https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 17 May 2026 11:23:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834958 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:24:49 +0000 Foodnerd81 834958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: This is what gets me the most-- no matter what you choose, it seems like most moms feel some level of guilt about it! I'm interested to read your post when it goes up.</p> <p>I'm planning to be a SAHM for the first few years and then we will see where it goes after that. I do sometimes feel a little guilty that I won't be bringing in an income and the weight of all that will fall on DH but I know for me, I'd be miserable leaving the baby and going to work. But I know other people who would be very unhappy staying home and working outside the home works for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834953 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:22:17 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 834953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: And I don't think that was necessarily the intent of the comment either. I just wonder if we get so intent on defending our position that we forget that the other option is equally valid. Most of my best friends in town are stay at home parents, and I have great admiration for them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834938 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:18:42 +0000 immabeetoo 834938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: well said - definitely not the intent or direction of me starting this thread!</p> <p>@honeybear: thanks! i'll check that out. i'm not specifically looking for homeschooling stuff, yet, mostly just reading whatever sounds interesting to be honest </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834846 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 07:51:21 +0000 looch 834846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been on both sides, staying at home and now returning to work. I worked for a long time before having my son, so I kind of feel like I have to "defend" the choices I make because it really didn't make sense financially for me to stay home (I make a nice salary, more or less equal to my husband). The 2 years I stayed at home were difficult for me, but I chalk that up to being in a place far from home, not really knowing the local language and not having a support system.</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks and @Navy_Mommy: my son is being raised by a village of loving people, including his parents, his grandparents and day care workers. I am thankful that he has so many wonderful role models in his life and I wouldn't have it any other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834780 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 07:30:23 +0000 sarac 834780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I have to say, I miss sitting in front of the cell culture hood for hours on end. I really do feel intellectually bored staying at home. But I love to do it - so I just recognize these days that intellectual stimulation is something I have to seek on my own time, instead of getting in my day job. My daughter doesn't sleep that much, so I don't get much time to read. I don't think that being a SAHM is boring at all - but I think you do have to put a lot more effort into getting your brain fed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834668 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 06:31:52 +0000 honeybear 834668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: My favorite is Suzuki's "Ability Development From Age Zero". <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ability-Development-Suzuki-Method-International/dp/0874875803" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Ability-Development-Suzuki-Method-International/dp/0874875803</a>. </p> <p>It's got a bit of a Japanese flavor, but I admire some of the more traditional Japanese ideas about the family unit, so that wasn't off-putting to me. (I am definitely biased in this regard. I saw those ideas in action during a homestay as a college student and the way my Japanese family interacted with each other is something I try to emulate in my own family.) I think his ideas translate well into American life. </p> <p>Most of the rest of the books I have enjoyed recently are specifically about education. If you're interested in homeschooling (K-12), let me know and I would be happy to share the books I've been reading. (Sorry to get so far off topic--I didn't mean to thread-jack!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834574 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 23:18:18 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 834574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Navy_Mommy: while I appreciate that SAHMs do wonderful work, I think insinuating that those of us who work outside the home are letting others raise our children simply isn't true. Our nannies and teachers are helping to educate our kids, however no one is raising them except me and my husband.</p> <p>Neither of our children have ever spent a night without at least one of us being there with them, and both of my kids will be quick to tell you that no one replaces mama and dada in their lives.</p> <p>It's easy to fall into the mommy war trap... But I hope that we don't, </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834418 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 20:58:55 +0000 immabeetoo 834418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: I am glad to hear that last part!</p> <p>@honeybear: I liked parts of it. I haven't read a whole lot on Montessori or Waldorf principles but the 'benign neglect' resonates with me (for the most part) as does the importance of being outside. I also agree that kids benefit from actually seeing "homemaking" with their eyes, which I hadn't considered before reading. Some of the writing on why television is a problem was interesting to me. What other books would you recommend? I've really enjoyed reading parenting books thus far as fodder for discussions with DH and picking and choosing what I like from each one :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834223 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 19:29:37 +0000 Mrs. Pen 834223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: yup. I actually have a post going up this week or next about making choices for me- for my family- completely apart from how I was raised. It's hard to do but needs to be done. They do their best to keep their opinions to themselves in an effort to support me even if they don't agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834192 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 19:12:17 +0000 honeybear 834192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: Interesting. I wonder if that was her change or her editor's (I suspect the latter). In any event, I agree with her assessment of why the 37yo might be unhappy--she's been trained to believe that she should be! :( </p> <p>Do you like the book? I didn't have much use for the early chapters due to when I bought it (which is why I wasn't such a fan...it was all redundant of other books I've got, only wordier), but I'm going to re-read the parts about 3-6yos. I think her subheadings are fairly useful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834161 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 19:00:00 +0000 immabeetoo 834161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@honeybear: I looked back and that is exactly the line that made me squint my eyes, but in my edition it says "To expect a 37 year old phd candidate or a woman who had an exciting career to be fulfilled spending her days in an apartment with a two year old is unrealistic..." You are correct though, I should have fleshed out more that the author is commenting more on societal ideals. </p> <p>@Maysprout: I agree that technology changes things! I love being able to keep up on the news, blogs, etc. on my phone. Maybe I'd be feel more isolated without that (and hellobee!!)</p> <p>@fancyfunction: love that saying! </p> <p> @Mrs. Pen: I'm fortunate in that I've never actually had to defend myself - that is obnoxious if people are seriously pressuring you about your choices (I think I have read you posting about your family vocalizing disagreements?). I am lucky that DH and family/friends are either supportive or silent of our family choices :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-834099 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 18:36:21 +0000 Cherrybee 834099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know successful, educated women who love staying at home and less academically gifted women who hate it and long to be back at work! Its all about your personality, really. I make no excuses for the fact that I long to SAH!! I am capable of achieving anything I put my mind to but the point is I want to spend my time home making and raising my child. Im still holding out for that lottery win....!