +0000 hitchhiker 2883706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Funny. People are so different - something that parenting reminds me every day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883705 Wed, 08 May 2019 12:13:55 +0000 gotkimchi 2883705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: this is so funny because I want a third baby but definitely not a third two year old lol! When my second was 0-12mo I was desperate for a third but as my youngest has gotten older (now 3) I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re probably done as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883701 Wed, 08 May 2019 12:00:53 +0000 hitchhiker 2883701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a 6 yo and 3 yo and while I would love to have one more, we are done. My husband has always wanted two, so he has been done since the 3 yo was born. Before we had two, I thought that's what I wanted (actually I would have been ok stopping at one), but ever since DD2 was born I have kind of wanted a third. </p> <p>But I don't want a third pregnancy or baby, I want a third 2+ year old. My mental health can't handle a third pregnancy or baby, and our logistics can't really handle a third child. We have demanding jobs that we like, and no nearby family help, so we are holistically better off with two. And having bigger kids is amazing - we both have enough time to pursue some of our interests that we put off during the baby years. I love my little family, but I think I will always secretly mourn my third baby. </p> <p>My mom once told me she secretly wanted a third, but my dad said they couldn't afford it (they could, but not at the lifestyle they wanted, I guess). She even told me the name she had picked out! Maybe I really am becoming my mother... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883690 Wed, 08 May 2019 11:04:14 +0000 MamaBear87 2883690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm due any day with our second and my husband is done with bio kids (if I'm being honest I am too after how much harder this pregnancy has been). He already has an appointment with a urologist to set up a vasectomy.<br /> I'm a bit sad to not experience pregnancy again but honestly it's been so hard to carry a baby after 30 as opposed to before, I can't imagine doing this again in 2-3 years. </p> <p>We do plan to Foster and possibly adopt once this little is over 3 so we aren't totally closing the door on further kids, just ones that I have to birth </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883677 Wed, 08 May 2019 08:49:45 +0000 Shantuck 2883677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really want a third but my husband is ready to just be done. We've had 3 losses (2 before our second child and one after) and I had a stressful postpartum complication last time so my recovery was particularly difficult. We also both work full time and I'm 39. Plus our older guy is almost 7 and the thought of starting over with a baby makes us sad that we'd have to hold off on certain types of travel, etc. With that said, my husband agreed to try again for two more months and then I agreed to try to put this longing for #3 behind me (if these two attempts don't work). I'm definitely struggling with this decision on a daily basis. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883675 Wed, 08 May 2019 08:38:35 +0000 graceandjoy 2883675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also I wanted to add that what kills me sometimes is the "you will never regret another!" sentiment, which I know it's true, but makes it that much harder to not think about it! </p> <p>FWIW, my SIL decided to go for a 3rd. Their lives are that much more chaotic for sure, but obviously no regrets for them. But they also have a huge house and make more than enough to have like 5 more kids haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883665 Wed, 08 May 2019 05:43:42 +0000 CatyLady 2883665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: Two is good practically, if I was younger maybe my limit would be 4 and if I was privileged so the practicalities weren’t such an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883655 Tue, 07 May 2019 23:15:19 +0000 Calibee 2883655@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would ideally like one more. My husband is DONE at two. It’s hard. </p> <p>I understand it would be harder to be outnumbered. Plus we live in an extremely HCOL area, so it would be a big challenge. But it’s so hard to imagine being done with the baby stage. I would love a newborn to snuggle right about now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883641 Tue, 07 May 2019 20:39:15 +0000 maddyz 2883641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't read all these but it makes me feel much less alone. We have two and I so dearly want another but I don't think it's in the cards. I am still clinging to some baby things and I can't fully let it go. I am not yet too old, but money is very tight and so is space. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883628 Tue, 07 May 2019 18:45:46 +0000 Miss Ariel 2883628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m right there too! Part of me would love a third, but the day to day aspect would be hard to manage. Also I loved being pregnant and giving birth, for me it was just such an empowering experience. And it’s hard to think I’ll never go through it again. Plus during my last pregnancy there was so much going on I couldn’t really enjoy it and wish for a do-over in a way as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883619 Tue, 07 May 2019 17:47:53 +0000 erinbaderin 2883619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did, at least for me. I would have loved a third, and maybe a fourth, but it just wasn’t feasible. Mainly financially - two in daycare is already so expensive! - but also because I want my kids to have the kind of life I had growing up, with their own rooms and travel and stuff, and I couldn’t see how we could do that with more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883608 Tue, 07 May 2019 16:14:18 +0000 poppygirl15 2883608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am really happy to see this post because it's something I've been struggling with a lot lately. Just this morning my DD asked me if I was going to have another baby, bringing us to 3 kids. I grew up in a family of 3 kids and sort of always imagined having 3 myself, but for all of the reasons others have said (chaos, finances, 2 work out of home parents, don't know if I want to be pregnant/go through baby stage again), it probably won't happen. Sigh. On the other hand, if I'm really honest, my family feels complete as is. I couldn't say that before my DS was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883606 Tue, 07 May 2019 15:51:41 +0000 josina 2883606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I'm not even brave enough to take 2 kids out alone on errands... honestly I've done it like twice in over 2 years! So a good reason to be done since I'd have no choice with 3 kids.<br /> @graceandjoy: Our kiddo's are the same age... and the times where they play nicely together are sooo nice, but then they're followed by fighting/yelling/wrestling. Ugh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883605 Tue, 07 May 2019 15:49:52 +0000 peaches1038 2883605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought I wanted 2 kids and had a perfect timeline all set. I had my Mirena removed in January to start trying this month and I just completely changed my mind. As others have said, I love the thought of one more in theory, but in reality, there are so many factors pointing to why we should be one and done. We aren’t closing the door on another child, but it’s definitely not happening right now </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/deciding-to-be-done-even-though-youd-like-one-more#post-2883601 Tue, 07 May 2019 15:03:25 +0000 graceandjoy 2883601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I feel like between 1-2 was definitely hard. It was easier when #2 wasn't mobile so I had more control. Between 1-2, #2 is just desperately trying to be active and wanting to do what #1 is doing. #1 gets frustrated b/c #2 doesn't listen/follow her directions. So now at almost 4.5 and almost 2.5 (I have both girls), they start to have longer and longer stretch of alone playtime before someone starts crying. </p>