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833907 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 17:09:43 +0000 sslm 833907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's ridiculous. I am an engineer and have to go back to work for financial reasons but I would LOVE to stay home!!! Cooking, baking, and taking care of baby are far more satisfying to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833862 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:53:16 +0000 Mrs. Pen 833862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: Having been a SAHM and now a WOHM I find myself defensive no matter which position I'm in. We moms simply cannot win!</p> <p>As a SAHM I was told I should be contributing financially, and J should experience daycare to "socialize" (I hate that reason).<br /> As a WOHM I'm told that all moms should be SAHMs and be with their kids.<br /> As a WOHM with a nanny I'm told the same thing about daycare. </p> <p>It's so annoying! I am defending myself no matter what. Why is there so much pressure on us as moms?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833848 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:48:49 +0000 honeybear 833848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't much of a fan of that book. However, I don't think she quite said 'obviously a well-educated woman will be bored spending all day with a small child.' </p> <p>The author is more subtle: "To expect a thirty-seven-year-old Ph.D. candidate, or a woman who has had an exciting career, to be fulfilled spending her days in an apartment with a two-year-old is idyllic but hard to find in reality." </p> <p>I would suggest that this means 'Highly educated women have been taught to be bored with a small child,' rather than that 'Well-educated women need more stimulation than a child can provide.'</p> <p>She goes on to say that "The women's movement in this country helped women develop their individuality and fought for their right to be equal with men in the work force. But it disparaged women's place within the family and neglected family issues (this has not been the case with the women's movement in developing countries, which has helped women primarily by strengthening the family and women's and girls' positions in it)." </p> <p>I don't think she's disparaging of well-educated moms who decide that they are happiest at home with their children. It sounds to me like her main problem is with what the 37yo in her example has been taught as a cultural matter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833806 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:36:07 +0000 aprk 833806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got a lot of flack when people at work found out I would not be coming back. To the point where people, including my boss, tried to talk me out if it. It's nice to feel wanted but I think it was more from a place where they thought I was wasting my intelligence by staying home. Lame. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833799 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:33:16 +0000 Navy_Mommy 833799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister always insinuates that I'm lazy and that's why I'm choosing to stay home. It drives me nuts. We're in a position for me to stay home with our kids, I like being the one to raise my son, not a daycare provider.</p> <p>She drives me nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833781 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 16:24:32 +0000 fancyfunction 833781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll go with that old saying, "only boring people get bored." I have a great time with my 6 month old - I love watching her discover and learn new things. You also need to get out and find things to do and friends to make -they don't come to you. I couldn't imagine working all day, having my entire salary go to daycare costs and miss out on so many things. It's a personal choice for sure, but I can honestly say I don't miss going to my old job everyday. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833586 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 15:27:08 +0000 googly-eyes 833586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I totally agree with everything you wrote! Well said! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833562 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 15:16:28 +0000 Maysprout 833562@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a PhD in a biology field and while I do some part-time work, we've been moving around and have another baby on the way so I'm a fully SAHM a lot of times too and probably will just keep a relaxed schedule the next couple years. There's a lot of people who honestly seem horrified that I'd choose this path and don't let up on the conversation, even when I bluntly say how much happier I am. </p> <p>I don't really get the bored comment and think smarter people are less likely to get bored, there's so many things to do and learn. Sure there's some tedious tasks when staying at home but we have lots of technology in this day in age to make tasks less tedious. When I worked in the lab I'd have some days of sitting in the cell culture hood for 10 hours a day or in front of a computer plugging data into charts, there's not much more tedious than that. Tedium is in every field. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833489 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:54:59 +0000 swedishfish 833489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have my BA, MS, and 75 extra credits including my educational administration certificate. I would love to be able to stay at home with my future LO but we just cannot afford it. I am the breadwinner in our household. But that certainly is insulting. Women are allowed to have varied interests. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833471 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:51:44 +0000 heffalump 833471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do think that being a SAHM isn't for everyone.... but I have my masters and I'd much rather stay home then work. I'm much much happier here. And it's not that I didn't like my job, I loved it. I just love being home with LO more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833428 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:38:34 +0000 swurlygurl 833428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is upsetting. Women were originally meant to be home to take care of children while men hunted and whatnot. Roles have evolved, which is fine. Some women need to be at home, some need to work, some can do both - it's all good. That doesn't mean just because you're not working outside of the home that you'd be bored or unfilled though!<br /> I would LOVE to be able to stay home with my baby, I think it would be very fun and fulfilling - I think I'm someone that could do either, but DH and I chose that I would work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833405 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:29:39 +0000 plantains 833405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, it really says that? That seems really insulting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/defensive-about-liking-being-a-sahm#post-833391 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:25:59 +0000 immabeetoo 833391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Any other SAHMs ever feel defensive about being happy?? I was reading "You Are Your Child's First Teacher..." <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Childs-First-Teacher-Third-Edition/dp/1607743027/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1370459860&#038;sr=8-1&#038;keywords=you+are+your+childs+first+teacher" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Childs-First-Teacher-Third-Edition/dp/1607743027/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1370459860&#038;sr=8-1&#038;keywords=you+are+your+childs+first+teacher</a> and it goes on and on about how no one values homemaking and basically says someone who is educated and at home all day with a baby would obviously be bored out of their skulls (lots of other points in the book, but this is their opener).</p> <p>I have my BA, MA, and worked professionally before getting pregnant but truly enjoy cooking, baking, crafting, and hanging out with my 6 month old. It really got under my skin! </p>